[Locked] [Community Project V2] Shadowblaze Chronicles

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Yanker I read hentai for plot
Jumping on the long chapter bandwagon:

Chapter 14 - The girl who hails from the village to the North

Spoiler:


Elgaraf bolted upright from his tousled sheets, panting. Sweat ran down his back in rivulets, soaking his bedroll. Beside him were the ashen remains of last night's campfire, and some remains of the wild game he'd had for dinner last night.

What was that all about?

The memories of that woman and Vastenarok, of the rivers flooding and the world submerged in storm and fire... it could only be but a dream. But Elgaraf had never experienced a dream in such vivid detail and been able to remember it at that. His usual trance-like dreams were devoid of meaning and shape, and he could never recall them once it was time to wake up.

Beside him, his chestnut brown steed snorted, waving its tail from side to side. Elgaraf noted the crimson colour of the sky - it was nearing dusk, time to head off.

It had been several days since he'd last seen Masayoshi and Marie. He wondered how they were faring - hopefully the boy hadn't landed himself in too much trouble.

"Let's head off now," the drow muttered, giving the horse an apple. It was rare to find a steed who could adapt to his sleeping patterns; he was almost sad that he would need to eventually sell this fine specimen off.

It was funny - before Elgaraf had encountered Masayoshi, the amount of people he'd grown attached to had been scarce enough to fit on one hand. Now, he was even growing close to animals.

The fleeting image of a woman flashed through his mind. A woman who'd betrayed his trust, who'd turned him into the person he now was.

Shaking his head, he mounted his horse and nudged at its sides.

***

Elgaraf could tell he was leaving civilisation behind.

Signs of settlement were dimishing rapidly, to be replaced by untamed wilderness.

When he'd first set off from Aiful, wagon tracks and trampled undergrowth had been almost everywhere. Farms, fences, trails where villagers led their livestock to water holes he had come across several times in an hour. Now, seeing a small farm would be a rare sight in itself, a valuable opportunity to restock on supplies.

The weather was getting colder, too.

It was a comfortable coolness, but no doubt the temperature would continue to drop as Elgaraf progressed. He had travelled underground, across the plains and through forests, but he had never been to the white lands before. He could feel unbearable anticpation at what he'd find. Lakes of pure ice, bears with white fur, trees that stayed green no matter how cold it was - the adventurer within him was quivering with excitement.

***


The whole night had passed and it was late in the morning of the next day before Elgaraf finally found another village.

It was but a handful of wooden huts compared to the majesty of Aiful, but it was a village nonetheless.

The people stared at Elgaraf as he passed through, wrapped from head to toe in his cloak. In the distance, he could no longer spot any patches of blue in the sky.

It was all grey.

"What's a foreigner like you doing all the way up here?" a citizen challenged, as Elgaraf came to a stop infront of a stall.

He regarded the man calmly. His legs were quivering slightly - no doubt Elgaraf was giving off an intimidating presence, like a black rider come from hell to reap the souls of the damned.

"I am merely pasing through and mean you no harm," Elgaraf replied, dismounting his horse. He pulled his hood back, hearing a few audible gasps from behind him. He had no doubt caused quite the spectacle in entering this sleepy village.

"A drow?" the man exclaimed, forgetting his fear.

"That I am."

The man's eyes swept up and down Elgaraf once again. "What business do you have here?"

Elgaraf pointed a finger into the distant grey skies. He could already make out dark shadows rising into the heavens from behind the clouds.

"I seek something that resides atop those mountains," he said. "Seeing as opportunites to restock will grow scarcer as I approach, I simply wish to prepare myself, with some warm furs perhaps."

The man's eyes narrowed for a moment. "You seek to climb the mountains that bridge Heaven and Earth?"

Elgaraf dipped his head. He could feel curious villagers stopped in their daily routines to examine him from afar.

"You look like you've come a long way."

After scrutinizing him for a while longer, the man finally nodded.

"Alright, then. You'd better not bring the problems of the south to our village, or you're a dead man."

"Problems of the south?"

The man walked back into his stall, sitting down. "The demon outbreaks have been growing, and it seems like they're spreading across the land like a plague. We've been relatively safe here, but that could change any day now."

Elgaraf looked at the his wares, his eyes landing on a particularly thick coat. The interior looked to be of warm blubber, while the exterior was a coat of diamond hard, clear scales.

"I fled from the very same thing," he replied. "The one whom I seek in the mountains may hold the answer to the crisis in which the world is in."

He picked up the coat. It was surprisingly light, no heavier than his current cloak. Rapping his nails against the scaled exterior, he quickly realized that the scales were not just for aesthetics.

"What is this?" he questioned.

The man smiled, puffing his chest out in pride. "That, my friend, is a dragonscale cloak. Made from the scales of an Ice Dragon, to be precise. Warms you up like nothing you've ever known, and resists frost magic too. The scales form a waterproof covering that can shatter any man-made metal."

Elgaraf nodded. "Mind if I test it out?"

The man chuckled. "Sure. But let me just tell you this - you won't be able to afford it. Not even all the money in this village combined could buy this."

Elgaraf's eyes narrowed. He could simply kill everyone here and take everything. But that was counterproductive.

Drawing his longsword, he quickly slashed horizontally across the cloak with all his might.

CLANG!

The length of metal exploded into thousands of fragments which fell towards the ground like crystal rain. Elgaraf tossed the useless hilt to the side.

"How did you craft this?" he asked.

The man shook his head. "I didn't make it. A blacksmith from another town made it, from the remains of an Ice dragon who'd died of old age. He offered it to us as a gift of good will, which is why I can't put a price on it."

Elgaraf leaned in closer. "Where is this town?"

The man pointed into the distance, at the mountains.

"At the very base. You'll inevitably pass it, all the passes converge to that point. Look for the Metalmancer. The price won't be cheap, though."

"Very well. Thank you for you information."

Elgaraf looked at the ice dragonscale cloak once more. It seemed like the rumours were true.

Maybe if he was able to kill an ice dragon, he'd be able to request a dragonbone blade. For now, he would stick with his katana and his rapier.

***


Elgaraf had a clear goal now.

As he sat in the village inn drinking a mug of hot cocoa, he went through the plan again in his mind.

He would reach the base of the mountains. His cloak should serve him until then. He would find the Metalmancer. He would fulfil his conditions, and acquire a dragonbone weapon and cloak. He would climb the mountains which bridge Heaven and Earth, and find the deity.

He would get stronger. He would defeat any who stood a chance against him, including Vastenarok.

And when he was finally unchallenged, he could resign to a life of peace.

"Oi."


A feminine voice disrupted his thoughts.

Sighing, Elgaraf turned around. It seemed like one of the village girls had come to seek his company for the night. She wasn't bad - her midnight black hair hung down to her waist, and her eyes gleamed green from beneath her fringe.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

The girl pursed her lips. "You've caused quite the commotion in the village. I don't think anyone hasn't heard of the black elf who casually strode into our village today."

"What of it?"

Elgaraf concealed a smile. The girl had quite the body, and it had been a while since Elgaraf had relieved himself.

"Are you really going to the North to fight ice dragons?" she demanded.

The drow blinked. Just when he thought he'd had her all figured out. Guess she wasn't here for his 'company' after all.

"I don't know about fighting dragons, but I'm heading North."

"Father told me you were looking for the Metalmancer. The only reason you'd want to meet him would be for him to craft you equipment... and dragonscales don't grow on trees, so no doubt you'd end up fighting dragons."

Hmm... so he would have to fight them after all. Elgaraf had never fought a dragon before, but he was looking forward to the challenge.

"What do you want then, woman?" he snapped.

"Let me come with you."

"..."

It took a while for the words to sink in. What was it about him that made all the fledgelings flock to his side?

"No thanks," he said. "I don't need more dead weight to drag me down."

"I'm familiar with the environment. I can teach you about the dangers of the north, and how to come back alive."

"What little could a girl like you possibly know?" Elgaraf scoffed. "You've probably never set foot outside this village."

The girl folded her arms. "I was born in Frostheim, the village at the base of the mountains. My real parents died and the Metalmancer took me in. Father took me off his hands when the Metalmancer brought me here. I know him personally, and I'm sure with me by your side you'll have a better chance at gaining his cooperation."

Elgaraf stroked his chin. She had a point; it was a tempting prospect.

"What's in it for you?" he asked. "What do you want - money? Glory?"

The girl shook her head.

"The Metalmancer sold me to Father when I was but eight years of age. I've only ever been to Frostheim and this village here, and I'm sick of it. I'm already twenty, and I want to see the world. I don't want to stay here forever."

"So you want me to take you South?"

"I don't care, anywhere's fine as long as it's not North. I'll agree to help you with your quest, but you have to take me somewhere afterwards."

Elgaraf stood up. "You make a solid argument, girl. I like you."

He drew his katana and threw it towards her. "But that won't be enough. If I deem you worthy in combat, you may come. Otherwise, go back to herding the sheep like a good girl."

The girl caught the blade by the hilt, grinning."I know how to use this, you know."

"So do I."

With that, Elgaraf stepped forward. His rapier came thrusting towards her with lightning speed, immediately aiming for her shoulder. He saw the surprise in her eyes, but she quickly recovered and brought the katana up to block.

The sound of their blades echoed throughout the quiet inn. This was child's play for Elgaraf, but he had to probe his potential companion's abilities. So far, she was already more skilled than Masayoshi.

He flicked his wrist and attacked again, launching a barrage of thrusts towards the girl. His rapier had the advantage of length and lightness, but the katana could cause far more damage and was not only limited to thrusting. The girl seemed to know this, and swung her weapon hard at Elgaraf's rapier. The drow only just managed to pull back in time - if the blow had connected, he would have lost his rapier too.

