User Posts

Thanks for the reply. I find it very challenging to pretend that I am a female or even write female characters for that matter. Personally, I prefer to write comedy because so few people write that.

I am curious though. Most of the users here are male, Pacifica included. Are those people you roleplay are of the opposite gender? Have you participated in an erotic roleplay where all of the participants are men?

ED: The Cesspit is drained and laid bare. I believe it was deleted by accident. However, the mudslinging continues never mind that the title of the thread is called the Winter Writing Contest Wrap-Up! Here is a parody of an entry for the Summer Writing Contest of 2016

1. Parody of Masayoshi's Entry - Blizzards During August

A friend told me that I am determined to make whatever I read into a comedy. Your entry is no different. A few ideas came into my mind as I read your entry about the plight of your character and what could have caused a snowstorm in the summer. This is the result:



Original Entry: 正義 submitted Blizzards Before August

Truth to be told, I think anyone who knows the contest themes will know that he will die in the end. What I didn't pick up are the hints on why he had to die and how they will kill him.

Speaking of the blood he was served, I thought that Aman is going to intoxicate or poison him! Blood is a delicacy and sort of a health supplement in some parts of the world! William Bligh claimed to have drunk pigeon blood after the mutiny where he and some men were set adrift on sea.

Did you understand the entry and the story though? I am concerned that some parts like the response given by De Clan would be difficult to go through.

Come to think of it, the only other place where I made four exclamation marks in the row is at the very end.

Learning that the village is actually Christian Cannibal village is much more disturbing and horrifying then our hero pleading for mercy and getting chopped up. Wonder if you agree.

I have read too many history books, too many newspaper articles and watched too many movies to be horrified at an old man hacking someone with a cleaver. It is a bit funny too come to think of it.

I would like to be funny here. Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" comes to mind. It is horrifying but isn't that a rather inefficient way of sourcing for human flesh?

Now I understand the reason why the protagonists in any horror movie need to be very stupid for the horror to work. Usually these movies need to drop hints that something is amiss but our stupid leads will fail to notice or pick up those hints. This helps to build up to the climax where something terrible happens to our heroes in the end.

I felt that there is a lack of buildup or foreshadowing in that entry although I see attempts to set up the horrifying ending through the use of the hand gestures used by the villagers as a greeting. There must be a few hints but I missed them. The whole entry appears to be how the traveller came to the village where he was treated well and out of the blue without warning he was killed. It feels like someone describing how a fatal accident occurred. Unpleasant but not scary. If more effort was made to make the tone of the entry more sinister like describing how uncomfortable the traveller felt or how eerie the village despite its appearance felt, I might feel horror. Dropping hints that something is amiss helps too.

Were the villagers are in cahoots with Aman to sacrifice the poor traveller? I have a few guesses of what is going on but it is much better if you told me why the villagers made those hand signs, why they have those farms, what is up with the wine and why there is a human slaughterhouse. If the ending joined the dots and explained the trap that our hero walked into, it might help to make the entry more horrifying. It isn't really scary to know that our hero is dead in the end. For me, what is more scary are the circumstances of his death and the motivations of his murderers. To illustrate my point, JFK dying of old age (or saying that he is dead) is not as intriguing or scary as him being assassinated under the orders aof LBJ.

PS: Aman is just one man really. Why can't our hero fight back or run away? Hard to picture Aman chopping up our hero without restraining him.

PPS: Heard that Jesus isn't against drinking wine.

Push him into the lava of course.

That is very interesting. You have fooled me! Now I wonder if the protagonist is really an exorcist or a charlatan! That said, I have written a parody of Masayoshi's entry (with his permission of course)

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/summer-contest-entry-2016-blizzards-before-august#4626923

Would you like to go through it? It is not a contest entry but it is certainly another one of those stories by me.

I disagree with Masayoshi that the entry wasn't horrifying. The most unsettling part was reading how the demon came to be. So much so that I wish that the focus of the story would be placed on the demon.

