The Asian Way of Raising a Child
0
Masongate wrote...
Just a quick question, in a lot of animes kids can just live by themselves and go to school, is this an accurate representation of how some asian parents let their kids live?>Anime
>Accurate
0
You wanna know how Hispanic parents raise their kids?
Beat them with a belt till they get it right.My dad always hit me with a belt when i was much younger when ever i misbehaved and did bad in school.At least he didn't abuse me like his dad,my grandfather did to him.My grandfather abused the shit out of my dad when he was small.My GD treated his own son like shit yet my dad still loves him.This was during the 70's when my dad was 10 or so.
Also those kids don't even look Asian.This is just a sterotype.Good or bad how ever people want to take it we don't need this in the world know what i mean?
I took time to read that article and that woman is trying to raise her kids to be perfect.That is bullshit.
Beat them with a belt till they get it right.My dad always hit me with a belt when i was much younger when ever i misbehaved and did bad in school.At least he didn't abuse me like his dad,my grandfather did to him.My grandfather abused the shit out of my dad when he was small.My GD treated his own son like shit yet my dad still loves him.This was during the 70's when my dad was 10 or so.
Also those kids don't even look Asian.This is just a sterotype.Good or bad how ever people want to take it we don't need this in the world know what i mean?
I took time to read that article and that woman is trying to raise her kids to be perfect.That is bullshit.
0
Hanayome
Ultimate Laziness
Mr.TifaLockhart wrote...
You wanna know how Hispanic parents raise their kids?Beat them with a belt till they get it right.My dad always hit me with a belt when i was much younger when ever i misbehaved and did bad in school.At least he didn't abuse me like his dad,my grandfather did to him.My grandfather abused the shit out of my dad when he was small.My GD treated his own son like shit yet my dad still loves him.This was during the 70's when my dad was 10 or so.
Also those kids don't even look Asian.This is just a sterotype.Good or bad how ever people want to take it we don't need this in the world know what i mean?
I took time to read that article and that woman is trying to raise her kids to be perfect.That is bullshit.
This all the way.
My dad treated me the same way whenever I messed up, even if it was the smallest things like mispronouncing a word or something. *Is Hispanic*
0
Hell im chinese but i wasnt raised like this i dont think stereotypical Chinese parents are like this just the Chinese people the author interviewed.
0
Typically, I believe a lot of the Chinese parents do have this notion of this is how the ideal child should be. They might not want to enforce it to such a degree as Ms. Chua, but I do know many Chinese parents who attempt this method. I must say that my mom in particular was this type only she wasn't able to actually enforce it later on (when I was strong enough to retaliate). I wouldn't say that it is the fault of wanting to dictate the children's lives as much as having unbelievably high expectations of them.
0
Some points for you guys:
1. That excerpt doesn't necessarily represent the whole book. Chua actually decided to change her parenting after one of her daughters did rebel against her.
http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/01/13/the-tiger-mother-responds-to-readers/
2. If you ignore the ridiculous extremes, I think there are different advantages and disadvantages to the two stereotyped styles of parenting presented here. On one hand, it is important for children to learn how to work hard, approach difficult tasks, and understand the value of practicing something to get good at it. On the other hand, children learn a lot from things like sleepovers and day camps. They learn through experience how to navigate social structures, work with others, etc, all important skills in many paths of life. In this sense, Chua shielded her children from challenge. I tend to think that Chua's children will probably turn out very much independent and introverted, excelling at autonomous tasks but not as much at social or group tasks, especially once they get out of school and the "do all the work myself because I'm better than my team" strategy is a less feasible option.
Personally, I do think it is important to make sure that children are challenged to their own standards. I don't think that getting good grades or even #1 in the class grades is enough if it doesn't involve a good effort. Although in contrast to Chua, I do think it is important to let children have control over where they exert their efforts. I would be happy with my child taking up an instrument, fencing, drawing, oratory: whatever they find that can help them learn the value of hard work, effort, and practice.
