Ryssen Posts

Today is New Year's Eve and I know for sure I am not entering 2012 in a happy mood. Why you may ask? I have been rejected by the same girl again, but this time round, she tells me she already has a boyfriend.

For the sake of posting, I shall call her “Snow”. Even though we went out together late last month, she became very quiet all of a sudden. I wondered if it was something I did. On 28 Dec 2011 (Wednesday), I met up to pass her some books, but even during our short encounter, she remained extremely quiet and was reluctant to speak with me. Feeling exasperated, I went home, penned down all of my feelings on a letter and visited her workplace impromptu the next morning.

I openly expressed my feelings towards her and apologized if I have done anything wrong. Of course, she was extremely annoyed that I dropped by without notice and refused to accept my letter. I had no choice but to leave it on her desk. At that point in time, I told myself I only wished to be friends with her again, to be able to chat and speak freely about all matters under the sun, but when she finally texted me in the evening, it was the following: "I am sorry I have to reject you again and by the way, I already have a boyfriend." Given that I have already noticed a ring on her finger, I should have sensed something was amiss.

My world collapsed around me. On one hand, I want her to be happy, because in my opinion, her radiant smile is one of the most wondrous sights I have ever experienced, but on the other hand, I really wish I am the guy by her side. Is it selfish and greedy of me to think of the latter?

I have really tried my best in trying to make her happy. I believed my sincere and true feelings, as well as determination, would be able to touch and win her heart, but alas, I failed miserably. Right now, I am swarmed with negative emotions - resentment, jealousy, feelings of unfairness and misery. I am not ashamed to admit that I prayed to the powers above for help, but did they not hear my pleas?

Furthermore, all my current thoughts revolve around Snow. I can neither eat nor sleep properly. I can't help but recall all the fond memories I had with her - from the first time I asked for her mobile number, when we visited the music library together, our outings to a local shopping mall, our singing sessions, etc. Looking at the text conversations we had, should I have done things differently to win her heart? Possess more courage, be more assertive?

To a certain extent, it has been an enjoyable year, especially during those occasions where I spent time with Snow.. Ever since I got to know her, there is motivation in my life. Even looking forward to a simply text reply from her will make me happy. Am I such a naive bear? But now:

I know I will never be able to hold her hand.
I know I will never have a chance to kiss her.
I know I will never have the opportunity to bring her to movie dates and other places of interest again.
I know her smile will be reserved for that special person in her life.
I know I will never see her putting on the cute Nyan pose for me ever again.
And I know it is no longer my role to watch over her as an "guardian angel".

What should I do now? After speaking to a few friends, I could choose from the following options:
1) Give up. "Someone better will enter my life", but when will "she" appear?
2) Wait. If she ever wants me, I will gladly accept her.
3) Continue to pursue her. According to my friends, all is fair in love and war.

In addition, I have so many questions I wish to ask Snow and I believe only she has the answers which I want to personally hear. Will she be willing to meet up and have a long chat with myself? Of course, my friends have advised me not to harbour any expectations of being accepted by her. To make matters worse, the miliary camp in which I am supposed to attend training soon is located close to her workplace.

Up till today, only 2 girls have ever caused me to shed tears and Snow happens to be one of them.

After speaking to a number of friends over the past few days, I finally came to a decision. I have decided to meet or at least, speak with Snow, so that I can obtain some answers to the various questions which I have in mind. If I do obtain them and hopefully, be able to remain friends with Snow, I should try my very best to move on with my life.

She did reply my text message: "What questions you want to ask?". However, before this particular message, I suspect she may have accidentally sent a message meant for another person (possibly her boyfriend) to me: "What do you mean? By hanging out, do you mean going out or hanging things at home?" This is the first time she has ever sent a message meant for another recipient to me. I really hope it was not done out of purpose to spite myself, and even if it was a coincidence, the error seems to have appeared at a very "timely" moment...

In any case, these are the questions I posed to her via text message. As much as I wish to meet up with her, or speak over the phone, the ball is no longer in my court.

