Rbz Posts

Yea, and I need confirmation that there will at least be the possibility of a phallic cunt punt for Camilla. This woman was carefully crafted by Nintendo's top scientists to withstands months of nonstop, day and night rough sex in every possible hole, is the highest scoring bukkake contestant in FE, invented a testicle tickling technique, and was to be officially licensed as the mother of my children. But we can't all be winners.

I managed to find an Artificial Academy 2 Camilla card. Close enough.

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EDIT: It keeps happening. My dick is moving on its own.



http://marxryouma.tumblr.com/post/122334919557/camilla-my-room
http://marxryouma.tumblr.com/post/122289413337/camilla-hey-no-good-my-already-such-a-cute

Also, HOSHIDO IS NOT REAL INCEST:
http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=54871&page=181entry3838929 (If it doesn't take you directly to it, scroll down to Izzy.)

Have to buy a stupid toy just to glide my hands along her plump, luscious flatness. Hahahaha, fuck off.


>Gen 2
>ctrl+f camilla's son/daughter
>0 results

There is literally no reason to buy this game.

Oh, man, I remember you. Doctor octopus, a thigh molester who one day made the beast with three backs and 12 arms. Can foreplay for an hour but only fuck for a minute. This post is for those who might have read the cybering logs. Happy nostalgia to you.

@doswillrule
@neyapuckachinha

If anyone wants a free fuck with dos, just wave a press pass around and say, "review copy." Or, you can just tell him your dick shook hands with Shigeru Miyamoto and the rest will take care of itself.

Someone on the internet genuinely admitting they were wrong to you on a controversial topic and then apologizing is as memorable as 9/11.



U wot m8? Nah, I don't live in that herpes-ridden, NEXUS grease river infested, syrup slurping, hockey humping, canuckold cuckold country. Uhhhhhhhhhh, what were we talking aboot? I only have things that matter on my mind right now. Oh, right, I live in New York City. America's pretty shit, but it's the kind of shit you can look at and be proud of and be unable to flush because it's just begging to be viewed by others. Then you polish it, put it behind some rope and, like a good capitalist, charge people to see it. It would have fans behind it blowing in the direction of the spectators so they could smell it, too, giving them an experience worth every penny.

It was a vestige from my "fuck the police," edgemaster teenage days. I finally decided to update it to something more in line with my current facetiousness laden, comedic mindset. Couldn't use the one I wanted so I settled for a dapper, devilish duck who dicks. Also made a new signature for it, which should be reminiscent of that old tag line you remembered.

Also, @doswillrule. Get in here, faggot.

We all recently saw Jurassic World and wanted to re-enact it. Want to see dinosaurs come back to life and tell the humans their life story on the big screen? Go watch the movie.

It goes without saying I'll be modding the goddamn game. All Bethesda games should be played modded. Skyrim was nothing without porn mods. Also, check this shit out. It's like playboy for Skyrim. Search the following keywords: Daness, Arurun, Marin, Evelyne, and Lyenne.



Welcome to the world of vidya critique.



You hate "change," too. Canada makes being greasy illegal and Fakku shuts down. Your life's over.



Jesus fucking christ, Necksucks, you are the definition of casual. Stick to Call of Duty, RPGs aren't for you. No hard feelings, bruh, but I'm going back to talking to Trixie as soon as I get the chance. I just have this irrational need to converse with those who can make cogent points.

What the fuck is this twitter bullshit? Maybe I'm old school, but I prefer harassing people's notification system by quoting them. #FuckHashtags



Oh shit, nigga, I remember exactly how I got you on the homo bit, too. Posted a vid by The Amazing Atheist wherein he demonstrated the fatuity of claiming that it is unnatural. You then apologized for your arguments and went quiet.

Also, since you mentioned being a ruski citizen, I noticed your name finally meaning something. Oпа Нихуя. Last thing. Make sure to ask Putin if he got that thing I sent him. My Russian is not as good as it once was, so if he got the wrong one, tell him to clarify specifically which dragon dildo caught his fancy, so I can send the one that will catch his fanny.



Send your regards to my fucking face, bitch.



Fucking right, I've grown. I can barely get out of the house without tripping over my cock. Consider yourself a miracle worker by indirectly managing to get me out of the vidya section. Wait no more, buddy, I'll tell you everything you need to know about me:

Hi, my name is Rbz and I'm a recovering pornoholic. I know I relapse every single day of my life, but I'm confident I can rid my soul of this titillating semen demon by appealing to the lord, thy God, Zeus. Every time I pray, this demon causes impure thoughts of Aphrodite's perfect breasteses. I wake up in the middle of the night only to see my computer on with some doujin open and at that part where the hips start moving on their own. I think it's a message telling me my hips will soon start moving without my consent. I've been wrestling with this issue for years, preferring to use my right hand, but I know I'll get over this any day now. Thanks for listening. Zeus bless.



