Animeholic Posts
Livided
FAKKU Writer
Told ya you would win Raptor. xD
Edit: Also gz to all who won, was a nice year of stories!
Edit: Also gz to all who won, was a nice year of stories!
Livided
FAKKU Writer
Two of my favorites won, big gz to both Xinebreaker and my boss Raptor! :D
Livided
FAKKU Writer
Go go Raptor! :D
Livided
FAKKU Writer
Nejik wrote...
I read the prequel so I went in knowing who these two were a just a little bit. I don't know them immensely but I understood a bit of the characters so interaction between the two I was alright with. I enjoy these two when they they talk to one another, well Xenon talks anyway, I felt a little sad when it got randomly pulled from it.I could see how it could be confusing without an introduction to the characters but I'd be alright with starting with this one and going back.
Overall I enjoyed the light humor and fight scene, what little things got to me have already been said so that's it from me.
Glad you liked it, I did indeed try as you spotted to make both stories independant but still relate to one another in some way. So I am glad you agree with that.
And indeed, plenty of flaws has been pointed out and agreed with, I have learned a lot more then I expected to going in this time around, hope you did as well. =)
Been working on a enhanced edition of this story without the word constraints, so might release it here on fakku sometime after the contest ends, we shall see.
Thanks for reading and since ya lost in the first poll, good luck with judges' choice Nejik!
Livided
FAKKU Writer
Damn, cant decide who to vote for, I like several different entries in this one for various reasons, my own included of course. xD
At any rate, good luck indeed to us all and a lot of interesting reads this year. =)
At any rate, good luck indeed to us all and a lot of interesting reads this year. =)
Livided
FAKKU Writer
Dawn_of_Dark wrote...
Livided wrote...
Dawn_of_Dark wrote...
Great read. I think I will definitely be a front-runnerWoa, proclaming your own chances at someone elses work, you must indeed be confident about yer chances. xD
... Or just a typo. ^^
OMFG. Why would I go around the forum and scream I will win in every entry? LOL. What I meant to say was "I think it will definitely be a front-runner." - as in, FGRaptor's work. LOL. Funny how that happened after I just read a funny post about stupid embarrassing moments because of phones' auto-correct function.
Sorry about that, FGRaptor. Hope you didn't think I was some cocky little ass, LOL. To be honest, as a competing author, I would not say that, but it came from me as a reader.
I think everyone figured it was a typo m8, just looked funny. ^^
Livided
FAKKU Writer
Dawn_of_Dark wrote...
Great read. I think I will definitely be a front-runnerWoa, proclaming your own chances at someone elses work, you must indeed be confident about yer chances. xD
... Or just a typo. ^^
Livided
FAKKU Writer
Would recommend you create some spaces in that text.
Livided
FAKKU Writer
Spoiler:
Aye we spoke about all yer thoughts online earlier, not much more to add. Will try and work on the flaws I have displayed boss! =P
Spoiler:
Thanks glad you enjoyed it. =)
Spoiler:
Pretty much what I expected hehe, not my cup of tea but well made and I am sure several will enjoy it for what it is. Well written, good word selections and overal interesting. =)
Livided
FAKKU Writer
Good luck everyone! Still a few entries I haven't read yet, will read, respond my wannabe feedback and get to voting. =)
Livided
FAKKU Writer
leonard267 wrote...
I would like to do a fuller parody of your entry by tomorrow, Livided. Is that okay with you? I will post it here and in another thread.Aye, while I am probably not a big fan of yer style, you definitely have quality to your work and if you feel like making a parody of anything I have made I consider it an honor. =P
Livided
FAKKU Writer
sora_coltrane wrote...
I liked these characterization a lot:Spoiler:
For the ending:
Spoiler:
I thought you could improve on these:
Spoiler:
This is what I have so far. Good job! The change from desert to snow land added dimension!
I agree with all yer suggestion for improvement, some I was unaware of, others I am. Interesting thing on yer thoughts on the comically thing, originally I had more words in to emphesis that she just looked comically lifting it due to the fragile glass and the powerful fists. But as I edited and edited shorting it down to below 2000 words I forgot to properly construct that segment of the story.
Off-topic: Was hoping to have finished reading yours before you got to mine, but been a busy after new year day, will get to yours asap! =)
Livided
FAKKU Writer
Modzy wrote...