1) How long have you been together with your boyfriend?
2) Why didn't you tell me about it and is this the reason why you became quiet recently?
3) What qualities does he have that I am lacking?
4) Did I ever stand a chance?
5) Are we still friends?

My friends have warned that I may never receive a reply and that things will never be the same ever again. In the worst case scenario, both Snow and I may not even remain friends. I do not know if this is the correct decision, but something has to be done eventually.

In addition, in order to vent my frustrations and sorrow, I have composed yet another poem, entitled "Memories and What May Never Come to Pass".

To end off this sorrowful post, I once had a beautiful daydream, whereby I am able to visit Japan on a trip with Snow, especially since we are both interested in anime and manga. How perfect and wonderful it would have been... Unfortunately, my daydream has now been shattered, realizing that it can never be. :(

She did reply to my earlier text message, and answered the various questions, albeit in an indirect, harsh and cold manner. The following would be her reply (with the short forms extended and the errors, edited).

Response to Question 1 and 2:
Who do you think you are that I have to tell you about my personal stuff? Not all my friends know. Why should I tell the world about it? And it is not that I am quiet; it is just proof that you don't understand me enough coz to everyone I know I only choose to reply messages when I feel like it. If I don't think it is important and all my friends know this (?)

Response to Question 3 and 4:
Like I told you before, it is the feelings that count and not really what the person has. If you ask me why, I also don't know. And as to how long it will last, I also don't know.

Response to Question 5:
I think it is actually quite stupid as I will not even reply you if I don't consider you a friend.

When I first read the message, I was definitely angered. I was very tempted to reply in an equally harsh, if not worse, manner. However, I finally decided not to do so. "Thank you for your reply" was all that I wrote.

Perhaps my questions were too direct and straightforward, causing her to feel offended. However, I did not think they were rude in any way. Nonetheless, I so very much wish to defend myself:

All I wanted to know was whether she has been with her boyfriend for a long time. If so, why did she still go on outings (dates?) with myself, with the most recent ones in late Nov 2011? Why did she tell me she wanted to try out a new restaurant? Why did she say the choice to meet up lies with me? Why did she tell me she wanted a 1.6 metre teddy bear? Aren't these roles meant for her boyfriend? Even if she did get together with her boyfriend in the past 1 month, she could have informed me. To tell the truth, I did not mind spending my money on the various gifts, but I do feel aggrieved for not knowing the truth and being "led-on" to a certain extent. Of course, I should not place all the blame on the other party; perhaps I should have asked if she were attached in the first place. Right now, it is already too late to take back the sincere and genuine feelings which I had for her (and still do, to a lesser extent).

I believe I have put in quite a bit of effort to communicate and understand her, causing me to feel exasperated whenever she remains silent and answers in short sentences on certain occasions, be it face-to-face or via text messages. Yet at times, she is willing to tell me about her day and various events. Am I only there to ease her loneliness or serve as a plaything? Of course, I can't place all the blame on the other party again. Perhaps my method of understanding another person vastly differs from her usual methods of doing so.

Undeniably, feelings count when it comes to relationships and I am unable to refute this particular point. However, will there come a day when feelings for your partner fade suddenly?

From her response to question 5, I suppose we are still friends, even though I was deemed stupid. Being the soft-hearted bear that I am, I definitely wish to remain friends with her.

In conclusion, I personally felt that her reply was extremely rude, but placing myself in her shoes, agitation, frustration and other negative emotions are understandable. There is one good thing which came out of her reply - As much as there is lingering feelings for Snow in my heart, it has also strengthed my resolve to move on. I cannot rule out the possibility that she said all these words to aid me in moving on. If so, thank you, not only for helping me proceed to the next chapter of my life, but also for the fun and enjoyable times which I spent with you.

And to all my readers, have I made the right decision in giving her up and moving on?

Today is New Year's Eve and I know for sure I am not entering 2012 in a happy mood. Why you may ask? I have been rejected by the same girl again, but this time round, she tells me she already has a boyfriend.

