Why would a girl stay with an abusive guy?
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Mose abusers are not immediately abusive to their partners. It happens over a period of time. The first time it happens, she (or he) bolts for the door. The abuser is contrite, apologizes, begs, cries, swears it will never happen again. Most times, the partner returns. Then the cycle starts again, builds up, the abuser loses control and it happens again. This time, the abused partner either leaves for good, or, because of blind love and the assurance that the abuser will change, really, really change this time, comes back. The abuser will do just about anything to prove that he (or she) will change and after a time, the abused believes they have. Then the cycle starts again. It is a slow process. The abuser, usually, slowly, isolates their partner, breaking them down mentally, controlling the abused entirely. Mental abuse and physical abuse go hand in hand, it is usually not one without the other. The abused begins to believe that, perhaps it is true, they are worthless and no one wants them and how lucky they are to be loved, even by such a sad, sad human being that, to those OUTSIDE of the relationship, is in desperate need of mental health intervention.
To keep from being exposed, the abuser uses threats of more violence, the idea that no one will believe the situation, or in many cases, they will be ignored, because if they are married, or they have kids together, staying together is more important than the mental and physical health of the abused partner (fucking bullshit). How many times have you heard that marriage is so important, stay together for the children? Even in abusive situations, there really are people who will tell the abused how important marriage and a two-parent household are, and that they should stay for the sake of the institution and the kids (like I said, FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!).
After a time, anyone, even the strongest person, mentally and physically, can be broken down and will believe they are worthless, less important than the abuser, not believable, not trustworthy, not worth having friends, or being loved (control is everything). So they stay, and stay and stay.
If children are involved, a whole new generation of abusers/abused are born.
It may be easy to reply that a man who hits a woman or kid needs to be beaten and physically violated themselves. That may help you feel better, but that only proves their point that violence is the only way to resolve issues. Also, it will only make the situation worse for the abused.
When the time comes that the abused leaves, they are usually without money, shelter, friends (so they believe), immediate transportation, clothes (they leave with what is on their backs), and many have children with them. In most cases the retribution from the abuser, if they are caught leaving, is the worst beating yet. They (the abused) have dared to believe there is something better. If they are not being helped to leave (by friends, family, social services, police) it seems an almost impossibility to find the courage to go. In many instances, they go back, because they think they have nothing or no one to turn to. If they are successful in leaving, that doesn't mean they are done with the abuser.
I could go on and describe what happens after the abused leaves, but I'm done.
Many people do not know what they would do in an abusive situation, because they have never been in one. If they have, they know it is a much more complex situation than can be imagined by those who have not. The only thing you can do for someone in a situation like that is be a friend and let them know that when they are ready to leave and be safe and have a normal life, you will come get them, no matter what, when or where.
Asking why they stay is not as easy an answer as it would appear to be.
To keep from being exposed, the abuser uses threats of more violence, the idea that no one will believe the situation, or in many cases, they will be ignored, because if they are married, or they have kids together, staying together is more important than the mental and physical health of the abused partner (fucking bullshit). How many times have you heard that marriage is so important, stay together for the children? Even in abusive situations, there really are people who will tell the abused how important marriage and a two-parent household are, and that they should stay for the sake of the institution and the kids (like I said, FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!).
After a time, anyone, even the strongest person, mentally and physically, can be broken down and will believe they are worthless, less important than the abuser, not believable, not trustworthy, not worth having friends, or being loved (control is everything). So they stay, and stay and stay.
If children are involved, a whole new generation of abusers/abused are born.
It may be easy to reply that a man who hits a woman or kid needs to be beaten and physically violated themselves. That may help you feel better, but that only proves their point that violence is the only way to resolve issues. Also, it will only make the situation worse for the abused.
When the time comes that the abused leaves, they are usually without money, shelter, friends (so they believe), immediate transportation, clothes (they leave with what is on their backs), and many have children with them. In most cases the retribution from the abuser, if they are caught leaving, is the worst beating yet. They (the abused) have dared to believe there is something better. If they are not being helped to leave (by friends, family, social services, police) it seems an almost impossibility to find the courage to go. In many instances, they go back, because they think they have nothing or no one to turn to. If they are successful in leaving, that doesn't mean they are done with the abuser.
I could go on and describe what happens after the abused leaves, but I'm done.
Many people do not know what they would do in an abusive situation, because they have never been in one. If they have, they know it is a much more complex situation than can be imagined by those who have not. The only thing you can do for someone in a situation like that is be a friend and let them know that when they are ready to leave and be safe and have a normal life, you will come get them, no matter what, when or where.
Asking why they stay is not as easy an answer as it would appear to be.