Very nice word choice; the only words that seemed to grow tired were the names of characters.Apart from that, quite good.
Hm, after reading through the story again I cannot help but agree with the names being over used. I tried keeping this in mind but I just missed sorting it out more evenly so it wasnt being hammered in.
Livided
FAKKU Writer
leonard267 wrote...
Yes. That is a common technique among the entries I have read, but I find myself scratching my head unless I know who is who by the first 200 words of the entry. Dawn of Dark has accomplished that somewhat but I still find it difficult to read the story unless I knew who the first character introduced in the story was.
I definitely see what you mean, I am like I said, a limited writer in that I tend to write what I know to a certain extent. And I know what I read and majority of my reading comes from warhammer 40k novels, where a lot of times they take a long time to introduce characters and let the readers get to know them one piece at a time.
I guess this once again points to the bad decision I made when writing this. I took a story which could be many many pages long and should be, into under 2000 words. As a result approaching this short story as a entire book gave a way for plenty of errors to crop up.
Since I do not have the luxury of the space a book has to a short story where you need to produce good and interesting content from start to finish or the reader will lose interest. As well as not get what is going on story wise or character wise.
Livided
FAKKU Writer
leonard267 wrote...
Spoiler:
No, no. I am not going to ask you to write nonsense! That is my job.
I am suggesting a few short sentences to establish who the main characters are and what do they do to make us care about what is happening next.
And I agree with yer suggestion, I ran out of space and for better or worse, left out such sentences in order to fit other things in the story. =P
In retrospect it may have been a bad call as indeed it is important to establish characters in a good way for anything else to be good later on though.
Edit: My attempts to give more info about the characters with what I had I tried to reveal in piecemeal. So as in the start briefly about some minor apperances on the characters, some small mention of each personality and then add some more in certain scenes or occasions.
Livided
FAKKU Writer
xninebreaker wrote...
LividedSpoiler:
Many thanks for the compliments! Your paradox of having read only 2 entries, but mines being in the top 3 is amusing. You should at least read one more so that your statement holds true! I'm glad you entered btw, looking forward to reading your story!
I have read almost every entry of this year, what I meant with the one work before was reffering to you and yer entry of 2012, hence only read 2 of YOUR stories before. Hope that clears things up. =P
Livided
FAKKU Writer
leonard267 wrote...
Livided wrote...
mibuchiha wrote...
I haven't read any of the 'prequels' so I read this with a fresh mind.And I didn't like it. Not in the 'it was bad' kind of dislike, but in the 'uh huh, so what is this about exactly?' kind. It was empty. So two people came into a tavern, in a quest to hunt some dude... and they got into some sort of fight. And... dunno.
The language felt queer at times.
First you said she was stoic, and next she was ordering things enthusiastically... that felt contradictory.
'Xenon' and 'Medzy' were names I disliked as well. Nothing against those users, but the names felt very improper for this kind of work. I also felt that the two together lack 'harmony', for a lack of better words. The sounds, or maybe the images forcibly imposed on the character from what I saw of those two users... all these involuntary associations seemed to me more damaging to your story than any kind of help they could be.
Again, I stress that I haven't read the 'prequels' and I do not intend to, not with the purpose of changing my judgment of this one, at the very least. It would be unfair considering that these background information will probably enforce the story in some sense, making it seem better, but this violates the '2000 words limit' rule of the contest.
Aye which is why I did not link it directly but explained where the story continues from, the story continues from a old entry I made but a lot has been changed regarding the chars and I made this to be read alone without the older work. If your worry about it violating the 2000 word limit is shared by the judges I will gladly accept it though and simply consider this an honourable mention.
As for yer other comments. I love the names myself, so just a difference in taste I guess.
Disagree about the language completly but again a matter of taste, not quite sure what attributes I employ that gives it that "queer" feeling at times, if you could point out some examples I would appreciate it.
And indeed about the contradiction of the char Medzy as you mentioned. 100% agree with that point, no excuess really for that one. Was going for a normally stoic but lets loose in specific situations. But the story got shortened so it is what it is. =P
Once again disagree about the harmony and it damaging the story though.