The two exchanged strikes a few more times. Even in her dress, the girl was flexible and efficient in her technique. Elgaraf had seen enough; she was worthy.

He decided to increase the pace, and end their short fight quickly. Sinking low to the ground, he immediately pounced upwards with lightning speed, taking her completely by surprise. The point of the rapier inched closer and closer to her breast until...

CLANG!

Something moved out of the corner of his eye, knocking his rapier to the side.

THUNK!

His eyes darted to the ground. A single throwing knife was wedged in the ground, quivering. This was the weight which had diverted his rapier's path. Another movement drew his attention again.

He had fooled around for long enough.

The second blade came spinning out of nowhere, coming so close to his cheek that it took off some of his white hair. Elgaraf twisted and swept his blade past the girl's defenses. There was a moment of silence, before the cloth on her dress peeled away, revealing her satisfactory breasts.

The girl was panting, seemingly unbothered by her exposed chest.

"Damn... I thought I had you," she said.

"Me too."

They had both deliberatley avoided each others vital points. Only skilled swordsmen were capable of such a feat. Added to that, the girl seemed to be quite practiced with her knives.

"You can come," Elgaraf said, sheathing his rapier. "But watch out for yourself. If you can't keep up, I'm leaving you behind."

She smiled, handing back the katana before pulling the shredded cloth at her waist back up to cover her breast.

"See you tomorrow morning then."

Before she could turn to leave, Elgaraf pulled on her arm. "What are you called?"

The girl tilted her head backwards. "Call me Alice."

"I'm Elgaraf. You better not make me regret this."

He bent down, picking up the two knives and placed them into her hand. "And don't forget these."
1
Yanker wrote...
Jumping on the long chapter bandwagon:

Chapter 14 - The girl who hails from the village to the North

Spoiler:


Elgaraf bolted bolted upright from his tousled sheets, panting. Sweat ran down his back in rivulets, soaking his bedroll. Beside him were the ashen remains of last night's campfire, and some remains of the wild game he'd had for dinner last night.

What was that all about?

The memories of that woman and Vastenarok, of the rivers flooding and the world submerged in storm and fire... it could only be but a dream. But Elgaraf had never experienced a dream in such vivid detail and been able to remember it at that. His usual trance-like dreams were devoid of meaning and shape, and he could never recall them once it was time to wake up.

Beside him, his chestnut brown steed snorted, waving its tail from side to side. Elgaraf noted the crimson colour of the sky - it was nearing dusk, time to head off.

It had been several days since he'd last seen Masayoshi and Marie. He wondered how they were faring - hopefully the boy hadn't landed himself in too much trouble.

"Let's head off now," the drow muttered, giving the horse an apple. It was rare to find a steed who could adapt to his sleeping patterns; he was almost sad that he would need to eventually sell this fine specimen off.

It was funny - before Elgaraf had encountered Masayoshi, the amount of people he'd grown attached to had been scarce enough to fit on one hand. Now, he was even growing close to animals.

The fleeting image of a woman flashed through his mind. A woman who'd betrayed his trust, who'd turned him into the person he now was.

Shaking his head, he mounted his horse and nudged at its sides.

***

Elgaraf could tell he was leaving civilisation behind.

Signs of settlement were dimishing rapidly, to be replaced by untamed wilderness.

When he'd first set off from Aiful, wagon tracks and trampled undergrowth had been almost everywhere. Farms, fences, trails where villagers led their livestock to water holes he had come across several times in an hour. Now, seeing a small farm would be a rare sight in itself, a valuable opportunity to restock on supplies.

The weather was getting colder, too.

It was a comfortable coolness, but no doubt the temperature would continue to drop as Elgaraf progressed. He had travelled underground, across the plains and through forests, but he had never been to the white lands before. He could feel unbearable anticpation at what he'd find. Lakes of pure ice, bears with white fur, trees that stayed green no matter how cold it was - the adventurer within him was quivering with excitement.

***


The whole night had passed and it was late in the morning of the next day before Elgaraf finally found another village.

It was but a handful of wooden huts compared to the majesty of Aiful, but it was a village nonetheless.

The people stared at Elgaraf as he passed through, wrapped from head to toe in his cloak. In the distance, he could no longer spot any patches of blue in the sky.

It was all grey.

"What's a foreigner like you doing all the way up here?" a citizen challenged, as Elgaraf came to a stop infront of a stall.

He regarded the man calmly. His legs were quivering slightly - no doubt Elgaraf was giving off an intimidating presence, like a black rider come from hell to reap the souls of the damned.

"I am merely pasing through and mean you no harm," Elgaraf replied, dismounting his horse. He pulled his hood back, hearing a few audible gasps from behind him. He had no doubt caused quite the spectacle in entering this sleepy village.

"A drow?" the man exclaimed, forgetting his fear.

"That I am."

The man's eyes swept up and down Elgaraf once again. "What business do you have here?"

Elgaraf pointed a finger into the distant grey skies. He could already make out dark shadows rising into the heavens from behind the clouds.

"I seek something that resides atop those mountains," he said. "Seeing as opportunites to restock will grow scarcer as I approach, I simply wish to prepare myself, with some warm furs perhaps."

The man's eyes narrowed for a moment. "You seek to climb the mountains that bridge Heaven and Earth?"

Elgaraf dipped his head. He could feel curious villagers stopped in their daily routines to examine him from afar.

"You look like you've come a long way."

After scrutinizing him for a while longer, the man finally nodded.

"Alright, then. You'd better not bring the problems of the south to our village, or you're a dead man."

"Problems of the south?"

The man walked back into his stall, sitting down. "The demon outbreaks have been growing, and it seems like they're spreading across the land like a plague. We've been relatively safe here, but that could change any day now."

Elgaraf looked at the his wares, his eyes landing on a particularly thick coat. The interior looked to be of warm blubber, while the exterior was a coat of diamond hard, clear scales.

"I fled from the very same thing," he replied. "The one whom I seek in the mountains may hold the answer to the crisis in which the world is in."

He picked up the coat. It was surprisingly light, no heavier than his current cloak. Rapping his nails against the scaled exterior, he quickly realized that the scales were not just for aesthetics.

"What is this?" he questioned.

The man smiled, puffing his chest out in pride. "That, my friend, is a dragonscale cloak. Made from the scales of an Ice Dragon, to be precise. Warms you up like nothing you've ever known, and resists frost magic too. The scales form a waterproof covering that can shatter any man-made metal."

Elgaraf nodded. "Mind if I test it out?"

The man chuckled. "Sure. But let me just tell you this - you won't be able to afford it. Not even all the money in this village combined could buy this."

Elgaraf's eyes narrowed. He could simply kill everyone here and take everything. But that was counterproductive.

Drawing his longsword, he quickly slashed horizontally across the cloak with all his might.

CLANG!

The length of metal exploded into thousands of fragments which fell towards the ground like crystal rain. Elgaraf tossed the useless hilt to the side.

"How did you craft this?" he asked.

The man shook his head. "I didn't make it. A blacksmith from another town made it, from the remains of an Ice dragon who'd died of old age. He offered it to us as a gift of good will, which is why I can't put a price on it."

Elgaraf leaned in closer. "Where is this town?"

The man pointed into the distance, at the mountains.

"At the very base. You'll inevitably pass it, all the passes converge to that point. Look for the Metalmancer. The price won't be cheap, though."

"Very well. Thank you for you information."

Elgaraf looked at the ice dragonscale cloak once more. It seemed like the rumours were true.

Maybe if he was able to kill an ice dragon, he'd be able to request a dragonbone blade. For now, he would stick with his katana and his rapier.

***


Elgaraf had a clear goal now.

As he sat in the village inn drinking a mug of hot cocoa, he went through the plan again in his mind.

He would reach the base of the mountains. His cloak should serve him until then. He would find the Metalmancer. He would fulfil his conditions, and acquire a dragonbone weapon and cloak. He would climb the mountains which bridge Heaven and Earth, and find the deity.

He would get stronger. He would defeat any who stood a chance against him, including Vastenarok.

And when he was finally unchallenged, he could resign to a life of peace.

"Oi."


A feminine voice disrupted his thoughts.

Sighing, Elgaraf turned around. It seemed like one of the village girls had come to seek his company for the night. She wasn't bad - her midnight black hair hung down to her waist, and her eyes gleamed green from beneath her fringe.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

The girl pursed her lips. "You've caused quite the commotion in the village. I don't think anyone hasn't heard of the black elf who casually strode into our village today."

"What of it?"

Elgaraf concealed a smile. The girl had quite the body, and it had been a while since Elgaraf had relieved himself.

"Are you really going to the North to fight ice dragons?" she demanded.

The drow blinked. Just when he thought he'd had her all figured out. Guess she wasn't here for his 'company' after all.

"I don't know about fighting dragons, but I'm heading North."

"Father told me you were looking for the Metalmancer. The only reason you'd want to meet him would be for him to craft you equipment... and dragonscales don't grow on trees, so no doubt you'd end up fighting dragons."

Hmm... so he would have to fight them after all. Elgaraf had never fought a dragon before, but he was looking forward to the challenge.

"What do you want then, woman?" he snapped.

"Let me come with you."

"..."

It took a while for the words to sink in. What was it about him that made all the fledgelings flock to his side?

"No thanks," he said. "I don't need more dead weight to drag me down."

"I'm familiar with the environment. I can teach you about the dangers of the north, and how to come back alive."

