[Locked] [Community Project V2] Shadowblaze Chronicles
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So who's writing chapter 6? I'm pretty sure at this point I'm writing chapter 7, but until I know who's writing chapter 6, I can't even brainstorm ideas.
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Masayoshiii
Gone
Complete Horizon wrote...
So who's writing chapter 6? I'm pretty sure at this point I'm writing chapter 7, but until I know who's writing chapter 6, I can't even brainstorm ideas.That'd be JGML (JustGiveMeLove).
@justgivemelove-9645460 PM me when you're about halfway done with your chapter, if you see this. Chapter 10 is the advent of all-out war (This isn't really a spoiler since most of you already know), so we're going to try and build it up starting with your chapter.
For easy reference, this post will have a list of shorthand I use for peoples' names, since Yanker is the only one here currently with a short name:
Participating User Shorthands:
OP/LCP: LoliCreamPie
CH: Complete Horizon
Yanker: Yanker
JGML: JustGiveMeLove
SP: Spikedpikes
If you don't like your shorthand name, come up with one that isn't long that's easy to remember, and let me know.
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Call me Chuck, that's what all my friends call me. No, not Chuck Norris, lol.
I'll have chapter 6 fully complete sometime next week, possibly Thursday or Friday. I'll keep you posted Also, I'll leave my other characters here once I'm finished with them, add them to the list at your discretion... I'm actually taking the character creation process seriously, because this story project means something to me. I thought at first it'd be stupid, but this is turning out to be really good. I hope we succeed, and will do anything I can to help.
For now, here's a rough draft of chapter 6, unfinished, but it was on my computer so why not? Don't read if you don't want spoilers. It's only an outline for the first half, and I will be re-writing the chapter later, and including dialogue, as usual:
But OP, you should read it, since I'm too lazy to keep PM'img you this stuff.
I'll have chapter 6 fully complete sometime next week, possibly Thursday or Friday. I'll keep you posted Also, I'll leave my other characters here once I'm finished with them, add them to the list at your discretion... I'm actually taking the character creation process seriously, because this story project means something to me. I thought at first it'd be stupid, but this is turning out to be really good. I hope we succeed, and will do anything I can to help.
For now, here's a rough draft of chapter 6, unfinished, but it was on my computer so why not? Don't read if you don't want spoilers. It's only an outline for the first half, and I will be re-writing the chapter later, and including dialogue, as usual:
Spoiler:
But OP, you should read it, since I'm too lazy to keep PM'img you this stuff.
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Masayoshiii
Gone
JustGiveMeLove wrote...
Call me Chuck, that's what all my friends call me. No, not Chuck Norris, lol.I'll have chapter 6 fully complete sometime next week, possibly Thursday or Friday. I'll keep you posted Also, I'll leave my other characters here once I'm finished with them, add them to the list at your discretion... I'm actually taking the character creation process seriously, because this story project means something to me. I thought at first it'd be stupid, but this is turning out to be really good. I hope we succeed, and will do anything I can to help.
For now, here's a rough draft of chapter 6, unfinished, but it was on my computer so why not? Don't read if you don't want spoilers. It's only an outline for the first half, and I will be re-writing the chapter later, and including dialogue, as usual:
Spoiler:
But OP, you should read it, since I'm too lazy to keep PM'img you this stuff.
Okay, Chuck, no problem. As for the first part of chapter 6, it's a bit disappointing that we don't get a better look into Rocan's character, but that can wait. The more important thing is that you delved into Masayoshi's abilities too much. just making a note of his regeneration was enough, but that's actually not what his ability is. If you give too much away about the main characters, the plot will suffer later, especially if you do it wrong.
This is why I wanted you to PM me it first, because I wasn't sure how you were going to develop the characters this chapter. On that note, Elgaraf's confrontation with the bandit leader drow doesn't make sense. How did he find out about the bandit knowing his ex-fiance? In fact, I'm not so sure we should be including that subplot yet, as it's up to Yanker and SP, since it involves Yanker's character, and mention of SP's character in a plot-related fashion.
But, despite its flaws, it's an alright start to your chapter overall, and gives the party some travel time before the upcoming events. I'll PM you with instructions on what I want changed or fixed, and the suggestions on how to do it, though that part is up to you. Please, please PM me it first once you finish, Also Yanker and CH.
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So when can I begin writing chapter 7? from what I saw chapter six is pretty far already, will it be this week?
Also, I haven't read all of chapter 5 yet, because the formatting when you pm'ed me is all messed up. There's breaks in the middle of sentences where the paragraph should continue.
Also, I haven't read all of chapter 5 yet, because the formatting when you pm'ed me is all messed up. There's breaks in the middle of sentences where the paragraph should continue.
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Masayoshiii
Gone
Complete Horizon wrote...
So when can I begin writing chapter 7? from what I saw chapter six is pretty far already, will it be this week?Also, I haven't read all of chapter 5 yet, because the formatting when you pm'ed me is all messed up. There's breaks in the middle of sentences where the paragraph should continue.