Let me try to be as nitpicky as CO2. It seems as if the demon is more of an assassin than a beast that mauls its victims to death, seeing that the house appears to be well kept aside from the splattered blood. I get the impression that the entire family was devoured by the demon though.

Explaining how the demon kills its victim at the end of the story would certainly make it more horrifying of course.

I am glad you liked it. I would really like you to do an audio recording of the entry and upload it to Youtube!

I wrote this parody with the US in mind of course. A lot of the humour in this parody is topical humour with many references to current affairs and I really wonder if people 10 or 20 years later would appreciate it. The words, "The government", feel a little awkward to me now that I have reread it. You don't use that phrase that often in political discourse do you? Normally, you would say Obama, Bush, Clinton or whoever is running the government instead of "the government".

Very readable much like the entry you submitted for the previous entry. However, I really blame the use of the first person for the ending which I thought is a bit lacklustre and abrupt. If our hero met his demise in the hands of the demon child then this account feels awkward. Whenever I read a first hand account, it feels as if the hero is relating the story to me. Now if he is mauled to death then how did this account come about?

Not to worry. You have 3 entries so far. Judging them isn't going to be a problem. But if you want to read some more, I have written a parody of one of the entries!

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/summer-contest-entry-2016-blizzards-before-august#4626923

As promised, here is the parody of your entry. Now I need to start recording my entry!

Blizzards during August

James was a man who is a product of his times. He is a bright and young bachelor, living by himself in a rather spacious apartment and is currently on a sabbatical of sorts to enrich himself with a university course. This is of course a tactful way of saying that he is living hand to mouth with no girlfriend let alone fiancée in a poorly maintained rented apartment after taking on huge amounts of debt to finance his studies at a university for a degree of questionable value in the job market.

He worked for a pittance in a part time job while managing schoolwork. However, since, he is unwilling or unable to set aside time for housekeeping, his home resembled something that one sees in a warzone with clothes carelessly strewn, papers littered all over the floor with the occasional vermin darting to and fro. It was not the best of circumstances but James managed to keep his sanity by ironically harbouring self-delusions of him leading the life of that object of adoration, the eligible and sought after bachelor. It was not desirable but he managed until that very fateful day in which the story will go into detail.

It all started when James woke up to the sound of a barely functional television set that was tucked in the corner of his apartment, featuring a newsreader who said the following:

"This August saw the highest global average temperatures ever since records begun. Scientists say that should the trend of ever rising temperatures continue, in less than one decade, farmers will be put out of jobs due to bumper crops decimating food prices, seal populations will drop due to thinning ice encouraging polar bear predation, textile industries will be badly hit due to staggering drops in demand of winter clothing and healthcare conglomerates will risk collapse due to a lack of illnesses brought about by the cold.

In other news, the searing August heat has sent hordes of refugees thronging the already crowded beaches. Residents living near beachfronts all over the country have expressed apprehension over the scantily clad arrivals..."

Just as the first sound he heard was the reading of the news on the television, the first action he took that fateful day was an almighty yank of the power cable that connected the television to the power source. These were followed by the first words he uttered for the day which were,

"Bloody right wing propaganda..."

James was rightly sceptical of what he heard on the news for he wasn't enjoying a warm and pleasant summer, he wasn't even chafing under the summer heat. Instead his body was convulsed an unseasonal cold spell made all the worse by the fact that he was dressed for the summer.

With his arms and legs quivering involuntarily due to the sheer cold, he stared intently at the thermostat for a few minutes which of course showed very low temperatures and then he opened the dust caked curtains only to find that the windows were covered in frost. If James thought that by doing so, he would be reassured that his sensory faculties are not out of order, he'd be right and relieved. If James thought that by doing so, the weather would revert back to normal, he'd be wrong and delusional. Either way, the more he stared at thermostats and frosty windows the more he was convinced that winter had come and that he would be badly screwed.

