Should I tell her my feelings?

[font=Arial](It's gonna be a long post because I've been thinking for a really long time) I've been thinking about what I should do for quite some time and I figured might as well ask for some advice on here. The deal is that I've known this girl for quite some time now. We became friends when we started high school and I would think we're pretty close friends and eventually I realized that I had feelings for her so I asked her if she could ever picture us going out (I didn't ask her out explicitly, I sort of posed a hypothetical situation). She says she most likely wouldn't picture us going out and said we're like siblings, hell she even added me as her brother on facebook. Note she's not a bitch or anything like that, I asked her and she answered truthfully and we're still good friends.

And for those of you who will tell me I should have asked her out anyway, I have this to say:



Anyway, so now I'm a sophomore at a university now and I'm back for break. I'm planning/hoping to meet up with her and hang out before my break ends and I feel that because I didn't successfully ask her out before, it's preventing me from finding a girl I like now because of these lingering feelings. She has a boyfriend now that she's very happy with (might as well be married) and who is a friend of mine (details in the spoiler). My question is this. Should I confess my feelings to this girl and get this off my chest? Seeing as I don't live in my home city anymore due to college, there won't be that awkward phase of us seeing each other and I suspect that my lingering feelings are what is obstructing me from finding someone else. The downside is that there is a high chance that by doing this, my close friendship with her will take a turn for the worse.

TL;DR: Should I confess my feelings to my female friend who is in a happy relationship with a good friend of mine? Pros: If I do, I can get over her and find someone new. Cons: High chance of messing up our close friendship.

Ah, I've been in this exact situation before in high school. Know the feel. All I can say is, you may still get over her without telling her anything. At least, that's my case now. Never told her anything about how I felt, but i eventually got over the whole thing. I really didn't want to risk my friendship with her or the guy she was with, who's actually an even closer friend of mine from grade school.

Here's the general problem with never telling her. There's gonna be some regrets. WHILE you're not telling her in the short-run, you'll regret bottling up all those feelings, and start to wonder how you two would have gone off together. In the long-run, though, once you're (hopefully) over her, you'll only get this rare nagging feeling about being a wuss in general. Put it this way. Now, I don't really feel anything for her, but sometimes I do wonder "what if I weren't a chicken in just love?". You may start to question your confidence in everything else. I don't know, it may have just been me.

Another thing is, IF you do get over her without telling her, how long will it take for the hurt to heal? Depends on person to person, but I'm just saying.

That's all I can say on the matter, really. Your choice, in the end.

To me, you should tell her. Also tell her why you're confessing, to help you move on etc. If she's really a close friend as you say she is, she should be able to see it from your angle and understand. Heck, I'm tempted to suggest you to tell them both. The guy is your friend too.

But of course, this is assuming that you don't really want to ruin their happy relationship.

If they go mad over it and don't want to befriend you anymore, then they were never worth it. Yeah, I do think that. I have experienced both sides of it and to me a sincere feelings shouldn't ruin friendships.

Personally,for your best,just tell her about it.I mean you can explain in front of both of them.
This is a very tough decision but I don't want to hear news about someone so depressed about love until they have suicide.
If your friend knows that you are being sincere,that will make both of your relationship deeper.Your friend needs
a positive thinking.
Trying to help you,all the best.

I was in the same situation too, only I never told her how I felt. For a while it may weigh on your heart a little, maybe even hurt at times, but eventually you'll get over her. After a certain point for me, I realized that no matter what I said or did I didn't have a chance, and that was enough to get me over her. Like art mentioned before every now and then I get a little nagging feeling about it, but it's easy to just brush off.
I'd tell you to more or less keep it to yourself as it seems to me that this is something that's pretty old. If you DO tell her I'd advise that you did it one-on-one rather than to her and her boyfriend.
Best of luck to you with whatever you choose.

Tell her.. life weird.. she may like you deepy too.

okay so I'm going to be brutally honest with you (which I get a lot of bad rep for doing, but I'm just trying to be nice and help you decide what's right for you and give you my opinion).

So I personally think you should tell her how you feel. You feel the need to get these things off your chest or you will regret it when approaching all new relationships. I value honesty above all else with my friends and it took my ex four years to muster the courage to finally open up about how he felt when I finally became single (But as you can tell it didn't work out as we weren't compatible), and although things turned out for the worst, I have no regrets because we tried a closer relationship. I believe that if you don't clear your conscience by telling her how you feel it will just muster in the back of your mind and you won't feel like your moving on with your life.

As for her current relationship with you. If she really is that great of a friend, she will understand (if you explain to her that you just feel the need to express how you felt/feel), although she may be happy in her relationship she will be glad that your just clearing the air so you can both move on with your lives, hopefully still staying friends.

Well here's my two cents worth. I hope it helped you in some way. Feel free to ask me anything else in reference to this or if you need help with something else. Thanks, and have a good day and a Merry Christmas :D

You absolutely have to tell her.

Especially if it means she turns you down cold.

You need that moment of certainty. To know for absolute certain that she could never like you like that.

If you keep your mouth shut, [Yes, I understand you want to respect boundaries, but closure is necessary for your wellbeing, sir. It could quite possibly drive you crazy, keeping your feelings inside.] you will only keep pining for her. Eventually that pining will turn to resentment, which will ruin your friendship with her anyways.

Don't phrase it as an outright request for a relationship. Just tell her how you feel. Just say "I need to know, right now.. for sure, that there's no chance. Look me square in the eyes and say there's no chance. If I can have at least that, then I can resolve this and continue to be as good of a friend to you as possible."