I'm not sure about this week, since I'm not the one writing it, but I'd say that the chances are pretty good. As for chapter 5, sorry about that, it's a glitch caused when I copy-paste from notepad onto any forum, via post or pm. I'm going to fix it up and re-PM it to you.
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LoliCreamPie wrote...
I'm not sure about this week, since I'm not the one writing it, but I'd say that the chances are pretty good. As for chapter 5, sorry about that, it's a glitch caused when I copy-paste from notepad onto any forum, via post or pm. I'm going to fix it up and re-PM it to you.Okay that's fine. No worries.
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Interesting. So this is what you've been contributing to Fakku's community. I know you don't like my very much, and I said some mean things in the past, but would it be alright for me to possibly join your project? I want to get back into writing, too.
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Masayoshiii
Gone
MyLastStand wrote...
Interesting. So this is what you've been contributing to Fakku's community. I know you don't like my very much, and I said some mean things in the past, but would it be alright for me to possibly join your project? I want to get back into writing, too.Well, I don't like your past decisions and actions, but according to what I've seen lately, you're turning out okay. You're welcome to join the project, we need more members so anyone is welcome. I don't have any upcoming chapters yet that I can give you, but you can create characters if you want.
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LoliCreamPie wrote...
Well, I don't like your past decisions and actions, but according to what I've seen lately, you're turning out okay. You're welcome to join the project, we need more members so anyone is welcome. I don't have any upcoming chapters yet that I can give you, but you can create characters if you want.Okay, thanks for this. I won't disappoint you, and I won't forget this.
Here's a short profile for one character I just made, it's the very first submission. I'll take my time to ensure quality with the rest, and I'll make an updated version later:
Name: Deon Crescent
Race: Azismian
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Weapon: A twin set of tomahawks.
Shapeshifts Into: Werewolf
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Masayoshiii
Gone
MyLastStand wrote...
Okay, thanks for this. I won't disappoint you, and I won't forget this.Here's a short profile for one character I just made, it's the very first submission. I'll take my time to ensure quality with the rest, and I'll make an updated version later:
Name: Deon Crescent
Race: Azismian
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Weapon: A twin set of tomahawks.
Shapeshifts Into: Werewolf
No problem, and thanks for the character profile ^_^. I'll be sure to add it to the character list soon. You don't have to provide more info if you don't want to, you can always introduce the character into your own chapter.
Oh, but there was one thing missing that I need to know. What is their stance? (Protagonist, Antagonists, Unattached, Neutral).
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LoliCreamPie wrote...
Oh, but there was one thing missing that I need to know. What is their stance? (Protagonist, Antagonists, Unattached, Neutral).I wanna say protagonist, since the list is short. And yes, I'll introduce them when I write my chapter... can I reserve chapter 11? It doesn't look like it's gone yet.
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Masayoshiii
Gone
MyLastStand wrote...
LoliCreamPie wrote...
Oh, but there was one thing missing that I need to know. What is their stance? (Protagonist, Antagonists, Unattached, Neutral).I wanna say protagonist, since the list is short. And yes, I'll introduce them when I write my chapter... can I reserve chapter 11? It doesn't look like it's gone yet.
Well, we haven't gotten that far yet, but sure, I'll put you down for chapter 11. Just make sure to stay active as we get closer to chapter 10. I'd say, at least take part in discussion from chapter 8, or submit characters, or etc.
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LoliCreamPie wrote...
Well, we haven't gotten that far yet, but sure, I'll put you down for chapter 11. Just make sure to stay active as we get closer to chapter 10. I'd say, at least take part in discussion from chapter 8, or submit characters, or etc.Alrighty then. By the way where's chapter five? I can see from previous posts that it's already long done, but it isn't here.
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Masayoshiii
Gone
MyLastStand wrote...
Alrighty then. By the way where's chapter five? I can see from previous posts that it's already long done, but it isn't here.I'm so sorry~ I've been really busy keeping track of a lot of things, so it's been hard to know what's going on. I am actively taking part in this project, but I also work one full-time and one part-time job.
Here's chapter 5, note that changes might be made depending on what another user has to say. This title format is the format I will be using when posting any future chapters:
~~~Chapter V -- Blinded By the Light:~~~
Spoiler:
I just want to note that this is the longest story I've written with others, ever. The fact that everyone taking part in this project is taking it seriously and helping out with writing is a wonderful thing, it's really inspired me to go above and beyond my limits, learning new things just to keep up with you all. I hope to continue this project with my comrades, and have new people join as well.
Everyone's welcome to be a part of the Shadowblaze Chronicles ^_^.
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LoliCreamPie wrote...
~~~Chapter V -- Blinded By the Light:~~~Spoiler:
I decided to post a detailed review of your chapter, since there's so much going in this one. First, the follow-up from the previous chapter was decent at the start, and you started out with an excellent amount of detail and minimal exposition, expressing your story through the actions of the characters and their interactions with the scene rather than drawn-out dialogue.
