Transgender delima

So recently a friend of mine was having a problem with his wife and she left him. So now he finally tried to get back on the ball with dating and he found a girl he was talking to. So first date ended and he kissed her. Second dates goes and during the date she finally tells him she is transgender which means she was a he trying to convert though. So funny part is he still went through the date and got laid. Which still has me cracking up.

Anyway the question is mainly if someone is transgender do you feel they should be forthcoming with it before, during, or before first bed time meeting? Also if someone was to tell you they were transgender during the date how would you react, and how much further would that date go?

I would say before, that is something that really should be said before the first time as to some it may be a deal breaker. Maybe they want to have kids or maybe they are uncomfortable doing it with somebody who is transgender.

Personally I probably could see the date just going to completion (PG rated stuff) but just remaining friends. I would probably not pursue a relationship with somebody who was transgender.

Yeah, it should come up before the date. It has a high chance of being a deal breaker. But by saying it should come up, I don't mean she should bluntly say it. If they meet on a dating website and she identifies in her own profile as transgender, it's business as usual. There's no more need to say it than there would be need to say her hair color. It would be the same as if a very religious girl was interested in an atheist. I think he should say it, just so she knows. But if they meet on a David Hume convention, it's probably safe to assume.

How far I would go? No idea... I've seen some transgender women who look more feminine that other natural born women which lead me to believe that futanari is not as weird as it seems. But on the other hand, not really sure about some sex stuff and I generally make it a rule not to have sex with someone with a bigger penis than my own. That usually means I can't have sex with anyone who has a penis.

Honestly, I don't think this has an easy answer.

There are numerous stigma's that float around sexuality and relationships. It's not a thing that can be easily stated. It'd be like, being expected to tell the person, for whom this is our first date, that I enjoy hentai and the specific categories, as well, my other sexual preferences. As opposed to being judge for my merits and character, I'm more likely to be judged by the attached stigma who my partner may find not as difficult to deal with, as they would initially perceive, if they had gotten to know me.

I don't believe that this should never be stated, a relationship established in lies is never good (it's still lying even if not asked), but I think something along the lines of, since this doesn't physically damage another, can be left till sexual activity is confirmed. While we may praise honesty, we do not all receive it as well as we praise it in others, were very prejudice unfortunately...

As for me, I suppose I would prefer knowing before hand (before pre-sex), since I have never been with and it would take a little bit of time to get past the stigma's that I unfortunately can't abandon upon will. But if they look enough like a "physically born woman" to fool me into honestly thinking of them as one, I don't think I would have a huge problem, seeing as I am attracted to the female figure, despite what lies between. But, again, seeing as I've never been with one, imaging a scenario and acting in it are quite different. I'd like to consider myself open minded enough though. I've also been interested in discovering/confirming my sexuality but that's more out of curiosity, a different place.

Relationships are difficult, it's not easy to dump everything out in the open, and being rejected hurts, especially depending on the reasoning (rejected for your body before your character).

As bakapink said this is complicated like many things that could make or break a relationship.

I think the best answer I could give is that the person should be forthcoming about this before the relationship becomes serious (saying I love you, moving in together, or intercourse). You don't want to wait any longer because the longer a secret such as this is kept, the harder it will be for both persons to work out.

If the two had an establish friendship long before they started dating I would suggest telling the person before or initally during the development of an intimate relationship. This person, regardless of their reasons, in this situation has had an ample amount of time to tell the other person about this.

The dating world is not an easy place and being transgender can potentionally make things more difficult, but hiding the truth of the matter doesn't help a relationship one bit. You have to be honest about yourself and who you are (good and bad). It is then up to the other person to either accept this or reject this. Rejection for good or bad reasons is tough and hard to get over, but in the end you just have to accept their decision when everything else fails and move on. Basically, you just have to be strong and hope to find someone who will accept you... until then keep working on yourself and being strong and confident with who you are, even if other's say otherwise.

Yeah, I think most of us are in agreement that being transgender is, at least at the moment, a big enough thing that you should make sure your partner knows before consummating the relationship. Personally it wouldn't bother me much. But I've failed multiple sexuality profiling tests, so my opinion is not necessarily the norm.

And Nate



If it really bothers you, but you would really like to date them, there are operations to change their external sexual organs. I've met people who have gone through with such operations, and I wouldn't have known at all if they hadn't told me.

No, ahah, it doesn't bother me as it's not really my thing. I was just making a joke about my own penis size which is not THAT small but hey, if you can't laugh at yourself...

There are some great tools you can use to change that as well :D

Two of my best relationships we're with non op transsexuals. [The transgender is usually been thru the operation or undergoing the hormone therapy/psych.] Which only one of them was a dating relationship... the other one a friendship that still lasts to this day.. and we have done it a few times.

