Newly single. I dont believe what I'm typing!

Yea you are absolutely right lolli. I am not all familiar with how to quote and respond so just gonna type it all. I know what your saying though and it was truly a rash right after the incident post. Looking back on it and the conversations I have had with my supports (friends, family, even her family) I am turning my focus on to life and establishing the future that my son deserves to have.

Porn is hard, even as much as i do enjoy it. It was such a thorn in my marriage. My wife felt i did it too much but she didnt want to have sex as much. I would come on to her, id spend time. I bought flowers, and wrote poems. I was the corny nice guy who tried to hard in his relationship i guess. Cause she was jsut never interested. We laughed and had fun times but the sex just lacked so hardcore. I know that its an entirely different subject and to be quite frank Im not interested in digging deeper into a relationship that I am already having a difficult time moving on from. I live on the first floor. My brothers live on the third. They have house partys or just females in general coming over to hang out. Not even sex in mind just hanging out. But me being only 23, im sure it will come up. And They dont have a kid. I wont have my son over every night obviously. That is where the Casual sex life would come in. Not destroyin my place, or even havin my son see these girls. Just me having a good time and hey you like my charm my place is down stairs lol. Or not, again im not forcing my self into a situation. It was just very poorly worded and got out of hand.

But thanks, i do appreciate the time you took in helping me out.

-It would have to be rare and casual. You really, really should focus more on your own personal journey of self-descovery and recovery from this emotional Hurricane Katrina. I truly feel your pain, it sounds like you went through a LOT - even more reason to chill the fuck out. Commit to only yourself and your son for right now. Worry about licking your wounds [I strongly suggest counseling. You're going to have some trust issues. You -need- to talk someone, if only for the sake of healing and comfort.]

-Never, under any circumstance, leave any sign or trace of your 'personal' life when your son is over. He -will- notice. Disregard what public said, because frankly she has no idea what she's talking about. Take it from me - a kid who actually went through the gamut of awful parental decisions. She's right in that you don't have to 'stop living', but going to 'clubs' and 'casual sex' is living like an irresponsible 20-something - which you can't do anymore, because you are responsible for another human life.

I suggest picking up some beer, calling over a good buddy or a few, and having some good old fashioned guy time. Do your best to unwind. I still recommend easing up on the dating/sex front, because you're so emotionally wrung out - wait until you feel more like yourself again, so you can actually, at the very least, enjoy sex and dating.

Just... never let your child see it. Or be around it. or hear about it. If you don't have sole custody, it's fine to have a life outside being a parent, but when he's there, he comes first. Always.



-It's not just his business, because he has a child. Kids are like sponges, they soak up every single detail of their surroundings as a child, and not even a secret agent can prevent a child from absorbing their secrets. It's not sad but admirable for a parent to behave like one. I feel pity for you if you think the way teen mothers and young parents behave, getting drunk and smoking pot 'only on the weekends,lol, so it's okay!' is 'good parenting'. It's not. It's grotesquely irresponsible and the reason why I feel a large part of the population should be sterilized.

-A rebound is when someone enters into a relationship without properly healing and moving on from another. This was a marriage, which is a rank and degree of a relationship that requires an exorbitant amount of time and therapy to be able to truly move past. You simply cannot have a healthy relationship when you're still hurting over or thinking about a past one.

-Your comment about kids 'still being sane if you go get drunk and go to clubs, so long as you love them' tells me that you should never give advice ever, because you don't know what you're talking about. Stop it. I'm revoking your right to speak. Simply because you're irresponsible and living by the seat of your knickers doesn't mean it's cool, or a decent way to behave. This person is a parent. And now, by the cruel hand of fate, a divorcee. He has responsibilities and commitments that require a kind of decorum and self-conduct that your 'It's okay dude, party hard as long as you hug your kid regularly!' attitude simply doesn't allow.

Kids are the product of their surroundings. The fact you think they're stupid and notice nothing is... nothing short of mind-boggling ignorance. O_o