How to distance yourself emotionally from someone

No friends, make enemies.

You distance yourself emotionally from someone by keeping busy and away from them for a while. Start doing things you used to do before she was in your life.

Obviously hang out with her less. Don't stalk her facebook/twitter/whatever page. It'll just make you more obsessive towards her.

Keep clear of her until you feel less upset about the situation. Once you find yourself thinking about her less, being friends is always an option if you want.

you did read the OP right? You had no advice for him from the start, why even post?

To offer an alternative to the same advice everyone else gave. This situation may leave someone like you, Waar, helpless and wanting to flee. But Unsigned may not be completely at that point yet.

the worst possible advice to give to someone looking for a way out... right you got me, you are a saint and your advice is gold.


it's like if I asked for advice on how to fix a coffee machine and you told me to smash it with a golf club. Accomplishing none of my goals just like your advice would accomplish none of the op's goals.

Step one: Tell yourself that you knew it all along and/or there never were any sort of hope of the alternative whatsoever. All hail denial. Even if that doesn't work, it adds to the 'semi comical' aspect to things. Stuff like this is pretty common after all, and it's easier to process and think as a story.

Step two: Work, study and do other beneficial things. It reminds you that while important, reletionships are only a that big part of life. Good chance to catch up with neglected projects.

Step three: Create another 'slot' in your mind for her. These things happen because we have a some sort of... er, whatafuckisthatword... schemas of people, who they are and what their behavior means. If your crush asks you to go grab some coffee together, it's a completely different situation than if it were you pal asking. You gotta consciously try to link her in your mind to 'friend things' rather than 'crush things'. It takes time and is bit of tricky, but very effective. A very useful skill.


Lol at the Neko's and Waar's banter. Gender stereotypes rule! XD

I think the problem is that a woman is trying to talk about how relationships and feelings work for men. Might as well ask my wristwatch if my shirt matches my pants.

stereotypes exist for a reason, they have some basis in truth.

That is a lame analogy, but I'll use it all the same. The equivlent here would be me to tell you to throw away your coffee machine and just buy a new one.

OKAY I DIDN'T FIX YOUR COFFEE MACHINE, BUT I DID OFFER ADVICE ON HOW TO SOLVE YOUR ULTIMATE PROBLEM - YOU HAVE NO WAY TO MAKE COFFEE.

how do you figure? He asked for advice on how to stop feeling emotionally attached to someone and the only way to do it is to put some distance between them. Your advice is that somehow he might magically lose those feelings in the long run without any real idea how it will happen. You're basing your advice on a very small possibility that he can't affect when the obvious answer is clear.

Even if your version of my analogy was correct it(throwing it out/buying a new one) is a sure way to fix the problem and sometimes things cant be repaired. I would say that buying a new machine is a hell of a lot better advice than taking a golf club to the broken one... It will also take less time.

What? So you're saying my advice was correct or what? God I hate using this analogy but, I'm the one who suggested getting a new coffee machine. I surmise that in your opinion, a new coffee machine is possibly a new girl right? I'm saying this new machine (Please make better analogies in the future Waar) is going to be a new kind of relationship. Either way, both produce happiness, or ugh, coffee. In time he'll forget about the old machine, err relationship, and hopefully be happy with the new one - or not, its just a suggestion.

Your advice though sounds like you're saying, "FUCK IT - YOU'LL NEVER GET OVER COFFEE! THROW THAT BITCH AWAY AND GET A HOT COCO MAKER. THEN JUST DO SHIT TO GET COFFEE OFF YOUR MIND."

It's really not that complicated an analogy but I will explain it

I (the op in this case) want to have coffee but my coffee machine(his problem) is broken.

The advice the forum is giving is to walk away from the broken machine and buy a new one (distance yourself and use busywork to occupy yourself).

Your advice is to smash the machine with a golf club (get closer to the girl and she might magically show him a side of her he hates) and the machine might suddenly start working again.

I'm disappointed in you, but perhaps I expected too much of you. As vowels said, you dont understand how men think or feel and you're giving advice that might work best for a woman. Trying to be friends with someone you like doesn't work for guys; we only get locked down waiting for them to change their minds, and it never happens.

Fuck you and your coffee.

Your analogy is broken, running away isn't buying a new coffee machine, it's swearing off coffee until someone else comes by and hands you a cup they made themselves.

Don't forget that he said he can't avoid her - despite what Tegumi thinks, I think that say, not going to class/work is a little extreme to not avoid someone.

