Is It Pathetic For A Man To Be Friends With A Woman?

The other day I asked a girl out and she said no because she had a boyfriend. This came up in conversation with my mum and she suggestted that I be friends with this girl both because I could use friends and because if I just ask this girl out and don't talk to her again this will sour the opinions of the girl's female friends who will then be less likely to say yes if I ask them out. Plus if I were freinds with this girl she might introduce me to her single friends.

However I am resistance to this idea because from what I understand it is pathetic for a man to just be friends with a girl, particularly one who has rejected a romantic advance. I believe this is referred to as "being stuck in the friend zone". The man is pathetic because he has been rejected by the woman as a potential romantic pardner but he is so desperate for even the slightest bit of female attention he will settle for being friends with the girl.

The man is not good enough to be a romantic pardner he is only good enough to be a friend. He is so lowly that the girl no more sees him as an object of romantic or sexual desire than she would another girl. Thus he is effectivly emasculated.

I got this idea from what I saw on television, pop-culture, the internet, and conversations on forums. I've never really discussed it with anyone before though so I have some questions.

Is this a widely held belief? Like does anyone here believe this or have I mistaken entertainment and comedy for what real people actually think? (my mum has never heard of this idea and thinks its crazy)

Is the notion that a man is pathetic if he is friends with a woman particularly if she has rejected a romantic advance a correct one, or have I just stuck myself in a box?

This is a stupid thing to think. It is not pathetic for a man to have female friends, or vice versa at all. Mostly, the pop culture term that you're referring to is mostly in reference to a man who still longs, lusts, and obsesses over one particular girl that has already made it known that she is unavailable. That is, indeed, pathetic. Accepting the rejection (which honestly isn't a statement of your character, only that she is already in a previous commitment), and moving on in a positive, friends-only light is more respectable then running off from her like a coward simply because things didn't go the way you intended. It is good for a man to have lots of strictly platonic female friends, if only because having friends of many genders, ethnicities, cultures, interests, etc, etc will make you a more well-rounded and desirable person.

Your mom sounds pretty sharp. i suspect that many of the males who say it's pathetic are in the closet. the rest are unevolved misogynists who can only ever see women as objects. listen to your mother. my female friends have hooked me up with other women several times. any man who fails to see this potential outcome is the pathetic one.

just because something is widely believed doesn't make it true or right.

I have mostly female friends actually. And it sucks! You can't make a move on any of them because they're already your friends and you don't want to lose them from the friend zone either.

Well for one, she already has a boyfriend, so there is nothing that you can do about that. Second, even if her friends hate you or something like that, there are other people besides them. So just don't fret about it,and live life because when your older, a relationship is a luxury.

No, perfect example is right now there is girl at my work, her and me r becoming good friends. I would rather form a friendship with her (this one is a real cutie to boot) then ask her out. Because it's better to get to know her and become friends with her, and it will help down the road when i ask her out. Now it may not work right away, even if she says no she will know that i'm interested in her. So it is not pahtetic for a guy to have female friends, would u rather be all by your yourself (not counting your male friends or parents) or have someone else to talk to. Sometime's a Girl's perspective can provide greater insight than a guy's when it comes to diffferent matters

I agree with your statement and I think its stupid to think its pathetic to become friends with women. If that's the case you're practically saying all the girls you know, including your cousins, siblings, classmates, colleague, should become your gf. That is just ridiculous. The world is split into two;Men and Women. Are you saying you want to make enemies with the women who don't want to be your gf??

its not pathetic its just a waste of time...

lol.. is not pathetic.. is not logical to ignore your fren just becos she rejected u.. unless shes a cold hearted bitch... tat is another story..

yes....mine was the cold hearted bitch. she always told me what a good fuck her current guy was and rubbed it in my face that she wouldnt let me date her....so she finally dated me when she was depressed after a guy dumped her hard and came crawly to me for me to be her pick me up. it took her on a date. then left her ass at the bar to pay the bill. friendship is okay. in a way. women being manipulative bitches? NO! the second your friendship turns into her crutch and she starts using you whenever its handy. tell her to fuk off. the are others. plain and simple.

What you describe is not the friend zone really. The friend zone is when you make romantic overtures and are basically given a no because she sees you as a friend instead.

I would say yes to staying friends if you were already. If you weren't already friends, just stay cordial and friendly. but I wouldn't become best friends with her immediately or anything.

It's not at all pathetic to be friends with a girl. I love a certain girl who already has a bf, so I'm friends with her. What IS pathetic is not being friends with her just because the culture says it's bad



The culture has a big influence on young people. I think that most of culture's influences are really bad (though some might disagree with me). Most songs, movies, and tv shows display partying, sex, divorce, etc. as "normal". Consequently, the culture also displays honest & loyal relationships as abnormal and uncool. Some people are controlled by what the culture says is cool/normal. Does this mean that honesty, loyalty, and friendships are bad? No, but it means that the culture tries to make it bad.

Being friends with a girl is not pathetic, what's pathetic is letting the culture control how you live

It's not pathetic. My best friend is a female.

nice 1... and ya.. sorry 2 hear tat... but wat i mean is base on how she rejected u.. and in your case.. is best 2 just ignore... anyway.. nice 1... thumbs up

I have friends who are girls, half of them would love to fuck me, but i have a girlfriend. They can't have me. oooh yeah.

no actually i lie, one or two of them would.. the others i have either been out with, or haven't talked to in a while :/

It's not pathetic. As HappyDia01, posted earlier it's not pathetic to be friends with a girl. It's pathetic to be hitting on her every chance you get, even though she said she's unavailable.
Plus let's say that she and her boyfriend don't work out, then you're there to help her out. Maybe feelings will grow on her side.
If you do become friends, I suggest that you set boundaries. Especially with her having a boyfriend.

Oh god, I would be so pissed off if someone told me he cant be friends with me because I'm a girl D: I would so kick his ass and when he's crying on the floor I would shout at him "WHO'S THE GIRL NOW BITCH?!?!?!??!?!"

But seriously have you ever thought that why it would be pathetic? If you can come up with some actually good reasons, reasons that you think would be on your friendships way, then maybe you shouldnt be friends with her.
But if you dont care a rats ass about what other people think about your friends and if you really like her as a friend too, then try to be friends with her. Because seriously, its not other peoples business what kind of friends you have as long as they are good, trustworthy friends who dont hurt you.

No.... what the heck?

It's good to have friends of all/both genders/sexes.
Same goes for females with male friends.

What you described is only true is that is what the guy is doing; doing anything to get some attention from her. In which case, it would be pathetic.

However, the only thing that matters is whether or not she makes a good friend, it applies for people in general. It's hard to come by someone that would make a good friend, why pass it up just because she's unavailable romantically?