Why can't I like nice guys?

So I met this guy at the movies. I was walking out of seeing X-men: First Class, he worked at the theatre. He was really shy and ended up having to ask his co-worker friend for my number. This is not a problem to me. It was actually kind of cute. We chatted a bunch on facebook. This guy is relatively attractive, gamer nerd. He is really into me and has made that pretty clear. He actually said, "I think I just made it my job to win your heart heh your quite the package =)" HOLD THE AWWS!

My issue is he hasn't done anything to actually make me interested him. I find this a lot with nice, shy guys. They finally tell you they like you, but then all they do is repeat that or in his case try to awkwardly tell me how much he wants to hang with me WHENEVER I tell him i'm doing something. He hasn't actually done anything to try to win my heart or even gain my attention. If you want to make me like you do something more then randomly text me hey every other day! I was really excited when he first talked to me via facebook because it was clear he was a fan of superheros. I could geek out for hours over different superheros and I have spent hours thinking about the absolute perfect super power i would have if I was part of the x-men universe. (my favorite comic universe) I asked him what his favorite hero was and what power he could have. All he wrote was a one word response with no explanation.

I'm not a high maintenance girl. I really really want to fall in love with the nerdy nice guy. I innately find gamer guys incredibly sexy. I ADMIT WHEN I'M WRONG, and I'd rather a guy take me go karting for my birthday then give me jewelry. I feel like a little effort is not to much to ask.

TL;DR Why do nice guys not seem to put the effort in to EFFECTIVELY make you interested? Or when they do it seems to come out in that awkward/creepy way. So what gives nice guys? I'm so ready to be swept of my feet. Even if its because I'm falling through a portal D:

Inexperience, lack of confidence, asexual, prefer friends (which they never had at school) to lovers... want more?

But thinking from the other side, all these are cute and attractive 'till you cheat on them :p

They sometimes don't want to be pushy and are too nice to push the subject.. it a two way street.. if you interested in him.. take the first step and say.. you wanta get coffee or something.

Just be careful, not to scare him ;)

I know for me I'm really tentative about guys. A lot of times guys I've gone out with have assumed that just because I said yes means I am sooooo into them. If I barely know you then I'm not sure if I want to go out with you or anything more then that. Don't say "hey your cute" then expect me to work my ass off to get to know you to see if I want to date you.

Jesus Fucking Christ, that describes me almost exactly. Except...


I can relate to Damsel's last paragraph (of her OP). I had one or two minor attempts that, when I look back at them, I shake my head and wish I could go back and give myself a swift kick in the butt. I think that the way our social order (at least here in America, I don't know Damsel's resident country) is designed, these issues are supposed to be ironed out in high school. These behaviors that seem creepy when older, aren't so creepy under the age of 16, or at least there are parents to tell little boys that they need to screw their head back on straight.

Personally though, I'm selfish and warped. I've resigned myself to it pretty solidly and accept any further consequences. I could see myself trying to make an effort if I met someone I liked, even beyond a home run, but I seriously doubt it would last. In everyday life though I'm a 'nice guy', I hold doors open for people nearby, I actually stop at stop signs (omigod!), ect, I hide a bad mood and reply to 'nice day' remarks. Just one data point.

Damsel in distress, don't over-think it ;)

I'm American. And Otto makes a really good point. Behaviors that are adorable when we are young can be creepy as we get older. I have to admit I was really excited when I got asked out by a friend of a friend my first week of college. He wasn't really my type, but he seemed really nice. It went horribly and it became obvious very early we didn't have anything in common. He didn't get that though and kept trying to put his arms around me. He acted more like we'd been going out for months not like it was a first date. At the end he ignored every obvious signal and kissed me. It was awkward and he basically stole my first kiss. ._.


(yes I didn't kiss a guy till I started college :$)

"Today at 11: Women don't know what they want. Also, the sky is blue." - Timeenforceranubis

lol i have the same problem but with girls lol being into superheros etc makes it hard for me to date girls are like haven't you grown up yet o wells 1 day

All joking aside, here's my take on it:



Speaking as a "nice guy," we tend to have less experience with this sort of stuff, and because of that, it's gonna be awkward or a bit creepy when we try to interact with women on a deeper level than just friends, and that's if we even try at all.

Clarity helps. Sending mixed signals of any kind will only be confusing. If you like him, work with him. Try and push him in the right direction. If he turns out not to be all he's cracked up to be, then it just won't work, but the reason he's probably so slow on the uptake is because he's trying not to seem awkward or creepy. I've got the same problem, and I'm trying to work on it to charm a nice fujoshi-type I know, but it's not an easy thing to get over, and it helps when the other person understands.

Because you're a bitch.

Bitch.

There is a huge difference between a shy guy and a nice guy.

I've also never understood why women fall for the ass holes. By dating bastards, your telling men to be bastards.

If you want to get rid of his shyness, most guy's people need talk. Act like the voice he needs to talk too, try to back away from your personal desires and try to find his. If he truly is a nice guy, you might find yourself in a win win situation. Also, sounds like a great guy to get together with because I doubt he'll ever leave you, if that's at all important to you.

Maybe he is not who you think he is?

This is really helpful. I think i'm going to try going with this sort of approach. :)



I'm not quite sure I understand whether you think still being into superheros is childish or one word lame answers are childish...

Nice guys are like good little boys while bad boys are like rebellious teenagers. Real men are rare.

Girls want to bet taken on an adventure, they don't want to be the adventure. Nice guys see a girl that they like, put all of their attention and focus on her, and they make her the adventure. That is too much for anyone to handle...and it kills any chance of attraction.

There is nothing wrong with you...the nice little boys simply need to grow up.

^^ and vice versa :p

I can say this from myself personally being a nice guy and such. Short and Simple and to the point. He's going down the right track. but, the fact he doesn't have your interest means he's not doing it good enough as well as the fact he's actually missing one key thing. So far, the only thing it seems he wants to do is talk. He should think of places to take you perhaps. Like, a movie once another one you're both interested in is released or something like that. To a skating rink. Places like that. Hanging out alone really does just seem like he wants to be friends and I would assume that's what's making you not take an interest in him if anything. I hope I made sense. My mind is a bit in the clouds due to multitasking. - w-

If the way he acts is not enough to win you over, then he's clearly not the type you're after. He is the way he is. Why should he go out of character to try to win you over? He shouldn't. Then you'd end up with a person who's different than you thought it was.

Either you like him for who he is or he's not the nice guy you're looking for.

I really don't think it's a "growing up" thing. You learn as you live and some people have the opportunity to learn certain things earlier than others. If you were one of the nerds in high school, committed to being a "nice guy" to women, even when all the girls were dating assholes, then you just don't have that kind of experience to know how to sweep women off their feet.

That's why a lot of "nice guys" "make the girl the adventure," as you put it. They just don't know, and it's not their fault, because a lot of women who say they want nice guys don't actually date nice guys, or they do, but they expect them to know everything and it ends up not working out because the guy doesn't know what to do, and the girl doesn't want to work with him.

You can't blame the guys for lacking experience. They were never given the chance to gain any.