Need help with a girl.... should I or shouldn't I?

Well, I think I need some help with something… it’s been driving me crazy and I just need to know what to do plus also just get it out of my head...

So here it goes... *breaths in and out*

I’ve been hanging out with a girl I met on OtakuBooty since September, we meet offline in October for the first time and since we have met, we’ve been hanging out together offline once a month (except November, had problems that month). So far it’s been just the two of us (no friends, just us) having dinner together, going to local museums, having lunch, watching a movie or just walking around talking. However, it seems to be just as friends thus far, though normally we hug at the end for a while and she hugged me when I gave her a birthday gift. We also met up together at Katuscon for a day with my sister (we were suppose to be two days but ran into problems on the second day). We’ve also given gifts to each other during Christmas and I gave her a gift for her birthday. Long story short, I have fallen head over heals for this girl. I can’t get her out of my mind.

I’m kind of worry about asking her out or telling her how I really feel about her since I’m not sure if she does really like me or is just being nice to me with hanging out. Plus, even if she doesn't I like her too as a friend and I don't want to loose a friend. I’m also not sure if this is the right time to ask her out. We’ve known each other since September but we've also only been together about 4 times in real life, though all but one was hanging out most of the day. I do know that I’m the one who brings it up to get together all times but she has yet to say no with hanging out but once (normally if I ask her to hang out she gives me dates she can do it. The only time she said no was because she had plans already to watch a movie I asked her to watch, but didn’t mind watching it again with me). Now I’m starting to get worried and nervous every time I just talk to her online now a days or when I text her (both of us don’t like calling on the phone). Almost to the point of a upset stomach. I have randomly texted her sometimes and she always texts me back and when she doesn’t she’s normally online the next day. I have learned just recently when I talk to her that she doesn’t normally message or ask to hang out with people but her close friends. Though she has done it when I brought it up that she should do it. Normally I talk about once a week to her online.

In my past, I’ve had it bad with asking girls out, sometimes I’m way too early or too late. The only time I even asked out a girl was with my last girlfriend, and I knew 100% that she liked me. Since a friend I trusted told me she liked me. Of course, that girl cheated on me 2 years later. Plus in high school a handful of girls asked me out (never turned into anything, only dated a few times and couldn't connect). Still, I’m not sure if this new girl likes me. I’m bad at reading people and if I try and flirt I make it seem weird so I’m not sure if I have even given her signals that I like her. Plus I was kind of worried at first about scaring her away so in short, I’m not sure what to do now. My friends and even my family have said to go for it but yet… I’m just not sure. I’m trying to meet up with her next Friday again and I’m really thinking I should ask her out or tell her how I feel. Thought even that is making me wonder if I should just ask her out on a real date or tell her how I feel. Saying “I like you a lot” for example.

Man, felt kind of good to get that all out.

Alright it's Tony time. Yes, feel free to call me Tony.

Anyway to sum things up, she talks to you online, and texts you right?

And Technically you guys have been going out together on dates, but as friends correct?

So you established a friendship level, and you feel like you want to move on to the next level.

Now I'm willing to help, but I need to know a few things.

1. How far do you two live from each other?

2.Has she ever been over your house or vice versa?

3.Do you know for sure she does not have a boyfriend?

1. She lives about 30 miles from me. I live in a rural area and she lives in the suburbs of Washington DC.

2. We have never been to each others houses. We both still live with our parents. Overall she has only met my sister when I went to Katsucon. I was suppose to meet her friends at the anime con but things happened that day so I wasn't able too. She has been in my car when we went out to dinner.

3. I know she doesn't have a boyfriend, unless she is hiding him on her blogs she writes, lying on all her social networking accounts and lying to me.

30 miles is not far to me, but then again, I commute pretty far distances to see real life friends and online friends. I think that you should just tell her.

It's best not to come into things with too many expectations, because this is about your feelings. If your feelings are contingent on hers, then you have to reevaluate the way you feel. I know this sounds weird; a lot of people are used to liking people and telling them they like them if they know that other person likes them back. This is not the best approach. The best approach, when it comes to Love, is your honesty. You've liked her. You should tell her. If you tell her without making a big spectacle or planning too much (simplicity, honesty, and elegance), the likelihood of her remaining your friend after your confession - if she happens not to like you back - is much higher.

I hope this helped.

It sounds like at the very least she liked you at one pointed and would have gladly said yes to a relationship. But right off the bat I can see that you are investing way too much of your emotional energy into it. If you are getting upset to the point of being sick you should really take some time to just back off and collect yourself.

I also noticed you said "though normally we hug at the end for a while". That might have been your opportunity to try for a kiss or to say something about liking her as more than a friend.

