So I may be a dad sometime soon
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Well at least I may have the first child that I know of. Long story short I was dating this girl, real sweet, about two month's ago, disaster struck, condom break's she tells me she's on the pill so my worry is slightly less but still up there. I'm not father material, with my history(I was a male escort under a pseudo name for a few years not too long ago, thus the possibility of unknown illegitimate children). I got a call earlier, I find out that she's pregnant. Panic sets in, and I realize hey I could possibly be a dad soon.
So now, I'm trying to think of how to handle this situation. Jokes aside(Use a coat hanger, Falcon Punch, and got Scott Peterson on her) the three options I have readily available are be a man and take responsibility or talk her into either getting abortion or putting up him or her for adoption.
Just thought I'd share the news of my joyful yet painful moment of realization of my responsibility for my actions.
So now, I'm trying to think of how to handle this situation. Jokes aside(Use a coat hanger, Falcon Punch, and got Scott Peterson on her) the three options I have readily available are be a man and take responsibility or talk her into either getting abortion or putting up him or her for adoption.
Just thought I'd share the news of my joyful yet painful moment of realization of my responsibility for my actions.
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That is some way to find out news like that. The abortion or adoption are a far off stretch for the added fact she is not your wife. So really, the choice is hers alone on what she wants to do. Sadly about all you can do is try to talk her into one of those options if she does not want to be a mother yet. If she does, well all you can do is be a man then.
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Sorry, you literally asked for this o-O
On a serious note... if you're not studying anymore and had your share of fun already, then it's fine, isn't it?
Spoiler:
On a serious note... if you're not studying anymore and had your share of fun already, then it's fine, isn't it?
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Do the right thing and be responsible no matter what step you choose to take.
Get a nice and stable job first and then have the most terrifying talk with her parents.
Get a nice and stable job first and then have the most terrifying talk with her parents.
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Just consider your financial and moral options, when considering what you both want. If she's on the fence and you think you two could possibly take care of a kid - talk to her about keeping it. Adoption can be arranged but talk to a social worker at your nearest agency about adoption options like (I forgot what it's called) giving the baby up to a already "scheduled" family after birth and they have the new baby. You don't want to just flip the kid into the system and have them encounter many wrong situations while being in foster care.
Taking care of a kid is obviously a expense so just think about that. If you guys aren't capable financially of taking care of one but want a baby, ask about help plans like WIC that aid in baby and child food purchases.
Personally, abortion should be a last resort.
(Edit: P.S. Congrats~)
Taking care of a kid is obviously a expense so just think about that. If you guys aren't capable financially of taking care of one but want a baby, ask about help plans like WIC that aid in baby and child food purchases.
Personally, abortion should be a last resort.
(Edit: P.S. Congrats~)
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No reason not to bring up an abortion or adoption, but realize your leverage is lessened considering you aren't a husband or even still involved with her, which I'm guessing you aren't by that post.
I'm not going to say "be a man and take responsibility" because every circumstance is unique, and despite what some people are willing to admit abortion or adoption are legitimate decisions that should be considered.
That being said, it is ultimately her decision so you might just find yourself at her whims if she doesn't feel like discussing.
I'm not going to say "be a man and take responsibility" because every circumstance is unique, and despite what some people are willing to admit abortion or adoption are legitimate decisions that should be considered.
That being said, it is ultimately her decision so you might just find yourself at her whims if she doesn't feel like discussing.
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I would assume that you knew 100% that your condom broke, if so congrats! If not DNA testing could be your friend.
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Argentine wrote...
Do the right thing and be responsible no matter what step you choose to take.Get a nice and stable job first and then have the most terrifying talk with her parents.
Lol what a joke. The only responsible thing to do would be the abortion. Unless, that is, that he's not studying nor has set any life goals, meaning he is one bored motherfucker. If so, and if he has the proper means to take care of the kid e.g. money, let him have some fun taking care of the kid then.
chucksu wrote...
