Most Useless Superpowers?

I actually find this to be a ridiculously useful power.

The ability to randomly attract yourself to trees.

How about this dude called The Nutcracker and his sidekick Buttmuncher!!

Nutcracker Special powers: Able to crack Walnuts with his butt cheeks and Karate chop people in the testes. (Offensive and Defensive)

Buttmuncher Special Attack: Able to make ANYONE reach a crippling orgasm if he gets close enough for tongue insertion.

The Nutcracker sounds pretty useful for someone going to get raped....

Buttmuncher sounds about right though.

Ability to assume the memories of a goldfish.

ability to have no erection

(limpman)

But only when your legs are the fastest moving things on the planet.

The ability to use a penis as a flashlight.

hey that might be handy sometimes like having sex in a very dark place use penis light lol

chan-man: the ability too randomly search 4-chan for new pony threads

Glowstick-man: the ability to dance... horribly

Duke-Ducky: the ability to squeak like a rubber duck

The Man: the ability to insight paranoid conspiracy theories in people with tin foil hats on.

-Smell bad scents from a distance of 20 miles
-Eat plastic
-transform into Justin Bieber
-read the mind of the objects

ability to think an ability but nothing happens

the ability to self destuct like an exploding pudding

ability to drown on water

Who remembers "hindsight man".

"If I had gotten here sooner, I could've flown in and rescued that lady from the burning building. Also, if you all had gone and called the Fire Department instead of wondering what that was in the sky (namely me), that would've worked."
"Oh, thank you hindsight man!"

Mr. Fugue - The power to suffer from Fugue at will.

the power not to eat and drink (Mrhunger)

The ability to profusely leak ear wax.

Shadow Boxer - The power to beat the crap out of people's shadows, but does not physically affect the person.

the power to do absolutley nothing...