Need A Guy's Opinion!
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Gravity cat
the adequately amused
Have you, you know, sat down and spoken with him about it? Told him how you feel about your practically sexless relationship and got him to tell you why he's not giving the goods? Could be a good reason for it.
Spoiler:
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artcellrox
The Grey Knight :y
Gravity cat wrote...
Have you, you know, sat down and spoken with him about it? Told him how you feel about your practically sexless relationship and got him to tell you why he's not giving the goods? Could be a good reason for it.Spoiler:
Honestly, this is really the best, and maybe the only thing you can do now. He might just have a low sex drive, you know? Better find out sooner than later.
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animefreak_usa
Child of Samael
Me either. Sex is meh feeling to me. Well the old in and out vagina stuff.. i can eat a peach for hours and do with a smile.
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Gravity cat
the adequately amused
mdarkanima wrote...
I have talked to him about it twice before. The first time things were better for a month or so then dwindled off again. I don't think it's low testosterone because when he and I first met all we ever did was have sex.Safe to say the Honeymoon period's over. When was the last time you spoke to him? And did he tell you why he wasn't banging you over a desk as often as you'd like? Because you probably need to talk to him again as it's clear that the message hasn't truely sunk in.
I'm not going to sugarcoat it. The way it's looking to me is that he's no longer sexually attracted to you or he's bored of the constant sex you two had. I could be wrong though.
-1
Then don't deal with it.
If talking about it doesn't work, sit him down, and explain to him that he needs to meet you half way with your needs. If not, you're getting it somewhere else, or ending it.
I don't understand why people deal with this kinda thing. Sure, I can understand chances, and loving them, etc, etc, but if you're not getting something that you obvious find very important, then it's not for you, and if he isn't willing to put in some more effort, look for it somewhere else, or move on.
You'll be surprised how fast his unwillingness for sex goes away. Or he starts flipping tables.... in which, then you'll get the good old make up sex... or break up, but eh, be optimistic and such...
But seriously, sit him down, and tell him that's what you want, and it should be done if you're putting in you're share of the work. Otherwise, you find other means or move on. Because at the end of the day, it's partly your fault for putting up with it and letting him think he'll get away with it.
If talking about it doesn't work, sit him down, and explain to him that he needs to meet you half way with your needs. If not, you're getting it somewhere else, or ending it.
I don't understand why people deal with this kinda thing. Sure, I can understand chances, and loving them, etc, etc, but if you're not getting something that you obvious find very important, then it's not for you, and if he isn't willing to put in some more effort, look for it somewhere else, or move on.
You'll be surprised how fast his unwillingness for sex goes away. Or he starts flipping tables.... in which, then you'll get the good old make up sex... or break up, but eh, be optimistic and such...
But seriously, sit him down, and tell him that's what you want, and it should be done if you're putting in you're share of the work. Otherwise, you find other means or move on. Because at the end of the day, it's partly your fault for putting up with it and letting him think he'll get away with it.
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Sounds to me like he's grown bored and the lack of communication between you both about what you require of each other in the relationship is allowing you both to drift further apart. Sit him down and speak to him. If neither of you can come to a compromise, or one or both of you can't stick to an agreed compromise then things are only going to get worse. That's when you should probably think about parting ways.
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Revelation
Defender of DFC
It's possible that he is one of the few guys who aren't interested in sex. Does he seem satisfied when you do have sex?
-1
Honestly I would talk to him,it could be he has has a bad experience of some kind as i have or that depending on your circumstances he just might not be interested after all we dont know all the details
or it could be hes a no sex before marriage guy
but if its low testoserone he might need to go to a doctor for that
or it could be hes a no sex before marriage guy
but if its low testoserone he might need to go to a doctor for that
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Mrs. Merryweather wrote...
Sounds to me like he's grown bored and the lack of communication between you both about what you require of each other in the relationship is allowing you both to drift further apart. Sit him down and speak to him. If neither of you can come to a compromise, or one or both of you can't stick to an agreed compromise then things are only going to get worse. That's when you should probably think about parting ways.I'd agree with you on this, but there's one problem;
She's already done this. Twice. Not just once by what she's told us, but twice. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. She needs to take something more in the way of action.
