Rbz Posts

AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
...Oh my god. I forgot ALL ABOUT THIS until now. I'm late by like 4 days.

I, AssasinZAssasin would like to lay claim to Aurica Nestmile as my Third Reyvateil Partner from "Ar Tonelico: Melody of Elemia" Also known as "Ar Tonelico: The Girl Who Sings at the End of The World".

Sorry I took so long, my dear Aurica! But I'm finally here to get you!

She's a Class D Reyvateil in the 3rd generation Reyvateils. Although Class D Reyvateils are generally poorer in ability, she won't lose in feelings for her partner when singing for him! And I'd clear her cosmosphere anytime...As long as it eases her pain.

She's a very shy girl who is very distrustful of humans because of what happened to her during her childhood...She's just an innocent, tortured soul...trapped and waiting to be rescued.

She can only live to be 15 to 20 years of age unless she takes the Diliquity crystal which hurts a lot...I'd administer it with loving care anytime!

Though, she can be a ditz and she gives some really weird names to things, but...She's a devoted, loving girl. She relies a lot on her love, and I wouldn't mind it at all!

Her dream was to become the holy maiden of the church, but after meeting the love of her life, She decided to make music boxes with him, together, forever.

"I want to be with you, forever. Even with my past, body and being a Reyvateil...If I knew I had to choose all of those to meet you, I wouldn't hesitate. Thank you. I've been meaning to tell you that for a long time."
-Aurica

You can't help but love her, right? I just want to hug her, rub her head and tell her that everything will be all right, that I would protect her forever.

Spoiler:
Forum Image: https://www.fakku.net/image-404/images/1825345-HPBVVRA.jpg
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
Spoiler:
leonard267 wrote...
Spoiler:
AssasinZAssasin wrote...
Spoiler:
Dawn_of_Dark wrote...
I haven't had time to read the entries until now. But I sure can see what I have been missing.

It wasn't great.

I think yours this year, overall, seems lazy and rushed to me. No matter how the others have praised the piece, I think you have quite taken the downhill way in your writing. I actually feel like you were drunk while writing this, lol

Firstly, the storyline. I don't think it was good. Simple, to the point of blandness, predictable, unoriginal, are what I thought of the piece after I read it. I mean, readers could have seen all the story before it even began... The middle part when you mentioned references to your previous works, which I have read them all so I can understand what you were trying to do, but it wasn't great, or even necessary, because it doesn't contribute any plot to the actual story that was being told. The story overall feels slow and doesn't really feel like anything cool to me. You could have pushed the pace a bit and made room for more plot and stuffs. The ending? Don't get me started. Seems like the author doesn't think of not only the beginning, the structure of the story, but the ending as well.

Secondly, the grammar and the use of English. What's with the capped words? I can cope with weirdly structured sentences, but messed up, capped letters in the middle of the sentences is just a punch to my eyes. Over-usage of phrases like "You bastard you" or "happy, so happy" is a big minus for me, too.

Thirdly, the characters. If I ask you right now "what do you remember from Wil?" or "Who's the character Wil?", what will you have to answer? I would only say "He's a dead guy, whose family are also dead, with impressionability issue because he gets overly happy for some reasons when he just meet random people out on the streets." And he wished them good luck in their relationship? I mean, who gives a f*ck in front of who are entwining in his/ her hands in her lover's. And I would not be wrong, because that is basically what one would know of Wil from the story. Let's say I accept that he gets happy for nothing, then happy how? You didn't say how happy he was feeling. Just "happy, so happy". There's no backgrounds on the characters whatsoever. She who? Didn't even have a name for 'the girlfriend'. Mark suffers the same fate. Their lives? Their ambitions? Their reasons for coming to Earth? Readers didn't get any of that. Btw, did Wil really just walk all over town all morning, because you didn't told us he had gone anywhere else, getting overly happy and then run through the town again in the evening? He shouldn't have died because he would make a great marathoner. Then at least reader would know what he could have become.

