leonard267 Posts

Hey man, I haven't. There's a lot of things going on, but I'll drop by with comments soon.

I think there's limited set of possibilities if we use that thing to write stories. so yeah =)

spoiler inside

hahaha. I'm very sorry about that. I automatically think about your name when I want to pair up leo's story with someone else =D

as an intermezzo let me introduce you guys to this so-called pinnacle of RPG Maker Games



words cannot express to how much I loved this game. totally epic from the start to finish.

That's just an idea, but we'll see you know, maybe we all of us might come up with something great instead and decide on that!

With regards to the Visuals, Muv Luv and Mahoutsukai no yoru they are examples of how Visuals on VN's are displayed.

There are those that give player a choice to determine where they want to go and who they want to interact with instead eg
Alicesoft,TRUE LOVE ～純愛物語～ and even devil’s journal tony t. You get to control the direction of the narrative as well. True Love is old, but this example of a hybrid that shows how settings that can be used over and over and still remain fresh.


What I wanted to drive on more was that Fakku users are forced into a scenario where they really get to develop and bond with each other. If anything this was the direction I was headed I believe.

speaking of anti-climatic things, I kind of like them. it also reminds me that many happenings in real life are also anti-climatic.

one example of it :



yeah

I just love how you keep quoting names like Robert Malthus and Jawaharlal Nehru. You just keep thithering around the fine line of truth and randomness lol

No. I'd say a climax is only anti-climatic if it disappoints.

Well, the transitions are incredibly obvious because of the horizontal bar he adds in, signifying a scene change.

I disagree that the first part wasn't needed, however, as it set in the premises that Jason was in an accident and became blind. This was probably the reason for the escapist dreams taking place. Without that part, it just seems like a dreamer who has a tsundere little sister and a girlfriend he loves. Which is true, but him being blind creates the setting that their interaction with him is taking place, even on less than pleasant terms.

I settled down and got even more serious about the Fakku Visual Novel, especially with regards to the story. I sincerely ask for your attention. Below is a premise I want to base the Fakku Visual Novel on.

Please read the following and give me your honest thoughts.

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Future Fakku Userz exists in a virtual reality city where Fakku is tabooed.
People used to live in reality, however the world became inhabitable so they are forced into virtual worlds while their physical bodies are sustained in pods.
The new identity that the people have gotten since being forced into the virtual world, some of them choose different lives for themselves, seeing this as a second chance, while some live the same way.
The protagonist is someone who is trying to make a meaning out of all of this. From his lifestyle of constant Fakku to the virtual world where nothing is real and nothing remains. The lack of meaning in living in a artifical world.
When the Protagonist is at a Fakku Convention one day, he’s told by Anon to meet with Momoka alone. Instead of Momoka, he meets Heroine who is here to meet Momoka alone as well. Authority forces appear suddenly to crack down and arrest them. They escape together.
Along with a few others who got out of the convention, they learn that the virutal reality deems Momoka as a virus entity and they are trying to crack down on Fakku and H content. They want to reset the Fakku users into ordinary people leading predetermined life patterns to ensure stability so they can fix the world outside.
The protagonist and those who all got out receives a message shortly from Jacob Grady, who is no longer in the virtual world but the real world, about escaping the authorities and virtual world, telling them to find Momoka, because she will help them escape.
They each plan to search for Momoka and investigate the truth on their own because its safer. They keep in contact with each other through chat messages, irc, forum boards etc (the advanced and futuristic equivalent of these). According to the choices made and the relationships developed with the chosen character, they eventually team up with each other while some of them remain as loners.

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I felt the need to point it out because I think you're too self-deprecating sometimes. I realize that you may be doing it for comical effect, but it pisses me off when people go, "Hey, read my stuff that sucks."

Paraphrasing may count, but I'm still convinced that what you did is a step above that, at least. Going back to my example, "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" has a title set up in a similar fashion and features prominently characters who are good, bad, and ugly. And if you try to tell me that it too is plagiarizing, I'll track you down and strangle you.

Also, I've never read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe before and know nothing about the guy who wrote it.

I see.

I myself don't like office atmosphere that much either =D

Yes, both the hero and the main character's names are 'Jason' and that's what tipped me off, but I honestly didn't even need the name because I could almost predict it was him since the transitions only occur when Jason goes to sleep. I mean, explanations of a different mystical world after someone goes to sleep? It's pretty obviously a transition to a dream.

The repetition of 'he' in these perspective tales is always a difficulty, especially when you try to create them in third-person but tell them from a particular character's point-of-view, in this case, Jason. It becomes easier when you try to act as narrator and less as a person. My suggestion is to use their name first when referencing them as the subject for the first time in a paragraph, but my paragraphs are much larger. For stories much more spaced out like this, it helps to use the name every now and then, more often when confronting different people in a situation.

Those are my little thoughts on fictional writing. Hopefully they help you.

Eh, transitions can be off-putting if handled badly. I myself had no problems with the transitions from scene to scene in this story though. They're more like mini-chapters in this case. They all come together, but alone, they're sorta self-contained.

I didn't say to completely ignore stuff. What I meant was stop worrying about how everything fits together.

Yes, that is indeed how monarchies work, I believe.

go slack off a bit and enjoy eyeing old ladies?

oh that, I enjoyed it. even though I sometimes kinda lost in what's going on it really made me laugh hard lol xD

I feel like I caused this.

No, I don't think that's the case. You seem to be rather confused with a lot of the entries reading your comments on them. It seems to me that this is the story of a man who lost his sight and is having dreams in fantasy settings where he can escape his handicap and be a hero with incredible power. The end of the dream sequence seems to end a bit abruptly, as he defies the queen and is taken away, but that may have symbolism as well.

I rather enjoyed this. It's always nice to read a good tragedy that has a sweet undertone. Plus, this is written well and mostly error-free. Well done.

"The Aristocrat, The Peasant, and The City" doesn't plagiarize "The Lion, the Which, and the Wardrobe" anymore than "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" does. Plagiarizing would be taking the exact thing and using it for your own work.

I haven't read this entry yet, but I did feel the need to point that out.

Concerning this entry concerning that war concerning that wedding...I just cannot fathom your satirical brilliance.

Reading this is akin to reading poetry for me. I can like the flow and tune, but attempting to judge art is something that is terribly difficult to do.

a commentary about your own entry. I appreciate the touch of humor in this one, although to be said, I kind of enjoyed the parodied entry more than this one. still a nice touch =D