To the point where you're seen as one of them, apparently. See, I was walking past some dude yesterday who was being asked incredulous questions, to which he replied, "Does a Gambler shit in the woods?" Finally made sense of that.

Ah, the image. One of the main causes of my relapses nowadays:

But not all RPGs are created equal, though they share the same genre label. Some have more mechanical depth than others. Is Deus Ex's progression system on the same level as Skyrim's? I will probably repeat until death that Deus Ex is the best game ever made, but even I can see past my enormous erection and acknowledge that the RPG elements were simplistic. SS2 may be my runner up for best game ever, but I can look at Fallout 2 and see that it has deeper customization and demands a mastery of its progression system (skills went up to 300 and lack of good specialization could ruin a playthrough).

Now, I can't speak for "some people" but what I lament is a game called Fallout straying from its Fallout roots and progressively turning into something barely recognizable.



Another one of Bethesda's fuck ups. Interestingly enough, Skyrim did a decent job with lockpicking. There is no restriction based on your skill level, just a sweet spot that got smaller the more difficult the lock. This spot would gradually grow as your skill increased. I love this system because it's genuinely skill based; player skill, that is. I was opening master locks with no perks in lockpicking and at a novice skill level.



Well, let's see. The previous system unlocked perks based on skills and attributes, so no worries about that mentally taxing labyrinth anymore. Lack of skills has had a retardation effect on attributes, where the best thing Bethesda could think of for Int is more xp. Crits are now on demand for whatever dipshit reason, though it's not directly tied to lack of skills. But wait, there's more. Let's not forget about the ridiculously oversimplified conversation system. God forbid us idiots get more than four dialogue options that aren't condensed into a two word burp. Mass Effect started a trend that fucked up dialogue systems for those of us who want to see precisely what the fuck our character is going to say so we can make informed decisions. At least the Witcher 3 goes out of its way to only sometimes paraphrase the dialogue option while leaving the other shit said intact. My current bitching is limited to the scant information available for F4. I'll be sure to come back here when the game's out for some proper and definitive dick slapping.

Smart:


Dumb:

Yea, I know about that, the level cap additions of the DLC. Concessions made for the sake of new content.



I couldn't care less about how other people played the game. Them wanting to roleplay a black hole where fun goes to die is their fucking problem. The only thing I care about are the underlying mechanics of the game. And hey, if we're going to talk personal experience, I managed to max all skills save for 1 in F3 with barely any thought at all. So as far as I'm concerned, "lots of forethought" is a significant improvement. To continue on my point at the start of this post, yes, if you truly want to get to level 50, an absolutely absurd number for a Fallout game, then you'd get the skills you want, but for the vast majority of the game you'd be dealing with skill point scarcity if you weren't playing like a prick. You could tell even Obsidian knew that such a level was bullshit because they ran out of ideas for perks and just gave away overpowered nonsense that let you kill things by flexing your eyeballs at them.



I remember playing New Vegas for the first time and applying F3 logic. I basically had to restart my char because I had no idea putting points into intelligence was not worth dealing with deficiencies in my other attributes, considering the requirements for weapons and attribute checks. My favorite improvement was the lack of bobbleheads.

Also, I save scummed Fallout 2. I'd hate to get all philosophical, but have you heard of the "problem of evil?"



Isometric view means I am the lord, thy god, and am both willing and able to reload whenever any one of my companions dies. Fuck the police. Point being that these "player issues" are nothing new.



Listen, even Skyrim had its moments. I'm not disputing that the experience may very well be enjoyable. We already know one thing they're doing better: weapon mods. I'm just basically doing the following for the Fallout series as I know and love it:



As I mentioned in some other post, the Fallout 3 system is a bastardization of the proper game's system, and I know it had to be, as they had to figure out a way to turn the thing into an FPS. Then Obsidian, working with what Bethesda gave them, made tweaks to the system that I found made the FPS experience pretty good. But now we're dealing with a bastardization of a bastardization calling itself Fallout. No thanks. I'll be picking this game up when it's on sale for at least 50% off. This will also give Bethesda enough time to actually make the fucking thing work.

>Buying Bethesda games on day 1
Not even once.

Let's say there's a hypothetical game, whose existence I would refuse to acknowledge if it were actually real, called "Deus Ex Invisible War." It is a sequel that imposes a canon ending on the previous game, even if those who played the first game didn't go for that. Dark Souls 2 did the same shit, assuming the chosen undead of the first game fed the flame. This is basically what's going on here. It is assumed, for the lulz, of course, that humanity got knocked the fuck out. Thus begins the "sequel" XCOM 2. It's the very first question answered in the vid. If you don't like the word "sequel," think spiritual successor.