1. That excerpt doesn't necessarily represent the whole book. Chua actually decided to change her parenting after one of her daughters did rebel against her.
http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/01/13/the-tiger-mother-responds-to-readers/
2. If you ignore the ridiculous extremes, I think there are different advantages and disadvantages to the two stereotyped styles of parenting presented here. On one hand, it is important for children to learn how to work hard, approach difficult tasks, and understand the value of practicing something to get good at it. On the other hand, children learn a lot from things like sleepovers and day camps. They learn through experience how to navigate social structures, work with others, etc, all important skills in many paths of life. In this sense, Chua shielded her children from challenge. I tend to think that Chua's children will probably turn out very much independent and introverted, excelling at autonomous tasks but not as much at social or group tasks, especially once they get out of school and the "do all the work myself because I'm better than my team" strategy is a less feasible option.
Personally, I do think it is important to make sure that children are challenged to their own standards. I don't think that getting good grades or even #1 in the class grades is enough if it doesn't involve a good effort. Although in contrast to Chua, I do think it is important to let children have control over where they exert their efforts. I would be happy with my child taking up an instrument, fencing, drawing, oratory: whatever they find that can help them learn the value of hard work, effort, and practice.
0
i dunno bout some of you guys, but my parents are tradicional,and thoroughly so. I cant go outside, my latest game console is a GBA and my history on my computer gets checked everyday to make sure im not using it for something besides studying. Im just lucky they dont know how to use the comp
0
I'm Vietnamese, and the way my mom raised me is pretty ideal. She is like somewhere between Strict and Relax, traditional and progressive if you will. Of course, there are times that she got mad and hit me like other Asian, but she was not like that Tiger mom. She encouraged me to do a lot of things and to be honest if she was like the typical Vietnamese mom i would be stucked somewhere studying 15/24 hours a day, everyday like other kids. But my dad is a completely different story though.
0
I've never really experienced that kind of parenting (even though I'm Chinese as well), my parents seem to go for the "trust-worthy" parenting and they just let me do anything as long as I'm good.
Although, I do have asian friends who have parents like that, they get pissed off at the subject, so I don't especially talk about it
Although, I do have asian friends who have parents like that, they get pissed off at the subject, so I don't especially talk about it
0
http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2011/11/03/judge-whipped-disabled-daughter-for-game-downloads/
Link is related. Watching the video and reading the comments made me realize of how discipline affects people.
I'm pretty sure here of how overprotective America is of their own child, what with the jokes of suing the school because their child failed a class or broke their knee among the school premises.
Still, I don't want to talk about the American way. I want to talk about the Asian way.
We've all seen the stereotypical of how Asians are almost always perfect when it comes to schooling, the fear of their parents, and the dishonor of being shunned out of the family if you got a B+. Aside from that joke about us asians being perfect grade-wise, the other ones are about true.
Here's a quote from a dude from Sankaku (I don't care where I get my saws, btw)
And I have something to say about the statement "No asian children resent their parents for beating them". Yes, I do not reset my parents. However, I built a wall around me to protect myself from my parents. I am scared of them. I thought they are my Gods and rulers who dominated my life. I feared that they will know how I feel, that do not live up to their expectation. I created a fake image of being a happy child. But deep down i am pretty fucked up (that why the reason i am here browsing 3kaku).
@anon 14:23
"they do not sue their parents" you say? It is because of the thing called "face value" or reputation. It is an unusual action, and unusual things are condemned in Asian society. That the reason why you rarely see innovative ideas and thinking start from Asia. The annoying feeling of your neighbour gossiping around your house is simply unbearable. In additional, most of Asian countries are third world country. I repeat, THIRD WORLD COUNTRY. Children have no free community lawyers to consult or are educated that they have basic human rights. All they are taught is "your parents, teachers, and elders are king. Do not oppose them nor talk back to them. They are always right, you are always wrong".
Also "repaying the care they gave them in the elderly years and live together"? i call it bullshit it is more like they CANNOT afford to live separate. Housing in city is damn bloody expensive. That people have to live in pigeon size apartment working from 8 to 5 with no annual leave just to make end meet. People simply have no choice. It is not like Western/Caucasian country where can you stay 40-50km from work. Here it takes more than half an hour for 10km commuting.
Also in the west, it is not about children never take care of their parents but more like the parents give their children a space of freedom. Just image you marry and live with your parents in the same house, everything you and your wife do, your parents will know. You cannot have a moment of romantic in the living room or kitchen because there are someone else.
