mister advicer is here!!!tell me your love problem!!!
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Fi wrote...
thanks guys :) in the meantime, if you ever meet an asian bboy named luke...just punch him for me. ahh.. Sure will! If you are okay with that~ I got you!~
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Fi wrote...
ok....I am unfortunately still kinda obsessed with my asshole twice ex-boyfriend. I know I should just forget about it, and I've dated and fallen in love since him, but he is the person my mind always runs to whenever I have 5 minutes of free time...My dear. Just to make something clear: what you feel for him is NOT love.
I know the feeling, and you normally think "since I think so much about him, it MUST be love".
WRONG.
First, women, specially latin women hardly forget who was her first man. And he was yours. Therefore, whenever you think about men, this equation is executed:
Nice guy -> good to date -> Date -> sex [THEN] Sex = idiot guy.
That's the first part of your problem. The second, since he IS a high caliber idiot, no matter what you do, you never feel that "you hurt him". But you know that he DID hurt you. So you are experiencing the feeling that he owes you something. Not fair, not fair, not fair. That's what you think. And with such grudge, you will never forget about him.
What you need to do is, think all these factors and many others that you might come up, with logic. Believe me, your heart has NOTHING to do here. After a while, you'll start to notice that all this "love", was nothing but a bunch of feelings of impotence.
Just realize it by yourself how you tend to relate everything to him. Chinese food, work, guys, couples, maybe even beds!. Its all in your mind.
Just keep realizing this vinculations by yourself and you'll be cured of that stupid idiot. Logic beats all those feelings.
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C13R-66Y wrote...
Fi wrote...
ok....I am unfortunately still kinda obsessed with my asshole twice ex-boyfriend. I know I should just forget about it, and I've dated and fallen in love since him, but he is the person my mind always runs to whenever I have 5 minutes of free time...My dear. Just to make something clear: what you feel for him is NOT love.
I know the feeling, and you normally think "since I think so much about him, it MUST be love".
WRONG.
First, women, specially latin women hardly forget who was her first man. And he was yours. Therefore, whenever you think about men, this equation is executed:
Nice guy -> good to date -> Date -> sex [THEN] Sex = idiot guy.
That's the first part of your problem. The second, since he IS a high caliber idiot, no matter what you do, you never feel that "you hurt him". But you know that he DID hurt you. So you are experiencing the feeling that he owes you something. Not fair, not fair, not fair. That's what you think. And with such grudge, you will never forget about him.
What you need to do is, think all these factors and many others that you might come up, with logic. Believe me, your heart has NOTHING to do here. After a while, you'll start to notice that all this "love", was nothing but a bunch of feelings of impotence.
Just realize it by yourself how you tend to relate everything to him. Chinese food, work, guys, couples, maybe even beds!. Its all in your mind.
Just keep realizing this vinculations by yourself and you'll be cured of that stupid idiot. Logic beats all those feelings.
hmmm... a few things.
not sure if you mean us latinas get hung up on the first person we fall in love with or the first person we did the nasty with. but just in case this needs clarification, he was not the first person i slept with but i was the first girl he slept with, his first love, even his first kiss. but if you mean first loves, well i was over him until we ran into each other 7 years later. whatever mishaps happened the first go round, i didn't want to make a huge deal about the wrongs of the past because we were still children when it happened. but you are correct, however, in suggesting that your "first" makes a lasting impression and my deep feeling for him in the past had a lot to do with the feelings i developed the second time around.
also, as far as the equation goes, sorry but i don't like putting people in such little boxes. i don't and will not judge other men i meet based on a few assholes who've wronged me. i have certainly met some amazing and truly good men and chose to have insane sex with them.
as far as my current feelings for him though, you may be right about it. i hadn't thought about it in quite the terms you suggest, but maybe my feelings for him now are more driven by a need for closure, or a grudge as you put it, rather than real emotion. And instead of trying to obtain closure, i should just let it go rather than to seek anything with him again, which to be honest I don't know what that would be. i'll have to ponder this one.
but as far as logic goes. i've tried to out-think my feelings in the past and forget him, or hate him in some kind of way, and this has not been too successful since he just pops up in my head and deep down i just want to be with him, even for a stupid second. logic is powerful, but i think emotions are even more so. did the new star trek teach us nothing? :) anyway, if they weren't, people would be able to get over and move on from all sorts of stuff, but you know people don't.
not so simple is all i'm saying.
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Fi wrote...
C13R-66Y wrote...
Nice guy -> good to date -> Date -> sex [THEN] Sex = idiot guy.
also, as far as the equation goes, sorry but i don't like putting people in such little boxes. i don't and will not judge other men i meet based on a few assholes who've wronged me. i have certainly met some amazing and truly good men and chose to have insane sex with them.
About this, sorry, I didn't make myself clear. When I say "idiot guy", I'm talking about THAT particular idiot guy, not the guy you are going out and all.
Now, those equations are because mind is indeed complicated. We always end up relating things. Now, what I can tell you for sure, please do not hate him. That will only make things worse for you. Hate never helps.
I know its not easy, but please believe me. If you keep finding a logic to all those feelings, sooner or later you'll notice that you no longer think about him, I've been through a few similar experiences before and after learning that, its kinda fast to forget. As you stated, feelings are really hard to erase or suppress, but since what you feel is neither love or hate, I'm pretty sure you can make it.
La verdad me das la impresión de ser una chica fuerte, seguro que lo logras.
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Kalistean wrote...
Mr.Setsuna wrote...
My turn, you might want to take a cup of coffee cuz its gona get long xDthere is this girl at my school whom i liked for awhile, i took the first step and talk to her. during school we would walk together and talked between classes (we talked for about a year too xD). now however its summer and i dont know wat is the next step to do, so any suggestion?
First off, is there any way you can know where she might be so you can "accidentally" run into her?
Now remember, it has to be someplace you might actually go to. And try to avoid finding out through people who might tell her you were asking, because then you'll give her that stalker vibe.
Or do you happen to have gotten her number?
If so, you could just ring her up real quick and ask her how she's been.
Either way, if you really are interested in her, it might be a good idea to steer the direction to a casual hanging out, otherwise known as a date.
first thx for the reply and i dont think i know where she goes, but thx for the advise ill put it to good use X] (btw sorry about late reply my computer got a black screen and idk wat to do, i am on a friend computer...... secretly xD)