"What little could a girl like you possibly know?" Elgaraf scoffed. "You've probably never set foot outside this village."

The girl folded her arms. "I was born in Frostheim, the village at the base of the mountains. My real parents died and the Metalmancer took me in. Father took me off his hands when the Metalmancer brought me here. I know him personally, and I'm sure with me by your side you'll have a better chance at gaining his cooperation."

Elgaraf stroked his chin. She had a point; it was a tempting prospect.

"What's in it for you?" he asked. "What do you want - money? Glory?"

The girl shook her head.

"The Metalmancer sold me to Father when I was but eight years of age. I've only ever been to Frostheim and this village here, and I'm sick of it. I'm already twenty, and I want to see the world. I don't want to stay here forever."

"So you want me to take you South?"

"I don't care, anywhere's fine as long as it's not North. I'll agree to help you with your quest, but you have to take me somewhere afterwards."

Elgaraf stood up. "You make a solid argument, girl. I like you."

He drew his katana and threw it towards her. "But that won't be enough. If I deem you worthy in combat, you may come. Otherwise, go back to herding the sheep like a good girl."

The girl caught the blade by the hilt, grinning."I know how to use this, you know."

"So do I."

With that, Elgaraf stepped forward. His rapier came thrusting towards her with lightning speed, immediately aiming for her shoulder. He saw the surprise in her eyes, but she quickly recovered and brought the katana up to block.

The sound of their blades echoed throughout the quiet inn. This was child's play for Elgaraf, but he had to probe his potential companion's abilities. So far, she was already more skilled than Masayoshi.

He flicked his wrist and attacked again, launching a barrage of thrusts. towards the girl. His rapier had the advantage of length and lightness, but the katana could cause far more damage and was not only limited to thrusting. The girl seemed to know this, and swung her weapon hard at Elgaraf's rapier. The drow only just managed to pull back in time - if the blow had connected, he would have lost his rapier too.

The two exchanged strikes a few more times. Even in her dress, the girl was flexible and efficient in her technique. Elgaraf had seen enough; she was worthy.

He decided to increase the pace, and end their short fight quickly. Sinking low to the ground, he immediately pounced upwards with lightning speed, taking her completely by surprise. The point of the rapier inched closer and closer to her breast until...

CLANG!

Something moved out of the corner of his eye, knocking his rapier to the side.

THUNK!

His eyes darted to the ground. A single throwing knife was wedged in the ground, quivering. This was the weight which had diverted his rapier's path. Another movement drew his attention again.

He had fooled around for long enough.

The second blade came spinning out of nowhere, coming so close to his cheek that it took off some of his white hair. Elgaraf twisted and swept his blade past the girl's defenses. There was a moment of silence, before the cloth on her dress peeled away, revealing her satisfactory breasts.

The girl was panting, seemingly unbothered by her exposed chest.

"Damn... I thought I had you," she said.

"Me too."

They had both deliberatley avoided each others vital points. Only skilled swordsmen were capable of such a feat. Added to that, the girl seemed to be quite practiced with her knives.

"You can come," Elgaraf said, sheathing his rapier. "But watch out for yourself. If you can't keep up, I'm leaving you behind."

She smiled, handing back the katana before pulling the shredded cloth at her waist back up to cover her breast.

"See you tomorrow morning then."

Before she could turn to leave, Elgaraf pulled on her arm. "What are you called?"

The girl tilted her head backwards. "Call me Alice."

"I'm Elgaraf. You better not make me regret this."

He bent down, picking up the two knives and placed them into her hand. "And don't forget these."


[size=24][color=red]Holy. Fucking. Shit.[/color][/size]

I need a few minutes to analyze this before I review it.

Spoiler alert:

Spoiler:
How the fuck do you keep getting even better at this? I'm lost for words. Each of your new chapters is better than the last.


There is one double word at the beginning though, "bolted bolted". I'm not sure if that's a typo or intentional for dramatic effect.
1
Yanker wrote...
Jumping on the long chapter bandwagon:

Chapter 14 - The girl who hails from the village to the North


So, it's my turn now... Wow. This is going to be tricky. Mostly because you raised the bar quite a bit this time, not sure if I can live up to expectations. I'll PM you the chapter before I post it to make sure it's alright.
1
Complete Horizon wrote...
So, it's my turn now... Wow. This is going to be tricky. Mostly because you raised the bar quite a bit this time, not sure if I can live up to expectations. I'll PM you the chapter before I post it to make sure it's alright.


Okay, so like you asked, I'm taking over the chapter reservation list again. I need to ask... what chapters are currently reserved?
1
Masayoshi wrote...
Okay, so like you asked, I'm taking over the chapter reservation list again. I need to ask... what chapters are currently reserved?


Chapter 15: Me.
Chapter 16: Spikedpikes
Chapter 17: A newcomer, offline group member. Name to be decided.
Chapter 18: JustGiveMeLove
Chapter 19: No reservation yet
Chapter 20: Me, or you if you have free time ever.
1
Complete Horizon wrote...
15: Me.
Chapter 16: Spikedpikes
Chapter 17: A newcomer, offline group member. Name to be decided.
Chapter 18: JustGiveMeLove
Chapter 19: No reservation yet
Chapter 20: Me, or you if you have free time ever.


Hm... Okay, I'll update the list. If you don't mind, I'll take over writing chapter 20 again, though it may take me a while, since I can only work on it on Fridays.

Also, it's time for me to start working on my review for chapter 14. I'll be busy for a while.
1
Masayoshi wrote...
Hm... Okay, I'll update the list. If you don't mind, I'll take over writing chapter 20 again, though it may take me a while, since I can only work on it on Fridays.

Also, it's time for me to start working on my review for chapter 14. I'll be busy for a while.


Got it. Don't be shy about joining the conversation more often, we miss you in the thread... if we keep doing everything by PM, the other members get left out.
1
Yanker wrote...
Jumping on the long chapter bandwagon:

Chapter 14 - The girl who hails from the village to the North

Spoiler:


Elgaraf bolted bolted upright from his tousled sheets, panting. Sweat ran down his back in rivulets, soaking his bedroll. Beside him were the ashen remains of last night's campfire, and some remains of the wild game he'd had for dinner last night.

What was that all about?

The memories of that woman and Vastenarok, of the rivers flooding and the world submerged in storm and fire... it could only be but a dream. But Elgaraf had never experienced a dream in such vivid detail and been able to remember it at that. His usual trance-like dreams were devoid of meaning and shape, and he could never recall them once it was time to wake up.

Beside him, his chestnut brown steed snorted, waving its tail from side to side. Elgaraf noted the crimson colour of the sky - it was nearing dusk, time to head off.

It had been several days since he'd last seen Masayoshi and Marie. He wondered how they were faring - hopefully the boy hadn't landed himself in too much trouble.

"Let's head off now," the drow muttered, giving the horse an apple. It was rare to find a steed who could adapt to his sleeping patterns; he was almost sad that he would need to eventually sell this fine specimen off.

It was funny - before Elgaraf had encountered Masayoshi, the amount of people he'd grown attached to had been scarce enough to fit on one hand. Now, he was even growing close to animals.

The fleeting image of a woman flashed through his mind. A woman who'd betrayed his trust, who'd turned him into the person he now was.

Shaking his head, he mounted his horse and nudged at its sides.

***

Elgaraf could tell he was leaving civilisation behind.

Signs of settlement were dimishing rapidly, to be replaced by untamed wilderness.

When he'd first set off from Aiful, wagon tracks and trampled undergrowth had been almost everywhere. Farms, fences, trails where villagers led their livestock to water holes he had come across several times in an hour. Now, seeing a small farm would be a rare sight in itself, a valuable opportunity to restock on supplies.

The weather was getting colder, too.

It was a comfortable coolness, but no doubt the temperature would continue to drop as Elgaraf progressed. He had travelled underground, across the plains and through forests, but he had never been to the white lands before. He could feel unbearable anticpation at what he'd find. Lakes of pure ice, bears with white fur, trees that stayed green no matter how cold it was - the adventurer within him was quivering with excitement.

***


The whole night had passed and it was late in the morning of the next day before Elgaraf finally found another village.

It was but a handful of wooden huts compared to the majesty of Aiful, but it was a village nonetheless.

The people stared at Elgaraf as he passed through, wrapped from head to toe in his cloak. In the distance, he could no longer spot any patches of blue in the sky.

It was all grey.

"What's a foreigner like you doing all the way up here?" a citizen challenged, as Elgaraf came to a stop infront of a stall.

He regarded the man calmly. His legs were quivering slightly - no doubt Elgaraf was giving off an intimidating presence, like a black rider come from hell to reap the souls of the damned.

"I am merely pasing through and mean you no harm," Elgaraf replied, dismounting his horse. He pulled his hood back, hearing a few audible gasps from behind him. He had no doubt caused quite the spectacle in entering this sleepy village.

"A drow?" the man exclaimed, forgetting his fear.

"That I am."

The man's eyes swept up and down Elgaraf once again. "What business do you have here?"

Elgaraf pointed a finger into the distant grey skies. He could already make out dark shadows rising into the heavens from behind the clouds.

"I seek something that resides atop those mountains," he said. "Seeing as opportunites to restock will grow scarcer as I approach, I simply wish to prepare myself, with some warm furs perhaps."

The man's eyes narrowed for a moment. "You seek to climb the mountains that bridge Heaven and Earth?"

Elgaraf dipped his head. He could feel curious villagers stopped in their daily routines to examine him from afar.

"You look like you've come a long way."

After scrutinizing him for a while longer, the man finally nodded.

