Why can't I like nice guys?

I'm glad things went well for you! The problem with this guy is that even the stuff we have in common he won't make conversation about it.

On your second point. I'm not really worry about my appearance. Generally I like the way I look, but thank you for the advice. :D

I'm shy and a nice guy. ^.^' Gamer too. But we just lack self confidence in our social skills. That's why we don't really push at all. Confidence will come later in the relationship. Usually depending on how much the other is willing to do. We aren't leaders. We need a leader in the relationship to push us out of our comfort zone.

This probably doesn't help much. ^.^'

damn straight.. I'm just lucky my gf was willing to push me :3

I know i can be awkard. Trust me, my first kiss was an utter disaster. lol. But you learn. You can't expect a guy to know everything who hasn't done anything at all. Just give them time. ;)

Shy guys are hard to work with, basically its like they dont have any experience and really low self esteem.

You decided to post a thread that long, about a boy who hasn't made you interested? I call shenanigans on that. It seems like he's thrown enough hints, but now that the ball is in your court you're stuck in park and can't switch gears.

I think the point is made, she can't like this guy and never will
a lot of nice guys lack self esteem and experience and either you cut them some slack or don't bother with them
plain and simple

I don't agree with this. I am super busy all the time so I don't get time to talk or hang in person a lot. I think it is possible to fall in love with someone through textual communications, but all that really wasn't the point of my post.

P.s. I kinda of agree that you really should talk to someone before asking for their number...

Okay, what's the definition of a nice guy again? I'm a pretty quiet person, so most people expect me to be a "nice guy". The funny part is that they're always surprised as hell when I don't fit into their definition. Some of them think I'm mean because I don't put their stuff ahead of mine. They're also never expect my sarcastic and negative humor. Most probably think I'm the person who would do anything for anyone. That couldn't be further from the truth.

It's kinda annoying seeing almost everyone thinks of me that way.

If you're too busy to take some time out of your day, then you probably shouldn't be trying to look for a relationship right now. Speaking as a man, if you aren't willing to sacrifice some of your time to come see me, then don't lead me on. A relationship requires effort; expecting things to just happen will get you nowhere.

I'd like to get one thing straight; it is unreasonable to expect him to try and be a little bit forward if all you can do is text him. Writing and chatting each other will not get you anywhere. Getting to know a person is more than just reading what he has to write, you need to hear what he has to say. That's where you'll get to know a man; when you can get him one on one. Unless the guy is a total asshole, he will tell you nothing but the truth. And if he's the nice guy you say he is (and I think he is), then all he wants is to be honest. He was already pretty forward in that message, but you need to see if he can be just as forward in person.


TL;DR

You cannot expect anything out of a facebook relationship; meet with him in person as often as possible. If you can't make time, then don't bother inadvertently leading him on. Telling him you like him but only exchanging digital comms does not help back your words up.

Shy and Nice are two very different things. :P

But I definitely know what you're talking about.. I struggled with this too, I even dated the cutest nerdy guy ever, he had starwars sheets and I would sit on his lap while he played computer games. He was so damn shy, very very sweet, but painfully shy.. I took his virginity, he was so sexy to me.. but he was so.. shy.. although cute at first, it got very tiring. Long story short, he cried when I ended it. I still feel sad..

BUT, I did end up finding myself a very sexy nerd husband who is the sweetest guy in the entire world, although he could be a bit more of a nerd, he is semi-shy but very nice. He was quiet when I first met him, but with a lot of pushing on my part, he opened up.

I think that if you like the nice shy ones, you're gonna have to really push to get them to open up, not all of them do, but when you do find one that eventually opens up, they're wonderful :3

(also, very pleased to know that someone else understands how sexy nerds are ^-^ I just about lose my mind when my husband is gaming which pisses him off.. I've been the cause of many deaths -- insert rape scene here --)



EDIT::: I also agree with the above, you have to have time to make an effort, especially for the shy guys.. When I met my now husband, I was working two jobs, so around 60+ hours a week, he lived an hour from my house, and an hour and a half from one of my jobs, yet I still drove out to see him every single day.. Poor guy, I was so pushy. Basically in like 6 months, I put 50,000 miles on my car just to spend time with him x.x best gas money ever spent, because he's the best thing thats ever happened to me :3 (although I'm amazed I didn't kill myself driving home at 6 a.m. to get 3 hours of sleep then work a 10 hour day and do it all over again.. there were many times when I didn't even remember driving home)

I think there is a lot of confusion with the term 'nice guys'.