For the sake of posting, I shall call her “Snow”. Even though we went out together late last month, she became very quiet all of a sudden. I wondered if it was something I did. On 28 Dec 2011 (Wednesday), I met up to pass her some books, but even during our short encounter, she remained extremely quiet and was reluctant to speak with me. Feeling exasperated, I went home, penned down all of my feelings on a letter and visited her workplace impromptu the next morning.

I openly expressed my feelings towards her and apologized if I have done anything wrong. Of course, she was extremely annoyed that I dropped by without notice and refused to accept my letter. I had no choice but to leave it on her desk. At that point in time, I told myself I only wished to be friends with her again, to be able to chat and speak freely about all matters under the sun, but when she finally texted me in the evening, it was the following: "I am sorry I have to reject you again and by the way, I already have a boyfriend." Given that I have already noticed a ring on her finger, I should have sensed something was amiss.

My world collapsed around me. On one hand, I want her to be happy, because in my opinion, her radiant smile is one of the most wondrous sights I have ever experienced, but on the other hand, I really wish I am the guy by her side. Is it selfish and greedy of me to think of the latter?

I have really tried my best in trying to make her happy. I believed my sincere and true feelings, as well as determination, would be able to touch and win her heart, but alas, I failed miserably. Right now, I am swarmed with negative emotions - resentment, jealousy, feelings of unfairness and misery. I am not ashamed to admit that I prayed to the powers above for help, but did they not hear my pleas?

Furthermore, all my current thoughts revolve around Snow. I can neither eat nor sleep properly. I can't help but recall all the fond memories I had with her - from the first time I asked for her mobile number, when we visited the music library together, our outings to a local shopping mall, our singing sessions, etc. Looking at the text conversations we had, should I have done things differently to win her heart? Possess more courage, be more assertive?

To a certain extent, it has been an enjoyable year, especially during those occasions where I spent time with Snow.. Ever since I got to know her, there is motivation in my life. Even looking forward to a simply text reply from her will make me happy. Am I such a naive bear? But now:

I know I will never be able to hold her hand.
I know I will never have a chance to kiss her.
I know I will never have the opportunity to bring her to movie dates and other places of interest again.
I know her smile will be reserved for that special person in her life.
I know I will never see her putting on the cute Nyan pose for me ever again.
And I know it is no longer my role to watch over her as an "guardian angel".

What should I do now? After speaking to a few friends, I could choose from the following options:
1) Give up. "Someone better will enter my life", but when will "she" appear?
2) Wait. If she ever wants me, I will gladly accept her.
3) Continue to pursue her. According to my friends, all is fair in love and war.

In addition, I have so many questions I wish to ask Snow and I believe only she has the answers which I want to personally hear. Will she be willing to meet up and have a long chat with myself? Of course, my friends have advised me not to harbour any expectations of being accepted by her. To make matters worse, the miliary camp in which I am supposed to attend training soon is located close to her workplace.

Up till today, only 2 girls have ever caused me to shed tears and Snow happens to be one of them.

After speaking to a number of friends over the past few days, I finally came to a decision. I have decided to meet or at least, speak with Snow, so that I can obtain some answers to the various questions which I have in mind. If I do obtain them and hopefully, be able to remain friends with Snow, I should try my very best to move on with my life.

She did reply my text message: "What questions you want to ask?". However, before this particular message, I suspect she may have accidentally sent a message meant for another person (possibly her boyfriend) to me: "What do you mean? By hanging out, do you mean going out or hanging things at home?" This is the first time she has ever sent a message meant for another recipient to me. I really hope it was not done out of purpose to spite myself, and even if it was a coincidence, the error seems to have appeared at a very "timely" moment...

In any case, these are the questions I posed to her via text message. As much as I wish to meet up with her, or speak over the phone, the ball is no longer in my court.

1) How long have you been together with your boyfriend?
2) Why didn't you tell me about it and is this the reason why you became quiet recently?
3) What qualities does he have that I am lacking?
4) Did I ever stand a chance?
5) Are we still friends?