"Alright, then. You'd better not bring the problems of the south to our village, or you're a dead man."

"Problems of the south?"

The man walked back into his stall, sitting down. "The demon outbreaks have been growing, and it seems like they're spreading across the land like a plague. We've been relatively safe here, but that could change any day now."

Elgaraf looked at the his wares, his eyes landing on a particularly thick coat. The interior looked to be of warm blubber, while the exterior was a coat of diamond hard, clear scales.

"I fled from the very same thing," he replied. "The one whom I seek in the mountains may hold the answer to the crisis in which the world is in."

He picked up the coat. It was surprisingly light, no heavier than his current cloak. Rapping his nails against the scaled exterior, he quickly realized that the scales were not just for aesthetics.

"What is this?" he questioned.

The man smiled, puffing his chest out in pride. "That, my friend, is a dragonscale cloak. Made from the scales of an Ice Dragon, to be precise. Warms you up like nothing you've ever known, and resists frost magic too. The scales form a waterproof covering that can shatter any man-made metal."

Elgaraf nodded. "Mind if I test it out?"

The man chuckled. "Sure. But let me just tell you this - you won't be able to afford it. Not even all the money in this village combined could buy this."

Elgaraf's eyes narrowed. He could simply kill everyone here and take everything. But that was counterproductive.

Drawing his longsword, he quickly slashed horizontally across the cloak with all his might.

CLANG!

The length of metal exploded into thousands of fragments which fell towards the ground like crystal rain. Elgaraf tossed the useless hilt to the side.

"How did you craft this?" he asked.

The man shook his head. "I didn't make it. A blacksmith from another town made it, from the remains of an Ice dragon who'd died of old age. He offered it to us as a gift of good will, which is why I can't put a price on it."

Elgaraf leaned in closer. "Where is this town?"

The man pointed into the distance, at the mountains.

"At the very base. You'll inevitably pass it, all the passes converge to that point. Look for the Metalmancer. The price won't be cheap, though."

"Very well. Thank you for you information."

Elgaraf looked at the ice dragonscale cloak once more. It seemed like the rumours were true.

Maybe if he was able to kill an ice dragon, he'd be able to request a dragonbone blade. For now, he would stick with his katana and his rapier.

***


Elgaraf had a clear goal now.

As he sat in the village inn drinking a mug of hot cocoa, he went through the plan again in his mind.

He would reach the base of the mountains. His cloak should serve him until then. He would find the Metalmancer. He would fulfil his conditions, and acquire a dragonbone weapon and cloak. He would climb the mountains which bridge Heaven and Earth, and find the deity.

He would get stronger. He would defeat any who stood a chance against him, including Vastenarok.

And when he was finally unchallenged, he could resign to a life of peace.

"Oi."


A feminine voice disrupted his thoughts.

Sighing, Elgaraf turned around. It seemed like one of the village girls had come to seek his company for the night. She wasn't bad - her midnight black hair hung down to her waist, and her eyes gleamed green from beneath her fringe.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

The girl pursed her lips. "You've caused quite the commotion in the village. I don't think anyone hasn't heard of the black elf who casually strode into our village today."

"What of it?"

Elgaraf concealed a smile. The girl had quite the body, and it had been a while since Elgaraf had relieved himself.

"Are you really going to the North to fight ice dragons?" she demanded.

The drow blinked. Just when he thought he'd had her all figured out. Guess she wasn't here for his 'company' after all.

"I don't know about fighting dragons, but I'm heading North."

"Father told me you were looking for the Metalmancer. The only reason you'd want to meet him would be for him to craft you equipment... and dragonscales don't grow on trees, so no doubt you'd end up fighting dragons."

Hmm... so he would have to fight them after all. Elgaraf had never fought a dragon before, but he was looking forward to the challenge.

"What do you want then, woman?" he snapped.

"Let me come with you."

"..."

It took a while for the words to sink in. What was it about him that made all the fledgelings flock to his side?

"No thanks," he said. "I don't need more dead weight to drag me down."

"I'm familiar with the environment. I can teach you about the dangers of the north, and how to come back alive."

"What little could a girl like you possibly know?" Elgaraf scoffed. "You've probably never set foot outside this village."

The girl folded her arms. "I was born in Frostheim, the village at the base of the mountains. My real parents died and the Metalmancer took me in. Father took me off his hands when the Metalmancer brought me here. I know him personally, and I'm sure with me by your side you'll have a better chance at gaining his cooperation."

Elgaraf stroked his chin. She had a point; it was a tempting prospect.

"What's in it for you?" he asked. "What do you want - money? Glory?"

The girl shook her head.

"The Metalmancer sold me to Father when I was but eight years of age. I've only ever been to Frostheim and this village here, and I'm sick of it. I'm already twenty, and I want to see the world. I don't want to stay here forever."

"So you want me to take you South?"

"I don't care, anywhere's fine as long as it's not North. I'll agree to help you with your quest, but you have to take me somewhere afterwards."

Elgaraf stood up. "You make a solid argument, girl. I like you."

He drew his katana and threw it towards her. "But that won't be enough. If I deem you worthy in combat, you may come. Otherwise, go back to herding the sheep like a good girl."

The girl caught the blade by the hilt, grinning."I know how to use this, you know."

"So do I."

With that, Elgaraf stepped forward. His rapier came thrusting towards her with lightning speed, immediately aiming for her shoulder. He saw the surprise in her eyes, but she quickly recovered and brought the katana up to block.

The sound of their blades echoed throughout the quiet inn. This was child's play for Elgaraf, but he had to probe his potential companion's abilities. So far, she was already more skilled than Masayoshi.

He flicked his wrist and attacked again, launching a barrage of thrusts. towards the girl. His rapier had the advantage of length and lightness, but the katana could cause far more damage and was not only limited to thrusting. The girl seemed to know this, and swung her weapon hard at Elgaraf's rapier. The drow only just managed to pull back in time - if the blow had connected, he would have lost his rapier too.

The two exchanged strikes a few more times. Even in her dress, the girl was flexible and efficient in her technique. Elgaraf had seen enough; she was worthy.

He decided to increase the pace, and end their short fight quickly. Sinking low to the ground, he immediately pounced upwards with lightning speed, taking her completely by surprise. The point of the rapier inched closer and closer to her breast until...

CLANG!

Something moved out of the corner of his eye, knocking his rapier to the side.

THUNK!

His eyes darted to the ground. A single throwing knife was wedged in the ground, quivering. This was the weight which had diverted his rapier's path. Another movement drew his attention again.

He had fooled around for long enough.

The second blade came spinning out of nowhere, coming so close to his cheek that it took off some of his white hair. Elgaraf twisted and swept his blade past the girl's defenses. There was a moment of silence, before the cloth on her dress peeled away, revealing her satisfactory breasts.

The girl was panting, seemingly unbothered by her exposed chest.

"Damn... I thought I had you," she said.

"Me too."

They had both deliberatley avoided each others vital points. Only skilled swordsmen were capable of such a feat. Added to that, the girl seemed to be quite practiced with her knives.

"You can come," Elgaraf said, sheathing his rapier. "But watch out for yourself. If you can't keep up, I'm leaving you behind."

She smiled, handing back the katana before pulling the shredded cloth at her waist back up to cover her breast.

"See you tomorrow morning then."

Before she could turn to leave, Elgaraf pulled on her arm. "What are you called?"

The girl tilted her head backwards. "Call me Alice."

"I'm Elgaraf. You better not make me regret this."

He bent down, picking up the two knives and placed them into her hand. "And don't forget these."


Okay, finally, I managed to go through it so that I can make a good review:

Well, let's start with this - this is the longest chapter you've made so far, and I'd also say it has the most plot and character development. I like how you added that Elgaraf also experienced the dream of the cataclysm in chapter 12, which adds him to the list of people that can have a major impact on the outcome of chapters 41-45, which I haven't revealed much about yet.

Next, this chapter sets up Elgaraf's later confrontation with the ice dragon splendidly, and also introduces another character for later (The Metalmancer) while introducing a traveling companion for him. The fact that she was skilled also helps save time, as there should only be one protagonist that is really weak starting out (Masayoshi, haha).

If I remember correctly, Elgaraf's longsword was an enchanted blade, yet it broke very easily striking a dragonscale cloak. This illustrates that the Ice Dragon will be no easy opponent, and will give Elgaraf a very hard time, even when he's up to the challenge. But I also remember it being used in pretty much every fight before. The breaking of his sword sets him up to have a new longsword forged and enchanted later on, probably either right before or right after he battles the ice dragon. You set it up beautifully.

Also, showing the Elgaraf was slightly sexually frustrated was a nice touch, even though probably a minor detail to some, I think it brings out his personality more, and shows that, yes, he is a man with urges. Also with high self-control and compassion. Speaking of compassion, the fact that you detail his affection to the horse he travels with that carries his supplies is another small yet important detail that deepens his character. Kudos for thinking to do this.

Alice, who you just introduced, already has been shown to have a fiery personality, but still eager and upbeat. Maybe also a little bit cocky, but not without good reason. You've shown us a lot about her already, without even having to describe her appearance. Leaving it the the imagination gives me an image of a red-haired, lithe woman, skilled with both blade and knife. That's just my imagination though, and anyone can form their own splendid image of her, since you chose to omit the details of her appearance.

I've been too focused on the characters for this review, when there's also a few other things you pulled off magnificently. Namely, the fight scene between Elgaraf and Alice. The details of their fight scene were a lot more vivid, than, for example, Masayoshi's fight with the demon pack leaders back at Arden (no offense, CH.) In fact, I'd wager that it was more detailed than the fight between Masayoshi and the Shadowmancer in Aiful, though that fight was a lot longer.

