oneshott Posts

((I'm working on my post, should be ready when I get back from work later today))

While everyone else had been busy shooting at and being shot at, Avery risked life and limb...to cut out the bit of crane that had smashed through the cockpit and weld a metal plate over the glass pane that had been shattered when they crash landed. He'd run into almost no one when he stepped outside to strip a good piece of the floor off to use for a patch.

While he had been doing that, someone had decided to throw caution to the wind and jump ship, using Inifnity as a getaway. Avery actually saw her run onto the ship, and went back to work because if she could figure out how to turn the ship on without him being there, then she probably deserved to keep her. So he finished up his business with the floor, walked back onto the ship and promptly stabbed her through the forhead. It was too bad really, she looked pretty cute.

"My ship."

It was by the time that Avery had finished welding his metal patch to cover the hole that out came the merry company. Not so merry he thought, since most were covered in blood, some of it their own.

So after a hasty exit from the dreadnought, and the course for New Britannia set, Avery carried the woman down to lay with the other dead bodies that had found themselves privy to Harris's hospitality. He was actually walking up with the professor as he was setting her down.

"Well I won't say I'm sorry I killed her first, but what you do with dead bodies don't really concern me. I figured you'd want something else to occupy your time."

He tugged the knife out of her head and wiped it off on a bit of dirty cloth that was hanging from the sink, and left the doctor to his work. Instead of going back to the cockpit, he went to the cargo bay to grab a drink from his crate. He picked a random bottle and took it up to the meeting room to drink off the nerves. He was still a bit shaky from almost having his head skewered.

Avery put a scowl on his face, yeah he was unorthodox but this...well whatever. She's been through worse I suppose.

"Fi get ready for a quick jump, in and out of warp in under a second so we don't liquify ourselves crashing into the hanger."

It was so fast that you would have missed it if you blinked, but since Fi didn't blink, Avery could watch just how close he had come to being sheared in half in high resolution as many times as he cared to. The jump had brought them a little farther into the bay as he would have liked, not that he could really have guarunteed anything at that speed. Infinity had dropped from warp 3/4ths of the way through an exceptionally long cargo bay, and had miraculously missed almost everything except the integrated loading arm used for in-atmosphere loading/unloading. The ship had hit the crane length wise, which served as a sort of catch cable. Some metal had of course made it's way into the cockpit, and was staring down Avery a few centimeters away from his forehead.

"Hey look, it missed"


"Yes thank you Fi, I can see that"

"Just saying, that looks like it would have hurt"

"Oh no doubt about that, thank you for your astue observations."

"Anytime"

Avery was about to argue the finer points of the positive aspects of not having your ship punched full of holes, but he was already pissed off and knew he was going to be prone to saying something brutally honest. Which was likely to lead to someone filling out a hurt feelings report.

"All right fuck it then, but if we turn out spaced and looking like swiss cheese I will follow you to hell and say 'I told you so' for all eternity. Just say when so I know when I can start feeling like a jackass for listening to you."

((I really had planned to do the same thing artie, but without just turning right around into an apparent death trap))

Avery sat in the pilot seat, trying to figure out a way to tell Richard his plan was stupid as it was without making him sound...stupid. Yeah he could turn around in a matter of seconds, and then seconds later the ship would be kin to swiss cheese. Or they could just wait a bit and have a distinct advantage. At the current rate, they would realize their cheesy future in about 10 minutes, which was not enough time to rewire a few bomblettes and modify the cannons to make their intrusion onto the dreadnought a reality. He flipped the comm channel on;

"Richard, I know you're all ready to be big damn heros and what not, but I really really need to take to you right now."

Well if that's not the case that's so bullshit, but whatever. That link is 404 for me, same for anyone else?

There's a live action version? Live action Sakura must have the biggest tits in all of Japan.

One by one, or sometimes two or three, Avery had disabled the entire compliment of escorts that the dreadnought had brought along whilst everyone else was busy shooting up his ship from the inside out. Avery was about to start doing some shooting of his own if Bohr came into the cockpit like that one more time.

"If you'd like to stop fuming over the Professor maybe you'd like to turn your attention to the dreadnought that's coming about?"

Right, he knew that.

"We're pretty much out of flash-bombs, and I hope you have some sort of plan because unless you intend to kamikaze the command deck then we're out of ideas."

"Pretty much? Or completely out?"

"Two left, six bomblettes in each pod"

That wasn't much to work with, and at this point guns were pointless because there was no way a small ship like Infinity was gonna hold up against a dreadnought of any class.

"Thirty seconds until they're in gun range."

"Shit shit shit."

Well, when the odds are against you; cheat. Judging from the decreased frequency of gun shots coming from the rest of the ship, Avery gathered that the crew had managed to polish off all the intruders, and the dreadnought had resolved to simply space them and cut their losses.