Final Comments:
Far below the standards that were set by your last piece from the winter contest, which I really enjoyed, and I'm sorry to say this, but this one sucks. I'm also sorry if I offended you with my straightforwardness, which I think I would. You could have scrapped the current middle part and replace with something richer in content. Compared to your previous works, I think this one was really lazy, or if not, then really badly thought out. You could have just posted for the sake of participating, but if you're gonna give us something to read, and nobody read because you ask, then I don't want to read a boring story like this. Your old ones are way better.

But in my fashion, good luck to you as well in the poll.

leonard267 wrote...
Some rambles.


You like it because it's like yours, lol!

I actually like the ideas you suggested to AZA, though. I laughed hard when I read those ideas.



Haha, Harsh.

But well, I can definitely see where you're coming from. I was kind of pressed for time, and I was kind of wondering how to fill the middle part so I just went ahead and put references, which kind of made no real sense whatsoever, anyhow.

Hmm. You are a bit blunt, But i always appreciate your critique. Haha. This WAS rushed. And i'm never really good at portraying a sad end as much as a happy end so, Well, you know. Hah, Excuses.

Hmm. Well, what can i say? It's not as well developed or structured or, hell, as inspired as my previous works. Inspiration plays a big part in the success of a story too, IMO. Man, I just wish there was a contest for Valentines Day or something, because I think i'd have a good piece for that. (I tend to fare better writing romancey mushy stuff)

Haha. In all the contests I entered, I was most proud of my first one. That one was really inspired and taken from a piece I am still considering possibly trying to publish in future. Hmm. The second one was a bit...uninspired but i tried to go with it. The third one was pretty decent IMO. This one is downright horrible. I might have been drunk off tiredness, if that's what you mean.

Anyway, screw it, I'll do better next time, hopefully. Sorry fer, well, wasting your time. Maybe some people are even more bored than you that they'd think this was better than doing nothing, but haha that doesn't help at all.

Yup. Not at all.

Hmm. I feel like i'm rambling. Anyway, To summarize, I'm not so petty as to hate you for honest criticism, even if you are...well, amazingly blunt. I admit, it did hurt a bit to read it, but well, it's for my own improvement so i appreciate it. you wrote it at the risk of me hating you, which in the end wasn't even a risk because i'm not that much of a petty person.

Welp. Now that i think about it i could have developed it better. I suppose. I need to go brush up my skills, I can't publish shit like this and expect to earn anything.

I suppose I won't really be on here anymore for a while til the next contest, so have fun I suppose.


Don't say that. We will always welcome you in the Writing Section and the Writer's Lounge. I will post a parody of your entry by the end of the this week right after finishing a book review. (I do apologise for the delay.)

I say this with all seriousness that I liked your entry. It is good to have a bad ending for a change. You can ask Dawn of Dark how I interpreted his story.


Welp, I'd love to see that, Haha. A crazy plot made even crazier? That'd be a thing to behold.

But really, I generally am only on here for contests and such, I post on fanfiction for my ongoing fics.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
I don't REEEAAALLLYYYY care THAT much...As long as it's good.

But I generally watch ones with people around teenage times to make it slightly more...nostalgic, perhaps?

I dunno. Like, High school settings mostly have them at teenagers, right? And yet, also in Hentai, they're all 18+...so...
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
Spoiler:
Dawn_of_Dark wrote...
I haven't had time to read the entries until now. But I sure can see what I have been missing.

It wasn't great.

I think yours this year, overall, seems lazy and rushed to me. No matter how the others have praised the piece, I think you have quite taken the downhill way in your writing. I actually feel like you were drunk while writing this, lol

Firstly, the storyline. I don't think it was good. Simple, to the point of blandness, predictable, unoriginal, are what I thought of the piece after I read it. I mean, readers could have seen all the story before it even began... The middle part when you mentioned references to your previous works, which I have read them all so I can understand what you were trying to do, but it wasn't great, or even necessary, because it doesn't contribute any plot to the actual story that was being told. The story overall feels slow and doesn't really feel like anything cool to me. You could have pushed the pace a bit and made room for more plot and stuffs. The ending? Don't get me started. Seems like the author doesn't think of not only the beginning, the structure of the story, but the ending as well.