So on and so forth...
I am grateful for my parents. As a business partner, they have been investing their money in me since i am nothing. So i will return their investments. But do i feel they are close to me that i can share my feeling? Definitely not.
Personally, I really want to leave the household, get a job, etc. But my conscience kept reminding me...
Even if they raised me brutally, threatened me to throw me into the streets if I fail a test and beat me up when I actually failed, they still didn't throw me away into the streets, they still raised me and gave me a home.
I know I can't explain myself clearly, but without saying it, I can clearly relate to what "mano" said, since it's pretty much what my life is, especially the last paragraph
Link is related. Watching the video and reading the comments made me realize of how discipline affects people.
I'm pretty sure here of how overprotective America is of their own child, what with the jokes of suing the school because their child failed a class or broke their knee among the school premises.
Still, I don't want to talk about the American way. I want to talk about the Asian way.
We've all seen the stereotypical of how Asians are almost always perfect when it comes to schooling, the fear of their parents, and the dishonor of being shunned out of the family if you got a B+. Aside from that joke about us asians being perfect grade-wise, the other ones are about true.
Here's a quote from a dude from Sankaku (I don't care where I get my saws, btw)
mano wrote...
First of all, I want to say that I am an Asian man who grew up in an Asia family.And I have something to say about the statement "No asian children resent their parents for beating them". Yes, I do not reset my parents. However, I built a wall around me to protect myself from my parents. I am scared of them. I thought they are my Gods and rulers who dominated my life. I feared that they will know how I feel, that do not live up to their expectation. I created a fake image of being a happy child. But deep down i am pretty fucked up (that why the reason i am here browsing 3kaku).
@anon 14:23
"they do not sue their parents" you say? It is because of the thing called "face value" or reputation. It is an unusual action, and unusual things are condemned in Asian society. That the reason why you rarely see innovative ideas and thinking start from Asia. The annoying feeling of your neighbour gossiping around your house is simply unbearable. In additional, most of Asian countries are third world country. I repeat, THIRD WORLD COUNTRY. Children have no free community lawyers to consult or are educated that they have basic human rights. All they are taught is "your parents, teachers, and elders are king. Do not oppose them nor talk back to them. They are always right, you are always wrong".
Also "repaying the care they gave them in the elderly years and live together"? i call it bullshit it is more like they CANNOT afford to live separate. Housing in city is damn bloody expensive. That people have to live in pigeon size apartment working from 8 to 5 with no annual leave just to make end meet. People simply have no choice. It is not like Western/Caucasian country where can you stay 40-50km from work. Here it takes more than half an hour for 10km commuting.
Also in the west, it is not about children never take care of their parents but more like the parents give their children a space of freedom. Just image you marry and live with your parents in the same house, everything you and your wife do, your parents will know. You cannot have a moment of romantic in the living room or kitchen because there are someone else.
So on and so forth...
I am grateful for my parents. As a business partner, they have been investing their money in me since i am nothing. So i will return their investments. But do i feel they are close to me that i can share my feeling? Definitely not.
Personally, I really want to leave the household, get a job, etc. But my conscience kept reminding me...
Even if they raised me brutally, threatened me to throw me into the streets if I fail a test and beat me up when I actually failed, they still didn't throw me away into the streets, they still raised me and gave me a home.
I know I can't explain myself clearly, but without saying it, I can clearly relate to what "mano" said, since it's pretty much what my life is, especially the last paragraph
0
Third world countries raising children in a third world way, sums it up for me.
Maybe its done so the children will be ready for harsh reality as adults, or just a cultural thing.
Either way it's an outdated and harsh way to raise a child.
Maybe its done so the children will be ready for harsh reality as adults, or just a cultural thing.
Either way it's an outdated and harsh way to raise a child.
0
I couldn't disagree more, PCheaf. Asians (and other strict households) may be harsh, but then again the world is harsh too. Spoiling your kids and raising them as if the world is some kind of carefree duck pond will only hurt them in the long run. It's obviously not good to beat your child, but to instill some discipline in an early age is only good.
