Gambler Needs Some Advice and Morale Support (It's Over?)

Update: See my post on Page 6 of this thread for the sad conclusion. :(

Some of you know that I have been attending part-time classes recently. There is an extremely cute female classmate, whom I believe is a few years younger than myself, and whom I never got much opportunity to speak with during our first term / semester. As we had to change classes for our next level of learning, I was afraid we might end up with different schedules.

After lots of hoping, wishing and praying, I was pleasantly surprised and happy to discover that the both of us are in the same class once again. I finally managed to speak with her for a bit, but I did not have the courage to ask for her mobile number. Do you people think I should approach the subject when I next see her again?

Anyway, on with my story. Of course, I am delighted to be her acquaintance. The romantic side of me sincerely hopes that things could progress further between the both of us. On the other hand, a part of me says that I should know my own limits. Truth be told, I don't have much confidence about my looks; I have been teased about it since my younger days. She is incredibly cute and even another ex-female classmate thinks so. Two specific thoughts keep going through my head:

- Am I good enough for her? In terms of looks, we might be worlds apart.
- A female as attractive as herself is bound to have a boyfriend, if not lots of suitors. Trying to go between a couple does not sound very ethical.

What do my fellow Fakku members advise? Am I simply thinking too much? Perhaps we should slowly progress as friends before moving further, provided there is even a chance of doing so?

I am feeling kinda happy but sad at the same time. In addition, I apologize to all who visit the Love, Romance and Relationship section for using this particular method to get the problem off my chest.

Yeah, the friends first thing is good. Test the waters, so to speak. Just be there for her as her classmate/study buddy/friend, and see where it goes from there.

tl; dr

If you really are so addicted to gambling, try consulting a professional.

-----------------

Now seriously:
"If you don't try, then you are not a man." But try to find out weather or not she got a bf first. If she does, try to get her to know you first. If not, go for it ASAP.

Slowly progress slowly. Ask if she need a study partner, ask her to lunch, be friendly, and pounce when the moment is right.

You have a few approaches you could do.

The direct approach, actually asking her out. But this is probably not your best choice in this type of situation.

The casual approach. This would be something like asking if she wanted to join you and some friends in hanging out of doing something somewhere. This is not a bad approach as this also gives you excuse to ask for her number if she accepts. If she declines, then it's a sign that she doesn't really want to get to know you. At least at the time. But it does put the thought in her head so she might start looking and noticing your more after it too.

And it's a lot less pressure than an actual date, so she might be willing.

The class approach. Basically put, see if there anything class related that you could work on together, or help her with or get help with. Usually spending time together through this will give you a good idea of her interest or potential interest in you or not.

I know you're quite the smart person, Gambler, so you'll problably understand when I say that you have to talk a lot. Talk! Talk! It's really easy so I just have to say it twice. Girls, including myself, love to talk to anyone really. You don't have to be super charming, funny or gorgeous. If you can just get my attention, I'll go with you.

Talk about the class, the lectures, the people. Everything. Anyone can talk about that, regardless of interests. Then later, you could start asking about hobbies or bands she likes.

And I bet you're not bad looking. Just be funny, clean (and in my case shaven, but there are plenty of lasses who think beards are manly and hot) and show some confidence. Making friends isn't hard.

Making Eye contact while talking, show interest in her hobbies, talk about surroundings, talk about her dislikes, use gestures, tell short stories that will make her laugh or be interested.

Looks only matter when she turns away from your direction, or tries to avoid you, but since you've made contact with her at least once that should not be much of an issue.

There is always a chance! be an opportunist if possible, don't let anything slide, use what you can! don't let her lose interest.

I don't know if that will help much... but Good luck! I know how it feels and honestly I have a hard time asking for phone numbers...

Edit- and when I mean opportunist I mean ask her out when you see a chance, no bf means she is open, be the first to ask out... or try to.

Just get to know her bit by bit.
You could causally talk her, like small talk or hobbies and move from there.
or
Ask her if she wants to get some coffee or a drink and that usually leads to more conversations and you could ask for her number that way.

Just having confidence in what your doing and things will be alright. Also don't over think and stay calm when your ready to talk to her or ask her out.

Yes you should just ask for her number. It isn't hard you know. If it makes it easier for you, make up some excuse like needing her contact in case you have problems with homework or something.

Yes you are thinking too much, so stop it. You could be an average-looking joe but if you have a way with words, you have your way with the ladies.

No, I'm not for the 'slowly progress as friends' method, simply because you might get stuck in the friendzone that way. Or some other guy could snag her first.

As Haburi-chan said, talking is good. But don't overdo it. And while you are at it, try to find out more about her.

My first post in this section just for you, Gambler. :)

Gambler, your attitude in these forums reflect your character, and you're a very nice person. It's not about whether you are good enough for her. You live for yourself - not for her. These questions are not mentally beneficial to you in any way and will probably affect your credence. Stay confident and proud of who you are. If you like her, that's great! There's no such thing as "am I good enough for her?", it's "is she suitable for me?"