Secondly, the grammar and the use of English. What's with the capped words? I can cope with weirdly structured sentences, but messed up, capped letters in the middle of the sentences is just a punch to my eyes. Over-usage of phrases like "You bastard you" or "happy, so happy" is a big minus for me, too.

Thirdly, the characters. If I ask you right now "what do you remember from Wil?" or "Who's the character Wil?", what will you have to answer? I would only say "He's a dead guy, whose family are also dead, with impressionability issue because he gets overly happy for some reasons when he just meet random people out on the streets." And he wished them good luck in their relationship? I mean, who gives a f*ck in front of who are entwining in his/ her hands in her lover's. And I would not be wrong, because that is basically what one would know of Wil from the story. Let's say I accept that he gets happy for nothing, then happy how? You didn't say how happy he was feeling. Just "happy, so happy". There's no backgrounds on the characters whatsoever. She who? Didn't even have a name for 'the girlfriend'. Mark suffers the same fate. Their lives? Their ambitions? Their reasons for coming to Earth? Readers didn't get any of that. Btw, did Wil really just walk all over town all morning, because you didn't told us he had gone anywhere else, getting overly happy and then run through the town again in the evening? He shouldn't have died because he would make a great marathoner. Then at least reader would know what he could have become.

Final Comments:
Far below the standards that were set by your last piece from the winter contest, which I really enjoyed, and I'm sorry to say this, but this one sucks. I'm also sorry if I offended you with my straightforwardness, which I think I would. You could have scrapped the current middle part and replace with something richer in content. Compared to your previous works, I think this one was really lazy, or if not, then really badly thought out. You could have just posted for the sake of participating, but if you're gonna give us something to read, and nobody read because you ask, then I don't want to read a boring story like this. Your old ones are way better.

But in my fashion, good luck to you as well in the poll.

leonard267 wrote...
Some rambles.


You like it because it's like yours, lol!

I actually like the ideas you suggested to AZA, though. I laughed hard when I read those ideas.



Haha, Harsh.

But well, I can definitely see where you're coming from. I was kind of pressed for time, and I was kind of wondering how to fill the middle part so I just went ahead and put references, which kind of made no real sense whatsoever, anyhow.

Hmm. You are a bit blunt, But i always appreciate your critique. Haha. This WAS rushed. And i'm never really good at portraying a sad end as much as a happy end so, Well, you know. Hah, Excuses.

Hmm. Well, what can i say? It's not as well developed or structured or, hell, as inspired as my previous works. Inspiration plays a big part in the success of a story too, IMO. Man, I just wish there was a contest for Valentines Day or something, because I think i'd have a good piece for that. (I tend to fare better writing romancey mushy stuff)

Haha. In all the contests I entered, I was most proud of my first one. That one was really inspired and taken from a piece I am still considering possibly trying to publish in future. Hmm. The second one was a bit...uninspired but i tried to go with it. The third one was pretty decent IMO. This one is downright horrible. I might have been drunk off tiredness, if that's what you mean.

Anyway, screw it, I'll do better next time, hopefully. Sorry fer, well, wasting your time. Maybe some people are even more bored than you that they'd think this was better than doing nothing, but haha that doesn't help at all.

Yup. Not at all.

Hmm. I feel like i'm rambling. Anyway, To summarize, I'm not so petty as to hate you for honest criticism, even if you are...well, amazingly blunt. I admit, it did hurt a bit to read it, but well, it's for my own improvement so i appreciate it. you wrote it at the risk of me hating you, which in the end wasn't even a risk because i'm not that much of a petty person.

Welp. Now that i think about it i could have developed it better. I suppose. I need to go brush up my skills, I can't publish shit like this and expect to earn anything.

I suppose I won't really be on here anymore for a while til the next contest, so have fun I suppose.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
Dawn_of_Dark wrote...
Here I am having my spirit washing down the drain pipe because I failed once again T_T

Good luck to the people who are in this poll, and congratulate the ones who have passed the first, FGRaptor, HumbugsAssociate and mibuchiha. I have read their entries and they sure are deserved to advance.


Hey man, Don't let it get you down. I mean, There's always next time (Might sound like a stupid consolation, but...) We can always improve and try again next time, yeah?