"Ok, time to go. Fi find me a good empty spot in space-"

"You mean besides the one in your head?"

"-and let Bohr know I need as much speed as he can give the ship for as long as he can, I need at least one hour. I'm going downstairs, ask the crew to get to the meeting room."

It wasn't hard to find the middle of nowhere, since they we're pretty much in it already, but the deeper they went into space the better. Ave set the ship on course, and a giddy smile travelled across his face. He practically skipped to the meeting room.

"This is probably the best...no second best idea I've ever had."

Where the fuck is my 'all of the above' option?

About as quickly as his cockpit had filled up, it was just as soon emptied. Places to go, people to kill. Avery turned Fi back on.

"Can I fly my own ship what kind of stupid ass question is that. I'll show you flying turn off the damn dampeners in the engine room then we'll so who can go flying."

"If I had hands I'd be hitting you with them."

"Yeah well you can daydream later right now we have more pressing matters at hand."

Pressing matters being of course the dreadnought and a small compliment of escort fighters. Oh well, not like he had anything better to do today. As Avery dropped the ship out of warp, he looked at his options. Fat chance that he would be taking out a dreadnought anytime soon with the stuff he had available. The escorts could of course be dealt with more easily. Avery had not spent months in deep space not getting caught for nothing.

Sure he had the turrets, but you could only shoot at one ship at a time and Avery was a multi-task sort of guy. So Avery did what any self respecting pilot does when the odds are against him, start cheating. First up were flash bombs; little EMP bomblettes that were proximity triggered and quite unfriendly to whoever ran by them. But instead of dropping and running, he had learned it was more fun to drop while running and ram the bomblettes right into the other guys face. Which was how he dispatched the first two who were running formations a little too close.

"Here's one for you!"

Avery set the ship on a head on course towards the two ships, rolling and swerving out of the shots they sent his way. It was a game of chicken that Avery always one because no one really expected him to do what he does. As the two ships began to break and fly over Infinity, Avery launched two flash-bombs out behind and away from his ship, detonating 3 seconds later right as the fighters flew by them. Mechanics would spend months trying to get just one lightbulb working on those things.

"Two down and who knows how many to go."

"You ever think about fighting fair? How would you feel if some asshole just dropped an EMP in your face and let you drift about in space?"

"Well if I thought about how it would feel I would probably stop doing it wouldn't I?"

"You're such an asshole"

"You're the one with the foul mouth and ill temper."

"And who do you think I get it from? You've gone from sweet to foul to-"

"Can we save the couples quirl for later? I'm taking this one seriously."

"Oh, you should have said so. Three more approaching from Z minus 300."

((I'll give you folks an A. It can get a bit odd having two people try to write out the same sex scene with each other.))

While Avery and Harris had been having their conversation, a few of the others had apparently been having their own...crew bonding moments. It was probably not intentional, but in the sweaty bouts of passion, someone else managed to make themselves heard through Richards comm set. Which of course made talking with Harris a bit difficult, especially since someone was having a screaming orgasm in his ear whilst the doctor confessed he had an urge to cut people up...

Definitely awkward.

He was actually about to start passing opinions when company came to the door; Bohr accompanied by the princess. Leaving of course just one option on who had such a sweet singing voice.

"Well I'd say you were a sight for sore eyes, but with Professor here it only makes it a half truth."

He threw a wink towards Nina and motioned for the two to take a seat.

"I seem to be a popular guy these days, so what brings the two of you-"

He was interrupted before he had a chance to finish by both Richard and Bohr, both with the same bit of news; it was time for Avery to earn his keep. Bohr then asked a very silly question. Avery gave him a perplexed look.

"Does a bear shit in the woods?"

Bohr returned the perplexed look in kind, obviously not getting it.

"Well for those without a sense of humour, that answer is yes I bloody well do know how to fly my own ship. Why? Got something to do with your mail Bohr?"

((this is probably gonna be my only post for the next few hours, lunch break is almost up))

Avery didn't quite know how to react to that one. Usually Ave was all for brutal honesty, but Harris brought it to a whole new level. He could probably make a good guess or two about why the military let Harris leave with no complaints.

"...right. Well just don't hold it against me if I don't leave you too many uhhh, patients, if ever it comes down to a gun fight."

It was an odd silence that followed, and the scene certainly couldn't get much more awkward if someone tried.

"Well, you uhh, you said you wanted to talk to me about something else as well right? Or was that honesty bombshell you just dropped pretty much the gist of it?"

"DEAR OLD DICK!"

He roared with laughter at his own comment; Yet another chance to call Richard that, Avery was certainly having a good time.

"It's an exceptionally short story with some horrendously long back story that would most likely give writers a juicy novel or two if ever I told it to them. Richard may have paid coin for the ship, but I've been with Infinity since before she was ever a sparkle in the man's wallet. And neither hell or black holes will keep me from her."