This crisis of sorts was accentuated by the fact that he had little money on him and that his friends and family were physically rather far away from him now. This of course made it quite difficult for him to seek help from others.

James can of course choose to help himself but there were a few impediments. First, he attempted to leave the apartment only to find out that the winds were strong and it was snowing. Second and rather damning for James, was that despite the amount of rent he had to pay, the heating appliances in his apartment weren't functioning. Third and perhaps most important of all, James, to be very polite, was not the proactive type who can brave snowfalls and think of ways to keep himself warm that do not involve electrical appliances.

This left James in quite a conundrum and he could have been on the way to a mental breakdown if not for the television, his mobile phone and his laptop, these devices to which men and women of this age look to for spiritual solace. James could at least reach out to people he knew and source for information pertaining to his wintry predicament.

He reattached the plug for his television set as quickly as he pulled it out a short while ago only to be treated to yet more dry news,

"An unseasonal cold snap is paralysing parts of the country due to cold winds blowing from the warming Arctic. Scientists are unsure how long the cold snap will last with projections lasting from a few days to a few weeks. They are however certain that this is caused by increasing global temperatures worldwide..."

James, who was rather dismissive of the news moments ago, took this report rather seriously. Waiting for the cold snap to go away and for normal summer weather to return is not an option for him now seeing that it might last a few days if he is lucky or a several if he wasn't. Either way, it was a death sentence of sorts. Yet, like any patient who is diagnosed with AIDS or any other terminal disease, James decided to seek a second opinion, this time from his laptop, searching for news from 'alternate news sites' and internet fora, those bastions of unquestionable truth for men and women of this age. He went to a few sites and read a few articles pertaining to the weather (or climate) conditions over at his place. Here are a few explanations that were noteworthy but not for reasons a sane and rational man might think:

1. Contrails are used to increase the concentration of aerosol like gases that will cool the atmosphere thereby lowering temperatures. This might explain the frequency of fighter jets whizzing across the sky spewing their climate cooling gases in the process.

2. State of the art weather machines are discreetly installed at locations around the city. Supposedly, these machines are able to create what is known as a 'endothermic reverse heat island effect' which lower temperatures city wide. The technology behind these weather machines are so 'state of the art' that even conspiracy theory websites have difficulty concocting what might be the mechanism of those machines.

Here are a few suggestions about why the forces that be want such weather (or climate) conditions:

1. There is a Malthusian and Darwinian conspiracy to freeze part of the population to death thereby saving the Earth and eliminating persons who cannot stand a bit of cold from passing their genes down to future generations. The government would not need to dole out that many pensions and they could balance their budgetary deficits from a hike in death taxes.

2. The insurance oligarchy is seeking to eliminate competition from smaller insurance firms by creating extreme weather conditions that result in lots of illnesses, deaths and even more claims. These claims would of course bankrupt their competitors and in the dearth of competition, the insurance oligarchy can raise premiums that will be imposed on a gullible public who thinks that buying more insurance would mean more security for them.

3. A sinister circle of those from the baby boomer generation are in collusion with the insurance oligarchy to take advantage of the deaths of their parents who are from the supposedly "Greatest Generation" but not great enough to survive the cold once they turn old and decrepit, and their "Generation Snowflake" millennial children who ironically are more likely to die in a blizzard or a cold snap than those from the "Greatest Generation", to claim insurance money.

4. The government wishes to build a large natural reserve and amusement theme park called "Winterland" around the area where James lived. This natural reserve will be home to flora and fauna that tend to inhabit the tundra. By bringing the permafrost further south from the Arctic Circle, the government hopes to reel in dollars from masochistic tourists who want to experience sub zero temperatures all year round.

Reading that warmed the cockles of James's heart that prior to this, was slowly sinking into despair. He laughed, laughed and laughed till he developed a very bad cough. Nonetheless, all of that exertion made James forget about the cold and lulled him into a false sense of security that everything will be alright.

