Rowdy Rocker! Posts

I said before that it wasn't. I guess you didn't see it. Yeah. I've played Inquisition, though it was after I came up with the idea for the daemons. Strangely enough, I didn't think of my own fantasy race when I saw them. That's not to say the Qunari are nothing like daemons at all in terms of appearance, but it just didn't click for me for some reason.

Not a contest! We haven't started reading submissions yet. Aside from that, there's a lot of other stuff that needs to get done to make it happen.



There was one line in the second chapter:



As the name implies, they have some characteristics similar to demons like horns and colored skin. They're very religious, and people of power among them tend to be priests and priestesses. That being said, daemon warriors are also a source of pride. In fact, the main villain of the story for which this world was originally developed is a daemon warlord.

There are elves who probably possess the strongest connection to magic out of all the races. I say probably because I haven't decided yet. At the time of Strike!, an elven kingdom is considered to be one of the wealthiest and strongest powers in the world but also isolated. It's mostly closed off except for merchants and scholars who must follow strict protocols.

The main reason I want to include these other races is realism. Baradium is the capital of a vast empire similar to the Ancient Roman Empire, and it'd be a little ridiculous if the other races don't have a presence there. Also, I think it'll add some character to the city.

It's been a while since I posted anything. I'm not thrilled with the progress I made since the last chapter I added. It doesn't help that things are going to start getting harry from here on out with the level of schoolwork that I have to deal with, but that's my problem, and those of you that enter this topic don't do so to read about that.

Since posting the last chapter of the story arc, I've gotten underway with the second draft, but as of now, I'm only finished with the first chapter, which was re-done in third person to fit with the rest of the story. It's been a slow start for sure, but I hope to have the second draft done by next week.

For those interested, major changes/additions I plan on making include: dropping reminders of past events in chapters 2 and 3; changing the dynamics some of the characters have with Harper; painting a better picture of the city; incorporating the other races in the world which, so far, are practically non-existent; changes to chapters 6 and 7.

With regards to the last two chapters, I'm still not sure yet what I want to do with them, but I will be changing them up, and some of those changes could impact the plot in meaningful ways.

All right then. If you can give me that much information now, I imagine this is a subject that will be addressed over the course of the game.



Another thing that would worry me with 11 characters is it might be too much for players to handle. Even in games with seven or eight characters, there's usually at least one that I find myself by and largely ignoring. This does solve that problem to at least some extent though, and it offers more replayability.

I've never played Star Ocean of Naruto, but the battle system sounds like something that has a lot of depth to it. It's nice that there are multiple options available for the main character. It reminds me of Tales of Xillia 2, where the main characters could wield either swords, pistols, or a hammer.



Obviously, these humans are different from humans in real life. It'll be interesting to see the ways in which they differ and are the same.



I question why this is a thing. It just seems so illogical to me.



This sheds some light on it, but I still don't really know at all what the deal is with the dead batteries.



Kinda sounds like this is happening just for the sake for throwing more conflict at your characters, but I'm guessing there are more important reasons behind this.



I don't know what your work ethic is like (or anything about you for that matter), but 11 characters sounds like too much to work with. I imagine it would be difficult to create unique enough personalities, fighting styles, backstories, and roles in the plot to justify having all of them.

No, I haven't read through all of the profiles you posted, and I probably should before making comments about the characters.

Name rhymes with Joshpickle and Stoshsickle.

Are you looking for feedback? Regardless, I'll watch this thread for updates with interest.

I never pictured the lounge as attention starved.

They're a lot of fun, especially if you have someone to play with, but they aren't games I'd get for the sake of story.



Yeah, that guy. I don't read a lot of comics myself. I've really only seen the movies. In the two movies that he's made an appearance in so far, he's in the background plotting something. In addition, in the second movie he's seen in, it's outright stated that he's the most powerful being in the universe.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BigBad

That link lists a ton of examples by media. I don't know why I didn't just post it to begin with. Come to think of it, I don't know why I didn't use the term "big bad" instead of using my own made-up crap.

They split it up into three 12 episode blocks. The first one is halfway through being aired. The second is set to air in summer and the third in January 2016. I think it's just as great as the first season so far in terms of plot and characters, but the animation has dropped in quality, and it's not as if Durarara was known for it's silky smooth animation to begin with.



I would say so.



First one off the top of my head is Queen Myrrah in Gears of War. Thanos as depicted in the MCU so far would count as well.



No winking.

Don't worry about it.



I think that's debatable. Having said that, rest assured I will not leave you or anyone hanging.



Highly recommend it.



It's kind of funny. Yes, I wouldn't have met any of you if I didn't come to this site first for other . . . reasons, but since I started posting in Writing and Fanfiction, I started going to this site for hentai less and less. I can't remember the last time I visited this site specifically for that.



I haven't heard that term used before. I just made it up, but what I'm referring to is something that's common with long-running series. There will be individual arcs with their own villains, but then there's also some guy in the background who is usually a puppet master kind of guy who takes center stage at the end of the series. Or maybe he hasn't been hiding in the shadows. He's completely new, but when he appears, you know shit just got real. He's the villain to end all villains, and you know when the good guys take him down, the world will be at peace.



It's not like I wanted you to read my stuff or anything.