Of course you should tell the person you have a dingle so he doesn't cut yours off by finding your clit is bigger then his dick. But in my cases they were in a alt bar so i knew if the hawt woman maybe be swing lumber or a blind Bi. After the fact then really it up to the person... but if the other finds out maybe you should of told him you had a winky. Those tales of the person loving you after the shock fact isn't realistic if he a homophobe or a normal meat and potatoes guy. More a rage of embarrassment then a fag bash.

A tool to change a tool's tool. Sounds like a lot of work...

I'm offended that it's still considered "funny" when two consenting adults have sex, regardless of whether or not one of aforementioned adults is transgendered.

And no, when you're transgendered, you identify as that gender. So "letting someone know right off the bat" defeats the purpose of shifting your gender identity. If and when it comes time to have sexual intercourse, then it becomes "polite" to let the person know what they should expect to see in the southern hemisphere.

Also, it's spelled "dilemma".

I would personally be fine with it but my sexuality is kind of fluid. If I find something attractive I dont really care for norms. That being said, I dont have much relationship experience so maybe it would make me uncomforable. The only comparible situation Ive had is when I was asked out by someone of my own gender and I turned him down. It didnt weird me out really and Id be fine still being friends with him although its pretty much been distance since. I also didnt go off telling people about it or anything.

Anyway, I can understand why someone would have trouble being totally upfront about it. For most people it would be an deal breaker before even really getting to know her. It should come before physical intimacy but if it comes right away she is likely to be judged by it rather than who she is as a person.

I like what Bakapink said about how itd kind of be like having to share your hentai fetishes before or on a first date. Not only would it give the date a onesided preconception of you and your weirdness before really getting to know you, itd be hard as hell to bring up. Also its relevant to the site.

"I like radiohead"
"Yeah they have some cool music, kinda a downer sometimes though"
"Nah, not that radiohead, I mean the doujinshi artist who does futa, armpit-hair, scat, and other magical fetishes. His artstyle and content is wierd as all yet somehow such a turn-on"
"o.O"

I wanted to avoid confrontation, but I got'a agree, it kind of bugged me when I read over it myself.

I also kinda gotta agree with...



Changing physical sex/gender identity isn't something as effortlessly thought out as changing clothes. It's not an action made solely for the sake of appearance. One of the worst things you can do is belittle it by refusing to acknowledge it.



You made me laugh, hard.... Damn you... I look stupid when I laugh... ~snicker~

Yeah that is pretty awkward. I do still think it should be fairly early in a relationship that something like this be known. Ideally I would say before something like kissing as it is not everybody's cup of tea when it comes to these things. Some are OK with it, others probably aren't for completely valid reasons. It is hard to say that if they aren't fine with it that they are being unreasonable because there is so much at play, much more than "she is a woman now".

Fetishes are one thing, people have weird ones, people have unrealistic ones, but they are really just odd interests when you think about it. Ones that are unrealistic like fantasy are just fantasy and fiction. Ones that can happen(roleplaying/cosplay, S&M, ect.) can be accommodated by people in relationships. This is a more fundamental thing that is a problem for some people. Though maybe in the future we will have super gene therapy and transgender really won't mean anything even on the deepest level since somebody will be a genetically a man/woman and a biologically functional man/woman at that. Probably not within our lifetimes though.

I dunno, if i found a hot girl that turned out to be transgender, i would be like



Of course, only if she told me before hand. Then it would not be a deal breaker, but rather a bonus

I think that's something that you should tell someone early on. Like after the first date, or when you think things are going to get serious, definitely before you sleep with them. I personally wouldn't care if the person I was dating was transgender, it wouldn't make me not date them or brake up with them if we were dating.

My mistake for spelling wrong.....

Anyway it wasn't funny the fact they had sex it was the way I was told the story by him. He basically said when he was told she used to be a guy and was in the process still he said he almost freaked out. So if you feel that way when you are told and then change you mind and accept it only to regret it when you tell your friends, am I not suppose to laugh at him a little? I don't mean to sound rude or anything just was a laugh at him.

I'm not going to absolve you of this purely on a technicality. We both know that, socially, there is a stigma placed on the "Accidental Tranny pick-up".

On telling the truth, yeah, do it ASAP.
About the idea, I'm not against, I'm more interested in the person than what's written on her ID.
There will be problems with you both being accepted socially, this is somenthing to watch for. But why wouldn't you support her if it's indeed serious?

Well like most of you guys have said it's good to tell them pretty early on, but I think first date might be a little soon. Second or third would be better.

Telling them the first time you meet them, and they might be completely scared off. They won't be able to see past it at all (unless they're like pansexual or very much a liberal).

The second or third date, they know you a bit, are interested in you as a person, but aren't like wanting your babies yet. They aren't invested in you, but have a good idea of who you are. So when you come out they can actually think about their decision: do I really like this person? I can I look past their genitals? Can I see myself marrying this person? And if so do I have to have biological children?

And of course putting it off for too long is just setting up for a disaster. They'll feel lied to and feel like they wasted so much time in this "dead end relationship".