Why would a girl stay with an abusive guy?
0
strangegreycat wrote...
The stuff I snipped, I can sympathize.But this? This is foolishness. There are many, many girls and women out there who have caught on to the fact that it's a societal taboo to commit physical violence against women, and take advantage of this fact to abuse men in any way they can.
Consider that, under this same society, a man who gets bossed and slapped around by his girlfriend/wife is considered a very inferior male. A young boy who is regularly abused by his older sister is a "pussy who doesn't have the balls to step up and defend himself". They become hated merely for enduring the abuse.
At the same time, a man who hits a woman - and whether or not it is done in self-defense will be downplayed heavily - is an "abuser," "scum," "woman-hater," and such. And they become hated anyway.
To hell with that. If someone commits violence against you, they don't deserve preferential treatment for their gender - they deserve to lose a few teeth!
If you're going to end up with people thinking badly of you anyway, you may as well seek some satisfaction.
Being passive only encourages bullies. Fighting back works, and violence is by and large the most efficient method of getting your message across to them.
I love you so much right now, double standards really irk me. The issue in question exponentially so. Thank you for posting this viewpoint on the matter
0
strangegreycat wrote...
trainheartnet14 wrote...
A guy who hits any girl deserves to be hang or stone to death.(..)
Guys Do Not Ever hit Your Girls.
The stuff I snipped, I can sympathize.
But this? This is foolishness. There are many, many girls and women out there who have caught on to the fact that it's a societal taboo to commit physical violence against women, and take advantage of this fact to abuse men in any way they can.
Consider that, under this same society, a man who gets bossed and slapped around by his girlfriend/wife is considered a very inferior male. A young boy who is regularly abused by his older sister is a "pussy who doesn't have the balls to step up and defend himself". They become hated merely for enduring the abuse.
At the same time, a man who hits a woman - and whether or not it is done in self-defense will be downplayed heavily - is an "abuser," "scum," "woman-hater," and such. And they become hated anyway.
To hell with that. If someone commits violence against you, they don't deserve preferential treatment for their gender - they deserve to lose a few teeth!
If you're going to end up with people thinking badly of you anyway, you may as well seek some satisfaction.
Being passive only encourages bullies. Fighting back works, and violence is by and large the most efficient method of getting your message across to them.
FINALLY! Someone to speak out! It's just plain ridiculous! I mean seriously, many men are getting raped around the world, but no one, even law enforcers are taking them seriously! I mean, yes we're lustful & physically stronger in nature, but that never means we're numb!
We have law enforcers not only to protect women, but they should protect & be fair with us men as well! We're not just a piece of meat, we do have a heart that aches as well you know! FUCK ALL FEMINISTS!
0
The comfort of the familiar.
That's the only reason.
And it's sad that it works too often, on too many.
That's the only reason.
And it's sad that it works too often, on too many.
0
She wants him, and nothing will change that.
She has learned to like it, be comfortable with it as if its normal.
She has her own hidden agenda for staying, temporarily.
She thinks no one else will love her and this is the best that she can do.
Thats a few I guess
She has learned to like it, be comfortable with it as if its normal.
She has her own hidden agenda for staying, temporarily.
She thinks no one else will love her and this is the best that she can do.
Thats a few I guess
0
Maybe the girl is afraid not to get another guy after him.
Does the girl have enough self-confidence?
I mean maybe the girl feels unpretty, so she's afraid there won'T be another boy who can loves her.
I had some friends living like this.
Does the girl have enough self-confidence?
I mean maybe the girl feels unpretty, so she's afraid there won'T be another boy who can loves her.
I had some friends living like this.
0
Nashrakh
Little White Butterflies Staff
DaVinci wrote...
Maybe the girl is afraid not to get another guy after him.Does the girl have enough self-confidence?
I mean maybe the girl feels unpretty, so she's afraid there won'T be another boy who can loves her.
I had some friends living like this.
Which is total bullshit in my opinion... as if being single is the end of the world.
