Look for a relationship, or friends first?

So after two years in my ex/first relationship (which ended on a fine note, though not entirely mutual; I just was moving away since I graduated my two year program and transferred schools and didn't want an LDR), I kinda wanna have a new relationship with a guy.

Now I know I should not be focusing on someone just to "fill the void" or use as a human body warmer lol, but I do miss intimacy and would not mind seeking it out again.

However, I've kinda lost my knack... and I don't have many friends to begin with here at this new college, though I'm gaining some slowly. So I wonder: should I focus on finding friends first, or also seek out more than friends? I'm torn.
In some aspects I find myself worrying that the latter option would be shallow.

So the question is: make friends and get comfortable here while delaying my intimacy desires, or go out and start looking?
Or some combo of both, you tell me...
(Also, there is a potential interest in mind, who is a senior but I'm not sure if I should pursue him or if he even has any interest in me beyond friendship. And he knows of Fakku! :o)

Find a friend who you'd wanna end up in a relationship with.
Then one night when he least expects it... lol

I think you should look for friends, but if the opportunity shows up and you want to, then take it.

you would end up having kind of a sex friend.

I tend to be a see-saw between both. Where I meet people as solely friends, I do tend to check them out if they're a possibility. Where I meet people with the intention to go out with them but end up just being friends for one reason or another.

My point being here though, it doesn't really all that matter what your intentions start out to be when you meet people. You can find a guy who you want to get together with but find feelings that make you change your mind. Since it also works vice versa with people you make friends with first, you can find someone you like among the people you have fun with.

What your initial start in looking shouldn't matter, but if you really have to ask, you would want to start out looking for friends as trust can be better checked in that status. Otherwise, just go with how you feel. If you feel you rather just be friends with someone, stay friends, if you want to go further, go further.

If you feel like you want to get together with this guy, by all means, go for it. Follow your gut and see where it goes. Certainly no harm in trying right? That's how you get somewhere anyway. o:

Look for a relationship outside of whatever friend circle you have. Its just that if you have a friend and end up dating them and then somehow the relationship goes sour you lose two things, a friend and a lover. If you date someone you weren't friends to begin with then if things go south you just lose a lover. Friends are important, too important to complicate with messy relationships. But the choice is yours I can only offer my point of view.

Friends first- you never know who'll you'll end up meeting and you just might take a liking to them.

From your post, you sound kind of lonely. I get those days where I yearn for companionship too. However, moving straight from the "strangers" status to "lovers" seem a little hasty; although you may hope for a relationship to blossom straight away, the other party could be frightened if things move too quickly.

In addition, I would assume that you are a female. Openly declaring your desire to search for a significant other immediately could possibly put yourself in a disadvantageous position.

I very much know what you're going through right now being in the same boat. However, I find trying to force finding a relationship is never a good thing. Or successful for that matter. Actually more of just a headache. I say focus on friendships first, and as others have said before me, if something develops or you want to push some things forward then go with your gut and give it a try.

But basically patience. I know, it sucks. You could always find a gay boyfriend/husband to cuddle with first. I love me my gay harem.

Find a good group of friends first ,finding a good partner takes time ,and isn't something you wanna rush..but considering that people do need human interaction a group of friends will make the wait for your next partner something tolerable ,instead of a very lonely experience.

Find friends first and if their one stud that catch your fancy that makes you wet in your panties then double luck. Just get some One Night Stands to fill up the need for a guy until Mr. right(or wrong your choice) come along.

Putting too much emphasis on wanting to be in a relationship can lead you to making some bad mistakes in trying to achieve one.

But, you can still look for one. Just don't make it "I need one or else" type of situation like a lot of people do.

It's best just to enjoy friendship instead of a dragging yourself into a horrible relationship.

Thanks everyone! I fully agree: friends first.

But should I resist taking such friendships to a higher level should the feeling arise? I liked my last ex, and he was also in my core friend group.
Still, I can see how if that had not worked out it would be bad in terms of hanging out again... so that's really my biggest conflict.

Not necessarily. Sometimes friends do make for the best relationships, and other times they can be an entire nightmare.

There is no 100% with relationships so you really can't just go "This is a good idea or not?" for things. I mean you can definitely tell what is a bad idea, but a good idea changes for everyone.

Pretty much, as long as you aren't going out of your way to force a relationship that isn't there, hooking up with your friend is not a horrible idea. Of course it's up to you to decide if it is worth the potential stress down the line if it should fail.

Of course, there are always the potential for problems for any relationship, so don't let that stop you from trying.

Hmmm.

Another question here, just not gonna make a new thread for it:

If someone were to ask you out/to be closer than friends/etc, and you turned them down, how likely is it that you'll still choose to stay friends after?

I'm wondering about this guy, so...

It depends entirely on the person, and the situation.

Though the most likely case. In the beginning? You're not likely to be very close. It will take until those feelings have pretty much gone away before any real chance of being friends will really occur.

Because honestly, as long as there are feelings. There is never going to be that attempt for "just friends" from the guy. He will always be trying for the romantic aspect even though you're wanting the friendship aspect.

So yeah. Right away, not a chance. Eventually? Depends on how long it takes for those feelings to go away and numerous other factors.

This has happened to me several times before, and I'm still pretty good friends with those people. If you're really friends then things might be a little awkward for a while but you'll still want to be their friend.

Well, went with the friendship thing.
Probably for the best, he doesn't seem to see me otherwise from what I ca discern.


However now I'm a lonely bum again.

Awww.

*hugs*

OH MY GOD! I HAVE SEEN IT, I HAVE SEEN THE IMPOSSIBLE! KALISTEAN IS BEING NICE TO SOMEONE!

This is too good to be true...

(Screen cap'd for the memory's. One day we'll all look back on this and smile.)