"All of these stories in the media are scare stories. Cold snaps don't last for that long and no one can come up with something that contrived to earn money or 'save the Planet'", James thought to himself as he huddled in the corner and shut his eyes in an attempt to go back to sleep though he just woke up hours ago.

Days later, many people died due to the cold snap. However since it happens more or less every year, the media and indeed the general public paid little attention to it.

Weeks later, James's parents were cashing in from the insurance money paid out due to an Act of God which saw James's parents being one son poorer and hundreds of thousands of dollars richer.

Months later, the country enjoyed a short term economic boom brought about by increased economic activity in mortuaries, funeral parlours, insurance companies and hospitals. The government is optimistic that in the years to come, the deficit will narrow due to the drop in welfare and pension payouts.

Years later, the neighbourhood James lived in was turned into a ghost town due to the sheer cold and the permafrost conditions. This was when plans to start a nature reserve at the site where James lived came into being.


[size=10]This has been a segment of the Conspiracy Theory Show sponsored by impressionable viewers like you. [/size]

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/summer-contest-entry-2016-blizzards-before-august

James was a man who is a product of his times. He is a bright and young bachelor, living by himself in a rather spacious apartment and is currently on a sabbatical of sorts to enrich himself with a university course. This is of course a tactful way of saying that he is living hand to mouth with no girlfriend let alone fiancée in a poorly maintained rented apartment after taking on huge amounts of debt to finance his studies at a university for a degree of questionable value in the job market.

He worked for a pittance in a part time job while managing schoolwork. However, since, he is unwilling or unable to set aside time for housekeeping, his home resembled something that one sees in a warzone with clothes carelessly strewn, papers littered all over the floor with the occasional vermin darting to and fro. It was not the best of circumstances but James managed to keep his sanity by ironically harbouring self-delusions of him leading the life of that object of adoration, the eligible and sort after bachelor. It was not desirable but he managed until that very fateful day in which the story will go into detail.

It all started when James woke up to the sound of a barely functional television set that was tucked in the corner of his apartment, featuring a newsreader who said the following:

"This August saw the highest global average temperatures ever since records begun. Scientists say that should the trend of ever rising temperatures continue, in less than one decade, farmers will be put out of jobs due to bumper crops decimating food prices, seal populations will drop due to thinning ice encouraging polar bear predation, textile industries will be badly hit due to staggering drops in demand of winter clothing and healthcare conglomerates will risk collapse due to a lack of illnesses brought about by the cold.

In other news, the searing August heat has sent hordes of refugees thronging the already crowded beaches. Residents living near beachfronts all over the country have expressed apprehension over the scantily clad arrivals..."

Just as the first sound he heard was the reading of the news on the television, the first action he took that fateful day was an almighty yank of the power cable that connected the television to the power source. These were followed by the first words he uttered for the day which were,

"Bloody right wing propaganda..."

James was rightly sceptical of what he heard on the news for he wasn't enjoying a warm and pleasant summer, he wasn't even chafing under the summer heat. Instead his body was convulsed an unseasonal cold spell made all the worse by the fact that he was dressed for the summer.

With his arms and legs quivering involuntarily due to the sheer cold, he stared intently at the thermostat for a few minutes which of course showed very low temperatures and then he opened the dust caked curtains only to find that the windows were covered in frost. If James thought that by doing so, he would be reassured that his sensory faculties are not out of order, he'd be right and relieved. If James thought that by doing so, the weather would revert back to normal, he'd be wrong and delusional. Either way, the more he stared at thermostats and frosty windows the more he was convinced that winter had come and that he would be badly screwed.

This crisis of sorts was accentuated by the fact that he had little money on him and that his friends and family were physically rather far away from him now. This of course made it quite difficult for him to seek help from others.

James can of course choose to help himself but there were a few impediments. First, he attempted to leave the apartment only to find out that the winds were strong and it was snowing. Second and rather damning for James, was that despite the amount of rent he had to pay, the heating appliances in his apartment weren't functioning. Third and perhaps most important of all, James, to be very polite, was not the proactive type who can brave snowfalls and think of ways to keep himself warm that do not involve electrical appliances.

This left James in quite a conundrum and he could have been on the way to a mental breakdown if not for the television, his mobile phone and his laptop, these devices to which men and women of this age look to for spiritual solace. James could at least reach out to people he knew and source for information pertaining to his wintry predicament.

He reattached the plug for his television set as quickly as he pulled it out a short while ago only to be treated to yet more dry news,

"An unseasonal cold snap is paralysing parts of the country due to cold winds blowing from the warming Arctic. Scientists are unsure how long the cold snap will last with projections lasting from a few days to a few weeks. They are however certain that this is caused by increasing global temperatures worldwide..."

James, who was rather dismissive of the news moments ago, took this report rather seriously. Waiting for the cold snap to go away and for normal summer weather to return is not an option for him now seeing that it might last a few days if he is lucky or a several if he wasn't. Either way, it was a death sentence of sorts. Yet, like any patient who is diagnosed with AIDS or any other terminal disease, James decided to seek a second opinion, this time from his laptop, searching for news from 'alternate news sites' and internet fora, those bastions of unquestionable truth for men and women of this age. He went to a few sites and read a few articles pertaining to the weather (or climate) conditions over at his place. Here are a few explanations that were noteworthy but not for reasons a sane and rational man might think:

1. Contrails are used to increase the concentration of aerosol like gases that will cool the atmosphere thereby lowering temperatures. This might explain the frequency of fighter jets whizzing across the sky spewing their climate cooling gases in the process.

2. State of the art weather machines are discreetly installed at locations around the city. Supposedly, these machines are able to create what is known as a 'endothermic reverse heat island effect' which lower temperatures city wide. The technology behind these weather machines are so 'state of the art' that even conspiracy theory websites have difficulty concocting the mechanism behind the 'endothermic reverse heat island effect'.

Here are a few suggestions about why the forces that be want such weather (or climate) conditions:

1. Malthusian and Darwinian conspiracy to freeze part of the population to death thereby saving the Earth and eliminating persons who cannot stand a bit of cold from passing their genes down to future generations. The government would not need to dole out that many pensions and they could balance their budgetary deficits from a hike in death taxes.

2. The insurance oligarchy seeking to eliminate competition from smaller insurance firms by creating extreme weather conditions that result in lots of illnesses, deaths and even more claims. These claims would of course bankrupt their competitors and in the dearth of competition, the insurance oligarchy can raise premiums that will be imposed on a gullible public who thinks that buying more insurance would mean more security for them.

3. A sinister circle of those from the baby boomer generation, colluding with the insurance oligarchy, to take advantage of the deaths of their parents who are from the supposedly "Greatest Generation" but not great enough to survive the cold once they turn old and decrepit and their "Generation Snowflake" millennial children who ironically are more likely to die in a blizzard or a cold snap than those from the "Greatest Generation".

4. The government wishes to build a large natural reserve and amusement theme park called "Winterland" around the around where James lived. This natural reserve will be home to flora and fauna that tend to inhabit the tundra. By bringing the permafrost further south from the Arctic Circle, the government hopes to reel in dollars from masochistic tourists who want to experience sub zero temperatures all year round.

Reading that warmed the cockles of James's heart that prior to this, was slowly sinking into despair. He laughed, laughed and laughed till he developed a very bad cough. Nonetheless, all of that exertion made James forget about the cold and lulled him into a false sense of security that everything will be alright.

"All of these stories in the media are scare stories. Cold snaps don't last for that long and no one can come up with something that contrived to earn money or 'save the Planet'", James thought to himself as he huddled in the corner and shut his eyes in an attempt to go back to sleep though he just woke up hours ago.

Days later, many people died due to the cold snap. However since it happens more or less every year, the media and indeed the general public paid little attention to it.

Weeks later, James's parents were cashing in from the insurance money paid out due to an Act of God which saw James's parents being one son poorer and hundreds of thousands of dollars richer.

Months later, the country enjoyed a short term economic boom brought about by increased economic activity in mortuaries, funeral parlours, insurance companies and hospitals. The government is optimistic that in the years to come, the deficit will narrow due to the drop in welfare and pension payouts.

Years later, the neighbourhood James lived in was turned into a ghost town due to the sheer cold and the permafrost conditions. This was when plans to start a nature reserve at the site where James lived came into being.


This has been a segment of the Conspiracy Theory Show sponsored by impressionable viewers like you.





Ascertain the situation
Hope it all goes away
Learn why is it happening
i. Climate change
ii. Government conspiracy
iii. Weather machine
Find a solution yourself through the internet or the television
a. Getting more clothes
b. Lighting a fire
c. Releasing smoke into the air in the hope that it traps the air.
Leave the house to be your friends / Get help

Thank you for the feedback and taking the time to read it! I was concerned that you might have difficulty understanding this entry because of how it was written. I admit it could be made simpler to read.

I insist on humorous writing since I am most comfortable with it. I know that this isn't what you expect from the contest themes but I am a bit proud to put a silly spin to these themes.

Like to ask what you thought were the jokes.

PS: The man in the picture isn't an actor.

After asking around, I realised that some readers failed to understand what is happening. They don't understand what happened to the characters of the story and they don't understand the accounts in the job applications.

The fact that the written accounts of the applicants contrasted so much with the twist might be the cause of confusion. They couldn't see a logical connection between what is described in the accounts and that twist.

So yes, I am quite glad that you understood what is happening in the story.

Reading this entry again, a parody is forming in my mind. The work that I am proud of are usually knock-offs, parodies or a rewrite of other people's work. Here is a thread filled with them by the way.

Campaigning and Mudslinging

I see your story opening with abnormally cold weather and snide references to global warming followed by the setting up of a mystery plot. Perhaps it can be calls from friends that suggest that the cold weather is not really an act of God. I can imagine one friend telling the main character that he is enjoying his summer while our hero freezes.

Make it clear that the hero needs to leave his house and find out what is going wrong only to be convinced that tidying up his house is a more pressing issue to our poorly advised main character. After deciding that it is finally time to leave the house, the hand is stuck on the doorknob.

Our hero dies ignobly of course. But the story doesn't end before an advertisement playing on the television about a weather machine that caused all of this. Maybe I might imply that it is a setup so that our hero dies and someone can claim insurance.

I tend to skip through what is written if I cannot figure out what is happening which is I didn't like the entry much at the first read.

I didn't find it depressing or see that as a setup for a mystery because there is I feel a lack of a setup and it wasn't made clear that the protagonist wanted to attempt to leave the house or at least figure out what is happening in the first few paragraphs.

Given our clumsy our hero is, it feels more comedic to me.

PS: You have talked about writing styles in your exchange in the previous posts. Personally, I am uneasy changing the style I am used to. Writing nonsense, is kind like pulling a prank on someone for me. There is a sadistic urge gratified when I write in that style.

If you want me to write something more serious, then I think it'd be much longer than most contest entries.

Allow me to just state how I feel about this entry. I will not go in depth, perhaps later. It is frustrating at the first read but somewhat entertaining at a second read once I know what is going on. Your stories tend to be very miserable and usually end up with someone dying! I believe it is for this reason I take to what you write somewhat. In fact I find your submissions occasionally funny.



PS: Some parts I found a little convincing like how one can get oneself injured by touching a frozen doorknob and the attempts to start a fire, if only because it is difficult to make things like that up. I hope it isn't based on personal experience!

What puns are there again?