If anyone ever stayed in an abusive relationship for THIS reason, I guess they don't really deserve any better to begin with.
0
For the longest time I myself have wondered this, but the only (ridiculous as it is) acceptable answer I get is: she has NO self esteem at ALL. She does not know her own value, and thinks the best she can do is some guy who treats her like shit. If it is not a self esteem issue, then it is flat out fear. "What if I leave? He'll get mad and possibly hurt me," is what is running through her mind if she even contemplates leaving him. No matter what you do, unless you had a doctor evaluate her, she has it set in her mind he is all there is in life.
0
Maybe she feels really attached to the memories she had with the guy before he started hitting her. She might've started using it as her own reassurance that her boyfriend isn't usually like that, and that he was probably going through some kind of a phase.
In fact, she might have even mentally blocked herself from any reasoning you might give her, so I guess all you can do is to keep telling her that the guy she liked is not there anymore in hopes that she may finally come to terms with it herself.
Or you can do what the other people advised and beat the crap out of the guy and threaten him not to lay a finger on your friend anymore.
(On a side note, if it turns out that she has a secret fetish for masochism, that would just be plain messed up.)
In fact, she might have even mentally blocked herself from any reasoning you might give her, so I guess all you can do is to keep telling her that the guy she liked is not there anymore in hopes that she may finally come to terms with it herself.
Or you can do what the other people advised and beat the crap out of the guy and threaten him not to lay a finger on your friend anymore.
(On a side note, if it turns out that she has a secret fetish for masochism, that would just be plain messed up.)
0
Dude, she needs to see a psychiatrist, she MUST know that she IS BEING abused and NOT loved at all. What The Hell is with the thinking 'Oh he hits me for my sake and I love him'?!!!
If worse comes to worse, you might as well get rid of him. After all, human population is increasing and 1 lost guy won't make things worse.
If worse comes to worse, you might as well get rid of him. After all, human population is increasing and 1 lost guy won't make things worse.
0
So, I took this psych class called learning and memory, and I think something about schedules of reinforcement (which I once upon a time typed out for a friend) completely applies to this scenario (for anyone who's interested 'nuff to read on). If you don't wanna read the bg info, just scroll down to the part that has the bolded "abusive relationship" in caps ;]
ON a variable ratio (VR) schedule, reinforcement is contingent upon a varying, unpredictable number of responses. for example, on a variable ratio 5 schedule, a rat has to emit an average of 5 lever presses for each food pellet, with the number of lever responses on any particular trial varying between, say, 1 and 10. Thus, the number of rquired lever presses might be 3 for the first pellet, 6 for the second pellet, 1 for the third pellet, 7 for the fourth pellet, and so on, with the overall average being 5 lever presses for each reinforcer.
VR schedules generally produce a high and steady rate of response with little or no postreinforcement pause. The lack of a postreinforcement pause is understandable if you consider that each response on a VR scedule has the potential of resulting in a reinforcer.
For example, on a VR 50 schedule in which the response requirement for each reinforcer varies between 1 and 100, it is possible that the very next lever press will produce another food pellet, even if the rat has just obtained a food pellet
..variable ratio schedules help to account for the persistence with which some people display certain maladaptive behaviors. Gambling is a prime example in this regard: the unpredictable nature of these activities results in a very high rate of behavior. In fact, the behavior of a gambler playing a slot machine is the classic example of human behavior controlled by a VR schedule
For example, why do some men persist in using cute, flippant remarks to introduce themselves to women when the vast majority of women view such remarks negatively? One reason is that a small minority of women actually respond favorably, thereby intermittently reinforcing the use of such remarks. For example, a study found that although 84% of women surveyd rated the opening line "I'm easy. Are you?" as poor to terrible, 14% rated it as either very good or excellent.
Variable ratio schedules of rienforcement may also facilitate the development of AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. At the start of a relationship, the individuals involved typically provide each other with an enormous amount of positive reinforcement. This strengthens the relationship and increases each partner's attraction to the other. As the relationship progresses, such reinforcement naturally becomes somewhat more intermittent. In some situations, however, this process becomes malignant, with one person (let us call this person the victimizer) providing reinforcement on an extremely intermittent basis, and the other person (the victim) working incredibly hard to obtain that reinforcement. Because the process evolves gradually, the victim may have little awareness of what is happening until the abusive pattern is well established.
