[Locked] Relationship Advice Please [:

So I'm back for more advice. It's now been a little over 7months of being in this relationship with this boy who is in rehab. It's been a very trying 7months. :/ Anyway, things have come down to the end pretty much, at least for me, so I need to decide if I want to stay around or leave. But I can't.

Should I stay just because I love him?

Should I leave because I have to wait, and we have a lot of issues in the relationship, especially with trust (due to us both cheating on one another more than 1 time)?

Leave. Even though people like to think so, love itself isn't enough to hold onto. Communication, trust, reliability, security... these sorts of things are important too. You need something that you can build a future onto, and love isn't the end all be all that creates that foundation. Honestly, it sounds like you have spent a lot of time worrying about this. I commented on your last thread too advising you to leave then as well. How much more time are you willing to devote to an unstable relationship? You're young. Don't waste your life on someone who doesn't deserve it when you could be out there experiencing a more fulfilling romance with someone who can give their all to you.

I really care for this guy and he cares for me a great deal as well. Although we have a lot of fcking issues, at the end of the day things aren't too bad. However, I do not want to be wasting my time on this guy any longer. The longest I'll wait is til the end of this year, but I really don't want to have to say one day that I regret leaving him. That is my greatest concern.

To be honest, I am going to have to agree with Dia on this one. However, at the end of the day, it sounds like you've more or less know what you want, and are just looking for someone to give you a good reason to affirm whatever this belief may be. So my answer is; Do as you please. However, after it's all said and done, there's only one thing more important then anything else. Your own happiness. Don't let anything, or anyone, tie you down, or keep you away from that.

love is a nice thing, but your lacking trust there, so if you stay you may end up hurting yourself more, it may be hard but you should leave and find someone more trusting that you can stay fateful too

You said yourself that you don't want to continue wasting time in the relationship with him. So why are you? You both cheated on each other once, so why are you even still together? That's a sign that both of you were not satisfied with the relationship at least one point in time. Seeing as you're still wondering if you should be with him or not (I remember a thread like this one by you a few months ago) I'd say that spending more time with him is a waste. If you'll regret something, chances are that it'd be staying with him after the relationship died.

You can't really say you love someone, and then be willing to cheat on them and break that trust with them.

Cheating once, maybe if you're strong enough and such you can make things worse. Both of you cheating? I rarely see a relationship that works out when both parties do so.

But more than once? That's obvious signs that you not only do not truly love someone but shows neither of you are happy with your relationship. And if you can't be happy with your relationship then it will always turn sour.

Sometimes, the problems people have are just too great to ever make a relationship work. No matter how much you try at it. And it doesn't seem you are willing to try too hard if you succumb to cheating so easily.

TL:DR - Break it off. Neither of you are willing to make it work and it's obvious you don't care enough and/or have enough control of yourselves to be in a position to change that.

You already answered your own question.

If anyone understands the difficulty of leaving I believe I would. It's nothing easy, but if everyone comes to a common consensus independently there's an underlying issue. Think carefully because the decision ultimately comes down to you. If you want my advise, decide based upon facts more than feelings and once you make your decision stick to it. If you second guess yourself here it could have serious implications. Mind you, those implications aren't life or death, but the are important.

(before anyone asks, I'm working on it.)

Don't let "love" cloud your better judgment. If its time to split, I think deep inside you already know what has to be done, you just have to do it. Just my opinion tho.

Hmm while I think situations like this are unfortunate I think that its probably best to leave. Both for the reason that each of you cheated on one another several times and the fact that he is in rehab. Love can only go so far with such problems I think.

Overall it is your decision, just let him down as easy as possible and don't be the type to say it was all said person's fault. Placing blame just creates problems in my opinion regardless of who does it.

asked and answered.

Your happiness and well-being come first and foremost, never forget that. If this relationship is putting either of those things into jeopardy, leave now rather than later.
Regardless of what you choose to do, I hope it works out for you.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm still very conflicted. The cheating issue isn't an issue with me personally b/c it was a purely physical act on both our sides, but he cares more than I do. I only care about emotional cheating. I don't think of the other one to be all that serious. Anyway, my main problem right now as I'm thinking about it, is the fact he is in rehab and I don't know if he's worth waiting for anymore. He will probably get out sometime in April or May. However we started dating early April of this year.