That is some way to find out news like that. The abortion or adoption are a far off stretch for the added fact she is not your wife. So really, the choice is hers alone on what she wants to do. Sadly about all you can do is try to talk her into one of those options if she does not want to be a mother yet. If she does, well all you can do is be a man then.So, the fact that he is the father of the child means nothing?
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I just had an early lunch with her, IRC has helped me some, thank you kitten if you read this. I set it straight, out there. I'm not the best father material in the world, but if this is my son or daughter, I will take full responsibility.
I've decided to not go that path, as from what I have been told by someone on IRC that if anyone were to ever try to talk her into one of those options, she would rip their balls off with their bare hands. And really even though I am irresponsible I need to take responsibility for my said actions.
Get a nice and stable job first and then have the most terrifying talk with her parents.
I have a stable income of roughly 15-18k a year which a sizable amount is set back into saving's along with my already ridiculous nest egg from previous work that I have done.
I'm not 100% sure I am the father, so that talk isn't on the front burner's or even the back burner's it's on the side ready to be cooked.
I'm not going to say "be a man and take responsibility" because every circumstance is unique, and despite what some people are willing to admit abortion or adoption are legitimate decisions that should be considered.
That being said, it is ultimately her decision so you might just find yourself at her whims if she doesn't feel like discussing.
I'm not pushing for an abortion/adoption I told her that there are those options but if she ultimately decides on it it's her choice and her's alone; but if she does decide to keep it, I have stated that I want a paternity test done to sooth my side, of this all; to which she has said she's willing to have a paternity test done which I have offered to pay for. I have told her I will be taking responsibility if this is in fact my child.
I've had a good scare like this before it wasn't my kid, someone else had fathered the child.
chucksu wrote...
That is some way to find out news like that. The abortion or adoption are a far off stretch for the added fact she is not your wife. So really, the choice is hers alone on what she wants to do. Sadly about all you can do is try to talk her into one of those options if she does not want to be a mother yet. If she does, well all you can do is be a man then.I've decided to not go that path, as from what I have been told by someone on IRC that if anyone were to ever try to talk her into one of those options, she would rip their balls off with their bare hands. And really even though I am irresponsible I need to take responsibility for my said actions.
Argentine wrote...
Do the right thing and be responsible no matter what step you choose to take.Get a nice and stable job first and then have the most terrifying talk with her parents.
I have a stable income of roughly 15-18k a year which a sizable amount is set back into saving's along with my already ridiculous nest egg from previous work that I have done.
I'm not 100% sure I am the father, so that talk isn't on the front burner's or even the back burner's it's on the side ready to be cooked.
Tsurayu wrote...
No reason not to bring up an abortion or adoption, but realize your leverage is lessened considering you aren't a husband or even still involved with her, which I'm guessing you aren't by that post. I'm not going to say "be a man and take responsibility" because every circumstance is unique, and despite what some people are willing to admit abortion or adoption are legitimate decisions that should be considered.
That being said, it is ultimately her decision so you might just find yourself at her whims if she doesn't feel like discussing.
I'm not pushing for an abortion/adoption I told her that there are those options but if she ultimately decides on it it's her choice and her's alone; but if she does decide to keep it, I have stated that I want a paternity test done to sooth my side, of this all; to which she has said she's willing to have a paternity test done which I have offered to pay for. I have told her I will be taking responsibility if this is in fact my child.
I've had a good scare like this before it wasn't my kid, someone else had fathered the child.
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The Jinx wrote...
I was dating this girl, real sweetThe Jinx wrote...
I'm not 100% sure I am the fatherThe Jinx wrote...
if anyone were to ever try to talk her into one of those options, she would rip their balls off with their bare hands.That sounds, uh. Real sweet.
Heartfelt condolences on having your life ruined.
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Be a man and take responsability. If you have a stable income and all that, then you should prepare yourself. I'm not really good at this but, I suppose you'll have to propose to her now, right? That's part of what taking responsability means. Good luck man, we'll be cheering you on. Also, ECONOMY, his life hasn't been ruined, he's just going to have a little kid who will interfere with his hentai. It's not the end of the world, pretty close though.