I mean, Look at my crap entry this year. I definitely could have done better, And so i am in the midst of regret, kind of. But I figured i oughta start reposting on Fanfiction again (updating) and improving so that I can make a success like the first time I made the finals back in...er, few years ago.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
That's nice. Playing games for charity.

I'd do that too if I had the skill to speedrun anything, but I'm just a casual gamer, haha.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
Hmm. Congrats to those who made it past poll 1~

and of course, best of luck to those in poll 2 as well! Let's hope all your work on the story pays off.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
Hmm. Well, Good luck, guys.

Haha, I just wish I wrote a better piece now that I see myself in the polls. But oh well, no one to blame but myself. I'll improve and hopefully do better the next time.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
Looks Like i'm not in this one...
If i have time I'll vote after a quick read/review of the works listed...
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
Cinia Pacifica wrote...
With this many Fakku Writers around now, we should hold a contest between these recognized and talented writers, one of these days.


What does one need to accomplish to be one of those "Recognized" or "Talented" writers, though? That qualification sounds a bit...vague.

I think a contest like this is fine, new talent is always welcome too.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
leonard267 wrote...
Make it more nonsensical! This is leonard267 writing! Will be parodying your entry very soon perhaps by the day after tomorrow! So many entries...


You go ahead and make it nonsensical, then, yeah?
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
Well...Sometimes I get bored beyond belief and have nothing else I feel like doing, nothing like booting up a nice game to pass the time.

That or I've recently started a new game/series that I just HAVE to finish.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
I truly haven't been on here in ages, haha.

And yeah, I was wondering if Rise might put out any stories, But i guess not, this time.

Welp, Good luck to all in the contest!
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
FGRaptor wrote...
Winter... Winter never changes.

But maybe AZA’s writing does? Has it taken a turn for the worse? I do remember your entry from last year, which I liked a lot. I think the writing was more proficient then. With your choice of words and sentence structure this story seems lazier and more rushed.

I won’t go into detail regarding grammar since I’ve done a lot of that today, feel free to look at my other feedback comments if you care. The issues here are mostly sentence structure and choice of words – it reads like a piece that’s been rushed out. There are repetitions (I did, I did, I did – which is an issue of the first-person narrator, but it can be circumvented), and strange capitalizations throughout. Some words are in full caps, some are capitalized in the middle of a sentence.

It also feels fragmented overall. After almost every sentence is a line break, slowing down the flow of the text.

I found his wish for a white Christmas quite amusing. He cursed in the enticing intro and when I read the wish a few paragraphs down I couldn’t help but laugh, since I knew he was going to regret this later.

The story is structured well and the protagonist is fairly well developed, though more details could help paint a better picture. You say he replies to Mark, whose message was just like him – this tells us something about Mark (I somehow knew what was gonna happen), but we don’t see our protagonist’s reply – which would have told us something about him. He also says his girlfriend is a †˜lovely girl’ – tell us how she is lovely. Knowing why he finds her lovely tells us not just about her, but also about him.


Final Thoughts:

So, has it gotten worse? Was it horrible? I don’t think so. This was an enjoyable read – at least until the end. I have to agree that the ending is not very well done. It doesn’t really make much sense for him to die. I don’t mind a bad ending, but this one just feels a bit lazy.

Stylistically not much has changed from last year’s entry. This story does however feel more rushed as I mentioned above. It could be more concise and more detailed. The dialogue and the middle part in general also felt a bit unreal. While I like the idea of referencing your stories, it somehow broke up the vision I had of this story a bit. The dialogue also felt forced, but this was partly true for the entire piece. Especially in the middle the protagonist seems to be overly happy, which we are told basically in every sentence.

But winter never changes.


Yup. I guess that was the biggest problem for me, There was word limit and also I barely had time to really do much with this due to how busy I am. I'll probably have to get back into the writing groove and update my Fanfics more to improve.

Still, I really appreciate the review. It's great to see someone noticed exactly what I was wondering. That some parts were just bad.

But, Well, you liked the starting? That's great. The middle part was just for fun, mostly, And was kind of setting up how he was going to get his happiness totally crushed so much that he turns suicidal.

But yes, I knew that ending was nonsensical. I didn't know what to do with it, TBH.

