umnut Posts
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Ah, what a tragic tale, Assasin. I didn't expect such an unfortunate set of circumstances, honestly. It has a good back-story, and even teaches a nice moral lesson. I wish it was sweeter and our protagonist could be together with Claire, but sadly I suppose this is an impossibility as the story is. I suppose I wish there was a bit more about who did it, was it his friend who betrayed him or did ANGA catch him on his way? As well, what became of him directly after and how did he live out the rest of his life? I suppose these will go unanswered.
Those things aside, it was great that you managed to develop this for the contest. It pleased me to read your writing again. Well done.
Those things aside, it was great that you managed to develop this for the contest. It pleased me to read your writing again. Well done.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
xninebreaker wrote...
November is coming soon and so is National Novel Writing Month, NaNoWriMo for short. High showed me this some years ago and I've been at it every year afterwards. The main idea is to try to write a 50k novel within the month of November. It's a pretty fun challenge!http://nanowrimo.org/
Maybe this will be the year...but I need to think about the content. I would really like to, I really would...I'll make an effort. I have a couple novel ideas, I just have to settle on one and expand on the story.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
The Logophile wrote...
Xenon and others, I request that you do not voluntarily embroil yourselves in this, esp. you Xenon, because I know that you're a mediator.Believe you me, it is quite difficult reading it while it happens, however even if I wanted to mediate, I cannot be effective in this particular argument revolving around opinions about the doctrine of literary structure. I have my own opinions, and although they do favor structure, I do believe it is permissible of the author to break the rules if they are of a decent enough proficiency to understand why, thus making a statement with their breach, so it is with purpose.
I do not support ignorance; it is wonderful to learn new tactics within the grammar and structure of writing so that our minds are broadened with an increase in possibilities and tools at our disposal. With that point in mind, I support your effort to explain yourself and attempt to defend the reasoning of literary structure.
However, the reason it is difficult for me to properly analyze why this conversation is going in a negative direction is because it is confusing to me from the direction of both sides.
I do not think GroverCleaveland truly believes in everything he is saying here, but to suggest he is trolling you isn't exactly accurate either. He's one of the more proficient writers we have and even though he enjoys bending the rules, he adheres to most quite well in his works that I've seen. Plus, he's a good friend of mine here and has been around just about as long as I have, and although of course that doesn't make him invulnerable to criticism, I think a certain amount of respect is due, not merely because of his veteran status, but because he is intelligent enough to warrant it, from what I know. Why he is avoiding a lot of your points is beyond me; really, I do not know. Perhaps he merely doesn't have the time or doesn't want to waste the time of discussing it, as I know he is usually busy with the life he is living elsewhere, thus why he goes on long hiatuses away from the forums.
You are someone I respect and even though you are a more recent member, I see an incredibly large amount of potential from your vast knowledge of grammar, vocabulary, and diction. It is my honest opinion that even though we have a few great regulars in this subforum, our knowledge pales in comparison to yours and causes us to appear more like casual hobbyists, honestly. Because of that, I know that you have a great amount to share with us and teach us. I support your efforts to do so as well.
What I do not support is your seemingly disproportional reaction to a response that is less than you would have liked to receive. I understand if it might be frustrating, but there is nothing grossly incandescent about insulting the intelligence of someone else by the use of rage faces/memes with insulting gestures, claiming to go no-holds-barred, removing yourself from association to your debate opponent even if they may be using a word out of habit ('dude' is really more of a neutral word for someone rather than a status of friendship, even for someone you don't know, at least around my area), and in general just responding like an asshole.
I suppose that's why it was difficult for me to step in, but I suppose I did anyway after you wisely called me out as spectating. This might not be something as simple to respond to as blatant racism, but know that it is difficult because it's between two people I respect. It takes someone with wisdom to maintain that respect for another even when chiding their negative behavior. I do not see that wisdom within your response, at least not in the more hostile parts. It just sucks to see two people I think would otherwise have great interactions make unnecessary negative impressions to each other.