So, I'm going to be using a number rating system to grade chapters I review from now on, in five specific areas: Story development, Character development, Event Details, Foreshadowing, and Fight Scenes. Here are my ratings for each of the categories, for you:

Story Development: 9/10 - You drove Elgaraf's journey forward significantly while not needing excessive exposition. Excellent work.
Character Development: 9/10 - You showed us a lot more about Elgaraf, some of his personality traits which we had not been expecting, even. Showing that he had a tender side that developed during his journey was a bold move, and a great one.
Event Details: 10/10 - You were very to the point, and even made sure to reaffirm the existence of the demons running rampant (which everyone else seems to forget about). You didn't stall or create unnecessary dialogue, and everything served an important purpose.
Foreshadowing: 8/10 - You had excellent story development, though it did set up things for later in a way that we will come to expect, unless I'm missing something. I did, however, notice three points of foreshadowing that are not very easy to notice. Good job on making them seem natural in the chapter.
Fight Scenes: 10/10 - You showed us thrilling, skillful fight scenes where the characters reacted appropriately according to their skills and experience, while managing to still throw in a couple unexpected and pleasing tidbits. The breast reveal was a nice touch, but even more so the very end of the fight, where she fell back on using knives to defend herself. It was a very fluid fight, with great detail and even better execution. This is by far my favorite part of the chapter, closely competing with your detailing of events in the interactions between Elgaraf and the people of the village.

Overall score: 9/10 it was an excellent chapter, and I know picking favorites is bad, but this is my favorite so far. Everyone else did good too, but this is damn near a masterpiece. At least, by my standards.

Keep up the EXCELLENT work. I was always expecting big things since your first chapter, but this pretty much blew my mind.
1
Yanker I read hentai for plot
Masayoshi wrote...
Yanker wrote...
Jumping on the long chapter bandwagon:

Chapter 14 - The girl who hails from the village to the North

Spoiler:


Elgaraf bolted bolted upright from his tousled sheets, panting. Sweat ran down his back in rivulets, soaking his bedroll. Beside him were the ashen remains of last night's campfire, and some remains of the wild game he'd had for dinner last night.

What was that all about?

The memories of that woman and Vastenarok, of the rivers flooding and the world submerged in storm and fire... it could only be but a dream. But Elgaraf had never experienced a dream in such vivid detail and been able to remember it at that. His usual trance-like dreams were devoid of meaning and shape, and he could never recall them once it was time to wake up.

Beside him, his chestnut brown steed snorted, waving its tail from side to side. Elgaraf noted the crimson colour of the sky - it was nearing dusk, time to head off.

It had been several days since he'd last seen Masayoshi and Marie. He wondered how they were faring - hopefully the boy hadn't landed himself in too much trouble.

"Let's head off now," the drow muttered, giving the horse an apple. It was rare to find a steed who could adapt to his sleeping patterns; he was almost sad that he would need to eventually sell this fine specimen off.

It was funny - before Elgaraf had encountered Masayoshi, the amount of people he'd grown attached to had been scarce enough to fit on one hand. Now, he was even growing close to animals.

The fleeting image of a woman flashed through his mind. A woman who'd betrayed his trust, who'd turned him into the person he now was.

Shaking his head, he mounted his horse and nudged at its sides.

***

Elgaraf could tell he was leaving civilisation behind.

Signs of settlement were dimishing rapidly, to be replaced by untamed wilderness.

When he'd first set off from Aiful, wagon tracks and trampled undergrowth had been almost everywhere. Farms, fences, trails where villagers led their livestock to water holes he had come across several times in an hour. Now, seeing a small farm would be a rare sight in itself, a valuable opportunity to restock on supplies.

The weather was getting colder, too.

It was a comfortable coolness, but no doubt the temperature would continue to drop as Elgaraf progressed. He had travelled underground, across the plains and through forests, but he had never been to the white lands before. He could feel unbearable anticpation at what he'd find. Lakes of pure ice, bears with white fur, trees that stayed green no matter how cold it was - the adventurer within him was quivering with excitement.

***


The whole night had passed and it was late in the morning of the next day before Elgaraf finally found another village.

It was but a handful of wooden huts compared to the majesty of Aiful, but it was a village nonetheless.

The people stared at Elgaraf as he passed through, wrapped from head to toe in his cloak. In the distance, he could no longer spot any patches of blue in the sky.

It was all grey.

"What's a foreigner like you doing all the way up here?" a citizen challenged, as Elgaraf came to a stop infront of a stall.

He regarded the man calmly. His legs were quivering slightly - no doubt Elgaraf was giving off an intimidating presence, like a black rider come from hell to reap the souls of the damned.

"I am merely pasing through and mean you no harm," Elgaraf replied, dismounting his horse. He pulled his hood back, hearing a few audible gasps from behind him. He had no doubt caused quite the spectacle in entering this sleepy village.

"A drow?" the man exclaimed, forgetting his fear.

"That I am."

The man's eyes swept up and down Elgaraf once again. "What business do you have here?"

Elgaraf pointed a finger into the distant grey skies. He could already make out dark shadows rising into the heavens from behind the clouds.

"I seek something that resides atop those mountains," he said. "Seeing as opportunites to restock will grow scarcer as I approach, I simply wish to prepare myself, with some warm furs perhaps."

The man's eyes narrowed for a moment. "You seek to climb the mountains that bridge Heaven and Earth?"

Elgaraf dipped his head. He could feel curious villagers stopped in their daily routines to examine him from afar.

"You look like you've come a long way."

After scrutinizing him for a while longer, the man finally nodded.

"Alright, then. You'd better not bring the problems of the south to our village, or you're a dead man."

"Problems of the south?"

The man walked back into his stall, sitting down. "The demon outbreaks have been growing, and it seems like they're spreading across the land like a plague. We've been relatively safe here, but that could change any day now."

Elgaraf looked at the his wares, his eyes landing on a particularly thick coat. The interior looked to be of warm blubber, while the exterior was a coat of diamond hard, clear scales.

"I fled from the very same thing," he replied. "The one whom I seek in the mountains may hold the answer to the crisis in which the world is in."

He picked up the coat. It was surprisingly light, no heavier than his current cloak. Rapping his nails against the scaled exterior, he quickly realized that the scales were not just for aesthetics.

"What is this?" he questioned.

The man smiled, puffing his chest out in pride. "That, my friend, is a dragonscale cloak. Made from the scales of an Ice Dragon, to be precise. Warms you up like nothing you've ever known, and resists frost magic too. The scales form a waterproof covering that can shatter any man-made metal."

Elgaraf nodded. "Mind if I test it out?"

The man chuckled. "Sure. But let me just tell you this - you won't be able to afford it. Not even all the money in this village combined could buy this."

Elgaraf's eyes narrowed. He could simply kill everyone here and take everything. But that was counterproductive.

Drawing his longsword, he quickly slashed horizontally across the cloak with all his might.

CLANG!

The length of metal exploded into thousands of fragments which fell towards the ground like crystal rain. Elgaraf tossed the useless hilt to the side.

"How did you craft this?" he asked.

The man shook his head. "I didn't make it. A blacksmith from another town made it, from the remains of an Ice dragon who'd died of old age. He offered it to us as a gift of good will, which is why I can't put a price on it."

Elgaraf leaned in closer. "Where is this town?"

The man pointed into the distance, at the mountains.

"At the very base. You'll inevitably pass it, all the passes converge to that point. Look for the Metalmancer. The price won't be cheap, though."

"Very well. Thank you for you information."

Elgaraf looked at the ice dragonscale cloak once more. It seemed like the rumours were true.

Maybe if he was able to kill an ice dragon, he'd be able to request a dragonbone blade. For now, he would stick with his katana and his rapier.

***


Elgaraf had a clear goal now.

As he sat in the village inn drinking a mug of hot cocoa, he went through the plan again in his mind.

He would reach the base of the mountains. His cloak should serve him until then. He would find the Metalmancer. He would fulfil his conditions, and acquire a dragonbone weapon and cloak. He would climb the mountains which bridge Heaven and Earth, and find the deity.

He would get stronger. He would defeat any who stood a chance against him, including Vastenarok.

And when he was finally unchallenged, he could resign to a life of peace.

"Oi."


A feminine voice disrupted his thoughts.

Sighing, Elgaraf turned around. It seemed like one of the village girls had come to seek his company for the night. She wasn't bad - her midnight black hair hung down to her waist, and her eyes gleamed green from beneath her fringe.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

The girl pursed her lips. "You've caused quite the commotion in the village. I don't think anyone hasn't heard of the black elf who casually strode into our village today."

"What of it?"

Elgaraf concealed a smile. The girl had quite the body, and it had been a while since Elgaraf had relieved himself.

"Are you really going to the North to fight ice dragons?" she demanded.

The drow blinked. Just when he thought he'd had her all figured out. Guess she wasn't here for his 'company' after all.

"I don't know about fighting dragons, but I'm heading North."

"Father told me you were looking for the Metalmancer. The only reason you'd want to meet him would be for him to craft you equipment... and dragonscales don't grow on trees, so no doubt you'd end up fighting dragons."

Hmm... so he would have to fight them after all. Elgaraf had never fought a dragon before, but he was looking forward to the challenge.

"What do you want then, woman?" he snapped.

"Let me come with you."

"..."

It took a while for the words to sink in. What was it about him that made all the fledgelings flock to his side?

"No thanks," he said. "I don't need more dead weight to drag me down."

"I'm familiar with the environment. I can teach you about the dangers of the north, and how to come back alive."