ON a variable ratio (VR) schedule, reinforcement is contingent upon a varying, unpredictable number of responses. for example, on a variable ratio 5 schedule, a rat has to emit an average of 5 lever presses for each food pellet, with the number of lever responses on any particular trial varying between, say, 1 and 10. Thus, the number of rquired lever presses might be 3 for the first pellet, 6 for the second pellet, 1 for the third pellet, 7 for the fourth pellet, and so on, with the overall average being 5 lever presses for each reinforcer.
VR schedules generally produce a high and steady rate of response with little or no postreinforcement pause. The lack of a postreinforcement pause is understandable if you consider that each response on a VR scedule has the potential of resulting in a reinforcer.
For example, on a VR 50 schedule in which the response requirement for each reinforcer varies between 1 and 100, it is possible that the very next lever press will produce another food pellet, even if the rat has just obtained a food pellet
..variable ratio schedules help to account for the persistence with which some people display certain maladaptive behaviors. Gambling is a prime example in this regard: the unpredictable nature of these activities results in a very high rate of behavior. In fact, the behavior of a gambler playing a slot machine is the classic example of human behavior controlled by a VR schedule
For example, why do some men persist in using cute, flippant remarks to introduce themselves to women when the vast majority of women view such remarks negatively? One reason is that a small minority of women actually respond favorably, thereby intermittently reinforcing the use of such remarks. For example, a study found that although 84% of women surveyd rated the opening line "I'm easy. Are you?" as poor to terrible, 14% rated it as either very good or excellent.
Variable ratio schedules of rienforcement may also facilitate the development of AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. At the start of a relationship, the individuals involved typically provide each other with an enormous amount of positive reinforcement. This strengthens the relationship and increases each partner's attraction to the other. As the relationship progresses, such reinforcement naturally becomes somewhat more intermittent. In some situations, however, this process becomes malignant, with one person (let us call this person the victimizer) providing reinforcement on an extremely intermittent basis, and the other person (the victim) working incredibly hard to obtain that reinforcement. Because the process evolves gradually, the victim may have little awareness of what is happening until the abusive pattern is well established.
0
The abusive guy is like a project to a woman. Its like getting a shit car and doing it up into something thats less shitty or even epic!!
She could just go for a nice little family car but wheres the fun in that? She probably wants something with a little pep, Something exciting.
The only problem is that potentially the exciting thing will skid off the track and get her injured or even... killed!
Thats one of the many choices you can make in life, You win some you lose some. (At the end of the day people are damn fools one and all)
Spoiler:
She could just go for a nice little family car but wheres the fun in that? She probably wants something with a little pep, Something exciting.
The only problem is that potentially the exciting thing will skid off the track and get her injured or even... killed!
Thats one of the many choices you can make in life, You win some you lose some. (At the end of the day people are damn fools one and all)
0
My guess would be that, as a child, she may have had an abusive father/stepfather/or no father at all. When children are young, they usually tend to look at their parents for examples of what is right or wrong and will sometimes imitate or associate with people like them(though they may not know it). Children who have abusive parents who want to start relationships as teens or adults will sometimes find themselves attracted to people similar to their abusive parents and thus end up in an abusive relationship. Even if they end up with normal people, they will probably not find much happiness and will probably have many problems in their relationship. This is not always the case but it is among the most common and the best thing to do is to talk things out with said friend and try to help them the best way you can. Professional help is always the best but support from friends also helps heal wounds quicker. I'm no expert and this is just my personal view of things so I hope this helps in some way.
0
Maybe the girl really has the HITS on the guy. Maybe that is where the saying "LOVE IS BLIND" meant for... Well, sometimes you can't help it right?
0
Love is a measure of balance between two people. A guy should not take advantage of his power over the girl.And vice-versa.