And Yeah I suppose i missed out some details I could have added, and again i would blame the word limit but i guess it's also my own incompetence.

Hmm. If only I could get a contest with a good theme...One that actually gave me true inspiration. That would be awesome, kind of like the original first contest i entered.

But welp, Doesn't matter, thanks a lot for the review. I'll keep the words in mind for next time.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
high_time wrote...
AssasinZAssasin wrote...

Maybe. I am a self proclaimed VN expert so maybe bad ends influenced me of some sort.

And yes, when i originally planned this i was thinking of doing a happy end too. But then i realised i already covered the "Companionship" feeling in my previous story, So i just decided to give it a bad end.

Yes, Thanks for the opinion. I tried my best to convey his feelings without being too...overbearing. And quite possibly that too, I mostly write mushy nice happy Vanilla stories. But this was an...interesting writing experience. I might do more haha.

Thanks.


your welcome. I for myself believe that the change of tone and feel in the writing will be a refreshing experience when you're not overdoing it too much and just take it easy =D

will look forward to more of yours in the future. for now, no need to rush and just keep your own comfortable pace.


Much thanks, And i shall endeavour to do so.
If i ever have the time, i'll be sure to check yours out...If i can.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
high_time wrote...
AssasinZAssasin wrote...

Hmm. This is one work I would put in the category of: Letting my writing brain take over my hand movements and just letting it flow. The end result?

...No idea.

I think the biggest problem I had with this was that the ending didn't really seem to fit. Like, it's nonsensical to have him just die off like that...

But I have to say I really love the part where I referenced all 3 of my previous stories. The one with Claire the homeless girl, Sora the transforming cat, and Snowy, the companion dog.
All 3 guys found their own brand of happiness...
But this 4th one suffered instead.


well I think there's the thing called Bad Endings in VN's. maybe your entry took that peculiar turn. I myself did not have a distaste for bad ends, and it gives a refreshing tone amidst the usually happy stuff commonly found.

in my opinion, it was somehow successful in giving some impact and feel about what the MC was going through. maybe it's because of your preference to vanilla stuff where everyone ends happy, that you find it much to your distaste.

don't worry about it too much.


Maybe. I am a self proclaimed VN expert so maybe bad ends influenced me of some sort.

And yes, when i originally planned this i was thinking of doing a happy end too. But then i realised i already covered the "Companionship" feeling in my previous story, So i just decided to give it a bad end.

Yes, Thanks for the opinion. I tried my best to convey his feelings without being too...overbearing. And quite possibly that too, I mostly write mushy nice happy Vanilla stories. But this was an...interesting writing experience. I might do more haha.

Thanks.

leonard267 wrote...
AssasinZAssasin wrote...

But this 4th one suffered instead.


I agree with High. This is the entry that I enjoyed the most because it has a bad ending and it is a trifle absurd as well thus it felt like one of my monologues.

I say absurd because it appears that the moral of the story is "I should get a girlfriend so that I don't die of the cold". I feel however that the moral of the story is, "You need to dress up for the winter so that you won't die from the cold". Most likely, there is no moral to this story at all just like my monologues!

You should make it more absurd Assassin. You must join the dark side. I can suggest improvements:


Start off by saying that you have no girlfriend and you are wandering around the city with your boxers on due to the emotional trauma.

I first saw a couple behaving immodestly. Some may call it a form of love. I call that being stoned and asking to be stoned.

I then saw a sadomasochistic couple full of drivel about their master-slave relationship. Some may call it a form of love. I call it sadomasochism. May they die attempting kinky sex!

Finally I saw a man with his dog. Some may call it a form of love. I call it downright bestiality!

When are you going to do an obligatory 1000 word review of my excellent entry Assassin? I know that you are obliged to go for New Year parties but I like to see your reaction to what I write.


I never planned a moral ending, unlike my first entry with John and Claire (Edit: enchanced ver. changed his name).

I can't make it too absurd, it goes against my principles haha. That's why i was really bothered, it was just too absurd.

Besides I can't very well copy you completely LOLZ. And about those "improvements"? Pfft. The 2 couples and one person with the dog are REFERENCES to my previous works.