"What little could a girl like you possibly know?" Elgaraf scoffed. "You've probably never set foot outside this village."

The girl folded her arms. "I was born in Frostheim, the village at the base of the mountains. My real parents died and the Metalmancer took me in. Father took me off his hands when the Metalmancer brought me here. I know him personally, and I'm sure with me by your side you'll have a better chance at gaining his cooperation."

Elgaraf stroked his chin. She had a point; it was a tempting prospect.

"What's in it for you?" he asked. "What do you want - money? Glory?"

The girl shook her head.

"The Metalmancer sold me to Father when I was but eight years of age. I've only ever been to Frostheim and this village here, and I'm sick of it. I'm already twenty, and I want to see the world. I don't want to stay here forever."

"So you want me to take you South?"

"I don't care, anywhere's fine as long as it's not North. I'll agree to help you with your quest, but you have to take me somewhere afterwards."

Elgaraf stood up. "You make a solid argument, girl. I like you."

He drew his katana and threw it towards her. "But that won't be enough. If I deem you worthy in combat, you may come. Otherwise, go back to herding the sheep like a good girl."

The girl caught the blade by the hilt, grinning."I know how to use this, you know."

"So do I."

With that, Elgaraf stepped forward. His rapier came thrusting towards her with lightning speed, immediately aiming for her shoulder. He saw the surprise in her eyes, but she quickly recovered and brought the katana up to block.

The sound of their blades echoed throughout the quiet inn. This was child's play for Elgaraf, but he had to probe his potential companion's abilities. So far, she was already more skilled than Masayoshi.

He flicked his wrist and attacked again, launching a barrage of thrusts. towards the girl. His rapier had the advantage of length and lightness, but the katana could cause far more damage and was not only limited to thrusting. The girl seemed to know this, and swung her weapon hard at Elgaraf's rapier. The drow only just managed to pull back in time - if the blow had connected, he would have lost his rapier too.

The two exchanged strikes a few more times. Even in her dress, the girl was flexible and efficient in her technique. Elgaraf had seen enough; she was worthy.

He decided to increase the pace, and end their short fight quickly. Sinking low to the ground, he immediately pounced upwards with lightning speed, taking her completely by surprise. The point of the rapier inched closer and closer to her breast until...

CLANG!

Something moved out of the corner of his eye, knocking his rapier to the side.

THUNK!

His eyes darted to the ground. A single throwing knife was wedged in the ground, quivering. This was the weight which had diverted his rapier's path. Another movement drew his attention again.

He had fooled around for long enough.

The second blade came spinning out of nowhere, coming so close to his cheek that it took off some of his white hair. Elgaraf twisted and swept his blade past the girl's defenses. There was a moment of silence, before the cloth on her dress peeled away, revealing her satisfactory breasts.

The girl was panting, seemingly unbothered by her exposed chest.

"Damn... I thought I had you," she said.

"Me too."

They had both deliberatley avoided each others vital points. Only skilled swordsmen were capable of such a feat. Added to that, the girl seemed to be quite practiced with her knives.

"You can come," Elgaraf said, sheathing his rapier. "But watch out for yourself. If you can't keep up, I'm leaving you behind."

She smiled, handing back the katana before pulling the shredded cloth at her waist back up to cover her breast.

"See you tomorrow morning then."

Before she could turn to leave, Elgaraf pulled on her arm. "What are you called?"

The girl tilted her head backwards. "Call me Alice."

"I'm Elgaraf. You better not make me regret this."

He bent down, picking up the two knives and placed them into her hand. "And don't forget these."


Okay, finally, I managed to go through it so that I can make a good review:

Well, let's start with this - this is the longest chapter you've made so far, and I'd also say it has the most plot and character development. I like how you added that Elgaraf also experienced the dream of the cataclysm in chapter 12, which adds him to the list of people that can have a major impact on the outcome of chapters 41-45, which I haven't revealed much about yet.

Next, this chapter sets up Elgaraf's later confrontation with the ice dragon splendidly, and also introduces another character for later (The Metalmancer) while introducing a traveling companion for him. The fact that she was skilled also helps save time, as there should only be one protagonist that is really weak starting out (Masayoshi, haha).

If I remember correctly, Elgaraf's longsword was an enchanted blade, yet it broke very easily striking a dragonscale cloak. This illustrates that the Ice Dragon will be no easy opponent, and will give Elgaraf a very hard time, even when he's up to the challenge. But I also remember it being used in pretty much every fight before. The breaking of his sword sets him up to have a new longsword forged and enchanted later on, probably either right before or right after he battles the ice dragon. You set it up beautifully.

Also, showing the Elgaraf was slightly sexually frustrated was a nice touch, even though probably a minor detail to some, I think it brings out his personality more, and shows that, yes, he is a man with urges. Also with high self-control and compassion. Speaking of compassion, the fact that you detail his affection to the horse he travels with that carries his supplies is another small yet important detail that deepens his character. Kudos for thinking to do this.

Alice, who you just introduced, already has been shown to have a fiery personality, but still eager and upbeat. Maybe also a little bit cocky, but not without good reason. You've shown us a lot about her already, without even having to describe her appearance. Leaving it the the imagination gives me an image of a red-haired, lithe woman, skilled with both blade and knife. That's just my imagination though, and anyone can form their own splendid image of her, since you chose to omit the details of her appearance.

I've been too focused on the characters for this review, when there's also a few other things you pulled off magnificently. Namely, the fight scene between Elgaraf and Alice. The details of their fight scene were a lot more vivid, than, for example, Masayoshi's fight with the demon pack leaders back at Arden (no offense, CH.) In fact, I'd wager that it was more detailed than the fight between Masayoshi and the Shadowmancer in Aiful, though that fight was a lot longer.

So, I'm going to be using a number rating system to grade chapters I review from now on, in five specific areas: Story development, Character development, Event Details, Foreshadowing, and Fight Scenes. Here are my ratings for each of the categories, for you:

Story Development: 9/10 - You drove Elgaraf's journey forward significantly while not needing excessive exposition. Excellent work.
Character Development: 9/10 - You showed us a lot more about Elgaraf, some of his personality traits which we had not been expecting, even. Showing that he had a tender side that developed during his journey was a bold move, and a great one.
Event Details: 10/10 - You were very to the point, and even made sure to reaffirm the existence of the demons running rampant (which everyone else seems to forget about). You didn't stall or create unnecessary dialogue, and everything served an important purpose.
Foreshadowing: 8/10 - You had excellent story development, though it did set up things for later in a way that we will come to expect, unless I'm missing something. I did, however, notice three points of foreshadowing that are not very easy to notice. Good job on making them seem natural in the chapter.
Fight Scenes: 10/10 - You showed us thrilling, skillful fight scenes where the characters reacted appropriately according to their skills and experience, while managing to still throw in a couple unexpected and pleasing tidbits. The breast reveal was a nice touch, but even more so the very end of the fight, where she fell back on using knives to defend herself. It was a very fluid fight, with great detail and even better execution. This is by far my favorite part of the chapter, closely competing with your detailing of events in the interactions between Elgaraf and the people of the village.

Overall score: 9/10 it was an excellent chapter, and I know picking favorites is bad, but this is my favorite so far. Everyone else did good too, but this is damn near a masterpiece. At least, by my standards.

Keep up the EXCELLENT work. I was always expecting big things since your first chapter, but this pretty much blew my mind.


Ahaha, thanks for the high praise :p. Yeah, good pickup on the typo, though I cbf fixing it.

Regarding the longsword breaking... I actually never mentioned he carried more than one weapon from the start, you just gave him three swords in chapter one so I decided to roll with it. As far as I was concerned, all his weapons were normal weapons.

Also, I DID describe Alice as having 'midnight black hair, green eyes and a nice figure', but it's understandable for missing it since there was quite a bit of dialogue and other stuff to distract you.

The Metalmancer will just be a minor character to forge Elgaraf's weapons. But yeah, thanks for taking the time to make such a great review, I'll keep trying to make my chapters better ^^
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Masayoshi wrote...


So wait are you taking over the project again?

Also, I'd like to reserve chapter 19.
1
The Equalizer wrote...
So wait are you taking over the project again?

Also, I'd like to reserve chapter 19.


Well, I'm going to be more active in the project again, since I've mostly figured out how to handle the college end of my life, and this term won't be that hard.

As for reserving chapter 19... can you wait for a bit? We started an offline group too, and I want to see if another member wants it.

You can take a chapter from 21-24 if you like for now, and if we don't find anyone for 19, you can have it too.

Also, please don't rush events this time. We really had a hard time because of that. Take it nice and easy for the next chapter, and I'm sure it'll turn out great.
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Masayoshi wrote...
Well, I'm going to be more active in the project again, since I've mostly figured out how to handle the college end of my life, and this term won't be that hard.

As for reserving chapter 19... can you wait for a bit? We started an offline group too, and I want to see if another member wants it.

You can take a chapter from 21-24 if you like for now, and if we don't find anyone for 19, you can have it too.

Also, please don't rush events this time. We really had a hard time because of that. Take it nice and easy for the next chapter, and I'm sure it'll turn out great.


Okay, so basically, you're back on board but not taking charge. I'll take chapter 22 then, temporarily. If it works out in my favor, I still want chapter 19. Also, I'll make sure to slow the pace down this time, sorry for all the problems I caused with chapter 12.
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Yanker I read hentai for plot
The Equalizer wrote...
Masayoshi wrote...
Well, I'm going to be more active in the project again, since I've mostly figured out how to handle the college end of my life, and this term won't be that hard.