It will tie in to what was going on in Knife in the Dark. I'd make the argument that the second, third, and fourth story arcs are all sequels to the first one. Not in the traditional sense that they build off what came before it, but more like they're complements to each other. For the fifth arc though, it's all going to come back together for an epic ending.

I finally got around to catching up on this topic.



Being able to get people to feel what you want to is an important skill to have, but at the same time, it's possible to control everyone's feelings. There's always going to be someone who interprets something differently, and I think that's perfectly alright because not everyone is going to be impacted in the same way by the same story.

Having said that, my initial thought on the second draft of the ending was essentially the same as Xenon's, and if you are absolutely averse to it, and you don't want people to get that out of your story, then yeah, I think it needs changes, which you do in the latest draft. I think it does a much better job of conveying what you want it to.

I also like how you bring back that thing from the beginning of the story where the villagers think the path between villages will vanish.

I like it better than the original ending, but I do have some issues with it, like the succubus wearing a shirt. She didn't care much about wearing clothes before. Why would she decide to put a shirt on now?

You still have that strange thing going on where it could be a time jump, but it might not be. If you're cool with that, leave it in by all means, but I still don't like it.

Getting more technical, you end the first paragraph with him taking her by the hand, and you begin the second paragraph by pointing out that he's holding her hand. That's a bit redundant.



At the bottom of the page, there's a feint pink bar with edit and delete options on the left. Hit edit, and you can change the thread title from there.

Damn, I didn't expect you finish reading it so soon.



You found it difficult to follow and assume that's on you? You are too kind. If I had to guess, I'd say the fault lies more in my court. I had a lot of difficulty writing this story arc, I think because there are lot of things going on behind the scenes, and there weren't really any opportunities for the main characters to learn of them. I also had issues with multiple characters. I don't know if it showed anywhere, but I actually found myself deleting more than half the scenes I had written when I was nearly done and overhauling the arc.

Having said that, I have a much clearer idea of what I want to do with the next story arc, and hopefully I won't have as many problems with it. It's about Vanen fighting pirates!



I think it's my favorite as well. I don't think I can call it now, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say the fourth arc will be a lot closer in feel to the first one, mostly because it was a lot funner to write than the second and third ones were.



Really, Great Game and Knife in the Dark are my first two attempts at crafting really intricate plots. I don't think it's the fact that they're intricate that makes them inherently less fun but has more to do with me not having the ability yet to build these kinds of plots with the fidelity to make them fun and easy to follow.



That's me experimenting with chapter titles. Some of them might be a stretch, but for the most part, they hint at what you can expect the chapter to be about. I had a lot of fun coming up with them.

Cool. I don't mind being mentally linked to a character like him.

If this guy's a bounty hunter and you want to show that, the first thing that comes to mind is you could add prices to his list of people.



In that case, keep at it.



I still make mistakes, but I usually catch them before I post. I don't know what your native language is, but for me as a native English speaker, it usually sticks out like a sore thumb when the wrong tense is used. I think it's just one of those things where you'll get better at with time and practice.



Don't mention it. Don't take this the wrong way, but don't make excuses for yourself. So what if you're not pro? If you enjoy writing then stick with it.



So were you going for something like that, or is it just the way things turned out?

The way I see it, what you essentially have is an extreme coming of age story. In the beginning, he doesn't know what it means for a man and a woman to be in an intimate relationship, and he'd rather play around than learn skills essential for survival like how to use a sword. And then that all goes to shit and he's forced to become a man who's prepared to go fight. When I look at like this, I get that from the ending, however it feels muddled to me, if that makes sense. I get the feeling that when this boy wakes up after having sex next to the corpses of his family, he has an incredibly cathartic realization of what his life's like now and what he has to do, but you don't do the best job that you could to show that.

I have no idea how I'd change the ending though. I'd have to think about that more.



Not necessarily, but I think there should be a smoother transition. It shouldn't be the case that she's in charge the night before, and now the boy turned man is capable of giving her a fright, especially when you consider she isn't disturbed by the destruction of the village. You don't even have to make it to where he becomes the dominant one by the end of the story. You could just lay a hint or two to show that the dynamic of their relationship has begun to change.



That brings up an interesting point that Xenon touched upon briefly. You could have done more to ease readers into the fact that she's a succubus, and the supernatural elements of the world in general. I'm not saying that you should, but you could.

It is a little jarring when at the very end, you call her a succubus with zero preamble.

Hey, I got around to reading it. It started out promising, but I don't like where you went with it. From what I gathered, it boils down to a German vampire with a list of people he wants to fuck and kill, and that kind of thing doesn't appeal to me.



The bold section was confusing. I initially read it as a series of paintings that were made by members of the family.



He caught her in the foyer, and now suddenly they're in her bedroom.



I would not describe the fangs that way. You make it sound as if getting bitten would be only mildly unpleasant.

There are some places where you use the wrong verb tense.

I think your reasons behind the word choice and what the possibly happens in the last paragraph are solid, but I just can't bring my self to agree. I don't know what it is. But I just don't like it. I suppose it's just not for me.



Will do.

Cool. I would have read your story last night by the way, but by the time I got to it, it was midnight. I had been up since six in the morning, and I was dead tired. I will get to it today for sure.