Wil and Claire - The Greatest Gift (Ench.)
Man and Sora - Where we are least alone
Man and Dog(Snowy) - A lil thing called companionship

Seriously dude? That first one? Makes him some kind of emo cynic pfft.
Master-Slave? Er, Sora IS a cat(girl). Technically he "Owns" her as a pet.
The one with the dog? gods, it's just a pet. Bestiality, REALLY? X.x

But well it suits you, i suppose. You can go ahead and do that haha. I'm fine being halfway submerged in darkness. And half Light. Makes me feel like i've achieved equilibrium.

Still, i appreciate the review.

And about your piece...Er...When I get time. I rushed this piece out in about an hour or so.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
high_time wrote...
well, if what you posted right now was bad, I don't know how good will be your 'good' is.

honestly I have no problem reading things through from the start to end, probably much better than the previous attempts, I think.

the story was somehow related to the previous stories so I could get the big picture of it. in the end, it fits quite well with the theme and no issues with the writing itself. so yeah, well done.


Hmm. This is one work I would put in the category of: Letting my writing brain take over my hand movements and just letting it flow. The end result?

...No idea.

I think the biggest problem I had with this was that the ending didn't really seem to fit. Like, it's nonsensical to have him just die off like that...

But I have to say I really love the part where I referenced all 3 of my previous stories. The one with Claire the homeless girl, Sora the transforming cat, and Snowy, the companion dog.
All 3 guys found their own brand of happiness...
But this 4th one suffered instead.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
Been forever since I visited this place.

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/winter-contest-entry-2013-cold-winter

So...Before you read it, Fair warning...

It's absolutely ridiculous and probably doesn't make sense.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
To be honest, I have no idea what I wrote for you guys.

In fact, I feel myself that it's downright lousy. I really have not been writing for a long time and I feel like my writing quality has taken a turn, a BAD turn.

In fact, you might be scratching your head by the end thinking 'Just what in the world were you thinking, AZA?' or something, Hah.

Not even mentioning passing round 1 in this contest, I just joined for fun. I haven't been on here for ages after all. Some R&R is enough for me than placing anywhere.

It gets like...Super predictable at some point about what will happen.

(The middle part are just references to my previous works)

Still, I'd appreciate your thoughts on it, even if it's criticism, haha. It's just...BAD. But if it's bad, why am i posting it? Who knows, I might be high today.

WARNING: What you are about to read is absolutely ridiculous, and I claim no responsibility for damages whatsoever to your precious brain XD.



Spoiler:
Cold Winter

Winter… What’s the first thing you think about when you see this word? Well, most people might say that, oh it’s Christmas, right? Or maybe, some people might perhaps just complain and say that the winter chill is just downright COLD.

That doesn’t really matter to me, not now,anyway.....Betrayed by the 2 people closest to my heart, All I can feel is the numbing cold as I trudge through the Icy streets of my hometown.

Why am I so depressed? Good question, right? Other than the fact that the COLD winter promises to freeze my limbs and quite possibly give me frostbite. Then again, maybe just dying in the cold like this might make me better off…I just don’t care anymore. I feel like, I'm somehow starting to understand all those suicidal “Idiots”. You feel like you can’t “Feel” anymore, and you just want to end all suffering.

Eventually, I guess my body just…gave out. I fell backwards and hit my head against the wall. Nothing is going my way today, is it? I feel numb all over, that it wasn’t even pain at all. I didn’t want to think anymore.

As I stared up towards the sky, it started snowing. Heh, now if only an icicle would drop down and stab me, which might be JUST PERFECT. I sighed as I thought about pointless things.

A White Christmas, eh? Funny. Just this morning, I was wishing we would have a lovely white Christmas…Now I just wish it’d hurry up and bury me under snow so I can just leave peacefully.

Yes. A Cold, Dead body, buried under mounds of Snow. Wonder what THEY would say if they saw it? Not that they would care.

So, I figure I should clue you in, yeah? Exactly HOW BAD this day was for me?

Actually, Who am I even talking to? Maybe the events of today made me start throwing out random soliloquies, But who knows?



It was a fine morning, on Christmas day and as soon as the morning sun gently shone over me, I woke up.

