One Night Stands

So what is your view on One Night Stands?

Do you think that it's fine as long as you both know what you're getting into?

Or do you feel that sex really isn't anything without the romance there?


Personally, I don't think sex is something that you can really enjoy without at least a hint of emotions involved because of just how much of it relies on emotions.

Hmmm this is just me but I think the moment the two people involved start thinking of those questions then it's no longer a one-night stand.

One-night stands are supposed to be a spontaneous "Bam-wam! Thank you Ma'am!" thing right?

Also, to me there's simply "sex" and then there's "love making" which I think are two different things. But hey, just for the sake of argument, they're still both f***ing so LOL xD

Well it depends. I mean while love making is (by the name) based more on the emotion of love. Sex still has emotions tied to it regardless. One of the main one being attraction.

However, one night stands tend to be along the lines of "Ok, we'll just have sex. We won't make this a big deal with emotions."

Which kind of dwarfs an important part of sex.

Hmmmm true, true.

Then I guess the end result of the one-night-stand will depend on the personalities of both parties involved.

One thing I'm sure about though is if a person (guy or girl) is the "gets easily developed" type then I don't think they should ever do a one-night-stand. They'll just get hurt if the other party really is just looking for a "one-time thingy".

With emotion being involved...again I think it depends entirely on the personality of the person behind those emotions. If he / she can simply turn them on / off during and after sex then he / she will be okay after the ONS (got tired of typing it in whole LOL).

I mean, have you tried sex without any emotion behind it? Not very satisfying actually >_> I know this from my one time experience with a GRO (Guest Relations Officer in an Adult Bar). Sure I came and was physically aroused but...comparing my time with that girl with my time with my wife now...that GRO loses without a contest.

And lol just for my defense; that GRO experience was before I even met my wife and I was single :P

That's what I mean. emotion is such a big part of sex, that turning it off or diminishing it, really defeats the purpose of sex.

Agreed.

I once had sex just "because". She was a friend but not that close, she wasn't really important to me. And we did it and I just say, I felt like a piece of meat. I hated myself for almost a week, emotionally I felt horrible. Like, grossed to myself.

I mean, I don't need to do it with the love of my life to enjoy it, but it must be someone I really care about and feel something for (not necessarily in the romantic way).

Problem about one night stands is that it's pretty primitive, you really don't care about each other - and only one thing matters: getting off.

It doesn't matter much for guys, because they're the ones usually doing the deed. Hump it, and you get off.

Though in my minimal experience with one night stands, they suck female wise because the guy doesn't really care about your experience as so much.

So this may be an unusual and unpopular opinion but... I think that having that One night stand experience at least once in your life is important.

This idea of being free, selfish and uninhibited by emotions/complications/responsibility (for lack of a better word) - just tapping into this primal/raw/visceral urge... and then walking away learning more about yourself from that experience... I think it's healthy. Especially for future actual relationships.

Case in point, I have a friend who recently lost her virginity to her first real boyfriend (she was 24/25 at the time?) long story short they break up, she travels the globe and proceeds to have a succession of international one night stands. She's not sure how to process all this so we, her friends, assure her that this is perfectly normal. She's basically breaking out of her shell; discovering her sexuality and what that means in the grand scheme of her identity. And I see her progress as a stronger individual not only in terms of how she handles her sexuality but also how she handles general social situations.

So yes, while a one night stand may not be as soul fulfilling as sex with "meaning" behind it, it still has its place.

For me its a highly emotional thing, since i wont even touch a person if that person isnt at least a little important to me. I cant imagine someone who i barely know touching me all the time or having sex with me no matter how needy i am at that time. It would be alright thou if its someone i have some sort of feelings for, it doesnt have to be love but just something that is important to me, but theres again the problem that i might get too attached to him/her and start developing some emotions. Either way its a no.

I kind of frown upon the idea of just doing it to relieve oneself of sexual build up (for lack of a better term). I think that if you're going to have sex with someone, you should be in love with them, rather just doing it for the sex.

Blahdebalah just made a good point.

There are people who just enjoy sex, over romantic stuff. Let's say, X girl like sex, but hate to feel compromised with someone, and X guy loves sex, but he just can't imagine living by just fuking a woman, therefore he gave up on love and choose a live of freedom and sex instead of hurting his partner with his infidelity.

For them, casual sex is way the best out of all.

So, it just doesn't apply to all of us. Let's avoid generalizing, and just express our personal opinions.

I find the idea rather pathetic. Never had and I don't see myself having one. The idea of just having sex with whoever crosses your path just because you can't wait really disgusts me.

I'm a little bit surprised that most people responding to this equate one night stand to act of desperation/desire to fuck anything that walks.

Haven't you people ever been attracted to someone but NOT love them? Played the flirtation game a little too deep and realized... this is not going to work past this?