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Its mostly mind games. She might be thinking if it is that bad with him, how bad will he get if I try to leave. She might honestly fear for her life if she tried to get away. Really, I'd confront the guy and kick his ass myself, although you do have to consider the possible outcomes if you decide to do that.
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It's womens job to do whatever the man says. If you're a christian that is. If the girl is in an abusive relationship and she hasn't left already then she is also an idiot. That guy shouldn't be hurting her, but she shouldn't be sticking around to let him.
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She could be thinking he might get better eventually if they have kids or get married, he could be really nice some of the time so she sort of blanks the bad bits out, she might be too scared to leave because he could react even more violently then usual. Its not really smart staying with a person like that but if you love someone people are willing to put up with alot, how else do parents manage to raise kids?
1
Well, it is possible that she believes she can change him for the better (by tolerating him), because she thinks she is some sort of savior and shit. She is also probably confused love with her fear she has for him, maybe because she can't imagine what would happen to her if she leaves him, and she continues to convince herself that he loves her, and that's the only reason that she can give herself to stay with him.
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She's a masochist. /end [size=1]Your post did not meet the basic intelligence requirement for this forum.We recommend going back and trying again (try using more than two words). [/h]
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huffcustom wrote...
he beats her and she insist he loves herMasochistic reference ?
long story short, i could have ask you to be more detail about this matter ...
how can the girl know that he loves her ?
Is he saying "This is because i love you" while hitting/abuse her ? and the girl doesn't even questioning why , and how ?
Seriously, if that's the case ..
i can safely assume that this is just another case of "Blind love is a bitch"
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Either that girl is stupid or she's afraid but either way you should help if you're
her friend. I don't care if she doesn't talk to you anymore afterwards or if he says
that he loves her, that guy is just another crazy douche in the world.
her friend. I don't care if she doesn't talk to you anymore afterwards or if he says
that he loves her, that guy is just another crazy douche in the world.
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TakuFox wrote...
Either that girl is stupid or she's afraid but either way you should help if you're her friend. I don't care if she doesn't talk to you anymore afterwards or if he says
that he loves her, that guy is just another crazy douche in the world.
enuff said.
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Antw0n
Remember me?
I had friends who stayed with abusive bf's/gf's/wifes/husbands because they felt it was the best they could get, or because they felt like they had to be with someone, no matter who it is.
Faaaaail.....
Faaaaail.....
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she's afraid of getting another boyfriend - or the love makes her just blind - or she loves to be abused.....or she's treathen by him....there can be many reasons for!
did u ask her for reason?
I can't understan ppl like that - but there are more factors just no tolerance for them.
Maybe they were educated that bad, that they dont know or got self-confidence....
did u ask her for reason?
I can't understan ppl like that - but there are more factors just no tolerance for them.
Maybe they were educated that bad, that they dont know or got self-confidence....
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Akaoni21 wrote...
The abusive guy is like a project to a woman. Its like getting a shit car and doing it up into something that's less shitty or even epic!!She could just go for a nice little family car but wheres the fun in that? She probably wants something with a little pep, Something exciting.
The only problem is that potentially the exciting thing will skid off the track and get her injured or even... killed!
That's one of the many choices you can make in life, You win some you lose some. (At the end of the day people are damn fools one and all)
It's probably like that. She's got that hole "he just needs to be saved" or "he just needs somebody" syndrome that some people get. You know, that hole "he's not bad. He just needs help" thing. It's just one of those WTF things. I had a friend that hate meth people, but then he got a slut bitch meth girlfriend. Why you ask because "he could help her". So after a month of that shit I said fuck you all then.(He still hasn't helped her.) So all I can say is ether call the cops on his ass when he hits her or just sit it out. Doing something might just save her life 1 day but, the real problem is if she can't see what's going on, then she'll just fallow him like a dog.
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isurugi.noe wrote...
More like Fetish. :)Maybe the girl is a masochist
and she enjoys being abused.
That's an assumption people make... sometimes, it's fear or a lack of courage to stand up to the abuser. :\
Though I'm sure there are some who like it... many don't.
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The girl's upbringing can also be factored into this. A girl who brought up in a dysfunctional family in which the mother is often abused by the father or the girl herself is abused, more often than not; the likelihood of this repeating is higher than a normal family. Of course, masochism may also play a role in this relationship.
My friends would call this the "Electra complex" in which the girl may seek out a man who is similar to her father. I believe the term for this is "Vicious Circle" (History repeats itself).
My friends would call this the "Electra complex" in which the girl may seek out a man who is similar to her father. I believe the term for this is "Vicious Circle" (History repeats itself).
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Due to the fact that I am a man I have no first hand knowlefge of why a girl would stay with an abusive guy, but I have been told by girls that when they have sex with a guy it develops an emotional bond with the guy that is very difficult to break and ties them to the guy.
Maybe that is the reason?
Maybe that is the reason?