As for reserving chapter 19... can you wait for a bit? We started an offline group too, and I want to see if another member wants it.

You can take a chapter from 21-24 if you like for now, and if we don't find anyone for 19, you can have it too.

Also, please don't rush events this time. We really had a hard time because of that. Take it nice and easy for the next chapter, and I'm sure it'll turn out great.


Okay, so basically, you're back on board but not taking charge. I'll take chapter 22 then, temporarily. If it works out in my favor, I still want chapter 19. Also, I'll make sure to slow the pace down this time, sorry for all the problems I caused with chapter 12.


Just stick with the basic outline and let the OP or Complete Horizon set the triggers for the major events. Your chapter itself wasn't bad, it just sped up waaaaay too much. When significant events happen, for example, it usually requires several chapters worth of buildup (like Empress' release and the cataclysm). The flooding of Arden would probably require multiple mentions of unnatural rain in the town, because towns do not simply flood overnight, at least not to the degree mentioned.

ALso, the character you created played no part whatsoever. What happened to introducing them?
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Yanker wrote...
Just stick with the basic outline and let the OP or Complete Horizon set the triggers for the major events. Your chapter itself wasn't bad, it just sped up waaaaay too much. When significant events happen, for example, it usually requires several chapters worth of buildup (like Empress' release and the cataclysm). The flooding of Arden would probably require multiple mentions of unnatural rain in the town, because towns do not simply flood overnight, at least not to the degree mentioned.

ALso, the character you created played no part whatsoever. What happened to introducing them?


oh ok thanks for the tips...

and oops. i got so caught up in plot that i totally forgot about introducing them. guess i'll have to wait for my next chapter.
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Yanker wrote...
Ahaha, thanks for the high praise :p. Yeah, good pickup on the typo, though I cbf fixing it.

Regarding the longsword breaking... I actually never mentioned he carried more than one weapon from the start, you just gave him three swords in chapter one so I decided to roll with it. As far as I was concerned, all his weapons were normal weapons.

Also, I DID describe Alice as having 'midnight black hair, green eyes and a nice figure', but it's understandable for missing it since there was quite a bit of dialogue and other stuff to distract you.

The Metalmancer will just be a minor character to forge Elgaraf's weapons. But yeah, thanks for taking the time to make such a great review, I'll keep trying to make my chapters better ^^


Oh, that's what it was... I actually didn't give him three weapons, that was Complete Horizon's idea then, since he wrote chapter 1. Also... wow. I'm bad for missing her appearance. I took my time and read it, and I still missed something the first time. It just goes to show that there is so much to pay attention to that I couldn't even comprehend it all my first read. It's something that I should surely read multiple times.

As for the metalmancer, I'm slightly saddened that he'll be a minor character (with such an awesome name), but the most important person in the journey should probably be Alice, seconded by Huoyan Baofenxue, the invincible weapon master. It's a good point, since the whole point of Elgaraf's journey is to become strong enough to fight against even god-like arcane powers with just his abilities and skills.

Also, adding a new companion was a nice addition, much welcome in the story, as we are sorely lacking characters for some reason... I noticed that while we have already put out 15 chapters of content (counting the prologue), we don't even have 30 characters. In fact, unless I take the time to count them, I'm pretty sure we don't even have 20. I should be pitching in more, but I think it's probably at a good number... for now.

Well, that's pretty much all I can say. This chapter was by far the best I've seen in this story yet, so I can hardly wait for your next one. Would you like to make a reservation? >_> ^_^ <_< ...
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Yanker I read hentai for plot
Masayoshi wrote...
Yanker wrote...
Ahaha, thanks for the high praise :p. Yeah, good pickup on the typo, though I cbf fixing it.

Regarding the longsword breaking... I actually never mentioned he carried more than one weapon from the start, you just gave him three swords in chapter one so I decided to roll with it. As far as I was concerned, all his weapons were normal weapons.

Also, I DID describe Alice as having 'midnight black hair, green eyes and a nice figure', but it's understandable for missing it since there was quite a bit of dialogue and other stuff to distract you.

The Metalmancer will just be a minor character to forge Elgaraf's weapons. But yeah, thanks for taking the time to make such a great review, I'll keep trying to make my chapters better ^^


Oh, that's what it was... I actually didn't give him three weapons, that was Complete Horizon's idea then, since he wrote chapter 1. Also... wow. I'm bad for missing her appearance. I took my time and read it, and I still missed something the first time. It just goes to show that there is so much to pay attention to that I couldn't even comprehend it all my first read. It's something that I should surely read multiple times.

As for the metalmancer, I'm slightly saddened that he'll be a minor character (with such an awesome name), but the most important person in the journey should probably be Alice, seconded by Huoyan Baofenxue, the invincible weapon master. It's a good point, since the whole point of Elgaraf's journey is to become strong enough to fight against even god-like arcane powers with just his abilities and skills.

Also, adding a new companion was a nice addition, much welcome in the story, as we are sorely lacking characters for some reason... I noticed that while we have already put out 15 chapters of content (counting the prologue), we don't even have 30 characters. In fact, unless I take the time to count them, I'm pretty sure we don't even have 20. I should be pitching in more, but I think it's probably at a good number... for now.

Well, that's pretty much all I can say. This chapter was by far the best I've seen in this story yet, so I can hardly wait for your next one. Would you like to make a reservation? >_> ^_^ <_< ...


I think its better to have less major characters and develop them more, rather than have many but develop none. Also, yeah I'd like the last available chapter to reserve (I think that's chapter twenty-something?)
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Yanker wrote...
I think its better to have less major characters and develop them more, rather than have many but develop none. Also, yeah I'd like the last available chapter to reserve (I think that's chapter twenty-something?)


I think that's chapter 24 right now, I'll put you down for it ^_^. I have to work in about an hour, so you won't hear from me again until after 8PM in UTC -8
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So, unfortunately, I will either be very delayed in writing chapter 15, or will be passing it back to Yanker.

Sorry guys, work and family comes first. I will work on it as soon as I have some free time.
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There is a new story, a prelude to this one, for anyone who's interested. Note: THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.

Shadowblaze Origins
1
Yanker I read hentai for plot
Chapter 15 - The Metalmancer; Secrets of Gaia

Spoiler:

It was snowing.

In the sky, countless numbers of white specks were drifting down lightly, spiralling towards the ground. Elgaraf slowed down to a halt and extended his hand, marvelling as a single snowflake landed on his finger and gradually dissolved.

It was the first time he’d seen snow.

“You’d better wear this,” Alice said from behind him, also coming to a halt. Elgaraf caught the cloak she threw without even looking.

“Where does the snow come from?” he asked, his foggy breath escaping his lips.

Alice shrugged. “Who knows. Same place rain comes from, I guess. Somewhere in the sky.”

Elgaraf bent down to the ground, patting at the thin layer of snow that had already covered it. It was soft and powdery, like white dust. In this land, the colour white dominated everything else.

Behind him, his horse snorted. It was getting impatient.

“Come on, let’s get going,” Alice said. “If you’re going to stop and admire every second thing here, we’ll never make it. And you’ll probably freeze to death too.”

Elgaraf reluctantly dusted the white powder from his hands, returning to his steed. His red eyes were lost in thought.


***



They parted ways with their horses a few days later.

“It’s been a good run,” Elgaraf said, gently patting his steed. “Take care.”

The horse snorted back at him, as if it understood. It had been with him ever since he’d left Masayoshi and Marie back at Aiful, where the climate had been much warmer. It wouldn’t be able to stand the temperatures if it travelled with them much further. The snow was also becoming thicker and harder to traverse - they’d eventually need to part ways anyway, so it was better to do so earlier.

“You care for that horse more than you do for me,” Alice commented.

“Of course. Women are replaceable, but horses aren’t. They also talk less.”

Alice sighed, patting her own grey horse.

“Do you think they’ll manage to find their way back?” he asked.

“Of course. Animals are smarter than they let on, Elgaraf. They’ve been around for far longer than we humans have. Compared to the history of this world, our species is quite young.”

She gently patted the horse’s rump. “Plus, I’m pretty sure my one will lead yours back to the village. It’s not like they don’t get along.”

Elgaraf nodded, slinging his rucksack onto his back. “Alright then. I guess it’s just us from here on.”

He looked one more time at his four legged companion before turning. He didn’t look back.


***



The village of Frostheim was tucked away safely at the base of the mountains, surrounded on all sides by rock that stretched all the way to the sky. If Alice hadn’t been there to guide him, Elgaraf would have missed it completely.

“It’s the sole reason Frostheim has stood here for so long, untainted by the rest of the world,” Alice explained as they trekked towards the entrance. “It’s a natural fortress. Protected from the wind, the weather and hidden from most threats. The village has pretty much been unaffected by the rest of the world since the beginning of time.”

Elgaraf grimaced. If the demons made it here… there would be no doubt that Frostheim would be destroyed, along with everything else of value. He hoped Masayoshi’s struggle was going favourably for him.

From a distance, the small huts which made up the village appeared to be comprised of ice. Elgaraf wasn’t surprised – it was definitely cold enough. His sweat would crystallize in minutes if he didn’t wrap himself up warmly. At least the never-ending snow meant the sun was forever hidden behind the clouds, much to his relief.

However, as Alice led him into the village proper, he realized that it was not just ice that formed the buildings. The ice was merely a cover, a medium to provide insulation for the houses. The true source of the strength in those walls came from metal, twisted and moulded in strange shapes. It was an ingenious idea; similar in fashion to the reinforced concrete which dominated all other building materials in industrial lands – the ice provided a hard and durable cover resistant to compression, while steel foundations resisted tension and torque. However, Elgaraf had seen forging processes at armouries and the shapes formed by the metal cores would require titanic forges.