A one night stand is just as much an investment as any relationship. This isn't an escort service we're talking about, this is relations with real everyday people (I hope). Whether you wish to extend that relationship (and how) is a matter between you and that person but seduction is still an investment.

I understand it's not for everyone but... I guess I'm just in a bit of shock.

Having sex and making love are different.

You make love to someone you WANT to be with.

Having sex equals raw sex with or without passion (purely lust). It might lead to love ???.

My preference is never see her a second time for my one night stands.

Well you can't really confirm that it will just be a one night stand until after a certain period of time when both of you have moved on with your lives and have pretty much forgotten about each other. I mean, there's still a possibility that it would develop into a relationship overnight. lol

Personally, I don't think I would ever go for a one night stand as the whole 'picking up strangers at the bar' or having friends with benefits just don't really mesh well with me.

I guess it depends on your own personality and morals as well as the way you choose to live your life whether or not a one night stand is such a big deal.

A one night stand consists of at least one person in the two believing this is the only time they'll sleep with said person.


How is this an investment?

It's not a very long term investment I admit, but it's still committing time and energy into the seduction. I'm confused at how people here approach one night stands. Do you just walk down the street, point to a person and go "you. me. bed. aw right." and wham you wake up in an unfamiliar bed all sticky with your shame?

That's not how that works.

Or if it is then what am I doing wrong? Because I'd have me a harem by now.

Well I the way I think about this is completely different. I go out to the bars on a regular basis, and assume that I will meet women there who will want to dance or talk with me. Each interaction has the potential to develop into something more, but that doesn't mean is has to.

If it leads to sex.... great!!! That probably means there was lots of passion, energy, and tension during the time I spent with her. If things did go well I'll get her info and I'll consider dating her. But if I see a red flag during the night or she doesn't live up to my standards, she gets marked off my list of women I want to date and I move onto the next one. Thus a "One Night Stand". I don't go get wasted and hit on random women, that's a waste of my time and theirs, I'd much rather come back home jack and off to the latest doujinshi posted on Fakku.

Now if she or I had to leave for some reason, then I get her info. Then I'll make loose plans with her, for example hinting that I might be at the bars the upcoming weekend (I go to college in a small town, there's like 3 popular bars here so it's not hard to find me if she's interested) and tease her a little. I might also do something random like calling/texting her and asking her what she's doing right at that moment. Tell her I'm going to the gym/store/*insert place* and she needs to join me. It's spontaneous and fun.

I refuse to do traditional dates before I get to know a woman. It sets the precedent that to have a good chance of getting sex I have to wine and dine her. In fact buying women things right off the bat is very VERY bad. It's subtle manipulation that says "I will buy you things in trade for sex or you time/attention".

I also believe that "dating" multiple women at a time is fine. It only becomes monogamous when you two agree to get into a relationship. Personally I'm still searching for the ideal traits I want in a woman, so dating more than one at a time is a better way to go for me

back on topic

Women know exactly what they're getting into when they flirt with me. If one of us decides to break off contact/relations because the other rubs them the wrong way I expect emotional maturity and self-respecting thoughts along the lines of "well, too bad for them, they missed out on what an amazing person I am" from both of us. The night together may be amazing, I WANT to share with that woman the most powerfully sexual night of her life up to that point, but that doesn't make us BFF's in the morning; all that means is that we have chemistry. Women know the risks, and so do guys. And honestly, what's the big deal if you get rejected? Yes, I too have an irrational fear of being rejected like a lot of guys (I'm working on getting rid of it)... But it isn't some kind of failure, it's an opportunity to learn a lesson and bounce back with twice the vigor.

I don't believe that sex of any kind is about romance. It's about the heat of the moment. Romance is one kind of foreplay, that's all. I personally believe that love is totally different from romance, love is an emotion that is built up over time like a growing affection. Can I have my cake and eat it too? Hell yeah, love and passion compliment each other nicely. Though I think many marriages are missing this synergy today, and that's why there are so many divorces.

A lot of the posts deal with a "One Night Stand" as a black or white issue... it isn't. Unless you think sexual interactions in general are black and white... in that case I would ask you to take a second to try and understand another point of view, you might learn something new. Also go get David DeAngelo's: Double Your Dating... it might be the most important 5.156 second download you ever make >.>

It seems to me like a lot of people are approaching this as a moral issue, that it's in one way or another inherently wrong to sleep together so soon. It may be so quick that it actually degrades any potential relationship you might have with that person in the future or demolishes any chances before anything can even start. Though I can understand somewhat, I used to associate a lot of guilt and disappointment if things didn't turn out well after I met a woman I liked. I also had a lot of negative ideas and thoughts related to "bad boys" and put a lot of stock in being a "nice guy". But my perspective has changed since then.

/WALL OF TEXT