I have absolutely no idea what Mibuchiha is saying about 'harmony' and 'queer language' (unless you made Medzy a male and his relationship with Xenon in the story homoerotic).
My issue with the entry is the lack of an introduction. Who are the characters? Where they are? What do they intend to do? This would make one more concerned about the fight that was going on.
I hope you liked the parody of it. It attempts to introduce Xenon and the two villains. I hope it sets up motivation which is Xenon being aware that he is about to be attacked.
Yer parody is not my style tell ya the truth, but it is well written and interesting for what it is. So I due to the high quality of it I can't help but like it for that reason. =P
As for the lack of introduction, 100% again, I knew this would be a problem. In the original draft I made of this there was a lot more focus on the introduction of the characters, but I ran out of words and cut out like 4 paragraphs from the start. I could have of course removed something else, or written something else that allowed me to avoid this big flaw in my text.
But I was stubborn getting this story done and having a contuination of sorts, so for better or worse this is what I came out with hehe.
Livided
FAKKU Writer
mibuchiha wrote...
I haven't read any of the 'prequels' so I read this with a fresh mind.And I didn't like it. Not in the 'it was bad' kind of dislike, but in the 'uh huh, so what is this about exactly?' kind. It was empty. So two people came into a tavern, in a quest to hunt some dude... and they got into some sort of fight. And... dunno.
The language felt queer at times.
First you said she was stoic, and next she was ordering things enthusiastically... that felt contradictory.
'Xenon' and 'Medzy' were names I disliked as well. Nothing against those users, but the names felt very improper for this kind of work. I also felt that the two together lack 'harmony', for a lack of better words. The sounds, or maybe the images forcibly imposed on the character from what I saw of those two users... all these involuntary associations seemed to me more damaging to your story than any kind of help they could be.
Again, I stress that I haven't read the 'prequels' and I do not intend to, not with the purpose of changing my judgment of this one, at the very least. It would be unfair considering that these background information will probably enforce the story in some sense, making it seem better, but this violates the '2000 words limit' rule of the contest.
Aye which is why I did not link it directly but explained where the story continues from, the story continues from a old entry I made but a lot has been changed regarding the chars and I made this to be read alone without the older work. If your worry about it violating the 2000 word limit is shared by the judges I will gladly accept it though and simply consider this an honourable mention.
As for yer other comments. I love the names myself, so just a difference in taste I guess.
Disagree about the language completly but again a matter of taste, not quite sure what attributes I employ that gives it that "queer" feeling at times, if you could point out some examples I would appreciate it.
And indeed about the contradiction of the char Medzy as you mentioned. 100% agree with that point, no excuess really for that one. Was going for a normally stoic but lets loose in specific situations. But the story got shortened so it is what it is. =P
Once again disagree about the harmony and it damaging the story though.
Livided
FAKKU Writer
Yay you made it! :D
Reading and editing the post when I am done.
Edit: Very well made as I suspected, while not my favorite kind of story, it definitly has holds some of my favorite characters in this contest, very well developed and "alive" conversation. You done a nice job truly sucking me into the experience here. =)
Reading and editing the post when I am done.
Edit: Very well made as I suspected, while not my favorite kind of story, it definitly has holds some of my favorite characters in this contest, very well developed and "alive" conversation. You done a nice job truly sucking me into the experience here. =)
Livided
FAKKU Writer
leonard267 wrote...
I want to see Medzy and Xenon fight over a skin of water. More references to their behaviour in the forums will be excellent. Or you can write high_time into the story accusing leonard267 of deriving carnal pleasure looking at photos of geriatrics. I will go through your entry in detail some time later. I hope you would not mind.
The only thing I have used from Xenon and Medzy on the forum, are their names.
As for Leonard and High, neither name would fit into the world where this takes place in so sadly cannot be done. =P
Feel free to go over it in detail whenever it suits ya.
high_time wrote...
yeah maybe that, some parts used a bit much words and some part seems to be trimmed. kind of like the descriptions from the beginning to the battle scene that's kinda wordy and the battle scene ended up a bit too short, even if it has the stuff which made it somehow 'complete'.well I sensed some humor alongside the way, kind of refreshing yeah, but mostly got sucked in by the battle scene.
not either hit or miss on me, just probably along the middle of it.
Fair enough, thanks for the input. =)