I'll just say this before I back out of this argument, but do you know why I take it upon myself to act as mediator when I deem it necessary? I don't see myself as some greater or wiser judicator of proper conduct, nor some white knight of righteousness. I merely am a human being, like you, who understands the value of treating your fellow with the utmost respect, even if they did nothing to deserve it, and perhaps even if they did something not to deserve it, because I feel we are all owed that respect from each other. Obviously there are people who disagree with this, and I understand that position, but I cannot help but feel that if we all acted in this manner then we would create a better, friendlier, safer environment to learn and teach each other in. That's what I'm asking from you here. We must all do our part to better the society we have contact with on-line and off-line, and sometimes we must do more.
As you were, gentlemen.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
Their deep purpureal stones had fallen, as legend predicts, from the empyreal empire three days before their ceremony
Sounds pretty and all, but what the hell is going on?
I interpreted it that purple gems fell from the sky (empyreal empire likely implying heaven) before their "wedding" signifying the gods' acceptance of their union. It's a bit supernatural, but not hard to understand. Obviously stuff like that doesn't happen in our world, but this is an entirely different one with a background of fantasy.
That is my interpretation, but perhaps The Logophile can provide more if he wants.
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
With the ships moored and soldiers gone, he surreptitiously debarked.
The soldiers left their slaves unguarded, and he was able to make his way back to his village without hassle? I find that hard to swallow.
I actually noticed this plot hole, and it did bother me slightly, though I didn't find it an impossibility.
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
Xenon wrote...
It's hard to believe this is a story of its own and not part of some larger epic.I don't think so. It starts and ends at the river, and the main issue is resolved.
I didn't mean to imply that it wasn't complete on its own, but that there was a sufficient amount of lore and back-story to allow for more content, and that the amount presented is enough to warrant the desire to read more. Similar to your own story, I would say.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
The Logophile wrote...
Yeah, I asked myself, "is there a verb form of vigil?" To which I responded, "well, no, so let's make it."Coined it. Thought of encomium, then slapped on the adjectival -ous suffix.
Nah, I mean amoranths: amor (Latin for love) + amaranth. I created the portmanteau early on.
I appreciate the gall within your innovation, though I think the plural of amaranthus is still amaranth. Wouldn't it make sense to follow suit and say amoranth?
Also, I think it's worth calling attention to since it's easy to miss with the bright red font in a blind spot from my comment, but if you'll look slightly before that comment about the amoranths is the insertion of "a." I'm not sure if you feel the same way I do, but I hate letting small typos like that slip so I did my best to locate what I could to help you. Fortunately, that seemed to be the only one I noticed, but d has a talent for finding some even I miss. I look forward to hearing his commentary on this as well.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
DatYuriThough wrote...
Thanks for your thoughts though Xenon.My pleasure to provide you with that much at least, but don't worry if it's too bothersome and deviates more than you'd like from what you intended. It is your final say in the matter for what you include in your work. As long as you make those decisions with purpose and earnest intention, that is what matters.
Best of luck on the next poem entry.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
DatYuriThough wrote...
I have the idea ingrained in my head from recent university applications that using the same title or word constantly detracts from the quality. That must have been somewhere in my unconscious mind when writing it. As for your question of fallen, if I were to continue the story the back story of the green haired girl would be she hails from a clan that opposed the calls from surrounding nations to unite in order to increase their strength. Her country resisted (this happened hundreds of years prior to this story) and the other nations united and conquered them, stripping their royal-status and subjugating them to servitude. Her bloodline is then referred to as, in a derogatory sense, the 'Fallen (Insert appropriate royal term here)' as a result. Obviously I didn't expand upon this but I'm still at the stage of drafting idea in my head.
Ah, cool to learn a bit of the back-story.
I would agree, of course, and say that using the same term constantly is too repetitive. However, I don't think this is an issue of repetition as much as it is using terms that give implications of the opposite, resulting in an error in reader comprehension that you want to avoid. Obviously you shouldn't use mistress constantly, but that using nouns other than "master" to call the primary princess would be more acceptable, for example: ruler, leader, liege. I only say so because there is controversy attached to the master-mistress combo of whether or not they are true opposites. Honestly, it is up to you and it even is acceptable as it is, but I would make motions to avoid it altogether, personally.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Very interesting and flows well at the beginning. I have a few questions in regards to some passages: Why not refer to her as a mistress constantly? The use of master, although I suppose a presumption, initiates a masculine image, although that is quickly fixed. Why is she a fallen princess? Additionally, I was about to ask if her name was Shall, but you seemed to have spotted and fixed that error.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Happy early Halloween, Fivey. Great to see a spooky submission from you.