Your second question is something that goes through every male's head in your situation. Read that again. Your second question is something that goes through every male's head in your situation. Get my point? That's why a lot of cute girls do not have boyfriends - because people are scared of approaching them. I personally know many girls IRL who I consider quite cute and good-looking, but have been single their entire life.

My advice to you after considering the answers of both questions is: Push forward. By no means just go up to her and confess, but do talk to her and become friends. Ask her if she has Facebook/Twitter and add/follow her. As Haburi-chan said, there's nothing weird about this. Girls love to talk as long as you two have the same wavelength in certain topics. Who knows, she may even like anime? Everything will come from talking. Also, if she has a Facebook, you will be amazed at how much you can learn about a person on there.

As for whether or not she's single, you will know in time without needing to ask. If she has Facebook it will be instantly obvious. If she's taken, then give up immediately. Nothing good can come from love triangles. It's not just unethical as you stated, but the sheer effort and emotional stress you will have to endure regardless of the result is not a worthy tradeoff.

If she's single, then follow the comments as posted above by the fellow users.

From my limited experience and observations, I think falling in love is a great thing. However, if this love is unrequited and one-sided, it can only be a hinderance of your life; time and efforts. Before I get assaulted for these remarks in the Love, Romance and Relationships forum, please just calm down and think for a moment - what exactly do you get out if it if you don't push forward? The longer you stay at this point, the longer you will have to bear this psychologically pain, which will undoubtedly have a negative impact on you and your daily life. In other words, get this period over and done with - and fast.

The fact that you have been experiencing this nausea for a prolonged period is proof enough that this attraction is not merely an impulse. Just go for it. And lastly, so what if you get rejected? You'll still end up in a better position than what you are in right now. After you are rejected, you can get back to your old life without the distractions listed above.

I, for one, is not the romanticist. I've never fallen in love before. Don't get me wrong, you can see from my posts in the Specific section that I watch plenty of Romance anime and enjoy them immensely (if they are good). I just have yet to meet my 'other half' (if she exists, that is).

I believe that your life is too good and short to waste in these "unrequited and one-sided" periods. Never stop. Keep going.

Study buddies: best way to get more info. If she's in a relationship, you'll find out, if she's interested in being friends, more than friends, etc.

Just by starting as peers is a good way to work your way up.

Irrelevant. As soon as you think that, you're projecting it with your body language. Pretend you're both compatible and go in with that confidence.



EVERY girl has a boyfriend, someone she's stringing along, or some kind of male hanger-on. It's inevitable so don't even think about it. Worry about that if she tries to throw said invisible male in your path but, otherwise, proceed as though she's single and on the brink of being yours.

I'm not being abrupt to annoy you, just to tell you that you're being self-defeating, stopping before you even try. You have nothing to lose by trying to get closer to this girl and everything to gain. Even a woman who doesn't even think about you in a romantic way will respond if you approach her with casual confidence. That doesn't mean coming on to her like a tool, just approach her like she's an attractive person. Coming on too hard will turn her off but so will approaching her like she's something you're afraid will make loud sounds if you're too bold. Women can smell fear like bloodhounds.

Anyway, just talk to her about whatever and let it go from there. Make sure she knows you're making an effort because you're attracted to her and try not to seem desperate. Do it right and you won't have to ask for her cell, she'll volunteer it.

Well not having read all the other options i prefer to go this way:
first you need to know if she has a boyfriend
Then if things are clear, get to know her more and see how she is
Maybe a few weeks or even at the beginning, kind of sneak it in that u have an interest in her
From there try to figure out how she feels
After awhile try to convey ur feelings and then confess~

Hope you the best, my friend

1. Use homework, assignment and help as an excuse to get her number. When you start texting/calling her, start the conversation with the topic about homework, but proceed onto the next topic about personal life slowly and safely.

2. Nobody has their own "limits" They're just not courageous enough.

3. Trying to go between a couple is not indeed ethical, so once you have her number, ask away. But ask her when you actually know some facts about her. (I don't mean stalk her or anything. I want you to get these facts from her. If you get facts from other people, let her know about it unless it's not supposed to be known by anybody.)

Remember don't leave it too long or you'll end up in the dreaded friend zone.

Thank you for the advice everyone. After listening to your respective advice and speaking to some of my friends, I have decided on the following course of action:

1) Head to class and speak with her again, casually and with confidence.
2) Talk about anything in general given the limited time we have.
3) Attempt to ask for her mobile number, if not MSN or email, partly for study-related purposes.

I cannot deny that I will be extremely nervous when the time comes, but hopefully, everything will turn out smoothly.

Good luck Gambler. You have all of FAKKU! wishing you the best. You plan should work like a charm and let us know how it goes.

A somewhat positive update from me:

The Good News - I managed to obtain her mobile phone number earlier in the day.
The Bad News - I am still unsure whether or not she is attached.

That being said, what should I do next? When would it be appropriate to text her, and must it necessarily be about school/work? Most of you mentioned the dreaded "Friend Zone" if one were to wait far too long before asking the other party out, be it for a simple meal or a date, but neither do I want to appear hasty in fear of scaring her away.




Thank you for your support too, Trunksdark!