High School Fic

Ah! I think I know why. (regarding my previous post)

I felt that the characters were not developed enough in terms of background, and the settings could be more descriptive. (I think it's more of setting than character issue.)

Also, spelling my man, watch out for that.

Oh yeah! Their Background! Gonna work on that around Chapter 4^^

Anyways, I tried something new for Chapter 3. Expect something, or not :twisted:

One: The spelling is just a minor error, it's not like it's a final copy. And I *might* just add that your grammar/punctuation in this post, or lack of it, makes it quite hard to read it and is far more of a drawback than a few typos every so often. There, I said it.

Two: I agree with the awkward use of Japanese words, but a few extremely common ones can't hurt, and do provide a bit of interest. The situations in which Soushi met both girls are too similar, I'd also say that that was in need of changing.

I think it's quite good, though the fast pace does give me the feeling I'm watching an anime as well, rather than a story. I'm going to vote for "Please Continue", but there is always of room for improvement, no matter how perfect something is. I'd suggest using more first person perspective to give it more of a hook and some variation, though that's completely up to you.

Lol. Working on that, though I don't know how to do it, i'll try to find something more suitable.^^



hahaha. many people noticed that? lol, it's because i'm using some anime things to do this story, and I try to improvise them, but the things that pop out of my mind are usually like this ones. sorry^^ EDIT: or maybe it's because i've been reading too much long stories on Fanfiction.net that I got this kind of writing style... hmm, it seems that that's the most logical explanation I have for this kind of writing^^ I'll try to slow down the pace (is that what the people want?). If I figure out how to, that is...

Anyways, I'll try to change a few things. And thanks for your comments.

Ciaossu!

the problem with fanfics are they are mostly oneshots, so they tend to be quite short and hurried only getting across the main plot, also since many fanfics are based on other works character development isn't really required... :roll:

just thought you should be aware of that, because its obvious your story isn't a oneshot and purely original

Haven't been reading OneShots. They're too short^^

I've always read long FanFics cause they're most of them are really masterpieces.

I think that's what influenced me^^

i like the allusions to other series

nagato yuki = suzumiya haruhi no yuutsu

tenjou gakuen = i'm assuming is derived from tenjou tenge :roll:

Eh?! Nagato Yuki is from Haruhi Suzumiya?!? Never knew that. I thought I made up a new character... aw damn :(


Oh yea. A friend of mine said that this was a Perfect name for an Academy. It's really catchy, isn't it?

Tenjou Gakuen = Heaven Academy

Still... Nagato Yuki is from Haruhi Suzumiya?!?!?

So! After taking Catchers lessons. I drew a very weird character!



It's very messy, I know^^

lol its good =]

It is??? Thanks! Now the problem is that:

1: I did that characters eyes by mistake. I really don't know how to do Eyes

2: Character in clothes? No problem. Character Naked, hald-nude or just trying to draw any exposed body part will turn out to become an abomination

3: Drawing guys, Good. Drawing girls... another abomination

my friends always gets me to draw the eyes and face and sometimes hands lol but i know how u feel when it comes to the girls...=[

You can't draw anything that either suits you or perfect? That's what I feel

me 2 if its not right.....id just throw it away or something

i like it


you changed your avatar again.

yes..i tried to get a kira 1 but it wouldent let me upload it into here so i got fooly cooly

i havnt watched fooly cooly in quite a while.

Yeah. Basically, i'm gonna put up the finishing touches to chapter 3. And i'm also starting to write chapter 4. Expect it at least 1-2 days from now.

Ciaossu!

Chapter 3: 98%

Chapter 4: 0%

wait which 1 chapter 3 or 4 in 1-2 days.....

3 of course! Master Mind works when he feels like it. He's gonna start Chapter 4 tomorrow.