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Catastrphe_DX wrote...
Be a man and take responsability. If you have a stable income and all that, then you should prepare yourself. I'm not really good at this but, I suppose you'll have to propose to her now, right? That's part of what taking responsability means. Good luck man, we'll be cheering you on. Also, ECONOMY, his life hasn't been ruined, he's just going to have a little kid who will interfere with his hentai. It's not the end of the world, pretty close though.Lawl '''''responsability'''''
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Whoa dude... She has cheated on you before...? Was she in the same field as you or...?
Well, aside from that, if the child is your's, there ain't much else to do besides taking responsibility if she decides to keep it. I do hope you have your eyes aimed upwards though, 'cause as stable as your job is, 18k per year is really stretching it out thin for you, "cause from my experience, it isn't enough for basic living for a family of three unless you already have a permenant residence. I recommend looking around for possible future jobs that require short training time (trades, etc.) and plan for a better paying job that won't be outsourced or phased out.
Of course, this all depends on the age and maturity level for the two of you. Having a kid is completely different than one would think. It's rather earthshattering how much change will take place. If you are not ready, it'll blindside you hard. It's not to say that there's no plus point to fatherhood, since it can be extremely rewarding to have unconditional love going both ways, but its major responsibility the size of everest, of which it cannot be ignored. Therefore, you'd best do some soulsearching before entering the next stage in your life, because that's exactly what it is. The 3rd phase after childhood and adulthood: parenthood.
IF you truly do love her though, ask her to also take the same responsibilty and consider marriage. Both of you must work equally and together if this is to work out.
EDIT: Maybe this should be in SD? Just a thought...
Well, aside from that, if the child is your's, there ain't much else to do besides taking responsibility if she decides to keep it. I do hope you have your eyes aimed upwards though, 'cause as stable as your job is, 18k per year is really stretching it out thin for you, "cause from my experience, it isn't enough for basic living for a family of three unless you already have a permenant residence. I recommend looking around for possible future jobs that require short training time (trades, etc.) and plan for a better paying job that won't be outsourced or phased out.
Of course, this all depends on the age and maturity level for the two of you. Having a kid is completely different than one would think. It's rather earthshattering how much change will take place. If you are not ready, it'll blindside you hard. It's not to say that there's no plus point to fatherhood, since it can be extremely rewarding to have unconditional love going both ways, but its major responsibility the size of everest, of which it cannot be ignored. Therefore, you'd best do some soulsearching before entering the next stage in your life, because that's exactly what it is. The 3rd phase after childhood and adulthood: parenthood.
IF you truly do love her though, ask her to also take the same responsibilty and consider marriage. Both of you must work equally and together if this is to work out.
EDIT: Maybe this should be in SD? Just a thought...
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Get that paternity test done ASAP. Don't want someone leeching yer cash if the kid's not even yours.
If not your kid. Tough beans for her. Sounds mean, but it really isn't any of your business. Unless you really want to help (she's a close friend or whatever) fine. Do what you can. But elsewise, live and let die.
However- if it is your kid, you definitely should take responsibility. And that means the both of ya. You're just going to ruin everybody's life ('specially the kids) if both of you don't pull your own weight and work together. You'll inevitably need to find a better job. One that'll let you climb the ranks quickly, and she'll be wanting to find work as soon as she's able as well.
Or you can consider abortion. In that case, you should stick with her for awhile. Knowing that you had life growing inside you and then you have made the decision to terminate it will invariably be a depressing experience, and instill feelings of great guilt. She'll be needing emotional support, which you can provide as a friend. Make sure that point is very clear.
If not your kid. Tough beans for her. Sounds mean, but it really isn't any of your business. Unless you really want to help (she's a close friend or whatever) fine. Do what you can. But elsewise, live and let die.
However- if it is your kid, you definitely should take responsibility. And that means the both of ya. You're just going to ruin everybody's life ('specially the kids) if both of you don't pull your own weight and work together. You'll inevitably need to find a better job. One that'll let you climb the ranks quickly, and she'll be wanting to find work as soon as she's able as well.
