User Posts

Sorry for taking so long to post a comment of your entry. I was busy with work. I can reveal to you that I ranked your entry to be the top three. However, the other judges didn't agree with me.

Allow to explain in detail why I thought so, beginning with the three criteria that I used to judge the entries:

1. Must be readable:

If you want me to criticise your entry, I would say that I didn't understand the first three lines of the entry. I was confused by keywords like "charade"; I didn't know how the protagonist transitioned from his dormitory to the counsellor's house. It felt jarring to me and I found it unnecessary. I would have preferred the story opening straight at the counsellor's house with some monologue about how he would rather be staying at his dormitory. (You might be familiar with my tastes in reading and presentation. I can imagine another judge or reader not seeing this as a problem.)

That is a small issue though. The bulk of entry, which was really centred around the protagonist's thoughts, I quite enjoyed. I understood clearly what the protagonist is thinking and as much as I hate plot being described by dialogue, I didn't mind it in this instance. I'd like to think it is because they were phrased as a question and answer. I knew fully the context.

This entry appealed to me because I found it easy to go through it. The fact that was short and straight to the point made it all the better.


2. Must be funny:

The humour used in this story fits my tastes. (Though I think it didn't appeal to the two other judges) That was why I placed it in the top three. You might have noticed that I like monologues centred around grumbling and complaining. I also love references to real life and would dearly like to peek into the thoughts of real people. This entry reflected that somewhat.

However since it wasn't really a deliberate attempt to make people laugh and it wasn't as witty as the other entry about cannibal rats, I ranked it as the third best. However, I found this entry to be one of the few that I found funny and entertaining. It is a shame that the judges didn't agree with me.

3. Must be written in leonard267's style:

This is the least important of the judging criteria.

It slightly resembles what I write with great emphasis placed on explaining the thoughts of the protagonist. I might have ranked your entry higher if it devoted more words to digressing about how counsellors are in reality, unproductive people as evidenced with how he is failing in counselling the protagonist and delve in the realm of the silly like thinking of taking a dump while the counsellor is talking. (You actually did that, but it is in dialogue with swear words, things that this reader minds quite a lot.)

Don't worry about not meeting that criteria of writing like me though. It is nothing to be proud about.

Overall, I enjoyed your entry. I minded the presentation a little but that cannot ruin me appreciating the anger of the protagonist. The last line of the entry is the icing on the cake!

One question: What is an IEP?

I would try to assume that all readers are stupid should you task me to write a story with plot. Reading comprehension and artistic interpretation were never my strong suits so I would be more than happy if the writer treated me like an idiot and explained what is going on. Yanker's entry did that quite well I feel and so do children bedtime stories.

I was never a fan of modern literature which does away with explaining things in a forthright manner.

You actually took my advice and went through my previous posts?! You deserve to win just for taking the effort to do so!

Can I begin by judging the entry by the 3 criteria I listed out in the "Winners Thread"?

1. Must be readable:

Thank you for giving me a hint of what is the story about at the beginning. I don't mind it since I like jokes even though I know how it is going to end. I wouldn't say that the first few paragraphs are readable because so little is given. While I understand that this is part of the setup, you could have indicated more clearly that we have a main character whose mother is cannibalising his siblings.

For example some lines indicating that the 'scrawny killer' is his mother would be certainly welcome in my book. (The scrawny killer came up to me and placed her blood glistened lips lightly on my cheek. It was a soft, tender and motherly peck. Motherly it was so for that killer was also my mother.)

When I tried to go through it, I nearly thought that the person doing the killing and Mother Rat were two different people. Revealing it through dialogue didn't help.

I wouldn't mind if you just say outright that Judas committed matricide. The whole point of the story is to induce disgust and horror surely?

I understood the story thankfully only after opening the spoiler and the second criteria is really the reason why I placed this entry among my top 3.


2. Must be humorous:
The twist at the end is exactly what made it humorous. I have developed a taste of laughing at suffering to the extent of being sardonic. (For that to work though, it must contain some element of humour which this entry had in the twist.) I appreciated the wit in the story which is really hard to come up with. The spoilers at the end (and at the beginning) are to me the cherries on top that adds to the humour. Long story short, the humour in this story fits my tastes.

If it only could be better presented!


3. Must be written in my style:
It isn't written in my style. That needn't be a bad thing if you have tried reading what I write.

You will disagree with what I wrote. It really boils down to my tastes in reading which is why we have 2 other judges (who might share the same opinions as me) and the polls (which are won by whoever has the most connections in the forum). Congratulations on getting runner-up though!

This is the entry that really followed stipulated themes of the competition which is why I rated it very highly. Allow me to go through the three criteria in which I rate each entry:

1. Must be readable:
I commend your starting paragraphs for laying out the setting of the story and who the characters are which doesn't seem to be fashionable these days unfortunately. I can follow your story from beginning to the end that way.