Asians all have good grades, good jobs, pay taxes and contribute to society. Well, it's all because of their parent's harsh raising. And then we have the people who weren't raised harshly, who thinks that everything should be served to them on a silver plate. When these people run around saying they aren't given any jobs (for the record, you're not given a job in this world, you find one), that's when the strictly raised people have to pay for them doing nothing. Ever noticed that most communists are middle class kids? Yep.
And of course there's some kind of perfect middleground between "super-strict Asian" and "super-mild hippie", but I still think being strict is more important than people think.
Asians all have good grades, good jobs, pay taxes and contribute to society. Well, it's all because of their parent's harsh raising. And then we have the people who weren't raised harshly, who thinks that everything should be served to them on a silver plate. When these people run around saying they aren't given any jobs (for the record, you're not given a job in this world, you find one), that's when the strictly raised people have to pay for them doing nothing. Ever noticed that most communists are middle class kids? Yep.
And of course there's some kind of perfect middleground between "super-strict Asian" and "super-mild hippie", but I still think being strict is more important than people think.
0
Uzumaki101 wrote...
Even if they raised me brutally, threatened me to throw me into the streets if I fail a test and beat me up when I actually failed, they still didn't throw me away into the streets, they still raised me and gave me a home.This statement makes me think of women that stay with men that beat them: "He only hits me to correct me" and "At least he hits me where clothes can cover so people won't see the bruises."
I'm not sure of your point, but you start off this thread with an article about a man beating his daughter (and it's a pretty vicious beating), and then basically defend parents that torment their children, so am I wrong to assume that you are saying that what parents do to their children is okay as long as they provide for them?
In my opinion, no parent has the right to beat his/her child. (To simplify matters, I won't consider spanking to be "beating," though where "spanking" ends and "beating" begins isn't well-defined. But that's a different discussion; maybe it will arise, however.) Giving a child shelter and food and clothing is no excuse to hurt them in such a way. Violence isn't a very good motivator; a basic psychology class will teach you that. Hell, it's easy to see in the world. Even if fear produces results, it also produces a damaged person.
If all a parent does is not throw their child onto the street, that doesn't make them a good parent. A good parent supports the child, tries to put him/her on a path that leads to being a well-adjusted, responsible adult, and shows that they love the child. Repeatedly hitting someone isn't "showing love." Threatening harm isn't "showing love," and even if the threat isn't truthful, it's still not a sign of love.
Going hungry to make sure you can afford school supplies for your child? That's love. Helping your child with his/her homework after working an 8-hour job? That's love. Only hitting your child with an open palm and not a closed fist? That's not love. (A friend of mine was told that by his father, as if hitting him with his palms and not with his fists somehow made his father not a scumbag.)
0
lol wow, even the topic title is the same.
But to give you my thoughts (which I already said in the thread before), I don't really know if my parents aren't the stereotypical Asian parents or not. I've always made pretty decent grades, studied out of my own will and picked up musical instruments like the typical Asian kid is supposed to do. My parents haven't ever had a complaint about me so I can't be sure what they would be like if I weren't an ideal child to them.
Truth be told, I'm not the type of person who likes being bossed around. Truth be told, if my parents forced me to study I might even just not study just to show I have my own human rights.
But to give you my thoughts (which I already said in the thread before), I don't really know if my parents aren't the stereotypical Asian parents or not. I've always made pretty decent grades, studied out of my own will and picked up musical instruments like the typical Asian kid is supposed to do. My parents haven't ever had a complaint about me so I can't be sure what they would be like if I weren't an ideal child to them.
Truth be told, I'm not the type of person who likes being bossed around. Truth be told, if my parents forced me to study I might even just not study just to show I have my own human rights.
0
Salaryman Man wrote...
I couldn't disagree more, PCheaf. Asians (and other strict households) may be harsh, but then again the world is harsh too. Spoiling your kids and raising them as if the world is some kind of carefree duck pond will only hurt them in the long run. It's obviously not good to beat your child, but to instill some discipline in an early age is only good.Asians all have good grades, good jobs, pay taxes and contribute to society. Well, it's all because of their parent's harsh raising. And then we have the people who weren't raised harshly, who thinks that everything should be served to them on a silver plate. When these people run around saying they aren't given any jobs (for the record, you're not given a job in this world, you find one), that's when the strictly raised people have to pay for them doing nothing. Ever noticed that most communists are middle class kids? Yep.