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artcellrox
The Grey Knight :y
mdarkanima wrote...
I have talked to him about it twice before. The first time things were better for a month or so then dwindled off again. I don't think it's low testosterone because when he and I first met all we ever did was have sex.Girl, sounds like you need to start straddling him whenever you want it now, lol.
Jokes aside, though, this has gotten slightly more serious because, as Grav said, the honeymoon period is over now. Honestly, the best you can do is really sit him down on last time and tell him that you are getting really frustrated from the lack of sex, and though that seems like a minor problem, it can definitely become a major one.
Yes, this might seem like quite the ultimatum, but ask yourself: can you really live with and love such an amazing guy in a not-that-sexual-any-more relationship?
1
Gravity cat wrote...
[quote="mdarkanima"]I have talked to him about it twice before. The first time things were better for a month or so then dwindled off again. I don't think it's low testosterone because when he and I first met all we ever did was have sex.I'd have to agree with a lot of what everyone else has said, this is something you can't sugarcoat. Sex is still an important aspect in a relationship.
You've got to sit him down ONE LAST time and really make sure you're blunt about the situation.
There are probably reasons he isn't sexually interested, what was his reaction or reason for not having sex the last few times you talked to him?
He might be one of those men who just isn't that interested in sex.
He might have gotten bored of the same constant sex, he might want to venture a bit sexually. If you guys only do the same routine of positions, he's possibly gotten bored with that, and therefor isn't as interested. (Maybe do some research on other positions, watch some porn, explore.. trust me it helps c:). If you guys had sex like crazy before hand, if always super rough, maybe he wants to try other things? Have you considered he might just not personally see much passion in your sex life?
This is definitely something you've got to talk about, my recent ex and I were together for 2 and a half years, we had sex a lot, all kinds of sex, all kinds of positions, there was a lot of passion in our sex, but by the end of it we barely had sex.. ever. I'd catch him jerking off and stuff, watching porn, but he never wanted sex. I never did figure out why, asides from him saying he didn't want to wake me up, and that our schedules were really different (which in truth they were :( ).
There could also be some stuff in his own personal life that is stressing him out, he could be worried about your guys' relationship together and/or how he really feels about you, that could be stressful, or if he isn't sure on how he feels, he might be not having sex with you, to see how it goes? (Sometimes you only really know how you truly feel for someone after a certain period of time with them, sometimes it takes a while, and possibly might not even have to do with you).
Next time you sit and talk to him about him, make sure he gives you a reason, make sure you tell him that this isn't okay. Mention to him that sex between you two is more than just fucking for pleasure, he might be insecure about something who knows.
Lack of sexual attention can lead to stress, fading away from each other, or other things. A friend of mine and her fiance weren't having sex for a while and she didn't see anything wrong with no sex, until she found out that he was talking to other women because he was sexually frustrated and she ignored his needs.
Don't forget to mention to him, to make him understand, that the past couple of times you've talked to him about this it did get better, but only for a brief period of time, and you don't just want that, you want a sexual commitment, that doesn't just happen twice a month. If it makes you insecure, make sure you make him understand that to.(I always say that if you can count on both hands how many times you have sex in a month, somethings got to improve.)
If things don't change or work out, just think, if you walk away now, it's not going to kill you, and in five years it won't matter, less than really, but it's something I always told myself. (Only way I could make myself realize I had to walk away from my ex.)
Your situation sounds a lot like mine was with my recent ex, hopefully you get better results <3.
Goodluck! Hopefully things get better.
0
Drifter995
Neko//Night
SkelliDrops wrote...
Gravity cat wrote...
mdarkanima wrote...
I have talked to him about it twice before. The first time things were better for a month or so then dwindled off again. I don't think it's low testosterone because when he and I first met all we ever did was have sex.I'd have to agree with a lot of what everyone else has said, this is something you can't sugarcoat. Sex is still an important aspect in a relationship.