As I yawned, I received a message from my beloved girlfriend telling me about how excited she was to see me today.

Actually, I myself am very excited. Like, really, because I’ve loved her for so long and now that we’re finally going out, I wanted to make this a memorable Christmas day.

As I opened the window and peered out, I felt a chilly breeze blow past me. It was probably extremely cold since all I had on were my boxers, but I couldn’t feel it. I was just so happy for today.

“You know, I wish it would be a White Christmas…That’d be great.” I mumbled to myself before chuckling under my breath.

I pulled out my phone and checked my mail.

The reservation I made for that hotel really cost me a lot, but I think it’ll be worth it. I mean, it’s for Christmas night; no doubt the price would be sky high.

I laughed to myself before closing my phone. But before I put it away, it rang again.

I pulled it out, and I saw that my best buddy Mark sent me a message.

“Sup, You bastard, you? Hah, Jokes Aside, Merry Christmas, Wil!” – Mark

…Well, The usual Mark.

After replying him, I jumped back into my bed and lay down.

I pulled out my phone and stared at a picture of my girlfriend. She really is such a…Lovely girl.

I was giddy and totally head over heels for her. And to think that she accepted to go out with me those few months ago and that she’d meet me and spend Christmas night with me…

I’m just so happy. It’s pure bliss, really.

And just on a side note, I also didn’t jack off for a week in anticipation of today!

In fact, I never told Mark or any of my buddies, for that matter, that I have a girlfriend. Heh, I’d love to tell him one day and watch him go red with jealousy.

I decided that I’d get ready for the day. First, I’ll have to make a trip to the bank…I have to make sure she has a nice dinner to get her into the mood, yeah?



Since the event was only at night, I just wandered about town today with a silly grin plastered all over my face.

I wonder if I’ll run into any more couples today? I mean, I really should share this bliss with more people!

As I paced through town, I actually saw a bunch of people.

First, I passed by a man and a girl who looks slightly younger than him walking together. They don’t exactly look…Very well off, but they looked really happy.

“Wil, its Christmas. Do you remember what happened last Christmas?” The girl asked her companion.

The man looked back at her and smiled.

“Of course, Claire, how could I forget? It’s the same day I picked you up. That day, right when I felt life had no real meaning left…I found you. And you’re the reason I live for now, Claire…” He smiled and kissed her forehead.

“I’m glad too…I never thought that the somewhat creepy mister who suddenly offered me a place to live was so…Kind. I guess I really got lucky, huh?” She said rather softly as she embraced him.

They passed me by and I smiled. Looks like they’re happy even without that much material possessions, eh?

“I really hope your love lasts forever.” I sincerely wished from the bottom of my heart for them.

I mean, I was hoping to have such happiness too someday. Possibly after tonight, I might have such a loving relationship?

I continued to walk onward, happy at what I saw.

The next couple I passed…was pretty unique. It was a girl with Nekomimi and a tail, clinging onto her companion as he looked slightly troubled.

“Geez, Sora, how many times do I have to tell you not to cling to me like that?” The guy complained.

She rubbed her cheek against his arm and mewed.

“Because I love you, Master, that’s why!” She declared.

“Haah…Really, you…” He just smiled in resignation.

It was a heartwarming sight. It always makes me happy to see such happiness.
When I think about how that might be me and my girlfriend…I got so happy I couldn’t help it.

I figured I should walk a bit more before going to our scheduled meeting spot.

Next, I passed by a man walking his dog. He was alone with the dog, but he was smiling happily.

“Snowy, are you feeling alright? We’ll go home now and I promise to cook you a nice, meaty meal, yeah? Just like when I met you this time last year…” He smiled and petted the dog.

Woof!

The dog tackled him and started licking his face all over.

“Ahaha! No! Snowy, stoop! Hahaha! Oh, it tickles! You lil bastard you!” He yelled in a happy voice.

He started ruffling the dog’s fur all over as they rolled around in the Snow, smiling and laughing the entire time.

I guess that this man had found a different kind of love, one called companionship.

I smiled, and decided it was about time to go meet up with her.



I waited at the park, all smiles and chuckling to myself.

