Should I tell her my feelings?

Solidin · 2011-12-21T09:03:18-01:00

[font=Arial](It's gonna be a long post because I've been thinking for a really long time) I've been thinking about what I should do for quite some time and I figured might as well ask for some advice on here. The deal is that I've known this girl for quite some time now. We became friends when we started high school and I would think we're pretty close friends and eventually I realized that I had feelings for her so I asked her if she could ever picture us going out (I didn't ask her out explicitly, I sort of posed a hypothetical situation). She says she most likely wouldn't picture us going out and said we're like siblings, hell she even added me as her brother on facebook. Note she's not a bitch or anything like that, I asked her and she answered truthfully and we're still good friends. And for those of you who will tell me I should have asked her out anyway, I have this to say: Spoiler:I tried asking her out twice. First time, I was all pumped up and had it all ready in my head and, I shit you not, as I was walking up to her that afternoon, my other friend tells me that HE had asked her out and now they're dating. The second opportunity came when she and my friend at the time came to a bad break up and ended abruptly. Ever since then, the first guy's been off the grid so he's out of the picture. Seeing as I didn't want to ask her out too soon, I wanted to give her some time to collect herself so I waited about a week and pretty much the same thing again. I get all ready and prepared to ask her out so I ask her how she was doing and she filled me in and all that and turns out that she already found her knight in shining armor. Believe it or not it was another friend that I knew. But this guy is a good friend of mine and someone who I respect very much. That day the phrase "Early bird gets the worm" rang in my ears indefinitely. Anyway, so now I'm a sophomore at a university now and I'm back for break. I'm planning/hoping to meet up with her and hang out before my break ends and I feel that because I didn't successfully ask her out before, it's preventing me from finding a girl I like now because of these lingering feelings. She has a boyfriend now that she's very happy with (might as well be married) and who is a friend of mine (details in the spoiler). My question is this. Should I confess my feelings to this girl and get this off my chest? Seeing as I don't live in my home city anymore due to college, there won't be that awkward phase of us seeing each other and I suspect that my lingering feelings are what is obstructing me from finding someone else. The downside is that there is a high chance that by doing this, my close friendship with her will take a turn for the worse. TL;DR: Should I confess my feelings to my female friend who is in a happy relationship with a good friend of mine? Pros: If I do, I can get over her and find someone new. Cons: High chance of messing up our close friendship.

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Yukito-kun

13 years ago

My advise is simply this, worst case scenario she turns you down and your friendship could hit a snag, not completely end, just hit a snag. Be tactful and honest with her and give her your honest feelings, it's always worth a shot. You don't want it to be a lingering maybe in your mind so figure it out, be bold and put yourself out there. Godspeed my friend.

ponponpon

13 years ago

Lollikittie wrote...

You absolutely have to tell her.

Especially if it means she turns you down cold.

You need that moment of certainty. To know for absolute certain that she could never like you like that.

If you keep your mouth shut, [Yes, I understand you want to respect boundaries, but closure is necessary for your wellbeing, sir. It could quite possibly drive you crazy, keeping your feelings inside.] you will only keep pining for her. Eventually that pining will turn to resentment, which will ruin your friendship with her anyways.

Don't phrase it as an outright request for a relationship. Just tell her how you feel. Just say "I need to know, right now.. for sure, that there's no chance. Look me square in the eyes and say there's no chance. If I can have at least that, then I can resolve this and continue to be as good of a friend to you as possible."

In the event that she actually returns your feelings, your need to withdraw from her until her current relationship is COMPLETELY over. The long goodbyes spoken, the i's dotted, the t's crossed.

I absolutely agree with this!

Mixtape.

13 years ago

NOOOOO, don't listen to these people!! :O

There are two scenarios:

Scenario 1!) Well, she told you she thinks of you as a sibling,right? This can be a hint that she's not interested. Seeing as she's in and out of relationships pretty quickly, even if she became interested it might not last.

Scenario 2!) She was actually just very scared of losing you if it didn't work out. If you end up dating, better make it count. Otherwise you'll just justify her fears.

Lollikittie

13 years ago

Mixtape. wrote...

Actually, she ended up asking him out. A "test date" to see if they had chemistry.
Still haven't heard how the date went, yet.

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