You've got to sit him down ONE LAST time and really make sure you're blunt about the situation.
There are probably reasons he isn't sexually interested, what was his reaction or reason for not having sex the last few times you talked to him?
He might be one of those men who just isn't that interested in sex.
He might have gotten bored of the same constant sex, he might want to venture a bit sexually. If you guys only do the same routine of positions, he's possibly gotten bored with that, and therefor isn't as interested. (Maybe do some research on other positions, watch some porn, explore.. trust me it helps c:). If you guys had sex like crazy before hand, if always super rough, maybe he wants to try other things? Have you considered he might just not personally see much passion in your sex life?
This is definitely something you've got to talk about, my recent ex and I were together for 2 and a half years, we had sex a lot, all kinds of sex, all kinds of positions, there was a lot of passion in our sex, but by the end of it we barely had sex.. ever. I'd catch him jerking off and stuff, watching porn, but he never wanted sex. I never did figure out why, asides from him saying he didn't want to wake me up, and that our schedules were really different (which in truth they were :( ).
There could also be some stuff in his own personal life that is stressing him out, he could be worried about your guys' relationship together and/or how he really feels about you, that could be stressful, or if he isn't sure on how he feels, he might be not having sex with you, to see how it goes? (Sometimes you only really know how you truly feel for someone after a certain period of time with them, sometimes it takes a while, and possibly might not even have to do with you).
Next time you sit and talk to him about him, make sure he gives you a reason, make sure you tell him that this isn't okay. Mention to him that sex between you two is more than just fucking for pleasure, he might be insecure about something who knows.
Lack of sexual attention can lead to stress, fading away from each other, or other things. A friend of mine and her fiance weren't having sex for a while and she didn't see anything wrong with no sex, until she found out that he was talking to other women because he was sexually frustrated and she ignored his needs.
Don't forget to mention to him, to make him understand, that the past couple of times you've talked to him about this it did get better, but only for a brief period of time, and you don't just want that, you want a sexual commitment, that doesn't just happen twice a month. If it makes you insecure, make sure you make him understand that to.(I always say that if you can count on both hands how many times you have sex in a month, somethings got to improve.)
If things don't change or work out, just think, if you walk away now, it's not going to kill you, and in five years it won't matter, less than really, but it's something I always told myself. (Only way I could make myself realize I had to walk away from my ex.)
Your situation sounds a lot like mine was with my recent ex, hopefully you get better results <3.
Goodluck! Hopefully things get better.
This.
I can't really comment, because I'd say, given the chance, I'd be all over it. All I can auggest is maybe something happened to remove his confidence.. maybe he is just never in the mood? No idea. But, as above said, talk to him one last time. Try to find out why he's like this. Get to the bottom of it.
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Alex~kun wrote...
Mrs. Merryweather wrote...
Sounds to me like he's grown bored and the lack of communication between you both about what you require of each other in the relationship is allowing you both to drift further apart. Sit him down and speak to him. If neither of you can come to a compromise, or one or both of you can't stick to an agreed compromise then things are only going to get worse. That's when you should probably think about parting ways.I'd agree with you on this, but there's one problem;
She's already done this. Twice. Not just once by what she's told us, but twice. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. She needs to take something more in the way of action.
I am well aware she's spoken to him. Twice. But she's not told us what came of such conversations for him to get his rear end in gear (albeit temporarily). They could have tried a compromise or might not. I don't know, and nor does anyone else here because that information hasn't been included. It would help if we had more detail.
How did those conversations play out?
What did they agree to?
How much - and what - did he tell her?
That kind of thing.
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Mrs. Merryweather wrote...
Alex~kun wrote...
Mrs. Merryweather wrote...
Sounds to me like he's grown bored and the lack of communication between you both about what you require of each other in the relationship is allowing you both to drift further apart. Sit him down and speak to him. If neither of you can come to a compromise, or one or both of you can't stick to an agreed compromise then things are only going to get worse. That's when you should probably think about parting ways.I'd agree with you on this, but there's one problem;
She's already done this. Twice. Not just once by what she's told us, but twice. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. She needs to take something more in the way of action.
