Dealing with the death of a loved one

Today one of my uncles died of DHF it turns out he had been sick for over a week and his stupid fucking girlfriend never called us until today, a few hours before he died...

He was one of the few uncles I got along with even through all the stupid fucking shit he knew I did throughout my life and Im not too sure, but I think he was the one who taught me how to ride a bike. When I first heard about him being sick I was like "damn I hope he's ok" then a few hours later I heard the phone ring then my grandma was crying and I knew what had happened... I wanted to cry too but I just couldnt even now I feel sad as fuck but I cant cry, its fucking irritating... So now Im just drowning myself in nothing but videogames and beer my other uncle left behind because when he found out about his brother he came to our house and the first thing he did was get drunk as hell then called his boss and told him he wouldnt be going to work for a couple of days since he was going to go see over his burial.

I told my grandma not to cremate him...

God fucking damnit... he was 31...

Booze. There not good way to deal with some one you loved, you just do. Time heals all wound's, more like deadens the pain until it falls. I find that the grieving process is the best way to deal with it. Just chill, think, cry, drink and let it be until it just disappears into you.

My condolences man.

I guess drinking your troubles away helps. Drink with the family, remember old times and old stories,get wasted and let out all your sorrows and grief and when you wake up and the dust settles, you move forward with his memory in you.

Well, well what a coincidence.
One of my uncles is about to die as well, due to cancer though. (When I say "about to die", I mean, my mom is phoning other relatives who my uncle wanted to hear just before he departs, as I'm typing this message)
I didn't really know that uncle, as I don't think I've ever even seen him in person.
He has had cancer for a year or two now... and apparently he could've had better help if he got X-Rays or a scan of some sort, I overhead, but they couldn't use it because something metallic is still lodged in his back. I think they said it was either grenade fragments or surgical pins from the war? (Vietnam war?)
Edit: 7 Hour later, bedridden, but he's still alive. Possibly false alarm?
Edit: He has now departed.
Edit: I misheard, he is still alive. I heard them talking about buying him a coffin and presumed he had kicked the bucket.

Anyways, screw my story, I have no real emotional attachment with my situation.


Dealing with the death of a loved one, I have no real good advice, as I have yet to actually lose a close one.

Life goes on, and the hardest hit are those who are left behind. (At least that's my belief)
If you believe in afterlives or reincarnation, then believe in those things positively.
If you don't, then realize that death brings suffering only to the dead's loved ones.

Express yourself, vent your frustrations, but don't be reckless about it.
Scream, cry, break useless shit.
Write, sing, act, whatever.
Getting it out of your system is better than keeping shit stored up inside you.

Since you've posted this on Fakku, I guess you're already expressing yourself responsibly? I guess my advice is useless, ha ha.

Just gotta grieve while you're sad. And try and remember the good times.

No real other way than to just endure it with time.

Making yourself depressed with alcohol doesn't really help.

there is no true way to deal with losing a loved one, i've lost both of my grandfather's(mom side and dad side) and i'm still dealing with it today...just try to take it one step at a time/one day at a time.

i witnessed a total of five who were taken away, three for my family and two for my friends.

it never is easy to recover from such a shock and sadness. hell what would you feel if you get to see the flatline in an ECD where that person was staying or one of your family members called to bring the grim news?

the best you can do is to let it all out. punch a pillow, grab a cloth and bawl so hard or you can sit and remember the times.

we are living in borrowed time, and the candle just snuffed out amongst the multitude of candles inside a great room.

It is almost fucking 5:30 am and I havent been able to sleep one fucking wink.

I literally laid on my bed for over 3 hours just staring at the ceiling.

Sorry for your loss man. Best to just get some rest, take pills or booze if necessary. And time is the only solution that will heal all wounds, good luck bro.

Zak, sometimes crying is the best option for situations like this. Called manly tears.

Yes, he will be missed, but death is a part of life. You are going to have to experience facing other people's and your own death in your life. I think it is best to think that he's on a trip instead of what you are doing right now. I'm pretty sure your Uncle wouldn't want you to rot yourself for days, maybe weeks, maybe months.

I think it's best to cry all your tears out for now.

I recommend you listen to some songs composed by Joe Hisaishi.
Listen to these music in the order I posted

The Rain - Joe Hisaishi


Inochi No Namae - Joe Hisaishi


Merry Christmas - Ryuichi Sakamoto


Itsumo Nando - From the movie, Spirited Away


I will post more good music.

Also, Rest In Peace Zak's Uncle.

I was in a situation a lot like that a few years ago. For a while I just felt numb, but them the tears started, and they didn't stop for a long time. My advice is just to let your emotions out, rather than try to supress them; if you feel like crying just cry until the tears stop flowing.
Thing will be painful for a long time but eventually you'll start to get over it and the pain mostly goes away.

Relax man. And my condolences. I know what it feels like, but as others have said let it out. Just be honest and let it out. And if you cant talk to someone about it. Just let go for a bit. Time will deaden the pain and sorrow you feel...

A bit of insomnia huh.

Stay up. If you have an ipod or an mp3 player, go get it.

Listen to a song(s) you like, preferably something on the bitter-sweet side, while watching the sun rise fully (something like this).

If it's raining or cloudy, do it anyway.

Do this when you get the chance.

It's not a guarantee, but I hope this makes you feel better.

I'm sorry for your loss Zak, and I understand how you feel, I just lost my syrian grandfather a month ago, all my family had to go to Syria for the burial, and the ceremonies (there were a lot of them), it was painful to go back to a country I love so much, without him.

Anyway, all I could do was to support my mother and aunt (my grandmother has alzheimer, she wasn't there, physically and mentally), and strangely, if you take care of someone, try to cheer him up a bit, it helps.
I don't really know in your situation, because your mother, other uncle maybe have close family to help them too, but the slightest things, like...cooking or doing the laundry would make me feel useful, responsible. I don't really think I was, but I wouldn't feel as powerless and desperate.

That's the only advice I can give you, I also think it's a very personal matter, I hope you get better soon.

Im sorry....I have a unlce too that if I feel ever left I would be so terribly sad cause he's like a support for me and were both like the same so....Dont even want to think about it. Sorry to hear this *pats zakky poohs back then hugs*

Sorry...

its hard, and more hard in the situation you explained. but best you can do is well, they teach me not to hide pain, cause later hurts more, if you wanna cry then do it.

and after that, just remember how he lived and what he left for everybody, i mean, his thoughts, his teachings, ect.

Hard to know what to say, apart from keep living. They wouldn't want to drink yourself into a coma or get all depressed. The best thing you can do for yourself and everyone else is to keep living and doing your best at whatever it is you do.

Remember the good times you had with your uncle and if you like your family, stay with them for support or to support them. I'm pretty sure you aren't alone in your pain.

Or something like that. Good luck and sorry I guess.

So a little while ago my grandma got back... I asked how things went she said everything was ok. and I asked where they buried him she said she brought him with her I thought that was her joking but then she turned on a light in the living room and there was this wooden box, I was like no fucking way...She told me she wanted to bring him back with her and that everyone wanted to kill the family of that dumb bitch that didnt call us and tell us he was sick...

So I kinda just stared at the box and I know she was saying something but I couldnt hear her, then I just touched the box and stared at it for a moment a then totally broke down I couldnt fucking catch my breath, the first time I've cried since I found out he died...

I didnt want him to be cremated damnit, but I told her to bury him still and she said ok...

God fucking damnit.

EDIT:

For anyone that could have possibly misunderstood.

She had him cremated... Which is exactly what I didnt want to happen.

My condolences bro...sorry to hear that they did not listen to your respects and wishful thinking....again..my condolences.