0
strangegreycat wrote...
trainheartnet14 wrote...
A guy who hits any girl deserves to be hang or stone to death.(..)
Guys Do Not Ever hit Your Girls.
The stuff I snipped, I can sympathize.
But this? This is foolishness. There are many, many girls and women out there who have caught on to the fact that it's a societal taboo to commit physical violence against women, and take advantage of this fact to abuse men in any way they can.
Consider that, under this same society, a man who gets bossed and slapped around by his girlfriend/wife is considered a very inferior male. A young boy who is regularly abused by his older sister is a "pussy who doesn't have the balls to step up and defend himself". They become hated merely for enduring the abuse.
At the same time, a man who hits a woman - and whether or not it is done in self-defense will be downplayed heavily - is an "abuser," "scum," "woman-hater," and such. And they become hated anyway.
To hell with that. If someone commits violence against you, they don't deserve preferential treatment for their gender - they deserve to lose a few teeth!
If you're going to end up with people thinking badly of you anyway, you may as well seek some satisfaction.
Being passive only encourages bullies. Fighting back works, and violence is by and large the most efficient method of getting your message across to them.
I like you.:D +rep
On-topic, what to say? Theres nothing i can think to say that hasn't already been said. My personal opinion is favoring the masochistic and fear approach.
0
raishii wrote...
strangegreycat wrote...
trainheartnet14 wrote...
A guy who hits any girl deserves to be hang or stone to death.(..)
Guys Do Not Ever hit Your Girls.
The stuff I snipped, I can sympathize.
But this? This is foolishness. There are many, many girls and women out there who have caught on to the fact that it's a societal taboo to commit physical violence against women, and take advantage of this fact to abuse men in any way they can.
Consider that, under this same society, a man who gets bossed and slapped around by his girlfriend/wife is considered a very inferior male. A young boy who is regularly abused by his older sister is a "pussy who doesn't have the balls to step up and defend himself". They become hated merely for enduring the abuse.
At the same time, a man who hits a woman - and whether or not it is done in self-defense will be downplayed heavily - is an "abuser," "scum," "woman-hater," and such. And they become hated anyway.
To hell with that. If someone commits violence against you, they don't deserve preferential treatment for their gender - they deserve to lose a few teeth!
If you're going to end up with people thinking badly of you anyway, you may as well seek some satisfaction.
Being passive only encourages bullies. Fighting back works, and violence is by and large the most efficient method of getting your message across to them.
I like you.:D +rep
On-topic, what to say? Theres nothing i can think to say that hasn't already been said. My personal opinion is favoring the masochistic and fear approach.
Violence only leads to more. Seriously, hurting your partner, no matter WHO began the hurting, is not the way to go.
0
gizgal wrote...
Violence only leads to more. Seriously, hurting your partner, no matter WHO began the hurting, is not the way to go.If they hurt you enough or too often, it's time to stop thinking of them as "partner".
Not using violence in response to violence doesn't make you better than the other person. It makes you more bruised and an easier target.
Seriously, have you ever seen a broken dog? Those ones that have been kept by especially cruel masters, who beat them just because they feel like beating something? The fact that the dog doesn't have the wherewithal to bite in retaliation doesn't stop the cruelty, it encourages it.
No offense to yourself, but I think your side of the argument is the more likely to allow violence to perpetuate.
0
Ummm...to answer this question...
It has a helluva lot to do with the psychological aspect of the relationship. And it works both ways.
The abusive partner(usually the guy) sort of weeds their way into their hearts, usually with false promises and plenty of acts of "outstanding" kindness. When they see that their partner has been swooned enough they do a complete 180. This usually works on people with VERY low self-esteem. Which brings me to my next point, the victim.
I, myself, am not to sure on what exactly causes people to have such low self esteem, but I'll speculate on a few things. Past experiences, ESPECIALLY those when they are a child, play a huge role. And in most cases, being molested or raped doesn't even have to happen. If a child grows up without anyone significant in their eyes (parents, grandparents, etc) praising them or saying "I love you" is very traumatizing. When they get older, the first person that praises/adores them uses obtains the power to control them so long as those words are repeated and certain little actions occur.