I hate this "you'll never see the same level twice" marketing bullshit. I've played many games that claim to be rogue-like and their procedural generation operates based on a pattern, which, after playing the game for some time, I always notice and then get bored because I know I'm just going through the same fucking places I've been before. Maybe one pixel isn't where I saw it last time so they think they can get away with call it different, but everyone knows it's the same damn shit. So once again the marketing cocksuckers bought from Cunts-R-Us invented another way to lie to everyone with a smile attached. God bless the marketing profession.

Also gameplay:



How humanity lost the war:

Nevermind the link, I had to rewatch all the conferences again for that one godzilla post and that corporate cock choker talking about BC specifically mentioned that the current list is for "preview members" and the for reals feature will be available at the end of the year with 100+ games. Go watch it yourself, it's around the timestamp I highlighted where he flips off Sony.

This guy thinks Sony won.


This guy thought they won until his Final Fantasy thread got blown the fuck out.


This guy thinks Squeenix is the second cumming of christ.


She's interested in eating human hearts.


This guy is a psychopathic Jack Thompson.

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But the question remains:


Welcome! I'm your host, ClitSparker69. This competition is designed to determine who, among all our contestants, managed to come out ahead as a pioneer in verbal badassery, an architect of murderous verbiage, a wordsmith whose creations withstand volcanic temperatures and dish out damage just as hot if not hotter, etfuckingcetera.

Let the acoustic ass annihilation commence!

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BETHESDA:



4:32 | Here we have Bethesda's lead desk monkey laying out the merits of Doom. However, when he gets to unraveling the mystery of the initialism "BFG," he turns into Bethesda's cum receptacle. "Big EFFING guns." No, say the fucking word you goddamn pussy. Do you slice bread with the back of a spoon? Use sharp language like a man, bitch.

57:08 | Todd Howard sounds like someone perpetually at risk of bursting into tears, so when this smarmy, Ned Flanders faggot says, "But as far as stupid gimmicks go, this is the best FUCKING one I have ever seen," it hits you like a dildo bat. The audience just wasn't prepared. Their brains short circuited and forced their hands to start hitting each other. Swear words out of my Todd Howard? Fuck yes!

1:09:15 | Guy in video game says "fuck some shit up." Something no one could possibly care about except he says it to a goddamn dog. He's adding to this animal's repertoire, teaching it to swear, so now it knows how to piss on the corpses of their enemies figuratively and literally.

EDGE RATING: Like the blade of a guillotine.

MICROSOFT:



47:55 | Now, a master edgelord need not rape the ears of women and children with mean swear words. Some good old fashioned banter can get the blood pumping out of cuts just as well. I don't know how many of you remember this moment, but western Sony's former CEO, Jack Tretton (A.K.A. Edgemaster Flex), historically raped Microsoft in front of millions of people. However, this year Microsoft finally got its revenge: "With Xbox One backward compatibility, we won't charge you to play the games you already own." Meanwhile, Sony charges for streaming PS3 games. The ass blasting was not as severe this time around because that mortal kombat atmosphere between two big game companies just wasn't there, and I bet most of you didn't even notice this big moment. Either way, it was sharp, and it counts.

1:02:40 | With the backdrop of the robotic flatulence of dubstep, Microsoft whipped out A REAL FUCKING RACE CAR, which at any moment could've driven off the platform and murdered some of the sjw "journalists" plaguing the industry. This is not to mention the lewdness on display for the young people at home. Now that's what I call edgy.

1:53:30 | So the Gears of War (never changes) demo was playing and we see a bunch of movie shit we've seen ad infinitum in every other triple a title. Then, when Marcus Fienddicks stops to appreciate nature, he punctuates the moment with, "Ho-lee . . . ." That's it. This man is no Marcus Fenix. Dora The Explora is edgier than he can ever hope to be. Shame on you. Faggot.

EDGE RATING: Pizza cutter.

ELECTRONIC ARTS:



1:00:30 | Mirror's Edge.

EDGE RATING: Plastic knife.

UBISOFT:



30:30 | Having Matt "The Hood Rat" Stone and Trey "Is Gay" Parker has inherent edge to it, but they don't settle for their mere visage. Fucking instantly Matt starts cursing out the microphone. After the unfunny black chick does what everyone expected, Matt proceeds to talk about becoming one with the vidya and lets loose another fuck bomb. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. Inspired by Bill O'Reilly's motivational (and edgy as fuck) broadcast speech, Matt then just casually edges out a, "Fuck it, let's do it." Finally, they land their perfect presentation with talk of penetrating deep into everyone's "but whole." Some of the children watching online got their first erection that day.