Not the best at analyzing poetry, but I really enjoyed the beginning the most. I felt the wordplay and flow was fantastic. The story progression was interesting as well.
Thank you for gracing us with this.
Not the best at analyzing poetry, but I really enjoyed the beginning the most. I felt the wordplay and flow was fantastic. The story progression was interesting as well.
Thank you for gracing us with this.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
The Logophile wrote...
The story is 92 words over the limit, and hope that it is acceptable. I might add in the notes and an auctorial note later; although I'll leave a definition of a word I coined, oblivificient, it means "causing forget". Sorry for the long delay. I'm separating this into two posts because I can't seem to upload it without Fakku going out for maintenance.This is interesting. My submission was also exactly 92 words over the top. I asked Coffee if is was fine and he said to trim it down, but it was no big deal if I couldn't find a way to. I managed to chop it down myself, but it's up to you. Personally I see many opportunities to cut down unneeded content, but that is obviously up to your own discretion.
Also, in regards to oblivificient: oblivescence wouldn't suffice, or perhaps this is your way of adding another form to it?
I did my best to make notes as I read through it. You can find them in red below with your story copied to make navigation easier.
Spoiler:
Bravo, what a wondrous story. I could truly imagine each scene painted in a delightful array of sights and smells. It's hard to believe this is a story of its own and not part of some larger epic. Even if so, it does a great job of inducing within me the desire to know more.
I'm a sucker for happy endings, and although I suspected it might turn gloomy during some parts, I am happy to see it take a positive path and come full circle.
Marvelously done, lover of words. This was a joy to read and experience.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Cinia Pacifica wrote...
Sounds cool, but I think I'm already burned out from reading Ars Magica's rules books haha. I'll have to revisit that book for the bestiary... haha.... ugh...Do you think you'll ever be joining another RP in Fakku again?
I love reading the rulebooks and trying to make the most broken characters I can fathom. Rulebooks can be fun if you go into them looking for the things you want to use the most.
I wish I could, I really do, but I take too much time to write. My posts can seriously take the entire day to craft. When you're bouncing posts back and forth between people, it consumes a lot of time. Especially because I do my best to be thorough. Sorry, but I just prefer writing short stories at my own whim. I don't even have the time to do what I really want, let alone find the time to add an RP in my life. I will never stop speaking in support of them, however. They are the reason I became a writer, after all.
By the way, I tried to submit a thread for a Halloween writing event two weeks ago, but I got a maintenance page every time I tried to post it, so I took it as a sign and didn't post it at all. I think people wouldn't do anything what with the two-roads contest (even if it's on hiatus) being so close. It's a shame, though. I would have liked to read some spooky tales.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Cinia Pacifica wrote...
Lol I wish. Everyone fears me pulling the act of turning on pr0n. I don't have a room of my own, and my computer is placed in the freaking living room. It's a peculiar lifestyle.It's basically fantasy/magic style table-top RP. I'm only 'borrowing' mechanical ideas and rules from it. Granted, this makes my RP pseudo Art Magica RP; I adds more uniqueness at least... despite it being supposed to be dark themed.
I don't think I've ever allowed others to roll for themselves. Feels wrong. I'm surprised you'd join RPs though, even if in real life. Not sure if I've heard of Pathfinder, though.
You could always write the traditional way with good ol' pencil and paper, then transcribe it on the computer. Maybe get out of the house to do the writing?
If you're doing Ars Magica for a Madoka Magika RP, then I will laugh.
Table-top RPGs in real life is how they're traditionally done. Doing them online is difficult, though I have Skyped into sessions in the past. The issue is that the map and character/enemy placement is needed on the table, so it helps to be present.
Pathfinder is essentially a recreation of D&D 3.5-4th edition. It was created when Paizo, the makers, didn't have their contract renewed by Wizards of the Coast, the makers of D&D. So they went and created their own expanded version. They are very similar, and even legal despite those similarities.
The Logophile wrote...
Anyone know what the "Deleted Posts" in Writing and Fanfiction were? Also, I'm still in the contest. I'm almost done (80 words).Well, get on it, man! I'm very excited to see your submission.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Speaking as a patron of your services, I cannot express accurately just how deep my appreciation for all your efforts are, but I will surely try.
