TheDarkStarAlchemist Posts
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
leonard267 wrote...
There is a reason why he is celebrated so I will still say that you are missing out. I am merely making a recommendation out of goodwill. This person is saying that this is a good author, this is a good journalist.I love an argument so I hope you would excuse me. Then, one isn't in a position to agree or disagree if one doesn't celebrate that festival. The word to use is most likely 'sympathise' to split hairs or understand the argument behind it. Now, this paragraph has less goodwill in it.
That said, what are your tastes in reading?
And the reason is? From the sample you've shown, he is nothing special.
Don't worry, I love arguments just as much, if not more. Yes, 'sympathize' is more accurate. Pardon my lack of vocabulary.
I can't pin in down to a specific category, but Brave New World is among the top of my list.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
So, what if he is some celebrated journalist? All I know is I agree with the annoyance he expressed in how others celebrate it. I do not find his writing to be anything remarkable.
And to answer, I do not celebrate it. I am agreeing only to the extent that whether I do or don't, I have to see and hear the fireworks. And people being magically jollier in a day that is completely like any other.
And to answer, I do not celebrate it. I am agreeing only to the extent that whether I do or don't, I have to see and hear the fireworks. And people being magically jollier in a day that is completely like any other.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
I did not find it entertaining, nor do I deem it a quality work.
But I do agree about the annoyance he expressed.
But I do agree about the annoyance he expressed.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
I agree with the general sentiment, however I see nothing that could serve as an inspiration in it.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
Fuck, no next chapter.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
nope. link.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
Yeah, but not too high in the whiny gauge.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
7...
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
Can't say the poll relevantly reflects the Reader's Choice award, given the extremely poor statistics we have now...
Here's me thinking that we'd get ~100 total votes, it turns out we barely reach 10.
Here's me thinking that we'd get ~100 total votes, it turns out we barely reach 10.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
Indeed.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
Sounds like the most disgusting to me.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
I am nauseous enough with it as is.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
I'll spend the time making sure I am suitable for it.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
Not to me, as I am not seeking to become any of those.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
As I am I lack the qualities of all three.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
Some rant. Feel free to laugh at me if you think it silly. Even my intellectual side thinks it is, but fuck him. He loves EXEC_VIENA/. just as much (if not more) as my other sides do.
I put my music library at random. While I know it is just random chance (subject to whatever algorithm the RNG uses and the initial seed) I often attach some meaning to the order of songs. And it is one of the main sources of my small day-to-day surprises.
A few days back, I did something that I deemed not very proper of me to do. I suffered some agony and depression over the fact for a few days as a result. It took much thinking and meditation to come to terms about it and unify my will, and even now I still think I was playing a dangerous game with that. Unlike the past days however, I finally found the answer (as usual with me, the answer is not final) that it was one worth playing, however.
Anyway, while I was depressed and struggling to act as if everything was cool, I noticed something strange. I spent a lot more time with music due to my worse mood, but somehow Viena never came up. The whole time. Noticeably so, even taking probabilities into account, majorly because I was seeking it. I knew it was just bad luck but still, I was disappointed. But at the same time, I could not bring myself to just select it directly, because it felt like cheating, in some sense. "No, not as I currently am..." was what I thought every time I felt the temptation to do it.
Today, while I was trying to fish for votes for Ar Tonelico 2 (PM me if you intend to know more and/or help out), and being in a better mood overall, I was met with a very pleasant surprise. Finally, it found me. I closed my eyes and dropped everything I was doing right then, for I missed it so much. All the better, considering that it found me after I managed to find an answer to the baseness that I did... I focused only on immersing myself into it. It was wonderful to be reminded again why it was the song I love the most. Irrespective of whatever I am most infatuated with at the moment, deep down I know Viena exists in me. To add to the exultation, EXEC_VISIONDANCE_PLUGINs/. came not long afterward.
Now, of course, I am aware that it is silly to be so pleasantly surprised by simple probabilities... but is it not human to attach special meaning to things? Feel free to laugh, as I am too. But at the same time, I am happy.
I end this post with two lines from the song itself, the meaning slightly modified to match the omission I made, but I believe this does not alter the general meaning of the song.
Was yea erra chs ieeya en sol anw yeal,
Melenas.