It's half a year at worst. Would you be willing to go through all that waiting? It sounds like a stupid idea to me, personally. You said yourself that you don't want to continue being with him, so why are you still with him? Why are you still considering wasting time with him when you don't want to be with him?

It's been 7 months and already you've cheated on each other multiple times. What does that tell you about this relationship? To me it says "Failed relationship", and the way I see it any attempts to convince yourself otherwise is nothing short of denial.



You make it sound as if that just because you don't give two shits about "physical cheating" that everything's fine and dandy - well it isn't. It only takes one partner not trust the other for the relationship to go downhill if nothing is done about it. He likely isn't as thick-skinned as you are about the cheating. I mean you may claim to see physical cheating as being "nothing at all", but he might not see it like that. The act itself, regardless of their relationship with the partner they cheated with, can severely affect the trust between both parties. It's especially damaging in a relationship as new as this one.

I'd call it off - not just because there's a large degree of mistrust from cheating on each other multiple times - but also because he has less to worry about while in rehab. He can focus more energy and willpower on getting clean than having to worry about his seemingly already-crumbling relationship with a girl who doesn't trust him and who he doesn't trust, which could actually fuel his addiction (whatever that is). Either way this relationship isn't doing either of you any good.

I wouldn't worry about "regretting" it either, because:



...if you feel like that you most likely won't.

hate to break it two you but even if you don't think it's much of an issue and he does....it's an issue, plan and simple. Not that I'm defended him, but you have to consider his feelings about the matter rather then dismissing it, but that's just my opinion.

Back to if he is worth it, only you can answer that, in my opinion, it's a no. Simple because it sounds like the cheating thing is going to hang over his head, and believe it or not, guys will remember being wronged on the physical level. As silly as it maybe, the thought of our girl being sexually attracted to another person who isn't a movie star (for normal men anyway), and cheating because of that is just as painful as you being hit emotionally. pretty much your saying this without saying it, "you suck in bed, so I found someone to pick up where you left off." Yes sex isn't everything, but that will be on his mind for a very long time, also questions like "will she do it again? I doing my best and it's still not enough? do I suck at this?" Then we'll get this, "maybe I'm not that much of a man. I can't keep the girl I like happy." Again not taking his side, but when you said you don't it's an issue, it sounds like you have never seen a man really hurt from within. I speak from experience, it's not an easy thing to get over or forget. Plus you'll be wasting your time, even more so when it sounds like your not quite into it anymore.

You, have a wonderful statement right here. In fact, he has brought up the last two things you wrote. I know its hurt him more than its hurt me (the cheating issue) but I feel we should just move on, while he doesn't seem to.

ANYWAY: In all honesty, I want to break up with him. But he keeps dragging me back in with sweet words and promises and he claims the only reason he's been doing really well in rehab now is because he doesn't want to lose me, and I don't want me breaking up with him affecting his treatment or well being.

Congratz. You've fallen into the same trap every other person(s) that's had a failing or broken relationship has.

Sarcasm aside, lets me put it a bit more simply, if lengthy; You're not continuing your relationship because you love him. No. Sounds to me that the only reason you continue this relationship at all is because A) YOU (or perhaps both of you) have a guilty conscience of whatever you've might have done, in which case, get over yourself. No one's perfect, we make mistakes, but we all need to move on, and B) You're afraid that anything you do might hurt him, so because you carry this weight on your shoulders, you do what you can to make him happy, so YOU don't feel responsible for whatever may happen.

This isn't a romantic relationship anymore, by the sounds of it. All you two are doing are feeding each other's own insecurities. That's neither healthy, nor truly beneficial for either of you, and it's just gonna hurt you both in the long run.

I'm sorry if I come off sounding like an ass, or if my opinion feels distorted, but what I'm not gonna apologize for is what I feel you need; Blunt honesty. Both of you need to move on, and stand on your own two feet. If he can't, that's his problem, not yours. And if you can't, that's your problem, not his.

listen to alex-kun, cause he pretty much posted what I was going to say and more