2. Must be funny:
A betrayal of expectations is certainly humour in my book. The misery Leo felt as he was sodomised by that old man was humour too. I can't say that I laughed at it though because of my distaste of anything related to sex and my sense of humour being sucked away due to hours at work but I appreciate the effort. As I said before, this is the only entry that adhered to the contest themes properly.

3. Must be written in my style:
This is the least important of my criteria. I wouldn't say that it is written like my entry since it is devoid of long monologues and the type of humour used but I really like the prose of this entry. At each point, there is a description of what is going on followed by dialogue. Too many times I have read stories that are dominated by dialogue which is hard to read.

Instead of complaining that your style is not similar to mine I would say that I would like to write like you.

I have one more question. Why did you name the protagonist Leo though? It felt like a reference to me.

(By the way, all of the 3 judges felt that your entry ought to be in the top 3. I commend you for that!)

I did give a reply of sorts to your entry at the "Winners Thread". It really reminded me of what I write in more ways than one, the lack of effort put in for starters! Hopefully I can give a fuller reply over the weekend.

Back to what I wrote here, I can only say that I find pleasure and humour in describing misery which is why I like Masayoshi's entry. You will know how it will be like when you are working 12 hour days!

I think that is because no one in the forum bothered to put together a poem or song in their stories. It was cobbled together without much thought. I must really apologise for that. The least I can hope for is for you to be entertained.

Congratulations on getting runner-up! I will try to explain to why I decided that your entry was one of the winning entries later on.

I may as well list how I judged the entries (even though I listed perhaps in too much detail how I would judging them in the thread announcing that the competition is underway). These are the criteria in descending order of importance:

1. The prose must be readable and the plot understandable for my standards.
2. It must be humorous or fit my taste of humour.
3. If the writing style is similar to mine, I would give bonus points.

So based on these criteria, I told Xenon that my favourite entries are:

1st place : Yanker
2nd place : RavenxSinon
3rd place : Ezlare

Honourable mention : Masayoshi
Dishonourable mention : Dawn of Dark

The winning entries are easy to read but I feel that Yanker's entry was the most humorous though it wasn't really written in my style. (I felt that none of the winning entries are, which isn't so much of a bad thing.)

RavenxSinon's entry wasn't as straightforward with the humour, neither was Ezlare's so I ranked them slightly lower. More points to RavenxSinon for being witty.

This leads to my honourable and 'dishonourable' mentions, Masayoshi and Dawn of Dark's entries. These two entries I feel gave me a taste of how reading what I write must have felt like which is why they are my favourites too. Masayoshi's entry however lacked humour and Dawn of Dark's entry was incomprehensible (therefore funny ironically) which is why they didn't make it to my top 3 entries.

I tried to subscribe and entered my billing address as stated in my monthly statements. However the site still says that my billing address does not match the Mastercard I am using. (I am not from the US by the way)

How should I input my billing address? Are there any other ways of payment?

Corrected it.

You are too kind Xenon. I can only hope that you gained some kind of entertainment from it. Like I mentioned elsewhere, this entry is cobbled together for the sake of this event. I wish there could be a proper plot about an old man going on an adventure but I think that might have to be left for another day.

Really? Could you name examples? The narrator IS rather pessimistic but not the characters in the stories I write.

The last one was indeed a better attempt at comedy about an old man called Leonard harassing his former schoolmates on a trip to the mountains. The one before that was about a young adult being a rather unreasonable father following the example of his mother.

Admittedly, I didn't put much thought into writing this as much as I would like. You can see this from the lack of plot here and I blame my inability to manage both work and writing on a commercial site that sells pornographic material.

That wasn't really what you asked was it? You said that it felt out of place. I replied by explaining that paragraph. I implied that our hero is very miserable which is very consistent with what this piece is harping about.

As to what I was thinking when I wrote it, I would say that most of what I write were comes with a silly poem. I also find it interesting that double standards are applied to old people and the not so old pertaining to losing almost everyone close to you, being in poor shape and all that.

I came up with the picture. You can thank me later. By the way, I will come again.

high_time suggested something similar to you but I forgot about it! Still, nothing beats an anti-climax in my book. I hope you felt that way when you opened that spoiler.



If my friends and parents were dead and I were to be suffering from chronic physical pain, I would find it dreadful! However, you do realise this is what a person who has lived too long has to face! Now imagine if I transplanted a teenager's brain into the body of a geriatric...

Do you understand what I am trying to do here?

Feels like a story which could come out worse than Uki Uki Suru and Doki Doki Suru combined!

In the meantime, would you like to read something I wrote for the event just to pass time?

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/winter-non-entry-2015-an-attempt-at-comedy-about-an-old-man

Read the story. Will post my thoughts about it after the results are released.

This entry made me peckish for rat meat especially after opening the spoiler. Will elaborate further my thoughts on this entry as soon as the results are out.

You can get back at me. I have written something for this event. Please play the judge and leave a comment.

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/winter-non-entry-2015-an-attempt-at-comedy-about-an-old-man

This is what you always say about my writing!

Dawn of Dark, I have read your entry. I will relish the opportunity to argue with you once the results are out and when I find time from my hectic schedule to respond to your entry.