My friends have warned that I may never receive a reply and that things will never be the same ever again. In the worst case scenario, both Snow and I may not even remain friends. I do not know if this is the correct decision, but something has to be done eventually.

In addition, in order to vent my frustrations and sorrow, I have composed yet another poem, entitled "Memories and What May Never Come to Pass".

To end off this sorrowful post, I once had a beautiful daydream, whereby I am able to visit Japan on a trip with Snow, especially since we are both interested in anime and manga. How perfect and wonderful it would have been... Unfortunately, my daydream has now been shattered, realizing that it can never be. :(

She did reply to my earlier text message, and answered the various questions, albeit in an indirect, harsh and cold manner. The following would be her reply (with the short forms extended and the errors, edited).

Response to Question 1 and 2:
Who do you think you are that I have to tell you about my personal stuff? Not all my friends know. Why should I tell the world about it? And it is not that I am quiet; it is just proof that you don't understand me enough coz to everyone I know I only choose to reply messages when I feel like it. If I don't think it is important and all my friends know this (?)

Response to Question 3 and 4:
Like I told you before, it is the feelings that count and not really what the person has. If you ask me why, I also don't know. And as to how long it will last, I also don't know.

Response to Question 5:
I think it is actually quite stupid as I will not even reply you if I don't consider you a friend.

When I first read the message, I was definitely angered. I was very tempted to reply in an equally harsh, if not worse, manner. However, I finally decided not to do so. "Thank you for your reply" was all that I wrote.

Perhaps my questions were too direct and straightforward, causing her to feel offended. However, I did not think they were rude in any way. Nonetheless, I so very much wish to defend myself:

All I wanted to know was whether she has been with her boyfriend for a long time. If so, why did she still go on outings (dates?) with myself, with the most recent ones in late Nov 2011? Why did she tell me she wanted to try out a new restaurant? Why did she say the choice to meet up lies with me? Why did she tell me she wanted a 1.6 metre teddy bear? Aren't these roles meant for her boyfriend? Even if she did get together with her boyfriend in the past 1 month, she could have informed me. To tell the truth, I did not mind spending my money on the various gifts, but I do feel aggrieved for not knowing the truth and being "led-on" to a certain extent. Of course, I should not place all the blame on the other party; perhaps I should have asked if she were attached in the first place. Right now, it is already too late to take back the sincere and genuine feelings which I had for her (and still do, to a lesser extent).

I believe I have put in quite a bit of effort to communicate and understand her, causing me to feel exasperated whenever she remains silent and answers in short sentences on certain occasions, be it face-to-face or via text messages. Yet at times, she is willing to tell me about her day and various events. Am I only there to ease her loneliness or serve as a plaything? Of course, I can't place all the blame on the other party again. Perhaps my method of understanding another person vastly differs from her usual methods of doing so.

Undeniably, feelings count when it comes to relationships and I am unable to refute this particular point. However, will there come a day when feelings for your partner fade suddenly?

From her response to question 5, I suppose we are still friends, even though I was deemed stupid. Being the soft-hearted bear that I am, I definitely wish to remain friends with her.

In conclusion, I personally felt that her reply was extremely rude, but placing myself in her shoes, agitation, frustration and other negative emotions are understandable. There is one good thing which came out of her reply - As much as there is lingering feelings for Snow in my heart, it has also strengthed my resolve to move on. I cannot rule out the possibility that she said all these words to aid me in moving on. If so, thank you, not only for helping me proceed to the next chapter of my life, but also for the fun and enjoyable times which I spent with you.

And to all my readers, have I made the right decision in giving her up and moving on?

I wonder~ Does Santa even come to a bright, noisy (with musics) room like mine? ;p

@gambler, if you think you're working slower then pick up the pace... but not too much, hahaha

@bear - It's nearly time for hibernation, see?

@Gambler
oh so you're actually ahead of my time then

Yup, because I rarely come here so it's normal you wont know lol