Funny Masturbating Story

I'll go first. When I first learned about masturbation many moons ago, I took it in as "rubbing your member until you feel good." I didn't exactly think in what direction to do the rubbing.

I kid you not, this was the motion I was doing for months .______.



Feel free to share your own funny/weird experiences!

I was very curious about sex from a young age, probably as early as 6.

One night, I'd found 70's porn under my dad's mattress. I saw a white ginger-haired, freckly woman with cum from a black man on her stomach. To me at the time, it looked like milk. I dabbed some milk from my bottle on my knob, thinking it would "feel good". It didn't. It felt cold.

I figured it out while watching porn. Back then all I did was get an erection but still watch porn. Until a month later I figured out your suppose to do something.

My first masturbation.. I didn't know that it can "spurt" so far and high.... lol.. It was all over my PC, my keyboard my desktop... oh the horror...

Friends at school talked about sex and stuff. Went home, got curious that night, and my hand wandered down there.

I played with myself until I felt an orgasm coming. I'm still surprised I was able to get one, despite not really knowing what to do lol.

I play Kum waffle with my friends and we played with blue berry waffles. and my friend lost, so he had to eat the waffle, the only problem was that he vomited on all of us as payback. Greatest New years ever.

I started fapping when I was in kindergarten. I just didn't know what it was called, or why it felt so good :L
I remember my cousin actually walked in on me and told me to stop.
I was like "hhnnnggg no"

So I'm jerking off like I usually do every night (Most likely to guro or something along those lines), and like most people I tend to lock all doors, shut off all lights etc etc. So I'm beating it off like normal and it's going great right?

From the light of my monitor I see a small (Almost insignificantly thin) String/line In front of me. Now understand at this point I was about to bust a nut so I told myself it was nothing, but I felt compelled to look down to where this string ended (My dick). Next thing I know I'm staring at a Spider lowering itself above my dick (A good two inches above actually touching me). I fall off my chair (Completely naked ofc) grabbing a nearby comic book (Which happened to be Ultimate Spider-Man) and proceeding to beat the Spider to kingdom come. Now every time I beat off I have to check my ceiling before beginning.

Random and its masturbation topics never fail to surprise me, anyway, when I was a kid I would just do it, I didnt really understand what it was I just knew it felt good.

kinda ironic you beat a spider to death with a spiderman comic xD


My first time was nothing spectacular, felt hard, tugged on it for a while and then exploded... ruined my bath water though

funny.. I started with dry orgasms... Must've started too early >.>
Found some fun porn sites on the interwebs, printed off some pictures, and would go into my room and fap... Fun times. nearly got caught once.. but pretended I was sleeping and it was fine xD
Kids.

I had no idea what to do at my first time. I layed down on my bed face down, thinking about asuka kazama (tekken), and started to hump the bed. I came eventually. Oh god why.

Dear lord, I SO don't want to know the answer to this, but I have to ask. What is Kum Waffle?

In porn I used to think all men were circumcised when I was young I didn't know the fore skin went all the way back.

I got a paper cut on my penis once not sure how I did it.

I was getting a tit wank from this girl when I was young and I was surprized because I had never came before and didn't realize I had semen yet.

[font=segoe print bold]Substitute Kum waffle with Cum waffle, and there you have it.
I guess?
I'm also guessing that GodofAtheism and his friends are gay or atleast bi to play something like that, or just really really drunk.

me too. i was probably around 10 when i started, and i just knew that it made me feel calm and relaxed afterwards. so one day in 5th grade i was in school taking a math test, and i was panicking cuz i was running out of time. so i thought "i'll do that thing that makes me calm and then i can finish my test". luckily no one was paying attention to me.

the first time i jerked of was when i was like 8 and it felt good until i actually ejaculated and for some reason that felt really uncomfortable in fact i think i remember it feeling almost slightly painful but at the same time a massive relief and i have jerked off between 2-4 times a day everyday since that time, i even scored a personal record of 13 consecutive times jerking off in a single day (took like 12 hours LOL)

Holy shit you fapped in kindergarten WTF?

My first time I thought "I bet if I used my hand and some lotion it would feel like a vagina." It did and the first time I came it actually hurt (using those muscles for the first time? IDK) but I did it again a couple hours later and I've never stopped since.