I will be eternally happy to turn into hope and its shining rays,
For I will always love you.
I put my music library at random. While I know it is just random chance (subject to whatever algorithm the RNG uses and the initial seed) I often attach some meaning to the order of songs. And it is one of the main sources of my small day-to-day surprises.
A few days back, I did something that I deemed not very proper of me to do. I suffered some agony and depression over the fact for a few days as a result. It took much thinking and meditation to come to terms about it and unify my will, and even now I still think I was playing a dangerous game with that. Unlike the past days however, I finally found the answer (as usual with me, the answer is not final) that it was one worth playing, however.
Anyway, while I was depressed and struggling to act as if everything was cool, I noticed something strange. I spent a lot more time with music due to my worse mood, but somehow Viena never came up. The whole time. Noticeably so, even taking probabilities into account, majorly because I was seeking it. I knew it was just bad luck but still, I was disappointed. But at the same time, I could not bring myself to just select it directly, because it felt like cheating, in some sense. "No, not as I currently am..." was what I thought every time I felt the temptation to do it.
Today, while I was trying to fish for votes for Ar Tonelico 2 (PM me if you intend to know more and/or help out), and being in a better mood overall, I was met with a very pleasant surprise. Finally, it found me. I closed my eyes and dropped everything I was doing right then, for I missed it so much. All the better, considering that it found me after I managed to find an answer to the baseness that I did... I focused only on immersing myself into it. It was wonderful to be reminded again why it was the song I love the most. Irrespective of whatever I am most infatuated with at the moment, deep down I know Viena exists in me. To add to the exultation, EXEC_VISIONDANCE_PLUGINs/. came not long afterward.
Now, of course, I am aware that it is silly to be so pleasantly surprised by simple probabilities... but is it not human to attach special meaning to things? Feel free to laugh, as I am too. But at the same time, I am happy.
I end this post with two lines from the song itself, the meaning slightly modified to match the omission I made, but I believe this does not alter the general meaning of the song.
Was yea erra chs ieeya en sol anw yeal,
Melenas.
I will be eternally happy to turn into hope and its shining rays,
For I will always love you.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
Damn, both that I want to vote for (without being a narcissistic bastard) are not in the same poll as me.
And there are only two polls. I'll just refrain for now. Sheesh.
And there are only two polls. I'll just refrain for now. Sheesh.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
Thank you for the wonderful comments.
Uh oh.
Can you clarify why? The story was written from the perspective of Tarou's inner mind and the chat is presented in the same way as spoken dialogue because it was all the same to him; exchanges of thoughts.
Yeah, I totally agree that Tarou could use more explaining. The lack of explanation for Aiko was intentional to a degree because as I mentioned above, this work follows Tarou's thoughts. Note how Tarou only remarked about the things she told him in passing... to him, they were boring. Not boring because she was a boring person, as if that was the case he wouldn't have liked her, but boring in the sense of everyone having such a story behind them. In this regard he saw her (and everyone else and most importantly, himself) as nobody special. That was why he only told her things about him that 'seem personal' to her... to him, they were not. They were merely events in his past. Facts, so to speak.
No, it did happen. I don't understand how you read it as he was imagining things... the meeting happened. They did spend a day together. Maybe again, because it was remarked only in passing, but that is just the way Tarou is.
Yeah, Kouji is another part that I should've explained more about. It was my limitations as a writer, but I found it difficult to decide which to explain and which to omit. Originally it followed a third person perspective with some fleshing out, but that went easily past 4k so I had to scrap it. After some thinking I decided to simply write it Tarou-like and that still reached 2.5k... so after some pruning (perhaps excessive?) I ended with the current version, at 199x.
Glad that you liked it.
There are some issues with sentence structure, poor choice of words, and punctuation in parts, but language seems fine to me overall, so I won’t go into too much detail here.
Uh oh.
I don’t think presenting the chat based dialogue in the form of normal dialogue works. It should be written more like chat messages – especially in its form. This wouldn’t be such a big problem if there was only chat message dialogue here, but there is real dialogue as well – between Tarou and Kouji – which is presented in the same way.
