Most epic thing you've ever said to others

"Because you touch yourself at night"
Goes great with any "why" question.

"when you hit rock bottom you either break or bounce, i bounced." its the truth and now that i think of it it was pretty good

I do have a catchphrase I say once I've done something epic

"...Because I Rock." *Flexes nerd muscles*

"I once killed a dog with my bear hands. Want me to do the same to you?"

ofcourse I never really did kill a dog with my hands. It's just something to scare my enemy. In the end, he cried and ran away.

no no! for all the know it was a poodle, you have to say you killed a BEAR! or wolf or something

I have another one to share.. once a long time ago when I was a teenager, I had gone to the mall with some friends, and had (by chance) come across an ex gf of mine with her new bf (a vindictive douchebag she had cheated on me with months prior). The two of them decided to obnoxiously start kissing in front of me, in an attempt to make me feel jealous or whatever, so I called out to the guy mid kiss and blatantly asked in front of everyone "hey , how does my dick taste?". Looking back it was rather obnoxious, but at the time, it made quite a few people laugh, and i sure felt better.

That time I gave the Gettysburg Address was pretty epic.

I was walking from school nose quite deep in a book, and some idiot decides to yell 'Think fast!' and chucks a pine cone at me. Without even lifting my head from my book I reflexively grab the thrown pine cone, which would of smacked me in the head. Walk up to their stunned faces and casually tossed the pine cone back at them, with the most epic parting line of them all~
"You dropped this."

When I was at a drinking session with my cousins and I started to preach about my would-be religion Dudism wherein I was like "My main purpose is to spread the love around the world by fucking each and every last one of you, polygamy is mandatory, streaking is a hobby, masturbating is a ritual for toddlers, Sex is a daily exercise, Women are tools for our satisfaction, Men rule the earth and I stand above them" (exact words) apparently my cousins laughed their asses of while I slowly passed out from the alcohol.

"Everybody sucks equally, so shut the fuck up. I'm playing Doom". I said this about 4 years ago when my racist friend and my black friend were arguing.

"That's none of my business!" when someone try to ask me for help but I can only say it when it doesn't concern me at all

"Today is the day we overcome tyranny! We will go down in history as champions! No long will we ha-"

Then I was proceeded to be pelted by snowballs. Needless to say was awesome day.

It was during high school tennis tryouts back in the day.

I hated this guy and he hated me.
Lets just say we didn't get along very well the season before.

Our coach's way of deciding the ladder was to just throw everyone into a random position on it (only Varsity players or ones he thought we're good enough to advance to Varsity that year). From there, we would play matches where the winner moves up (plays the loser of the higher ranked match) and the loser moves down (plays the winner of the lower ranked match).

I ended up starting on the lower portion of the ladder. My 'rival' ended up on the higher portion. Because of this, he decided to be a jerk for the next couple of tryout days and brag in front of my face. Long story short, the tryouts ended up in a position where I won my match and my rival was heading on the court to play his.
If he lost, I would end up as his next opponent.

As he was heading in, he said some BS statement about how he was in a safe position because he knew that if he lost the match he was about to play, then he could easily regain the position by beating me afterwards. At that point, I could feel my emotions overtaking my logic.

As he walked past me, I said in a very serious/steady tone..."Please fuck this up, so I can destroy you."

I watched Law Abiding Citizen a couple weeks before and loved that quote. However, during this incident, I wasn't thinking about the movie at all. It just kind of came out of my mouth out of pure anger. But I do admit, it was pretty epic now that I think back to it.

"Shut up and suck my dick!"
lol my very straight guy friend got down on his knees and was like are you going to take it out or im i lol we laughed for like a hour.

3 years ago when i was 17

"If you admit that you're a guy, then act like one!"

Not really epic, but that hit right to the spot.

-6 rep on first page.

Oh yeah you weebs be mad.

I win.

I was asked by a friend if I wanted to take up martial arts for self defense. I replied:
Martial arts? Please, I've already perfected the art of "Getting-The-Fuck-Out-Of-There" when in a bad situation.

And believe me, I have.

You're a disease, and I'm the cure....
Pure epic win.