The trait of being nice is very attractive. Imagine a guy that is successful, confident, fit, emotionally healthy, has great friends/family, has women chasing him....and he's nice. His 'niceness' comes from a place of unshakable power. He's nice because he has an amazing life, he's healthy and happy and being nice is natural. He takes women out for dinner and buys them stuff, but he does the same with his close family and friends. He's nice, but it is on his own terms and he want's nothing in return...he already has everything. He lives in a truly abundant lifestyle. This guy is extremely attractive and women love him.

However, the term "Nice Guy" is not for any guy that has the trait. The stereotypical nice guy doesn't have his life together like the first guy. He's nice because he secretly wants something in return. He hopes that if he's nice and meets the needs of others, he'll have his needs met. If he's nice to a girl, hopefully she'll like him back. He makes a 'covert social contract' and this is something that most women understand on a subconscious level. This 'covert social contract' is what makes other people not respect him, girls aren't attracted to him. Sometimes these nice guys will lash out/become passive aggressive when things don't go their way (which is every so often). But in his head, he doesn't take responsibility...he sees other people as jerks and selfish, and then sets himself up as the good guy that deserves better.

The stereotypical nice guy also has other negative traits associated with him such as being needy, shy, low self-esteem, lets people walk over him, boring, unattractive to women in general, etc...Usually the nice guys will have some combination of the negative traits and the mentality of covert social contracts.

Being nice is a very powerful and attractive trait, if you're coming from the right place. If you're coming from the wrong place, it will not help you.

[size=10]He's nice to be sure but not all nice guys don't make the extra effort to chase after you, and I think that's what you really look for too, is that chase. Idk about you, but I love that phase of a relationship the most because I enjoy that whole flirting game and the excitement that comes with it... I think you're not grossly interested in him because he's not CHASING you enough...

But, maybe the whole chase thing is just me... >.>[/h]

Op is a bitch.

/thread

Yeah, that's basically the difference between nice guys and Nice Guys(TM) that HBI makes. Some reading on this type of "Nice Guy" is here.

The solution to both OP's dilemma and the "Nice guys" issue, there's a simple solution:

Be fucking straightforward.

See, the problem is that guys, the "Nice guys" everyone talks about, think that women are after nice guys because they say "Oh, I want a nice guy," when #1: That's a vague-as-hell criterion, and #2: That's not what women actually want. They say they want a "nice guy," but they're actually looking for a guy who's secure, confident, and whatnot. But they don't say that. They say they want a "nice guy." So, when the girl the "nice guy" was going after rejects him and dates a comparative asshole, it ends up looking like women say one thing, but mean another.

The guys who listen to women's problems and whatnot, then get heartbroken when the girl dates some dick? Those guys are the casualties, and sure, some of them are just pretending they care because they think it'll end in a relationship, however, I'm sure a lot of them do genuinely care about said girl. When you put in effort to try and achieve something, you're damn right it's gonna be disappointing when you fail to achieve it, and you're damn right it's gonna be frustrating finding out that you wasted your time because women don't actually want "nice guys." They say they do, but they want something else.

In OP's case, she needs to be straightforward and proactive, even to just figure out if the guy's worth looking into further or not. Sometimes you have to push a bit before the other person pushes back. If you give him a good push, and he remains stagnant, he's probably not the kind of guy you're looking for, but you never know until you try.

I only glanced through the other posts in the thread, since I've not the patience to scour through them tonight (I was working all weekend)- so forgive me if I end up repeating points already made.


Now, being somewhat of a recluse myself- I can be somewhat uncomfortable in any social situation- even if it that doesn't appear to be the case (I can mask it fairly well).

Anyways, I think what might be one of the problems is one of communication. We've all heard guys complain about how girls have a penchant for giving off mixed signals, because- well- it's true.

They don't want to come off as clingy or desperate, so more often than not any hints they may drop are rather subtle.

As such, my- and likely many other guys'- predisposition towards girls is a need for something rather blatantly obvious- because we don't want to end up imposing and offending a girl on the risk that we have misinterpreted simply teasing as an invitation.

Alas, I do not really have any solution to this, since the process of guesswork, intuition, and implication is just part of the whole dating game; It's how we hack through the candidates.

Anyways- yeah. I do think that the "nice guys" are more prone to be hesitant, because we don't want to come off as presumptuous jerkwads- which is probably some underlying hint as to why presumptuous jerkwads - douchebags - rope in the girls so successfully; they got the swagger and the confidence to make a move.


So I suppose that- frankly put- Guys just gotta have some more confidence, and girls- be clearer about whether you're actually interested or not. A sly wink, or stand unnecessarily close (without actually jamming your tits around his face).

Find a guy who's nice, but daring enough to be "bad" on occasion to keep you attracted to him?