Avery finished his ice cream and tossed the cup in a silver tube that led to the trash compacter elsewhere on the ship.

"And what about you? What made toss your lot in with sorts like Richard and I?"

Avery couldn't help but laugh heartily at his question.

"Oh hell yes, all the time! You should hear what she says when you ask her about me!"

"I must have computed some truly horrible thought if God sees fit to keep me stuck with this hormonal tosser."

"Now now dear, no need for name calling."

Avery took another bite of vanilla ice cream with sprinkles and caramel. And Fi metaphorically rolled her eyes again before he switched her off.

"Truth be told I don't know what I would have done without her way back when, there was...well put simply there was a time I couldn't exactly travel through populated space."

Avery chortled.

"Don't tell her I said that though, I'd never live it down."

Avery took his hand and shook it once, which was all that either of them needed at this point.

"Avery's the name, and-"

"Telling shitty jokes is his game"

"Quiet you"

"I'd say 'make' me if you wouldn't actually do it."

"Good girl; anyway Harris, I can go by a lot of names so long as I know it's me you're talking about."

He paused a moment to take a small bite of vanilla ice cream with sprinkles and caramel. Fi rolled her eyes again...metaphorically speaking.

"So what brings you my little piece of the ship?"

((since you seem utterly determined to not actually start the conversation, I guess I'll start it then))

Avery was arguing the finer points of why you don't eat vanilla ice cream all by itself when he noticed that it wasn't Richard standing at the doorway; the giveaway being that there was no stiffled snickering, or someone trying to act like they were trying not to.

Avery hoped it would be one of the cute women who had managed to find their way aboard, but it was only the doctor.

"Well well if it isn't Creepy McGee M.D.! It must be a dreadfully boring time indeed if you've chosen to come visit me. Pull up a chair if you can manage to tear one from the floor."

Avery sort of chuckled at his own joke, and he could hear Fi rolling her eyes again.

"Just how many times are you going to say that to people before you stop saying it?

"How many people are there in the universe Fi? And no don't answer that, I already explained what a rhetorical question is."

Not to be kept from his seat, he settled himself in before swiveling the chair towards Bohr. Avery tossed the envelope at him.

"As far as Fi and I can tell, it's not got a bomb or something in it, so I guess it's just a letter. You can open it here if you care to, I'm about to take off so you might want to find a seat for yourself for a moment."

"Ok ladies and gents, either take a seat or find something to steady yourself, because it's about to get shaky. If you get a concussion it's not my fault"

Avery swiveled back, and went through the motions of take off. The inertial dampeners on Infinity never worked as well in atmosphere, and Ave like it that way. It was always such a smooth ride in space; flying through a vacuum is like watching butter slide around on a pan, no resistance. He had taken great pains by mucking up the dampeners enough so that when the ship hit actual air it would get a bit shaky now and then when going from air to space. The ship gave a great lurch as Avery lifted off of the docking pad, settling down to a simple shake now and then as they made the quick trip back to space.

((I'm 12 hours apart from the rest of you guys and only get about 2 hours of not working when you guys are awake, so try to bear with me, sorry =| ))

No...package...expected.

Now that was a real problem; not for Avery, oh no. But things were not looking good for poor little John sitting on his crate. Avery had two options, one was signing off on the delivery and letting the man go, or shoot him and take the damn thing anyway. He was really leaning toward the latter, but sometimes shooting people causes more trouble than it's worth. So with that, Avery got up and put the whiskey back, turned, placed his thumb on the reader, and took the delivery.

"Right then, here you go. Goodbye Johnnie boy."

Avery opened up the bay door and motioned John out, quickly.

"Well I've kept you long enough, don't want to keep you, sure you have other packages to deliver. Have a nice life!"

And with that, John was gone.

"Bloody pissant."

Avery skipped back over to the crate with the whiskey in it and removed the fake thumb he'd placed on before he'd offered John the bottle. And speaking of the bottle..

"Oi Fi, you think there might be a print or two from that blighter on this thing?"

He was sure that if Fi had eyes she would be rolling them.

"And do what with it, make yourself a new thumb?"

"No no no, but still. Don't you think it a bit weird? We're on this rock for all of 30 minutes and Mr. Doctor Professor Bohr already had a package for him that he knows nothing about?"

"Earth to Captain Obvious; we've been expected today for a while now. And you did, for once in your life, follow the standard procedure for landing and registered our SN with the Port Authority."

Oh, right, he knew that.

"Well whatever, I don't like it."

Fi heaved a tremendous sigh, if computers could sigh in any case.

"You don't like anything Avery"

"Not true; I like women."

"You like a woman's body, not the actual person."

Oh, right, he knew that too.

"Fine fine, whatever. 'Captain, our guest is gone and left the package for Bohr, I gave them Old Piner's thumb print again so no worries'.

L) Be a manly brother and fuck her brains out, because that's what you want