In the event that she actually returns your feelings, your need to withdraw from her until her current relationship is COMPLETELY over. The long goodbyes spoken, the i's dotted, the t's crossed.

[font=Arial]Hmm...Yeah, I suppose I knew what needed to be done, I guess I was just afraid to act upon it. Maybe I just needed to hear it from other people. Thanks for the advice you guys and gals. Now I have another question. So I'm planning to see this girl soon and hopefully we'll spend at least some of the day together. I know it probably varies with person to person but is there some sort of timing that goes with these types of things? Really a guideline if anything at all. [/font]

I'd get over it. Personally, the girls not stupid - she probably knows you have feelings for her (hypothetical situations are dead give aways), and from the sounds of it you've been bothering her this whole time. The chick said she sees you like a BROTHER. Give her a break! She's been trying to be nice about it, but she's NOT INTO YOU. What's "confessing properly" really going to do for you? She's with another guy! Who's your friend! Stop being a dick and let them be happy... even if she wasn't dating him, she wouldn't be dating you. Nobody likes some pathetic loser who spends years wasting his time yearning for a chick who really couldn't give a damn about them. Move on. You're never going to find someone else if you don't put yourself out there. You probably are so closed off from other girls that they don't even bother with you, because you're too busy "reserving" yourself for someone who is ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP and DOESN'T LIKE YOU (LIKE THAT)! God, you're going to force this girl to have nothing to do with you whatsoever. And don't go and say - well, I have reason to believe... yadda yadda yadda... because if she's giving mixed signals... GUESS WHAT? She STILL doesn't like you! She's probably just some bitch who gets her ego stroked when guys are lusting after her goodies, but that still doesn't mean she's ever going to leave her boyfriend to be with the drooling idiot who can't get the hint.

Neg rep me if you want! I'm just being brutally honest from a girl's standpoint.

It's simple. You say "I have something really important that I need to talk to you about, and I need to say it now." Don't sit there and wait, letting your nerves work themselves into a frenzy. Just get it off your chest, man. You will feel so much better once you do.

HappyDia:

That may be the case, but it doesn't belittle his genuine need for closure. It won't bring him any peace if some stranger tells him to give up. He needs to hear it from her mouth. Explicitly.

I suck at this type of thing myself, because I don't give a damn about emotions and feelings, I think things logically, but anyway I'll tell you anyway, if people think that I'm wrong then you are very welcome to correct me since I'm a probie and I am only 18 :D

You have 2 choice: Tell her your feelings or not telling her your feelings.

1st choice: This one is a bit risky ones, especially if you don't want to ruin your friendship with her and her boyfriend. Things might come to worse because not all people can talk normally after rejecting the other party, she might feel awkward and stuff and blablablah. If she is not that type of person, then good on you. You probably will feel incredible even after being rejected because you just let go of that emotions.

2nd choice: I know how it feels to be you, cause this happened to me back when I was in High School, and I chose not to tell her, because I don't want to ruin our friendship, and luckily I got over her without hurting myself. Some people might be different. Some might need to let it go in order to get over it, but I'm not that type of person.
So, if you happen to choose not to tell her, you might have to prepare bottling up this feeling for a while. It could be days, weeks, months, or even years, so, BE PREPARED!

That's all I could say, since I don't have a lot of experience, not like all Fakku Elders who knows how bitter and sweet can love be. Hopefully this helps :D

Yeah, I couldn't agree more. Sometimes I think dealing with people and is just a pain in the ass. But "Every time I think I'm out! They pull me back in!"

The way I look at your "girl standpoint", if you can state it like that so strongly, what's the big deal with shooting the guy down directly? Tell him to fuck off directly, he gets crushed, end of trouble. Oh yeah, greaaaat. All the more reason to have him confess.

Or what, is this another "I'm too scared to do things directly but calling it fear is making me feel bad so I'll call it kindness!" mentality? Lol.

I feel ya buddy. I had a friend like that who I liked but every time I ask her she is always going out with someone else or say "give me 2 weeks" and two weeks later she has another bf. You should definitely tell her you feelings, but I warn you she is the type to not give too much emotional investment in a relationship and probably will have more than a 3rd thought about breaking up with you if things start to get boring.

Proof by experience.

I had a similar experience in highschool, she avoided me for a while after I told her but we became friends again after a while, though there were a few awkward moments

Tell her of your feelings for her.

You'll lose more if you don't. Believe me.

If she ever rejects you, then find (or wait) for another one. It's not the end of the world. Don't force yourself to her if she doesn't really like you. You'll just end up in a relationSHIT.

Overused Zombieland quote. Get it over with and be ready to move on.

Life has to go on dude, if this is limiting what you can decide in the future, heck, get it over with.

It sounds to me like she has been pretty open with you about her feelings already, so I would take that as a case closed. If you value her friendship, and that of her current boyfriend, then you owe it to them not to bring strife into their relationship. I have been in similar situations, and it just doesn't pay to force your affections onto someone who is unwilling to share them. I would suggest you use the time at the University to distance yourself from her and seek someone else to pursue. Don't break contact, but try to limit your contact to discussing little things. If this girl asks why you are being distant, then you can consider broaching the subject, and tell her you are trying to get on with your life. That way she will not think you are trying to break up her relationship, and it will finally allow you to confess your feelings. If she doesn't notice you are being distant, then I would say she was never going to consider you as anything other than friend. This method will likely be painful, but you can't go through life without being hurt. The important thing is that you try to find ways to make yourself happy, while not hurting the ones you love.