Why is it hard...to talk to a girl?

this.

I could not say it is not hard but i could talk to few girls.There are types of girls that i cannot handle and i just go silent.

There are time that occurs like "What should we talk about?", "Oh no, we are too silent gotta tell her something." when that happens to me i just say random stuff and the girl will say "what?"

haha. good times good times.

Hooters is a good place to practice talking to girls. It forces you to have to do it or you won't be able to buy their wings, which are freaking delicious.

I'm not sure if that was funny or plain stupid.

Just be natural and relax. It's not hard, try to have more girl friends.

Ask yourself this: Why is talking to a girl more frightening than talking to a guy? Especially if it is a girl you are attracted to?

The answer is usually this: You are afraid of rejection. You are scared of saying something offensive, something stupid, something not funny, or sounding boring. Get over it. You have to have more confidence in yourself, you have to stop thinking others are better than you. Once you get rid of your fear of REJECTION, you can face a girl like she isn't the second coming of christ.

That is the tip of the ice berg right there. I could write you a book on why you have diffculties but there already are other books out there. I'd point them to you if you'd like.

first thanks for the advice oh wise masters (not sarcastic)

I've had the the same problem. not more of the fact that i don't know how to talk to them its that first initial introductions i have problems with,, as the others have mentioned, i don't exactly see girls as equal due to some harsh grade school teasing, i have developed the mentality that women are higher then men and there for i feel as if I'm not aloud to talk or even touch them (non-sexually i mean) an i know that's not true but old habits die hard. Not all of us were blessed with the childhood friend like some people (no offense (lucky guy)) also a lot of the time its this type of thing that runs through your head when faced with said problem ( http://xkcd.com/642/ ) and like razama said being rejected isn't then end of the world there are countless great and wonderful girls out there.
all it takes is a deep breath and a small leap of faith... i should start listening to my own advice.

Actually here is an actual piece of advice you can use since some people say they have problem starting converstations:

If you are meeting a girl for the first time or want to introduce yourself to someone, remember to keep it short. Only talk with them for about three minutes, that is it. If you talk to long to someone you'll come off as wierd, or in the case of a girl she will detect the desperation floating around you.

Also have a purpose to your introduction. What do you want? Do you want her number? Do you simply want her to remember you for future reference? Are you trying to ask her out? I even have a friend who goes up to girls for one purpose: to make them laugh. He doesn't even want anything from them - he is just addicted to making girls laugh, I guess it is how he gets his kicks.

Decide what you want, and don't be afraid to ask. Pick out something interesting about your surrounding or settings to talk about - if it is appropriate then pick out something about her. You don't want to talk about the weather, instead you want to find something quirky or something you can tease them about. Tease them about a polka dotted hand bag or a hat that makes them look like a gangster they might have on. Then ask them one or two simple questions, (like if it is at college - do you like this class, did you understand yesterday's homework). Then tease them once more to make them laugh, and finally tell them you have to LEAVE. You must LEAVE, go away, become busy - you are a busy person after all, not someone who has time to kiss a girl's ass and massage her feet all day - only DESPERATE men do that. If you'd like her number say "I'd like to talk more about [insert whatever you teased them about here] later. Can I get your number? We can have a stimulating cup of tea later (/sarcasm and/or joke)"

Then get out of there. The longer you talk to them, the more likely you are to have an awkward moment or say something stupid. Obviously right? The more time you spend introducing yourself, the more time there is to mess it up. Rule of thumb: keep it under 3 mins.

I think it's hard to talk to a girl when you are wanting to be more than friends or have some feelins of wanting it but not fully realizing it [size=1]also your afraid she'll suck out your soul[/h]

agreed. that's why women are very sharp about things. XD

as for the question, i'm not even sure. i have the same problem with talking to guys or just people in general. it's hard for me to keep a conversation going when there is no topic. so it's just some awkward silence and then we just get on with whatever we were doing. so i think it would be easier for a guy to ask me questions every now and then, but i'm fine with interrogating too, since i don't have much to talk about other than random stuff and anime-related things :3

but like razama and superscrub says, we don't really want the word "desperation" floating around in the air, because we can detect it because women have supah radars in their mind! XD

But I am a boring guy. I can't change that so I don't bother.

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Razama +1 because you've been giving really great advice. :)



Am I one of the few people who don't suffer from that problem?! Coming up with new topics to talk about is really easy! Talk about anything! It can be super random, too! It doesn't matter because it keeps the conversation going and most guys appreciate it.



Why do you say that? I doubt you're boring. Everyone has qualities that makes that person interesting.

I agree, you might find yourself boring but I reckon there's a good number of people who know you that don't think that you are. Also about the changing I wouldn't throw that out of the window, because I used to think that to. Until I met this girl, I changed a lot for her. Not personality-wise but I started doing things that I normally wouldn't have done as much, I went out of my way to change my habits and spend more time with her.

If you think you are boring then do something about it. Read up or listen to latest pop culture or at least know what are the lastest movies. Learn a bit of astrology - girls love things that talk about personalities and the mystic. I used to carry around a deck of magic cards (not the TCG - like magician cards) and would do tricks for people. It took me 15 minutes to learn how to do the tricks. Thats it.

Even if you are boring NOW, you can change it by improving your skill set. You can't be a loser who can't do anything and still expect girls to be attracted to you.

But even more importantly you have to hold yourself to a high regard. Have confidence and don't think that these girls you want to talk to are better then you. Of course, if you have to improve who you are as an individual to feel that confidence, well that is only natural. But at least don't fell less important than the girls. Like Zeph said, girls have a desperation radar that bleeps everytime they detect a guy with no self esteem.

Maybe a weird question but.. have you ever had a girlfriend because,
I used to have a problem with talking to girls,
because i was kinda obsessed with them pure cause they were the opposite sex,
and i had tons of crazy feelings i couldnt express,
i was 14 so you know how it is fucking hormones making you CRAAZZZYYY!
anyway i met this girl who started talking to me, and gave me no choice but to talk
so after a while i could put aside my hormones a bit, and started talking to her like i did to guys, after that, i never had problems with girls again.

hmm im used to talking to girls (just friends) compared to egh... and i find it odd that when you take the observer's perspective you know what to do but when you take the helmet and hotseat you end up the same as the person you observe (unless you already passed this several times)

Things you can talk about with girls are, from my experience:
A) Studies. Well being in education etc or in the same line of work gives you alot of chances to compare, complain together, laugh together etc.
B) Travelling. Try to talk about countries, where you have been, what you have gathered along the way etc.
C) Food. It is especially useful to get to the topic of favored dishes if you want to date her, so you can invite her to dinner and surprise her with a food she likes :)
D) Music. I used to chat alot about music with the girl I was having a relationship with (1 1/2 years back, haven't been in one since than :P)
E) Hobbies. Show others an honest side of you. Often that is easier said than done as it requires a bit courage sometimes as you might be rejected due to them but in the end, if you want someone as a friend or in a relationship, you need to understand each other and appreciate each others hobbies to a certain degree
F) Things about everyday life. Something funny happened during your trip to work / school etc? If you have pets they are a great topic aswell :P

So ye, there are alot of things you can talk about it just depends on the level you start off. If you have things in common you got a great base. If you don't know her at all, thigs become difficult but not impossible :)

Seconded.

Awnsering the title question: Fear of failing, you are afraid you make a mistake and your relationship gets put off.

Giving you advice: Find something you both know something about, if it doesn't exist, find something you might be interested in that she is as well and indulge.
Truly the best way.
Heck, i once studied how gymnastics works for that sake >.>

i know the feeling.
its horrible

Just act yourself. Dont force conversations.
forced conversation = no