As if reading his mind, Alice answered his unvoiced question. “Without the Metalmancer, none of this village would exist.”

“Who is the Metalmancer?”

They continued to walk, deeper and deeper into the village. The villagers were all dressed in thick furs, labouring away at their daily chores. One of them was skinning a white bear which was splayed across a frame. Another was tending to small crops on a patch of soil. The snow that fell here was much thinner than the snow that fell outside.
A few villagers seemed to recognize Alice, primarily the elderly. There were whispers and murmurings, but no approaches.

“They probably don’t recognize me. Last time they saw me I was just a little girl.”

They reached the back of Frostheim before long, coming face to face with a giant rocky wall that spanned so high that not even the top could be seen. Elgaraf turned to face Alice.

“Where is he?”

She pointed at the ground. There was a set of stairs leading deep into the earth.

“Watch your step. We’re not allowed to bring torches in here, by the Metalmancer’s command.”

Elgaraf hesitated. “Why can’t we meet him above ground?”

“He cannot be exposed to daylight. We don’t know why, it’s always been like this.”

The drow sighed. He had never been a fan of small spaces.

“So you’ve never actually seen the Metalmancer?”

Alice shook her head. “Nope.”

“What about the time he travelled with you to the other village?”

“He sent one of his golems which he possessed from a distance.”

Elgaraf shook his head in disapproval and stepped down into the darkness.

Once the last rays of light disappeared, his dark vision kicked in. The world around him lit up in strange shades of blue as his eyes took in everything that was untouched by the sun. He felt Alice’s cool hand grab onto his, squeezing it firmly.

“That’s just to make sure we don’t get separated,” she said coolly. “Don’t get the wrong idea.”

“We won’t,” Elgaraf replied. “I can see as clearly as if it were daytime.”

He saw Alice’s face stiffen in surprise. “You can?”

“Of course. I’m a dark elf, there’s a reason we’re sensitive to sunlight. The underground is our natural terrain. I can see everything.”

He headed along the single passageway, noting all the veins of iron and gold embedded in the walls. It was so narrow that even a blind person wouldn’t have trouble traversing it. They hadn’t walked for more than a few minutes when a huge voice boomed across the passageway, bouncing off the walls.

“Who goes there?”

Elgaraf flinched. The voice was terrifyingly deep and loud, as if it belonged to that of a titan. He heard Alice a sharp intake of breath from Alice.

“Metalmancer. It’s me, Alice.”

There was a pause.

“Alice?”

“I’ve returned to ask a favour from you. I’ve brought someone with me who needs your help.”

There was another long pause. Elgaraf was almost convinced that the Metalmancer wasn’t going to reply when he did.

“I smell… something that does not belong here. He is no human, is he?”

Alice nudged Elgaraf. “Tell him who you are,” she hissed.

Elgaraf complied. “I am Elgaraf the Wanderer. I require your aid to forge dragonbone equipment, which I will need to climb the Mountains that bridge Heaven and Earth.”

“What are you?”

“I am an elf. A drow, to be precise.”

They waited in the darkness for a while longer. Elgaraf could feel sweat beginning to form on Alice’s hand.

“You may procede. But Alice, you will stay behind.”

Alice dropped Elgaraf’s hand in surprise. “But why? I want to talk to you again, Father…”

“I am not your Father any more. That is in the past now, you are not affiliated with me in any way.”

“I just want to see your face!”

“I’m afraid I cannot let you do that.”

From the wall, tendrils of iron suddenly burst forth, crossing each other to form a series of iron bars that prevented Alice from walking any further.

“Just wait here, I’ll be back,” Elgaraf said.

“Metalmancer! METALMANCER!”

Alice’s cries echoed across the passage walls, unanswered.


***



After walking down a few more sets of iron stairs which twisted and turned, one of which consisted of a series of giant three metre tall steps, Elgaraf finally came before an iron door. There was an indent in the metal which he pushed. The door swung open effortlessly.

The room behind the door was small and lined with ores, gems and old roots. It was empty except for a small figure in the centre, hunched down. The lower half of its body was attached to the ground, and there were small roots and tendrils of metal rooting it in place.

“You’re the Metalmancer?” he asked.

The figure looked up. Its eyes were pupil-less. Its flat nose and iron beard were not dissimilar to the face of a dwarf’s.

“That I am,” came the reply. The voice was completely different to the booming voice from before; it was harsh like sandpaper and much higher pitched.

“I thought you would be… different,” Elgaraf mused. “To be honest, I thought you were a terrifying giant or something similar.”

The metal infused being shook its head. Small flecks of metal grinded against its neck, falling down onto the ground.

“That is why I have not allowed anyone to enter this room. There is absolutely zero light down here, so only the drow and other beings with dark vision can even remotely see. The commoners who come down here never make it past the first flight of stairs.”

Now that Elgaraf thought back, those stairs had been designed strangely. If you felt around blindly in the dark, you would have assumed it was a straight pit that just dropped straight down, instead of a three metre drop. No one in their sane mind would willingly jump into a potentially bottomless hole if they were blind.

“So that’s why you prohibited torches,” Elgaraf said. “You don’t want anyone to see your true self. And the stairs… the way they spiral, your voice must undergo many amplifications and tone changes before it reaches the surface. You want to appear stronger and tougher than you are.”

The Metalmancer nodded.

“You are a clever one, drow. The villagers fear and revere me. I crafted their houses, I keep the predators away, I help them prosper. In return, they continue to live here, and their village serves as a decoy to hide my greatest secret. Do you know my story, traveller? Do you know what I guard?”

Elgaraf shook his head. “Of course not. But if you want to tell me, then I can promise to keep it a secret.”

The Metalmancer’s face crinkled as he thought back to times long gone.

“I was once a dwarven prince, in a time when man did not walk this earth. Rumours of a grand treasure beneath these very mountains which would provide limitless power lured me in, and falling folly to greed like any other dwarf, I decided that I must seek this treasure. But the rumour did not give me the full story. There was a reason why the treasure was so grand that it had to be hidden here.”

Elgaraf’s ear’s perked. “Treasure?”

The Metalmancer laughed. “Trust me, you will not be so interested once you hear the rest of my tale. These mountains are a sacred place, elf. For instance, did you know that the world is actually round?”

Elgaraf’s jaw opened in surprise. “Round? Like a sphere?”

“Yes. So if anyone were to cross these mountains… they would find new, wild, untamed land. There is no edge of the world. Travelling forever in one direction will take you back where you started.”

There was no going back now. Elgaraf was much too curious to hear the Metalmancer’s tale than to slay him and seek the treasure for himself.

“This is a sacred area for one reason, and it’s not because it marks the end of mankind’s known territory. Below the Mountains which Bridge Heaven and Earth, on this very spot I am standing… below me lies the entrance to the caverns which lead to Hell and the centre of the Earth.”

“Hell and the centre of the earth?”

“Yes. It is there where the treasure I searched for, the very apple of Gaia’s eye, resided. Even deeper than the fiery dimension of Hell. With it, one could tap into its power and decide the entire fate of this world. However, even after fighting the demons from another dimension which resided in Hell, Gaia herself still guarded the treasure. It was far too valuable and dangerous to allow any old dwarf to use.”

“A treasure from the realm of demons?”

“I know what you are about to say, drow. I am aware of the worlds current situation, as is Gaia. After all, I am now eternally bonded to her. But you cannot be allowed to use it to defeat them. Another means must be found – using this treasure may well result in unwanted consequences.”

Elgaraf frowned. “So how did you end up like this?”

The Metalmancer shook his head sadly. “I used the treasure.”


***



“How did it go?” Alice asked, as she heard Elgaraf’s footsteps draw closer.

“I got more than I bargained for,” he replied. The bars of iron ore that were blocking Alice were gone now, and without hesitating he grabbed her by the arm and headed for the surface.

“Did you see him? What does he look like?”

“I didn’t see him. We just talked. He said he was sorry it had to be like this, but it would be better if you forgot you were affiliated with him.”

Alice nodded sadly in the darkness.

“So what are we doing now?”

Elgaraf thought back to the interesting conversation they’d had, after the Metalmancer had described Gaia’s treasure and how it had paid the price of its life for using it. The Metalmancer had agreed to help Elgaraf forge a weapon and a cloak, and had even told him where they would find the necessary materials.

“There’s an Ice dragon den not far from Frostheim,” Elgaraf explained. “Apparently it died not long ago, and its bones and scales should be ripe for the picking.”

“So we don’t have to fight it?”

“I don’t think so. After we gather what we need, we’ll come back here and have the Metalmancer make us some equipment.”

“What are you going to do with that equipment?”

Elgaraf thought for a bit, trying to decide whether or not he should tell Alice of his ultimate mission.

“I’ll tell you after I get it forged. Let’s just say, I plan to end this war by becoming the world’s strongest.”

They continued to climb up the passageway, and it wasn’t much longer when they finally burst into the clouded sunlight that was shining upon the village. Once their eyes had adjusted to the light, Elgaraf brought something out from his pocket and handed it to Alice.

“By the way, the Metalmancer told me to give this to you.”

It was a locket of pure diamond. Speechless, Alice took it from him and opened it.

There was a portrait of a smiling young girl inside with black hair, green eyes and pale white skin. Every single part of the picture was made from a gem, from the emeralds that made up the eyes to the black onyx that formed the hair. The piece of jewellery sparkled brightly under the grey skies, but not as brightly as the tears that sparkled in Alice’s eyes.
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