34:54 | Through her unfortunate, but apropos, channeling of Scatman John, that one ubisoft black lady stumbled through mentioning her investigative journalism of NSFW reddit shit. This is where she missed her opportunity for some proper edge. There's NSFW material on reddit, and then there's 4chan. Mention /b/ or /d/ to the thousands of people watching, Lana. 2edgy4u? Weak.

45:50 | Almost, but the unicorn being ridden by a gun wielding cat is missing a giant horse cock dangling to and fro. Should've had someone from the Skyrim mod community fix that up before the show.

53:25 | At the end of the The Division demo, one guy, with superpowers reminiscent of the Hulk, channels all of his angst and transforms into a faggot who kills his team. I'd probably be impressed if I was never exposed to the cunty existence of online gaming. Nice try, ubisoft, but I could cut cheese better with farts than the knife that angst factory uses on his wrists.

59:50 | The infamous meme man moment. Forcing memes is cringe, not edge. Fuck off.

1:12:30 | Not related to the competition. I just bring this up because ubisoft has a qt frenchie working for them. Bonjourno.

EDGE RATING: A game with no anti-aliasing, i.e., anything for the Wii U.

SONY:



0:00:00 | Sony studied carefully the edge on display by the previous contestants, so they began the show with a song where some guy from the band "Edgineers" incessantly yells "here we fucking go." As edgy as this was for about two seconds, the repetition and lack of a good build up makes this immediate attempt to middle finger Microsoft for backwards compatibility a wasted effort. This is what happens when you lose Jack Tretton, Sony: you become a tiny dicked mess of quivering desperation. Just kidding, they always had small pricks. Calling Sony a quickshooter is an understatement. They blew their load before they could even get the belt off and were marinating in their own splooge for the rest of the show.

37:10 | "Hello, everyone. This shit just never gets old, hahahahahaha." Hope you don't suck your mom's tits with that mouth, you dirty outlaw you. This fat faggot's complete failure to edge is perfected by that giggling afterward as if this is the first time since grade school that he said a curse word and now he feels delightfully naughty, teeheehee. Eat a dick.

EDGE RATING: Loose leaf paper.

NINTENDO: Disqualified for being kiddie fiddlers. Now, you might say, "But TittyJuggler69, kid fingering is edgier than fucking dead prostitutes." No, not after Michael Jackson won the Boy Butt Busting award from NAMBLA.

SQUARE ENIX: Disqualified. Panties and spiky anime hair don't count.

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So who won? This man right here:


Sony didn't know how to edge, EA had no edge, Ubisoft put all their testicles in one scrotum (the South Park guys), and Microsoft's edge wasn't even sharp enough to leave an impression. Todd Howard's edginess was masterfully executed, bearing the sharpness of a Masamune katana folded a billion times.

This concludes the Edgelord Olympics. I am VaginaViking69. Good night.

Feels nice to hear what a good modern Fallout game sounds like:

Never going to happen. Like I said, the only thing to worry about is whether we'll have to pay for them.

He talks about shit I already know and then says he's okay with it because opinion and then proceeds to criticize Fallout 3's system, which I already mentioned was shit. He said basically what I did: there are too many skill points, meaning you can get 100 in everything you want. Something that was fixed in New Vegas by the people who know what the fuck they're doing. The system is fucked because, if what he's saying is true, attributes have essentially replaced skills, and are elaborated on by perks with set bonuses, probably the way Skyrim did it. This means attributes are more malleable. That they will significantly shift throughout the playthrough. That's what the goddamn skills are for! The attributes you start with should not be significantly different from those you end with. At least, this is my understanding of Fallout mechanics based on playing the second game and then being witness to the alterations Obsidian made to Bethesda's "interpretation" of Fallout.

Wasteland 2, which is basically modern day ye olde Fallout, did this very well, where your characters got maybe 3 to 4 points tops toward attribute spending in the entire playthrough. What Bethesda's doing is turning Fallout more and more into a generic shooter. This trend of homogeneity in the industry is infuriating.

>Mentioning Plat
>Showing backgrounds and panties they forgot to edit out for westerners
>No RULES OF NATURE

Only Square Enix can make Platinum Games' involvement lifelessly dull

You know how we call using images of gratuitous gore for the viewing pleasure of dismemberment aficionados "gore porn?" By the same token, I call Nintendo's digital event kiddie porn.

While ultimately pointless from a consumer standpoint, try to think of this ritual as related to the hype and anticipation, or the interest people have in the game's existence, where the value is derived from indulging a basic human urge to express our opinions to others. That shot of dopamine I get when I let people know how much I fucking hate dubstep being shoehorned into everything just gives me a big bad brain boner.

Fun fact: the etymology of the term "mental masturbation" is a rich history of relieving brain boners.