Can you clarify why? The story was written from the perspective of Tarou's inner mind and the chat is presented in the same way as spoken dialogue because it was all the same to him; exchanges of thoughts.
What cheapens the story for me is the lack of detail. The important parts of the story are told in bulky paragraphs, but we get no specifics. We are only told that there are specifics – but not what they actually are. Events from his childhood, his teenage years – well, what happened? Let us know some events – this is content. This is what drives the conversation – which we do not see for some reason – and what drives the actions towards the climax.
The same is done when Aiko talks – again we see no details. We are told that Tarou finds out how it came to be and how it ended – but why don’t you just say exactly how it came to be and how it ended? You missed a great chance to grow the characters here. The same goes for Tarou’s whereabouts and the character’s occupations, as others have noted. These are details that are needed in such a story that depends on characters and their relationships.
The same is done when Aiko talks – again we see no details. We are told that Tarou finds out how it came to be and how it ended – but why don’t you just say exactly how it came to be and how it ended? You missed a great chance to grow the characters here. The same goes for Tarou’s whereabouts and the character’s occupations, as others have noted. These are details that are needed in such a story that depends on characters and their relationships.
Yeah, I totally agree that Tarou could use more explaining. The lack of explanation for Aiko was intentional to a degree because as I mentioned above, this work follows Tarou's thoughts. Note how Tarou only remarked about the things she told him in passing... to him, they were boring. Not boring because she was a boring person, as if that was the case he wouldn't have liked her, but boring in the sense of everyone having such a story behind them. In this regard he saw her (and everyone else and most importantly, himself) as nobody special. That was why he only told her things about him that 'seem personal' to her... to him, they were not. They were merely events in his past. Facts, so to speak.
The ending was a bit confusing and underwhelming. In the next-to-last scene there is talk of the appointed date coming closer, then it’s the end of a day, and Tarou has Aiko sleeping in his embrace… I assume he was imagining what might happen here? In the last scene we find out that it’s still before the appointed date and they have not yet met and Tarou cancels the meeting.
No, it did happen. I don't understand how you read it as he was imagining things... the meeting happened. They did spend a day together. Maybe again, because it was remarked only in passing, but that is just the way Tarou is.
I find this to be a very relatable story. It is enjoyable to read and well written. As the story is dependent on the characters and their relationships (especially Tarou and Aiko – but also Tarou and Kouji, he is, after all, the only person Tarou can touch) it would be better to have more details about them revealed so the reader can relate to them more easily and get attached to them.
Yeah, Kouji is another part that I should've explained more about. It was my limitations as a writer, but I found it difficult to decide which to explain and which to omit. Originally it followed a third person perspective with some fleshing out, but that went easily past 4k so I had to scrap it. After some thinking I decided to simply write it Tarou-like and that still reached 2.5k... so after some pruning (perhaps excessive?) I ended with the current version, at 199x.
Glad that you liked it.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
How big a set needs to be to count?
Clarisse is the only female main character who are shown to be a thinker in Farenheit 451. That sounds like a set.
Clarisse is the only female main character who are shown to be a thinker in Farenheit 451. That sounds like a set.
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
Thanks for the comments. In the interest of the contest I will not edit the entry for the errors pointed out.
This, I don't fully understand though. "People write about something," said CoffeePrince. "And never finish the thought in a coherent clause." That seems like a complete thought to me. I will agree that it's not the most grammatically correct sentence though, but as far as completeness goes, I see no problem whatsoever.
@leo:
Staying within the limit was not as easy as I thought. Well I doubt I would write more on the sex regardless, but I agree the whole thing could use more fleshing out.
Finally, I wanted to say your story was good. I enjoyed it a lot. I would say expand on it when you can, clean out the slower parts when you read it, and for the LOVE OF GOD use commas before a quote. I have issues when. "People write about something," said CoffeePrince. "and never finish the thought in a coherent clause.
This, I don't fully understand though. "People write about something," said CoffeePrince. "And never finish the thought in a coherent clause." That seems like a complete thought to me. I will agree that it's not the most grammatically correct sentence though, but as far as completeness goes, I see no problem whatsoever.
@leo:
Staying within the limit was not as easy as I thought. Well I doubt I would write more on the sex regardless, but I agree the whole thing could use more fleshing out.