I am well aware she's spoken to him. Twice. But she's not told us what came of such conversations for him to get his rear end in gear (albeit temporarily). They could have tried a compromise or might not. I don't know, and nor does anyone else here because that information hasn't been included. It would help if we had more detail.
How did those conversations play out?
What did they agree to?
How much - and what - did he tell her?
That kind of thing.
Hmm. I suppose that's a fair point. It's just the twice that bothers me in this. Once would prove a point. If someone talks to you a second time about the same thing, then at that point, I'd think you'd change somewhat to some extent for sure and that doesn't seem to be the case. Otherwise, she wouldn't be here because of worry. If that makes sense.
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Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
Spoiler:
I agree with SkelliDrops on this one. Basically your honeymoon phase is over and this can be challenging if both parties are not on the same page. I think what hurts more is the lack of compromise that is happening. You want more than he is giving at the moment causing you to become hurt and frustrated. You can talk with him, but there is a point where having the same conversation over and over can create a sore spot between you two. I would use your best judgement for this, you can stay and wait it out if you want, but honestly if things don't improve for you (even a little) I would call it quits, there is no sense in beating a dead horse.
Sorry you're going through this, my best wishes to you!
0
SkelliDrops wrote...
Gravity cat wrote...
[quote="mdarkanima"]I have talked to him about it twice before. The first time things were better for a month or so then dwindled off again. I don't think it's low testosterone because when he and I first met all we ever did was have sex.I'd have to agree with a lot of what everyone else has said, this is something you can't sugarcoat. Sex is still an important aspect in a relationship.
You've got to sit him down ONE LAST time and really make sure you're blunt about the situation.
There are probably reasons he isn't sexually interested, what was his reaction or reason for not having sex the last few times you talked to him?
He might be one of those men who just isn't that interested in sex.
He might have gotten bored of the same constant sex, he might want to venture a bit sexually. If you guys only do the same routine of positions, he's possibly gotten bored with that, and therefor isn't as interested. (Maybe do some research on other positions, watch some porn, explore.. trust me it helps c:). If you guys had sex like crazy before hand, if always super rough, maybe he wants to try other things? Have you considered he might just not personally see much passion in your sex life?
This is definitely something you've got to talk about, my recent ex and I were together for 2 and a half years, we had sex a lot, all kinds of sex, all kinds of positions, there was a lot of passion in our sex, but by the end of it we barely had sex.. ever. I'd catch him jerking off and stuff, watching porn, but he never wanted sex. I never did figure out why, asides from him saying he didn't want to wake me up, and that our schedules were really different (which in truth they were :( ).
There could also be some stuff in his own personal life that is stressing him out, he could be worried about your guys' relationship together and/or how he really feels about you, that could be stressful, or if he isn't sure on how he feels, he might be not having sex with you, to see how it goes? (Sometimes you only really know how you truly feel for someone after a certain period of time with them, sometimes it takes a while, and possibly might not even have to do with you).
Next time you sit and talk to him about him, make sure he gives you a reason, make sure you tell him that this isn't okay. Mention to him that sex between you two is more than just fucking for pleasure, he might be insecure about something who knows.
Lack of sexual attention can lead to stress, fading away from each other, or other things. A friend of mine and her fiance weren't having sex for a while and she didn't see anything wrong with no sex, until she found out that he was talking to other women because he was sexually frustrated and she ignored his needs.
Don't forget to mention to him, to make him understand, that the past couple of times you've talked to him about this it did get better, but only for a brief period of time, and you don't just want that, you want a sexual commitment, that doesn't just happen twice a month. If it makes you insecure, make sure you make him understand that to.(I always say that if you can count on both hands how many times you have sex in a month, somethings got to improve.)
If things don't change or work out, just think, if you walk away now, it's not going to kill you, and in five years it won't matter, less than really, but it's something I always told myself. (Only way I could make myself realize I had to walk away from my ex.)
Your situation sounds a lot like mine was with my recent ex, hopefully you get better results <3.
Goodluck! Hopefully things get better.
this^.
great comment.