An example, for which I beg of her forgiveness for using her, would be my mom. Not gonna get too detailed, but she was in an 8 years relationship with my stepfather whom abused her in every possible way (financially, physically/sexually, mentally, emotionally) but she stood with him that entire time. The abuse even led back to my sister and I. The beatings eventually got worse to a point where blunt objects (such as folding chairs and two by fours) were used. My aunt got us away from him and the rest of the family gathered from the tragedy to protect us. That was the end of that. After many scolding from my grandmother and aunts, and also showing her the love which she has always wanted, she was rescued.
Even I cannot fully understand the psychological concept behind it completely, but I hope the story help others get a slight grasp on it.
Well...that is my answer to the question...
It has a helluva lot to do with the psychological aspect of the relationship. And it works both ways.
The abusive partner(usually the guy) sort of weeds their way into their hearts, usually with false promises and plenty of acts of "outstanding" kindness. When they see that their partner has been swooned enough they do a complete 180. This usually works on people with VERY low self-esteem. Which brings me to my next point, the victim.
I, myself, am not to sure on what exactly causes people to have such low self esteem, but I'll speculate on a few things. Past experiences, ESPECIALLY those when they are a child, play a huge role. And in most cases, being molested or raped doesn't even have to happen. If a child grows up without anyone significant in their eyes (parents, grandparents, etc) praising them or saying "I love you" is very traumatizing. When they get older, the first person that praises/adores them uses obtains the power to control them so long as those words are repeated and certain little actions occur.
An example, for which I beg of her forgiveness for using her, would be my mom. Not gonna get too detailed, but she was in an 8 years relationship with my stepfather whom abused her in every possible way (financially, physically/sexually, mentally, emotionally) but she stood with him that entire time. The abuse even led back to my sister and I. The beatings eventually got worse to a point where blunt objects (such as folding chairs and two by fours) were used. My aunt got us away from him and the rest of the family gathered from the tragedy to protect us. That was the end of that. After many scolding from my grandmother and aunts, and also showing her the love which she has always wanted, she was rescued.
Even I cannot fully understand the psychological concept behind it completely, but I hope the story help others get a slight grasp on it.
Well...that is my answer to the question...
0
strangegreycat wrote...
gizgal wrote...
Violence only leads to more. Seriously, hurting your partner, no matter WHO began the hurting, is not the way to go.If they hurt you enough or too often, it's time to stop thinking of them as "partner".
Not using violence in response to violence doesn't make you better than the other person. It makes you more bruised and an easier target.
Seriously, have you ever seen a broken dog? Those ones that have been kept by especially cruel masters, who beat them just because they feel like beating something? The fact that the dog doesn't have the wherewithal to bite in retaliation doesn't stop the cruelty, it encourages it.
No offense to yourself, but I think your side of the argument is the more likely to allow violence to perpetuate.
Why not just leave?? people act like this is never an option, "she hit me so i hit her back" thats some elemetary school logic if your S/O is abusive no matter the gender you should always have the option to leave, weather it be to cool off or permanently
0
strangegreycat wrote...
gizgal wrote...
Violence only leads to more. Seriously, hurting your partner, no matter WHO began the hurting, is not the way to go.If they hurt you enough or too often, it's time to stop thinking of them as "partner".
Not using violence in response to violence doesn't make you better than the other person. It makes you more bruised and an easier target.
Seriously, have you ever seen a broken dog? Those ones that have been kept by especially cruel masters, who beat them just because they feel like beating something? The fact that the dog doesn't have the wherewithal to bite in retaliation doesn't stop the cruelty, it encourages it.
No offense to yourself, but I think your side of the argument is the more likely to allow violence to perpetuate.
Oh I'd agree to self-defense, but acting just the same as the offender does, 24/7, is not the way to go.
If you have to defend yourself, do so. But then seek help.
