Animeholic Posts

I love it!

Humor, action and witty lines!

Don't know why but I got a Cowboy Bebop feel when they smelled the cheap liquor along with the Oldtech thing similar to how Earth still has old stuff in CB! I would love to see a sequel!

Parody of Livided's Cold Fire And Gauntlets:



Livided, you are my first victim in this little mudslinging campaign of mine. Any entry that contains actual references to real people must be exploited and milked. So your entry inspired me to pen the following which is a story that definitely has Xenon in it and has me in it. If high_time minds how he is portrayed in this parody, raucous laughter would erupt from my vocal chords:

This story is not unlike the great Nordic sagas where great deeds are done, evil is banished and good triumphs at the very end. Ignoring the fact that the ending of this story is spoiled already, this story would guarantee to attract eyeballs and garner the interest of many a reader because I said so.

It takes place at a place that transcends space and at a time that transcends time. The actors in this great theatre of space and time transcend both space and time.

Dear readers, the hero of this story was noble for he was a noble gas.
His name is Xenon and one hundred and thirty one was his molecular mass.
He is noble for he is not flammable, immune to leonard267's flaming.
He is noble for he is not reactive, resistant to chemical bonding.
Now the author of this poem is fed up with rhymes.
So he is going to write in normal prose and stuff your orifices with limes.

If one were to look past the appalling threats made in the last two lines of that poem, one would indeed marvel at Xenon's qualities. He is not reactive, not flammable, utterly expensive and rare thus useless if you were to ask your chemist. Yet, there is a cloud in every silver lining. All of these qualities are psychopath bait. Already after the reader reads this line, trouble is looming in the horizon for that noblest of gases.

The evil leonard267, having learnt chemistry in high school wanted to make Xenon the very opposite of what he is: Flammable, reactive, rather obnoxious but still utterly expensive thus useless.

Who was he and what were his origins? Accounts differ wildly.

Some say that he is the 267th incarnation of some demon called Leonard. This demon plagues this earth by whining and moaning. Upon discovering that no one wanted to listen to him, he decided to put his whining and moaning into writing. He forced people to read his entries, threatening the pain of utter online harassment should they refuse. What a terrible demon!

Some say that he belongs to the Order of Leonards which was 267 strong. They, sharing the namesake of that demon, specialise in whining, moaning, harassment and lowering the quality of literature in this very plane of existence. The 267th Leonard, was aptly named leonard267 went mad one day and forced 265 Leonards to give up their names. The 266th Leonard decided to adopt a surname instead and was now known to the world as Leonard Nimoy, a mediocre B-movie actor.

Some say that his name is generated by a Neopets username generator. As to why he chose to use that username of a game that boasts 50 million accounts all which generated by one person as his persona is way beyond the realm of comprehension.

His plan to subvert the very nature of Xenon must be very diabolical indeed if one has to spend 3 paragraphs to describe him in contrast to a William McGonagall-esque poem and a redundant paragraph for Xenon's introduction. And diabolical indeed it was because he had to rope in another villain, equalling leonard267's capacity for evil and mischief, to see that the evil deed was done.

That villain goes by many names but the most used name of all was high_time which is obviously an abbreviation of the phrase, "high all of the time". Now, it is hard to say whether he is a frequent abuser of mind altering chemicals or whether his grasp on his mental faculties was as weak as that of leonard267. What was surer though, is his ability to blight the world with great evil by describing in graphic detail hermaphrodites and their out of place genitals and their bone-chilling romps.

Their ploy against Xenon was as such. They intend to throw Xenon into a special freezer that lowers the temperature of its contents to dozens of degrees below the melting point of ice. In that freezer, they would have to put in tremendous pressure on him and that meant forcing him to listen to their awful readings of poorly written writing contest entries whilst judging them.

What was to be gained through all that fuss? The answer lies in making Xenon a volatile liquid. As every layman knows, a volatile person is a reactive and mercurial one. This is much more fun than Xenon, the noble gas, noble but inert.

They hired some mercenaries to ambush Xenon in some tavern but they all succumbed to Xenon's powerful powers that involves flames and claws and spheres of light and other physically impossible and implausible manifestations that originate from the mind of the creators of children cartoons.

leonard267 and high_time knew that they had to act fast. Punching a very conveniently located switch that was placed the entrance of the tavern that was very conveniently not accidentally pressed by many a patron of that tavern, the tavern transformed into that terrible freezer that subjects its contents to temperatures, dozens of degrees below the melting point of ice.

Xenon, knowing that he is trapped and cornered and somehow aware of the presence of leonard267 and high_time cried,

"Leonard and High,
I know my end in nigh.
I have a request
That I hope you acquiesce.
I have nothing but love and friendship for you
Why attempt to turn me into goo?"

leonard267 replied in the vein of the great Edmund Hilary who said that he climbed Mount Everest because it is there and in the vein of many an evil person who committed evil deeds because it can be done,

"Oh! I did that because it was fun!"

As the temperature well and Xenon felt not well, leonard267 and high_time started mounting pressure on Xenon by reading aloud a certain contest entry. The nature of that reading was so terrible and vile, it can't be replicated here, all neat and well. Readers, you will have to deal with links:

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/winter-contest-entry-2013-an-analysis
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1zN4KoRmWzt
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1V94ijuG2AI

As soon as those terrible sounds reverberated throughout that fell enclosure, the pressure within it immense, poor old Xenon began to condense. It appeared that evil was the victor and all of us felt sicker.

Triumphant and exhilarated, high_time and leonard267 embraced each other in joy and entered the freezer to bask in their victory.

high_time roared with glee, "We have made Xenon a volatile liquid. Surely he will be easier to tease!" leonard267 cackled with delight. A reactive, feisty and frivolous Xenon was created, so they thought. He would join their ranks and cover the entire world in darkness and despair, so they thought.

But any competent student of chemistry should know that volatile liquids are liquids that evaporate easily. It is not going to be reactive or flammable. It would just return to the gaseous state it was before!

What happened in the very end of this story which is filled with awkward lines that rhymed and even more awkward transitions to lines that don't rhyme?

Xenon went back to what he was before, an inert but noblest of gases. While leonard267 and high_time perished in the extreme cold of that enclosure with burst eardrums, having succumbed to their awful readings of that lousy contest entry.