However, I have to take that compliment right back, because for the next dozen or so paragraphs, you revert to drawn-out explanations for everything and anything. The detail level of character actions and the scenery around them also dropped in response, almost as though you sacrifice one facet of story-telling for the other.
It's not without its benefits, but the build-up to an intense following chapter should be expressed mostly through the details and actions of the characters and scenery, not lengthy conversations, in my opinion. Extended discussions should be saved for times where there is a lot of explaining to be done, like when a lot just happened. The start of the chapter does this acceptably, but the rest of the chapter is focused on rather minor events.
I do give you credit for those last three paragraphs though. They are, without a doubt, the greatest part of this chapter, however brief. You kept enough detail to effectively introduce the character, Ikawa Rocan, while keeping enough action for their to hold a reader's interest. If you wrote the majority of your chapters in a similar fashion, I would have almost nothing bad to say about your chapters. Almost.
I may be being too harsh, considering your self-proclaimed long absence from writing stories, and this being the longest you've worked on for many years, but I am doing this and giving you this insight in hopes you will take it, and use it to polish your future chapters so that they are even more brilliant.
Now, I bid you adieu.
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Masayoshiii
Gone
Complete Horizon wrote...
I decided to post a detailed review of your chapter, since there's so much going in this one. First, the follow-up from the previous chapter was decent at the start, and you started out with an excellent amount of detail and minimal exposition, expressing your story through the actions of the characters and their interactions with the scene rather than drawn-out dialogue.However, I have to take that compliment right back, because for the next dozen or so paragraphs, you revert to drawn-out explanations for everything and anything. The detail level of character actions and the scenery around them also dropped in response, almost as though you sacrifice one facet of story-telling for the other.
It's not without its benefits, but the build-up to an intense following chapter should be expressed mostly through the details and actions of the characters and scenery, not lengthy conversations, in my opinion. Extended discussions should be saved for times where there is a lot of explaining to be done, like when a lot just happened. The start of the chapter does this acceptably, but the rest of the chapter is focused on rather minor events.
I do give you credit for those last three paragraphs though. They are, without a doubt, the greatest part of this chapter, however brief. You kept enough detail to effectively introduce the character, Ikawa Rocan, while keeping enough action for their to hold a reader's interest. If you wrote the majority of your chapters in a similar fashion, I would have almost nothing bad to say about your chapters. Almost.
I may be being too harsh, considering your self-proclaimed long absence from writing stories, and this being the longest you've worked on for many years, but I am doing this and giving you this insight in hopes you will take it, and use it to polish your future chapters so that they are even more brilliant.
Now, I bid you adieu.
Well, that's certainly an informative review. I will try my best to improve in the areas I'm failing at, so that I can live up to expectations. Thank you for taking the time to review my chapter ^_^.
I'm still working with Chuck (JustGiveMeLove, though he said he prefers 'Chuck') on chapter 6 by PM, so look forward to that probably early next week.
Since you're doing chapter 7, I'll have him PM you the first draft of the complete chapter.
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Just to let people know, I'm leaving for 3 weeks so that I can help my parents move apartments. We don't know where they'll be staying yet, but they have a lot of cleaning and packing to do.
I won't be writing chapter 7, I'll be writing 9 instead, Spikepikes agreed to switch with me via PM.
I won't keep people updated, since I'll be very busy. Sorry guys.
I won't be writing chapter 7, I'll be writing 9 instead, Spikepikes agreed to switch with me via PM.
I won't keep people updated, since I'll be very busy. Sorry guys.
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Disclaimer: Due to request, this is being posted, but at the same time, be aware that many changes may be made. Chapter 7 should not be written for a while.
Chapter 6 - Warring States:
Chapter 6 - Warring States:
Spoiler:
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So I split this chapter into scenes, get used to me doing that, it's my writing style. Feel free to give an honest, 'bullshit-free' review, otherwise, don't bother. I don't care if you feel it would offend me, say it in your reviews anyway.
I also made these a lot longer than last time, except for the second scene. The reason for that is... That's all I had permission to write for him. There's not much I can do when my hands are tied up for a character. OP isn't even the one that tied them, lel, blame that 'Chuck' fellow for that.
===Chapter 7: Now that's a feat:===
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Scene One: No Rest for the Righteous:
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Scene Two: Rocan the wanderer
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Scene Three: War Preparations
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Scene Four: Battle Your Own Shadow
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I also made these a lot longer than last time, except for the second scene. The reason for that is... That's all I had permission to write for him. There's not much I can do when my hands are tied up for a character. OP isn't even the one that tied them, lel, blame that 'Chuck' fellow for that.
===Chapter 7: Now that's a feat:===
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Scene One: No Rest for the Righteous:
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Spoiler:
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Scene Two: Rocan the wanderer
======================================
Spoiler:
======================================
Scene Three: War Preparations
======================================
Spoiler:
======================================
Scene Four: Battle Your Own Shadow
======================================
Spoiler: