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Gene pulled a long face. He went back to the tunnels and turned to Wade who was with him all the time while he was scavenging the tunnels for anything of value on John Windsor's instructions. He was dismayed that the very same person freed Vic, a person he wanted gagged up and bound and thrown to the lions or in this case the mutants above them.

Continuing on to the cache with a person who wanted his head in addition to being pursued by a horde of monsters was an unappealing set of circumstances. He thought of shooting Vic but that would upset Wade and the rest.

Should he go up and persuade the rest of the team to abandon him? He thought of doing that when Vic started attacking John Windsor but had cold feet. Gene cannot manhandle Vic even with the help of Windsor. What made that even more implausible was the fact that Daniel Townes, who was just roused, persuaded Vic to cease his attacks.

Gene asked Wade, "I ain't got an inkling of what to do. Boy, do you have any suggestions?"

Wade paused for a moment for thought and replied, "Let us go back to where the rest are. I will do the talking. No shotgun slamming people's heads this time okay?"

To that, Gene answered, "The good son knows best. Mind you, if you fail to convince Angsty Teen to calm his raging hormones and I get my head blown off, you are not getting to that cache,"

Shortly after, Wade went up the steps that separated the tunnel from the station, with Gene following closely behind. Wade gripped his weapon ever the more tightly as they got closer to Daniel, Windsor and Vic.

"Hey! We just got back from scavenging, Doc," Wade spoke casually upon reaching them whilst pointing a gun in Vic's direction. Gene followed suit.

Vic responded angrily and was about to attack when Daniel and Windsor restrained him. Vic calmed down very quickly upon realising that he was unarmed whilst Gene and Wade were.

"Sorry about just now, Vic. We thought you could do with some peace and quiet. You know, chill out, relax..." Wade said, only to hear snorts from Vic.

"We can only get to cache if we stick as a group. Blowing each other's heads up will only see us getting eaten up by those things out there. What's more, Gene is our guide. Not a good idea killing our guide, is there?"

Wade was repeating the same arguments as before. No surprise Vic was rolling his eyes whilst he said that.

"How about this, Vic? You don't blow up zombie-corpse guy's head, I will keep an eye on zombie-corpse guy, just to make sure he doesn't do anything funny. Deal?" Wade made an offer. All the while, Gene's face grew longer and longer with barely suppressed displeasure.

That was way before I was active on the forums yes? That said, I hoped you enjoyed the entry in full. However, I think the funniest part must be that video.

Lose some weight! Do you want to die of a heart attack?!

How did that remind you of that chatbox though?

Associate: I think I will play this game some other day. So many parodies to write...

The second parody is up!

Don't let my parody of Livided's entry misle you!

That this parody of FGRaptor misle you instead!

When I realised that your entry was about demon slaying and use of foreign and dead languages, I already had an idea of how my parody would begin, develop and end. Here it is:


This tale is set in a world where good things are caused by welcome visitations of angels and bad things are caused by not-so-welcome visitations by demons. Should the reader want a proper description of what angels and demons are and how they look like, let him think of the almost extinct good Samaritan that you will never meet and that bloody bugger responsible for the bad things in their lives that they will almost always meet. Angels are extremely hard to find or locate, while every now and then a demon gets burnt on a stake.

Their powers are incantations, singing, reading, prayer, chanting and other ear-jarring vibrations originating from the larynx. Unlike the real world though, the sounds made by these supernatural creatures were the source of their power. Good things happen when an angel talks. Bad things happen when a demon squawks.

Come to think of it, this world is no different from how our ancestors thought our world functioned. In such a world, expect technology to be backward, mortality rates to be high, superstition to be rife, plenty of incentive for procreation, huge disincentives for innovation, and other things that made living half a millennium ago a living nightmare.

Indeed, this story takes place in that liveliest of towns and a reputable centre of commerce which would be viewed today as a collection of hovels with no electricity, no sanitation and no life. The blacksmiths, the merchants, the paupers, the slave drivers, the slaves, the professional murderers (also known as mercenaries) are all happy and content making an honest living, something that the urbanite of our time and place would find rather horrifying.

However, their peace was to be disturbed and their way of life disrupted. Leonard the demon had his sights on that town. What struck dread into the hearts of these honest and down to earth bumpkins in that town was not Leonard's prowess to level cities and summon storms but his ability to strike fear and madness through his constant whining and moaning, his horrible voice and his ability to destroy and denigrate great works of culture like prose, prose and more prose.

A force of arms was no use, attempting to burn him on a stake was no use for his weapon was his voice and the written word. One glance of the words he had written, one moment of listening to his fell voice would render any living being grovelling on the ground crying with their ears and eyes bleeding crying, "Mercy! Mercy!"

So, it was no surprise that nary a soul was outdoors when the demon Leonard arrived at the townsquare. Doors were locked, windows were closed, medieval and ineffective soundproofing devices like dried droppings and bird saliva lined the buildings. Every attempt to block light into entering the retinas of those townsfolk were made.

However, Leonard the demon had a very loud voice and his ability to threaten and harass the townsfolk with it was unparalleled in that mortal plane of existence. Slowly but surely, the townsfolk came streaming into the townsquare in a trance. That was when the evil Leonard made his move.

He summoned a patch of grass and two familiars, one thin, the other fat, both very ugly. Sinister music begun to play out of thin air. It sounded like some plucked instrument, played very furiously. The music looped and looped and looped without end. Anyone who heard it suddenly realised that they were backward country bumpkins and their hearts sank. To make matters worse, the two familiars begun squawking.

What proceeded was so terrible that only a video recreating that scene could do it justice:



Everyone who heard and saw that disgusting and fell performance begun foaming in the mouth, their grasp on their faculties of reason severely compromised. No one could sit through that entire performance! Such was the power of their fell incantations!

As the music ceased and the chanting stopped, the demon conjured and unfurled a large banner, spanning several feet that contained the following lithographs:

在场观众 敬请听，
小弟感激 很感激！
既然曲子 受欢迎，
不妨再听 好好听！

Though no one knew what it meant, it made an unhappy situation even unhappier for these lithographs filled the hearts of those reading it with confusion and dread. To make matters worse, the demon started to produce vibrations from his vocal chords. A recording of that can be found by clicking this link:

http://vocaroo.com/i/s03Phg0Pt0LO

"The end is nigh! The end is nigh!"

These were the thoughts of those who managed to survive that onslaught of ear-shattering noises. Indeed, it seemed as if social order, the way of life and civilisation itself were thrown into ruin, when a towering figure stood up defiantly, hammer in hand.

Many a time good things meant the end of bad things happening. This was the call and duty of angels, to destroy utterly the evil works of troublemaking demons and dispatching them in whatever way they thought appropriate.

That towering man was no ordinary man and the hammer was no ordinary hammer. For he is an angel and he is armed with the greatest of all hammers known as the 'Banhammer'.

The Banhammer was the perfect embodiment of fear. Not the fear that Leonard struck but the fear of God. As if in challenge to the lithographs, the angel, wielder of the Banhammer, with a wave of a hand produced words that were in mid-air, shining and shimmering.

Do NOT create any threads in any other language other than English
- [Update by Gambler] In addition, please refrain from posting in languages apart from English.

This instruction can be found in the following link:
https://www.fakku.net/forums/feedback-suggestions-and-support/rules-and-faq

All of a sudden and in a flash, the angel swung the Banhammer as hard as he could in the direction of Leonard the demon. After a while, nothing but smoke and ashes remained on the spot where the demon stood. It was said that his last words were, "I really regret that, I won't do it again I promise!"

There was utter jubilation! Everyone who was afflicted from the demon's evil recovered on the spot. Parties, revelry and festivals begun, lasting for seven and seven nights. The anniversary of the day where Leonard the demon fell was commemorated for ages to come.

Truly, this is a story where good triumphs and evil fails but what is the moral of the story?

Do NOT create any threads in any other language other than English
- [Update by Gambler] In addition, please refrain from posting in languages apart from English.

FGRaptor as promised, a parody of your entry.



When I realised that your entry was about demon slaying and use of foreign and (dead) languages, I already had an idea of how my parody would begin, develop and end. Here it is:

This tale is set in a world where good things are caused by welcome visitations of angels and bad things are caused by not-so-welcome visitations by demons. Should the reader want a proper description of what angels and demons are and how they look like, let him think of the almost extinct good Samaritan that you will never meet and that bloody bugger responsible for the bad things in their lives that they will almost always meet. Angels are extremely hard to find or locate, while every now and then a demon gets burnt on a stake.

Their powers are incantations, singing, reading, prayer, chanting and other ear-jarring vibrations originating from the larynx. Unlike the real world though, the sounds made by these supernatural creatures were the source of their power. Good things happen when an angel talks. Bad things happen when a demon squawks.

Come to think of it, this world is no different from how our ancestors thought our world functioned. In such a world, expect technology to be backward, mortality rates to be high, superstition to be rife, plenty of incentive for procreation, huge disincentives for innovation, and other things that made living half a millennium ago a living nightmare.

Indeed, this story takes place in that liveliest of towns and a reputable centre of commerce which would be viewed today as a collection of hovels with no electricity, no sanitation and no life. The blacksmiths, the merchants, the paupers, the slave drivers, the slaves, the professional murderers (also known as mercenaries) are all happy and content making an honest living, something that the urbanite of our time and place would find rather horrifying.

However, their peace was to be disturbed and their way of life disrupted. Leonard the demon had his sights on that town. What struck dread into the hearts of these honest and down to earth bumpkins in that town was not Leonard's prowess to level cities and summon storms but his ability to strike fear and madness through his constant whining and moaning, his horrible voice and his ability to destroy and denigrate great works of culture like prose, prose and more prose.

A force of arms was no use, attempting to burn him on a stake was no use for his weapon was his voice and the written word. One glance of the words he had written, one moment of listening to his fell voice would render any living being grovelling on the ground crying with their ears and eyes bleeding crying, "Mercy! Mercy!"

So, it was no surprise that nary a soul was outdoors when the demon Leonard arrived at the townsquare. Doors were locked, windows were closed, medieval and ineffective soundproofing devices like dried droppings and bird saliva lined the buildings. Every attempt to block light into entering the retinas of those townsfolk were made.

However, Leonard the demon had a very loud voice and his ability to threaten and harass the townsfolk with it was unparalleled in that mortal plane of existence. Slowly but surely, the townsfolk came streaming into the townsquare in a trance. That was when the evil Leonard made his move.

He summoned a patch of grass and two familiars, one thin, the other fat, both very ugly. Sinister music begun to play out of thin air. It sounded like some plucked instrument, played very furiously. The music looped and looped and looped without end. Anyone who heard it suddenly realised that they were backward country bumpkins and their hearts sank. To make matters worse, the two familiars begun squawking.

What proceeded was so terrible that only a video recreating that scene could do it justice:



Everyone who heard and saw that disgusting and fell performance begun foaming in the mouth, their grasp on their faculties of reason severely compromised. No one could sit through that entire performance! Such was the power of their fell incantations!

As the music ceased and the chanting stopped, the demon conjured and unfurled a large banner, spanning several feet that contained the following lithographs:

在场观众 敬请听，
小弟感激 很感激！
既然曲子 受欢迎，
不妨再听 好好听！

Though no one knew what it meant, it made an unhappy situation even unhappier for these lithographs filled the hearts of those reading it with confusion and dread. To make matters worse, the demon started to produce vibrations from his vocal chords. Of which a recording can be found by clicking this link:

http://vocaroo.com/i/s03Phg0Pt0LO

"The end is nigh! The end is nigh!"

These were the thoughts of those who managed to survive that onslaught of ear-shattering noises. Indeed, it seemed as if social order, the way of life and civilisation itself were thrown into ruin, when a towering figure stood up defiantly, hammer in hand.

Many a time good things meant the end of bad things happening. This was the call and duty of angels, to destroy utterly the evil works of troublemaking demons and dispatching them in whatever way they thought appropriate.

That towering man was no ordinary man and the hammer was no ordinary hammer. For he is an angel and he is armed with the greatest of all hammers known as the 'Banhammer'.

The Banhammer was the perfect embodiment of fear. Not the fear that Leonard struck but the fear of God. As if in challenge to the lithographs, the angel, wielder of the Banhammer, with a wave of a hand produced words that were in mid-air, shining and shimmering.

Do NOT create any threads in any other language other than English
- [Update by Gambler] In addition, please refrain from posting in languages apart from English.

This instruction can be found in the following link:
https://www.fakku.net/forums/feedback-suggestions-and-support/rules-and-faq

All of a sudden and in a flash, the angel swung the Banhammer as hard as he could in the direction of Leonard the demon. After a while, nothing but smoke and ashes remained on the spot where the demon stood. It was that his last words were, "I really regret that, I won't do it again I promise!"

There was utter jubilation! Everyone who was afflicted from the demon's evil recovered on the spot. Parties, revelry and festivals begun, lasting for seven and seven nights. The anniversary of the day where Leonard the demon fell was commemorated for ages to come.

Truly, this is a story where good triumphs and evil fails but what is the moral of the story?

Do NOT create any threads in any other language other than English
- [Update by Gambler] In addition, please refrain from posting in languages apart from English.

Do check out my entry as well. Chances are 50-50 you would like it. It is a nonsensical monologue.

[size=28]
DAMN! [/h]

Come to think of it, you have yet to read my entry. I have to induct you into the leonard267 side of eternal bitterness and unreasonable frustration and anger, you must read it.

Go ahead and vote for yourself. I am trying to persuade someone else to vote for himself as well. If one thinks his work to be good, he must endorse it.



Here is something for you.



Don't think it is volatile though.

Does he do portraits of real people too? Might send him a request sometime in the distant future.

永久凍土. Roughly translated as the Eternal Tundra. I understand Chinese characters (that is how I address 'kanji') but I don't know how it is pronounced in Japanese. Where was that mentioned? Was it the names of the characters.

I believe Bagman's Cardboard Box can answer to other requests that are quite similar to yours for very young women.



Makes my job as cardboard maintenance manager much easier. I approve.
Call me if you want to stuff a lump of cells in cardboard.

Done with the first parody of the contest entries! It can be found in Livided's entry and the Mudslinging Thread.

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/winter-writing-contest-wrap-up-campaigning-and-mudslinging

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/winter-contest-entry-2013-cold-fire-and-gauntlets/page/2

Not at this hour. It was 3am where I come from when you posted that.

That can be a problem. They are quite hard to maintain especially when they squirm, urinate and defecate all over the place. Not to mention the hullabaloo it causes at the customs. However, if you are talking about sex dolls stuffed in those boxes, that can be much more manageable.

ED: Devsonfire is right. We can send dead women over stuffed in cardboard boxes. Cardboard coffins are all the rage these days in the push to go green.

Oh logic! Okay, I see. This is a nonsense article. Leaps of logic are pretty much the norm for articles like these. How does sharing a similarity with a Prime Minister (that of being not human) result in me becoming just like that particular Prime Minister? I can only say that the weasel word 'possibility' saves me the need of having to make that logical connection.

Yes, that makes no sense at all and I am quite proud of it actually.

It read like 3rd person to me. It seems to be neither in James nor Walter's point of view. If you have the time, is it alright for you to point out the awkward sentences?