Pimpin' Ain't Easy (Up-to-date translations)

Adolf Hitler is sitting at the end of a bar.

The bartender goes up and says, "Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude, but you look like a much older version of Adolf Hitler."

Hitler says in his thick German accent, "Vell, I am Hitler. I didn't die in the war."

"Wow!" the bartender exclaims. "What have you been doing for all these years?"

"Vell, if you must know, Ve have been forming zee fourth reiche, und zis time ve are going to kill 30 million Jews und 12 clowns."

The bartender is confused and asks, "Why on earth would you want to kill 12 clowns?"

Hitler says, "SEE, I TOLD YOU NOBODY CARES ABOUT ZEE JEWS!"

1. They have a vagina

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10. and tits.

A mob boss finds out his accountant has stolen millions from him. He's furious. He gets his lawyer and goes to the accountant's office.

The mob boss sits down and says, "Listen, you little prick. I know you took millions from me and I want it back now!"

The accountant looks terrified, but doesn't say anything. The mob boss pulls out his gun, stands up, puts the gun to the accountant's head and says, "You got three fuckin' seconds to tell me where my money is!"

The lawyer says, "Sir, he's deaf, but I know sign language."

The mob boss says, "Ask that prick where my money is or I'll end him right here."

The lawyer signs to the accountant and tells him he needs to tell where the money is or he's going to die. The accountant nervously signs back to the lawyer that all the money, is buried in the yard behind his shed.

The mob boss says, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you're too much of a pussy to pull the trigger."

In a transatlantic flight, a plane passes into a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning and is detached.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up at the front of the plane and yells, "I'm too young to die! But if I'm going to, I want my last minutes to be memorable! I've had plenty of lovers in my life, but none of them has ever made me feel like a woman! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a real woman?"

For a moment there is dead silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman. Then a man stands up at the rear of the plane.

"I can make you feel like a real woman," he says, his voice low and husky.

The man is gorgeous. Tall, well-built, broad shoulders, flowing jet-black hair and soft brown eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he goes, one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is shaking, breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest and arms as he reaches her.

He draws close to her, and as he presses his shirt against her, he whispers, "Iron this."