And of course there's some kind of perfect middleground between "super-strict Asian" and "super-mild hippie", but I still think being strict is more important than people think.
Discipline is one thing, being treated as... (let's go with)lesser person is another.
A militaristic disciplined childhood will leave emotional scars.
Emotional scars that will produce a emotionally unstable adult, and will be passed on the next generation.
And all Asians have good grades/jobs/etc?
Well, it doesn't seem to do much for their continent much, does it?(poverty/suicide rates/etc)
On the communist part, 100 year old survey shows that...
Rich
Tend
To
Hate
Communism
For me it comes down to this, "A child is a person and not a subperson over whom the parent has an absolute possessory interest".
I wouldn't want to be treated as such at any stage of my life, and I won't be treating anyone as such either.
That being said, not a fan of pampered childhoods that make kids too full of themselves either, in the end both yield the same result, a damaged adult.
0
ImperialX wrote...
lol wow, even the topic title is the same.Shit!!
Quick! Someone report and merge this thread!
0
Oh, it always worries me when I see a non-Asian woman pull Amy Chua's book off the shelves. And it always makes me roll my eyes when that non-Asian woman brings the book to me to check out asks, "So, does this work?" It's a completely innocent question, but firstly, I'm not Chinese, and secondly, I was not raised in Chua's more-ferocious-than-needed style.
My parents, though strict, were never that strict about my grades. In fact, they honestly had no clue where my good grades came from, so they never asked and just went with it -- no encouragement needed. The only restrictions I got were because I'm a girl and they were constantly afraid that I would get taken advantage of (not so sure if that worked out). My grandmother, on the other hand, take on this "Tiger Mother" style, and expected nothing but excellence from me. The moment I messed up, I was shunned. To this day, I'm still seen as ugly, fat, and stupid in the eyes of my grandmother, and there's really only so much of that I can take before I snap.
Here's the thing, though. My parents have always encouraged me to find what made me happy, and I secretly envied those kids with parents who had high expectations. They KNEW if they had failed or not; I didn't. Now, I'm not saying I would wish that horrible style of parenting on anyone, but perhaps some sort of expectation to a very small degree would be helpful to some people. "Being happy" is not a concrete place for me. I know I'll probably change my mind in the future if I ever get to that state, but for now, a little sense of direction would be nice as well.
And that piano part? Jeez. Talk about emotional scarring. "Mom called me all sorts of mean things but in the end I could play the piano piece, SO I GUESS IT WORKS and I'm gonna have to treat my kids the same way!" That is straight up verbal abuse.
My parents, though strict, were never that strict about my grades. In fact, they honestly had no clue where my good grades came from, so they never asked and just went with it -- no encouragement needed. The only restrictions I got were because I'm a girl and they were constantly afraid that I would get taken advantage of (not so sure if that worked out). My grandmother, on the other hand, take on this "Tiger Mother" style, and expected nothing but excellence from me. The moment I messed up, I was shunned. To this day, I'm still seen as ugly, fat, and stupid in the eyes of my grandmother, and there's really only so much of that I can take before I snap.
Here's the thing, though. My parents have always encouraged me to find what made me happy, and I secretly envied those kids with parents who had high expectations. They KNEW if they had failed or not; I didn't. Now, I'm not saying I would wish that horrible style of parenting on anyone, but perhaps some sort of expectation to a very small degree would be helpful to some people. "Being happy" is not a concrete place for me. I know I'll probably change my mind in the future if I ever get to that state, but for now, a little sense of direction would be nice as well.
And that piano part? Jeez. Talk about emotional scarring. "Mom called me all sorts of mean things but in the end I could play the piano piece, SO I GUESS IT WORKS and I'm gonna have to treat my kids the same way!" That is straight up verbal abuse.
0
the best way of raising a Asian child (in my eyes as a Vietnamese) is demonstrating useful things in life that could help them, instead of shoving the piano lessons, the parents should play a peaceful song children would enjoy (i would play to a child at the age of 9 months until age of 7 but that's just me), it would send a message that it would be something good to learn and morally cool, and if that doesn't work, say "It's something you can show off to your friends!" which triggers their competitive nature as a kid, use their nature to help them achieve their goals