Actually, this is all moot anyways, as I think that it doesn't matter she has a LDR. It isn't like she lives with the guy and is sleeping with him every night. I actually encourage him to sweep her off her feet anyways.

It's my analogy, and in this case avoiding the girl is replacing the coffee machine.

It is possible to avoid talking or interacting with a person even if you have to see them every day. It is possible to avoid speaking about anything other than work with someone you want to avoid at work. What makes you think he has to become a shut in simply because he wants to avoid getting closer with a specific girl?

Sweep her off her feet? I see, you're not only bad at giving advice, you're also unrealistic to such an extreme. What kind of advice is that? "I want to care about her less" "make her love you". This isn't manga or anime; people aren't stolen from relationships by tenacity. Restraining orders often are the result of not giving up.

You sound mad, perhaps you should walk away from your computer and go read those romance novels some more, they sound super realistic.

I'm not mad at all, all though I'm sure that kind of thing is what gives you hard ons at night. It takes a great deal to upset me so you'd have to go well beyond the normal level of douche baggery it takes to upset someone else in order to get me riled up.

That said...

Without knowing the specifics, the hyperbole can still hold true. I'm sure there are guys still hitting on LQ with you in another town and any lesser woman may succumb to such advances.

However, I would expect that instead of being so closed minded, you would take into consideration another point of view instead of thinking everytime you meet a girl with a boyfriend you suddenly have to retreat to a a remote island.

It is a point of respect that when you like a girl and she's in a relationship that you don't go fucking around with her. I may want some really nice car some other guy owns but that doesn't mean I'm going to steal it.

You just think any woman can be wooed right out of a relationship by some other guy with a can do attitude? Or do you think all women are unfaithful whores who go after the guy who gives them the most attention?

If you think someone is going to stay with you "just because" when you are in a long distance relationship (like the girl in the OP is) then that is naive. It isn't like you're married, she isn't obligated to stay with you when she can be happier with someone else.

I'm not saying a girl is going to just sleep with you and keep it a secret from her bf, but she will break up with him if she realizes that the long distance thing isn't working out, and that a relationship with someone nearby will. It is a simple as saying, "This isn't working out." or "I met someone else". Such is the risk of a LDR.

Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it

I do get a boner when I make someone mad on the internets. I don't think I'm being a douche in this instance but when you said "Fuck you" it came off as angry.

There may be guys hitting on Steph but she knows that it's not alright to flirt back. I don't see the link however, steph wont cheat on me nor will she leave me for someone else; of that I am sure.

I don't think it makes me closed minded when I say your advice is terrible.

You have been avoiding many of my questions but I'd like to pose one to you now that you must answer, what would it take to make you cheat on your husband? Do you think there is a person out there would could try hard enough to make you do so? Have some respect for a relationship, for another person; you would want the same treatment.

I wouldn't cheat on my husband because I made a vow to him - thats what marriage is. I would however, divorce him if the relationship dissolved, we were no longer in love, and we tried everything possible to reconcile including giving things time to work out. Since at that point it would be better for the both of us to seperate, I would then ask for a divorce first before I started seeing other people. Even then, I'd still be hesitant to leave him.

However, I did leave a previous boyfriend to be with my current partner because, hey, it was so much better being with him than being with who I was. I didn't just straight up cheat on him though. I broke up with him first - before I even officially dated someone else (although, that was the intention) - and I did it as amicably as I could. Why would I stick around? Dating is just that - to see if you want to get married. The answer I found was "no", thus I left.

I'm not going to speak for LQ since all girls are different, but I doubt that telling your girlfriend that "flirting isn't allowed" will stop anyone from flirting. People flirt - its natural and healthy. Everyone flirts, no matter if you are single or in a relationshiop, and even moreso when your boyfriend or girlfriend wont know about it. As long as you don't plan on acting on your flirtations, it is fine.

So yeah, I also expect people to have respect for their relationship's, but you have to realize that all is fair in love and war until you put a ring on it. That respect doesn't have to go any further than a phone call telling you it is over a few weeks before she has her next date.

SO wait, you found your current partner while still with another man and left the first one only after you had the second? That's... trashy.

I can only assume steph wont flirt with anyone else as I trust her and we have talked about it. I don't flirt now, and I have had the opportunity quite a few times over the last year. If it's something I want her to do what kind of person would I be to break my own rule? p.s. it being alright is in your opinion, which from what I see is a very flawed one.

I guess it all boils down to what type of person you are, trash that would try to steal a girl/guy from someone else or something with morals and respect for another person; let me just add that you are part of the former.