Thank you and the team so much for all your dedication and hard work to provide us with high quality content. It is because of the ideals that you envision that makes this process much more meaningful than a simple business exchange from some corporate machine. You, YQII, Ziggy, Sera, Jacob, even Crazy Ben and anyone else involved truly are pouring your hearts into these projects and it is plain to see. With my purchase, I know that I am voting for your success as a job well done, and also that I support and encourage the vision that you have as well.
I would just like to say that I appreciate more than anything else the vast amount of transparency you provide us. Not only is it more personal, but it helps me feel like part of the process as well and that is pleasing in its own right.
So, thank you for all your hard work and I hope to see your endeavors with these releases blossom forth into fruition.
Best of luck with these coming releases. I hope you will find your hard work worthwhile.
Thank you and the team so much for all your dedication and hard work to provide us with high quality content. It is because of the ideals that you envision that makes this process much more meaningful than a simple business exchange from some corporate machine. You, YQII, Ziggy, Sera, Jacob, even Crazy Ben and anyone else involved truly are pouring your hearts into these projects and it is plain to see. With my purchase, I know that I am voting for your success as a job well done, and also that I support and encourage the vision that you have as well.
I would just like to say that I appreciate more than anything else the vast amount of transparency you provide us. Not only is it more personal, but it helps me feel like part of the process as well and that is pleasing in its own right.
So, thank you for all your hard work and I hope to see your endeavors with these releases blossom forth into fruition.
Best of luck with these coming releases. I hope you will find your hard work worthwhile.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Cinia Pacifica wrote...
My next story - that I had in mind for the contest - had a heroine with the you-know-who personality, albeit slightly more mature. I don't know if I have a talent for writing, but I do know that I need an ideal environment to work on one.Do you think anyone still likes Ars Magica?
I imagine you could craft a great entry, you just have to force yourself into that environment. Take some time off, an hour, even half an hour, lock yourself in a room or someplace else, and just write.
About Ars Magica, I wouldn't know. Never tried it. Though I played some Pathfinder and D&D 4th edition this past year, and they're classic and going strong. D&D 5th edition is still undergoing skepticism, but it's improving. If it's going to be online, find a medium that everyone can share and have the DM control all rolls for legitimacy.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Cinia Pacifica wrote...
Uhm, which stories are we talking about? If it's the older ones from my portfolio... my head hangs in shame for them even now.Yes, I mean your earlier ones such as The Mistress of Snow, Angel, Succubus and Rise-chan's Wishes!, The Student Council President is a Tsundere. I don't know why you'd hang your head in shame from them because they really show your unique personality and interest within fictional settings in an anime world. They're genuine and that makes them great.
Sometimes we feel like we should be embarrassed about our previous creations because we made them without the knowledge we have now, but I find this folly. I look at my older works and I see a special talent that shines from them. I question if I still have that talent or if it left me, at least when it came to writing from the inspiration I had then.
So, I remember your older works with great fondness. I think you should too.
That being said, have you ever thought of writing something similar again? Utilizing your talent now to perfect a story now as you'd like?
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Cinia Pacifica wrote...
Run for your money? That an expression that my writing interests you?I just can't stand people watching and reading what I write in real life. I want to be alone when I write... but then no one wants to do that.
To give someone a run for their money is an expression meaning that you can give them competition on even grounds: http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/give+a+run+for+money
Well, usually if I ever write in real life, no one even cares that I'm writing in the first place, though I usually write in solitude, but I have written in the presence of others as well and you just need to focus on the story and eliminate mental distractions.
But you didn't answer my question. Do you think you could come up with something just like your stories from years ago? Because those were your best.
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Cinia Pacifica wrote...
Bleh, I'm throwing the towel on this contest. I kinda wanted that prize and was planning to negotiate with Coffee to have it sent to my paypal.
Turns out - however - I can't concentrate on writing at all. Putting aside the huge stack of RP'ing, VNs and Final Fantasy XIV... there are just too many people surrounding me almost all the time. It's just annoying and I can't put my mind to it due to possible peeks and insults going off about what I do IRL.
I sorta wanted to compete with you for once, Xenon.