I recommend dropping a few random hints about liking her in your online conversations and see how she responds. After that it should be pretty obvious to you how she feels about it. Step up the flirting a little bit or if you haven't, start flirting. Tell her she looks good in an outfit or something like that. If you feel like she is rejecting these comments in the slightest, back off, you missed your chance.

Also, 30 miles is nothing.

: O...

30 miles ins't anything to worry about. My girlfriend is an hour and a half away and we have the best relationship. I love her and she loves me and we both started off the same way. hanging out and not really doing anything to hint of liking each other till i took a random leap of faith and asked her to a dance and we hit it off! one year later here we are in a great relationship and distance will not come between us! Hoped that helped... if it doesn't I;m sorry

I may have not given enough info on the hugging part. Yo see, I have hugged her 3 times now. The first time she hugged me was in my car as I dropped her off at the subway station and that was somewhat quick. Since other cars were behind me. The second time was when we were walking after I gave her a birthday gift. The last time I hugged her was before we left when we went to see a movie together and I was trying to kiss her then but it was rush hour and people kept hitting into us to move it since we did it at the ticket counter (lost my ticket and had to buy a new one). So we left it at that since we were getting pushed out of the way.

I didn't hug her at Katsucon cause my sister was with me, she was in full cosplay outfit, and my sister was whining to leave. I'm going to try your idea since my cousin also said I should try that. Well, we are seeing each other on Friday so might as well start. I honestly didn't see the hugs for being like that so I might have not put the right words into that.

Well now, sorry I didn't reply sooner, but it looks like Jacob and film pretty much made the jist of it.

I was probably a little harsh in my response, keep us updated on what happens. Just be yourself and I'm sure it will all be fine.

o shit, is this girl me?

I was under the impression hugging is just a greeting nowadays between friends

Well, that's what I'm thinking the hugging is mostly right now is friendly to be honest. After reading up on how to flirt, it seems that I maybe have been doing it without knowing... however I'm going to try a bit harder this time around. Thanks everyone, that gives me a bit for information on what I should do, I get too emotional with girls like this, maybe it's because I'm still kind of shy in real life. Maybe I should have put less words in that, lol... I just wanted to get that off my chest.

I will start to lower my feelings a bit and come back to earth, kind of hard but I will since I know I can't keep going like this. I guess it's because I'm kind of shy in real life plus I've had problems in the past with trusting people. It's hard to trust people when two of your best friends back in High School that you've been best friends with for 8 years said they only hanged out with you cause they felt sorry for you and was kicked out of my friends circle. Don't worry, I went to a therapist on it already.

Anyway, right now we have plans to see each other on Friday, still trying to set the details up but we are going to go to the Zoo.

Well when I read "though normally we hug at the end for a while" I assumed the hugging described was 10 - 20 second hugging, and not quick 2 - 3 second hugs which I think is normal. If it's just a normal hug then yes, it is nothing out of the ordinary.

Yes. Stop playing with this man's emotions.


I don't think we need to measure Hug times here. I think you need to make more casual physical contact during your dates and then however you feel comfortable doing talk about taking the relationship a further. Most girls don't want to take that first step into "offical" boyfriend/girlfriend land - and if you wait to long then you will be branded just a friend for life.

Btw, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't mean you'll lose her as a friend. I've had guys confess to me or vis versa and we could still be friends afterwards. Everyone is looking for love so it isn't something you should feel so awkard about. She probably already thinks you are like her boyfriend and is just waiting for you to take charge.

i totally agree

Well, it seems that I may have gotten it all figured out a bit thanks to you all here, I also have been busy all this week due to midterms. I'll just lend an update to what is going on. Since I wrote the original message a few things seem to have happened, with today being most of it.

I finally was able to meet one of her friends. I found out this morning that she was bringing one of her friends to the zoo, but it was more of the other way around however. Her friend wanted to come, not sounding like a jerk I said she could join up, of course I found out during the time today her friend use to work at the zoo which is one of the main reasons her friend was more or less forcing herself into our outing (yes, the friend is a girl too). All three of us walked around the zoo most of the time, I didn't want to really flirt much with the girl with her friend around much but I did a few things you all have suggested, so far they have worked. For example, everytime I did comment on her looks she didn't back down but one time, but that was more of playing around with.

We only had about five minutes alone together, so when that happened I was able to FINALLY give her my valentines day gift to her, just cookies but she said it was thoughtful of me. (I had them in my bag last time we were planning to meet up at the Katuscon) I couldn't really get anything out of that since right after she tired one of them, we got busy again. Oh and she somewhat acts the same around me as she does her friend I saw. Anyway, it seems things are working out... I already got invited to a bar concert in May with her and her girl friends plus we are going to try and meet up more then once a month.

Have you held hands when you walk side by side? If so, are you fingers entwined while holding hands?