Or you can consider abortion. In that case, you should stick with her for awhile. Knowing that you had life growing inside you and then you have made the decision to terminate it will invariably be a depressing experience, and instill feelings of great guilt. She'll be needing emotional support, which you can provide as a friend. Make sure that point is very clear.
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15-18k a year? Are you still studying or is this merely part time? To be honest, 15-18k should be about enough to support only yourself. But first things' first, check 100% if that kid is yours before taking action. If he/she really is your kid, I would personally go with the adoption/abortion route since you're not financially capable to support a family.
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Name it Kudos like the candy bar.
On serous matter Im against aportion (unless its incest or rape). and ya 15-18k a year aint that good unless she has a job then you need to add both up to see if its enough for a kid.
and again name it Kudos
On serous matter Im against aportion (unless its incest or rape). and ya 15-18k a year aint that good unless she has a job then you need to add both up to see if its enough for a kid.
and again name it Kudos
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Okay let me clear this up, my yearly financial expenses are 13k the 15k-18k is rough avg of what I've made int he last 3 years, right now I'm making close to 20k, give or take a few hundred. She has a job steady income of her own, and honestly makes more than me, but then I've a reasonably large nest egg set aside from my earlier days when I was making 50-60k a year(read op for explanation of what I had done for work, I could easily use that to send two kids to college for four years each) I'm financially set for the next few years if I were to quit my job, which I'm not likely to do.
As for my work that is my base pay, I also get commissions from sale's from time to time in the form of bonuses. I know taking acre of a kid is a burden, and if this is my kid, I will defiantly be supporting it, if not I'd be more of an estranged uncle. I'm not going to be pushing anything too fast. adoption/abortion are options but I'm behind her on what she decides.
The reason I doubt this is my child is our relationship was more along the lines of friend's with benefit's we were not exclusive to one another, we both were free to fuck whoever we wanted.
If it does turn out to be mine, marriage is one suit I will try to pursue, I like her enough to keep her around and she looks past my past and sees me for who I am. It's not to often someone who used to technically whore them selves out, can live a respectable life, with someone.
As for my work that is my base pay, I also get commissions from sale's from time to time in the form of bonuses. I know taking acre of a kid is a burden, and if this is my kid, I will defiantly be supporting it, if not I'd be more of an estranged uncle. I'm not going to be pushing anything too fast. adoption/abortion are options but I'm behind her on what she decides.
The reason I doubt this is my child is our relationship was more along the lines of friend's with benefit's we were not exclusive to one another, we both were free to fuck whoever we wanted.
If it does turn out to be mine, marriage is one suit I will try to pursue, I like her enough to keep her around and she looks past my past and sees me for who I am. It's not to often someone who used to technically whore them selves out, can live a respectable life, with someone.
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be a man and take responsibility be a dad for the child i know whats it's like to not have a responsible father figure for the first few years of your life
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Oh so that's the case...
If that is so, and you are interesting in finally settling now, then you might want to discuss things with her, to see if that's what she wants too. If she still wants to be a free bird, then you're not going to see a happy marriage at all. But still, if she decides to keep the child and be a parent, then she'll need to understand that she's going to have to make sacrifices and changes to her lifestyle. If neither you nor her are ready for such a dramatic change, then perhaps you two should rethink your plans for the baby.
Still, if you truly do want to be with her... whatever route you choose, it's best to decide with her after some serious discussion.
If that is so, and you are interesting in finally settling now, then you might want to discuss things with her, to see if that's what she wants too. If she still wants to be a free bird, then you're not going to see a happy marriage at all. But still, if she decides to keep the child and be a parent, then she'll need to understand that she's going to have to make sacrifices and changes to her lifestyle. If neither you nor her are ready for such a dramatic change, then perhaps you two should rethink your plans for the baby.
Still, if you truly do want to be with her... whatever route you choose, it's best to decide with her after some serious discussion.