'Tis a shame.
If it's stumbling over writer's block, then you should utilize methods to help you leap over it, such as writing exercises or prior planning with an outline. I think the beautiful thing about this contest is that it's very open ended.
Go back to the stories you wrote for the winter contest in 2010. What did you like about them? What did you do well? Can you take that inspiration and have it help serve your talent now?
I think you can, and I think you can certainly give me a run for my money.
Also, I saw leonard post in the writing section. He's alive! Where have you been, leonard?!
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
This reminds me a fair bit of Blood and Absinthe, what with the whole supernatural element mixed with a property of hedonism.
I think it's fairly good, the pure dialogue and interrogation style was handled pretty well. It was disappointing, however, that this is only one small central tidbit of a much larger piece, a piece I think needs more detail and extrapolating on, but then again I prefer stories with more description.
If this is part of a larger series, I'd be interested. The background does seem well thought out, after all.
Anyway, included in this quote are mistakes I've caught since we are permitted to reveal them for the contest. Well done.
You can bet your ass. Morgana was crafty like that. Then again, you don’t get to be a 900-year-old vampire without a couple of tricks up your sleeve. See, Elder Moroii vampires like her, they have this ability called enticing. Basically, they can make you horny as fuck with just a look or a certain combination of words. It doesn’t matter if you’re into pussy or dick either. You get so turned on, you can’t thick(think) straight. The fucking master inquisitor almost dropped his pants and started jacking it in the middle of the questioning room.
DETECTIVE DELGROSSO
Let me see if I got this straight: you’re telling us that the leading investigator for the Brooklyn murders got involved in a drug-fueled, vampire sex orgy that lasted for a month and that(then) after that he fell in love with the main suspect?
I think it's fairly good, the pure dialogue and interrogation style was handled pretty well. It was disappointing, however, that this is only one small central tidbit of a much larger piece, a piece I think needs more detail and extrapolating on, but then again I prefer stories with more description.
If this is part of a larger series, I'd be interested. The background does seem well thought out, after all.
Anyway, included in this quote are mistakes I've caught since we are permitted to reveal them for the contest. Well done.
El Chacal wrote...
LOCKEYou can bet your ass. Morgana was crafty like that. Then again, you don’t get to be a 900-year-old vampire without a couple of tricks up your sleeve. See, Elder Moroii vampires like her, they have this ability called enticing. Basically, they can make you horny as fuck with just a look or a certain combination of words. It doesn’t matter if you’re into pussy or dick either. You get so turned on, you can’t thick(think) straight. The fucking master inquisitor almost dropped his pants and started jacking it in the middle of the questioning room.
DETECTIVE DELGROSSO
Let me see if I got this straight: you’re telling us that the leading investigator for the Brooklyn murders got involved in a drug-fueled, vampire sex orgy that lasted for a month and that(then) after that he fell in love with the main suspect?
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
NutritiousGoop wrote...
But seriously, I'm in the mood for dumb ghost stories from the internet, so lay em on me.I don't really like or agree with the concept of finding "bad" writing to share because it's entirely subjective and opinion-based. Besides, it's just not a nice thing to point and laugh at someone's lack of skill in that way when they may really care about what they've done. I'd rather try to help than mock them from the safety of distance, hiding behind the knowledge that they probably won't see what I say.
However, I will share a very classic creepypasta with you, one that even creeped me out when I was an early teenager. It will help if you've played or are familiar with the concept of the GameBoy Pokemon games. It's called Pokémon Black and yes it was created before the first Black version came out.
You can read it in this spoiler here:
Spoiler:
Generally I don't really enjoy creepypastas or horror games that much, but check out the creepypasta wiki if you want to find more. Feel free to share what you come across as well.
Oh, and here's a little gift I have for you in honor of this fine Halloween season, Ms. Goop. Don't go getting any cavities from finding her in your trick-or-treat bag:
Spoiler:
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Huh, I didn't expect Danni's home to be quite so...eloquent? It certainly seems quite posh, it's interesting to see more of her personal life, though it's funny to see Chloe undermining it.
It's exciting that things seem to be taking a spooky turn, and just in time for October. Should be interesting.
It's exciting that things seem to be taking a spooky turn, and just in time for October. Should be interesting.