I looked around; there were couples here and there, and some guys staring at their watches.

I was happy thinking that I was just like them, waiting for my date to show up.
Yes. I was happy, just so…Happy.

Minutes passed, I started humming a tune in my head. Man, the music from that game is really catchy…

Minutes turned to hours, as I looked at my watch.

Gee, I wonder if she’s caught up with her parents or something? I mean, she did tell me it was no problem, but…

I sighed in resignation and smiled. I have the whole damn day!

Hours passed…The tick of the clock in the park got louder and soon began resounding in my head.

As I looked around from the bench, the other men who were waiting eventually left one by one as their date came up to them, smiled a cute smile and asked for them to forgive them for being late.

I smiled at those scenes. I mean, if she did something that cute to me, I would probably forgive her too.

All the way from late Noon to late night, I waited and waited, painfully, for her to show up.

As I saw the last waiting man leave with his lover, all smiles…I realized that I was truly alone, in the sense of the word in its entirety. The park is empty…

I looked at my phone…No mail, nothing.

Eventually I got really worried, so I decided to drop by her house to see if she’s alright.

However…Nothing could have prepared me for what I was to witness next.



As I arrived at her doorstep, the entire place was quiet. As I was pondering about the idea that she might not be home, I heard faint moaning in the distance. It sounded like it came from inside…

As much as I do not want to even entertain the possibility…

I opened the door with her spare key and entered. The voice was getting louder…
My heart was beating fast.

Could it be?

I walked over to her bedroom, and I could tell without a doubt that it was her voice.

I begged with all I had to any god that exists, that she was just masturbating, or doing something suggestive…alone…

I opened the door.

It was…Her. And she wasn’t alone.

Apparently, they both noticed me and looked over.

She seemed shocked, while Mark looked confused.

……

The silence hung in the air. I turned around…And started running for all I was worth.

“W-Wait! Wil! I can explain!” She shouted to me, but it fell on deaf ears.

That scene was burned into my irises, and no matter how much I close my eyes, it would not disappear. As I stumbled across the house, smashing into the walls, tripping on the stairs...For some reason, I could not feel any pain at all.

I ran through the city, ignoring the buzzing of my phone. Ignoring the shouts of people I bumped into…

All the time, the cold winter wind blew past, threatening to freeze the teardrops falling down my face.

I knew. No matter how much I try to deny it…

It was over. She betrayed me…

Not only her, but Mark too…My best…friend…

I eventually ran out of energy, and stopped running, panting the entire time as tears flew freely.



So, that’s my situation now.

If I had a cigarette, I’d be puffing it out, looking all cool and shit after a sad story, but nope. I’m just pathetically stuck on the ground as the snow began to pile up.

As I remembered the events of today, tears began to flow again.

I could feel the winter’s icy touch on my skin, as the sensation travelled throughout my body; numbing my limbs…I could feel my face turning blue.

I looked up at the sky…The starry night sky. So beautiful, really…

I closed my eyes as the snow level continued to rise.

I could feel my consciousness fading…

“Looks like I’ll be able to meet you guys again soon…Mum, Dad, Sis as well…” I mumbled with the last of my energy.

What a pathetic way to go. Dying in the middle of the street, clothed in nothing but a loose shirt and torn pants.

Pathetic reason too…But for now, I didn’t care.

I didn’t care…Not anymore.

I’d embrace it…A new life, a new beginning…Death, too, is but a blessing.

As I thought that, I felt the cool winter breeze once again…Before I closed my eyes, never to open them again.

THE END


Not counting "The End", it should be about 1998 words. This includes the title so without the title it would be 1996 words.

So, Horrible, right? What was I thinking? Predictable to the end, too, seriously. If you actually read it...Haha, thanks.

I just hope none of my known followers read this. They'd be like "What Happened to you, AZA? What happened to the legendary(my friends called me this before) author?"
Haha...Sorry guys.
AssasinZAssasin Not Hentai Protagonist
11 years ago
luinthoron wrote...
Nice, thank you! And congratulations to the other winners! :D


Yo congrats, And also congrats to all the other winners.

And more contests like that would be cool, who would say no to a free lotto, right?
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