The Jesus Posts

Being eaten by Komodo dragons is fucking horrible. First of all, they don't just eat you. They bite you, and because there's so much bacteria in their saliva, they just stalk you until you're too weak from the infection it causes to struggle. Chances are that you'll still be alive when they're snacking on your ass. Best case scenario, you might die from the infection, bleed out, or be paralyzed and not feel them tearing you apart. Regardless, being eaten by Komodo dragons is a horrible way to go.

I don't underestimate anyone based on height, and its not just because I'm about 5'5". Just because you're taller than someone doesn't mean they can't beat the living shit out of you with their bare hands.

Fuck that, I don't know what you're looking for when, and if, you take it, but valium is fucking wonderful. Fapping and valium are 2 totally different animals. It isn't impossible to compare them, but its a stretch if you try. Valium, or any benzodiazepine can help you sleep, but they're too unreliable to be considered sleep aids.

I've never actually felt any considerable "sleepiness" after fapping. Obviously, it requires energy to do, but unless I make a party out of it, slapping the weasel doesn't really do much for me when it comes to helping me sleep.

I've never really thought about it, but now that I am, I can't remember ever eating a banana in public. I doubt I would ever have an issue with doing so, but its always good to be prepared. Most likely, I'd eat it the same way I don't eat it any other time. Bananas are bananas, they shouldn't be treated any differently during consumption just because there may or may not be an audience. Same goes for people during public execution, but then again, that's people and we're talking bananas.

If I had to alter my behavior when eating a banana in public, I'd make a big fucking spectacle out of it. You know, give everyone something to talk about. First I would start crying and yelling at the banana like it was a relative or something, and come up with an elaborate story about how he sexually abused me as a child. Then I would eat it in a perceivably violent manner and yell, "You said it would be fun if I put it in my mouth, what's wrong?"

The point is, eating a banana is eating a banana. By my logic, if you're gonna treat it like something it isn't, you should make sure that you get as much attention as possible. Unless you're a really hot chick dressed like a whore, I personally don't give a shit if you're eating a banana, unless you're someone I know and I go out of my way to joke about it.

Being eaten by hyenas is pretty high on my list. Although, I think being eaten by Komodo dragons is worse.

***ATTENTION***
From now on, anyone who mentions that religion has anything to do with the marriage without proof that it does, must spend 20 minutes in the stupid box for being stupid.

Lumberjacks are still around. Its not like they went extinct or anything.

I'm reclaiming Kan'u Unchou from Ikki Tousen and Misato Katsuragi from Neon Genesis Evangelion.

The whole point is to take it as far as possible. I think its fucking hilarious.

I told my mom about it and she said, "Some women are just that way about marriage."

I wouldn't even be worried about the bitch divorcing me because I'd divorce her first. That's assuming that I'd be dumb enough to marry someone that crazy.

Wait... wat?

Aim lower next time.

This year I think I'm gonna be a guy that's too drunk to do anything on Halloween.

amidoinitrite?

Wait, there are girls here?

Where are they?

Ladies... where are you?

A high explosive is fine too.

Are you just going by national statistics, or have you researched specific regions of the country?

The oldest person recorded was 122 years old. You really shouldn't be so sure if you're going on records because that shit is based on demographics and longevity claims. If you look at the lists of the "oldest people" you'll notice that the vast majority are from industrialized societies. Its not because people who come from less developed societies have a lower life expectancy or anything like that, its just because they aren't as concerned with keeping records of that kind of shit. If you're living in a place where the main concern is survival, I doubt that being known as the oldest living person in the entire world is high on your list of priorities. Age is only a concern for the people who have the luxury of having time to be concerned about being old.


In Somalia and a lot of African countries marriage is about social status. Its not necessarily about being higher up than others, its more about security. Certain cultures are tribe or clan oriented. Depending on what clan or tribe you belong to, you may receive certain social benefits. That doesn't just apply to the two who are getting married, it applies to the families of both parties. In Somalia they follow some kind of customary legal system called Xeer, or something like that. I'm not sure how it works exactly, but I do know that families and clans play a major part in the distribution of rights.

Chances are the inheritance issue is a non-factor. I'm no expert, but from what I've learned about tribal societies throughout Africa, generally, the eldest son inherits their father's estate and becomes head of the clan, or family... I'm not sure. Every member of the clan has a role to play and in that sense, as long as you're not slacking off, I guess shit's alright. Like I said, I'm not an expert, and I don't really know how about specific communities, villages, or whatever work.

Snausages are awesome. Well, they were, but I think they changed the recipe.

Sometimes if you really are struggling with smoking, it helps to constantly shock yourself with a dog taser while smoking. Although, that never worked for me because I used to shock myself with dog tasers for fun. Lol... When mine still worked, I would walk around with it in my back pocket and randomly shock myself in the ass during conversations and confuse the fuck out of people. Ahh, memories. I miss Mr. Zappy.

That's not a good example. Some dog biscuits taste good. I have no problem admitting it, I've eaten all kinds of animal food. Back in the day, as long as I knew it was safe for human consumption, I always tasted the things I gave my pets. Some hamster treats, like this one brand of yogurt drops, were fucking delicious. There were also these things that kind of looked like cheese doodles, but were fruit and vegetable flavored. Fuck, those things were addictive. Animal snacks were cheaper than human snacks, so I used to buy them all the time because I was cheap.


Willpower does play a big part in quitting, but you have to be sure about doing it. You can be shown a path and be prepared for whatever may come, but unless you choose to walk, you'll go nowhere.