High School Fic
Sooo...
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ok read the rest of chapter 4 and it was great =]
but yo she beat the crap outa him like crazy lol
but yo she beat the crap outa him like crazy lol
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biglw17 wrote...
ok read the rest of chapter 4 and it was great =]but yo she beat the crap outa him like crazy lol
She wasn't supposed to though, but now i'm glad that she did^^
Anyways, i'm still thinking something for Soushi to wear... and that's why i'm drawing and wasn't paying attention much to the story.
Here they are:
First! The Original and my best drawing:
Spoiler:
Second attempt to redraw, and it worked!
Spoiler:
Third was trying to make him do with movements and wind... I think the second one was pretty good though(I do NOT know how to draw a proper foot/shoe):
Spoiler:
And finally the fourth, I tried drawing him with wet hair and what he'd look like when he's turned around with a PEN! (That means no erasures xD)
Spoiler:
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Uzumaki101 wrote...
Anyways, i'm still thinking something for Soushi to wear... and that's why i'm drawing and wasn't paying attention much to the story.Here they are:
First! The Original and my best drawing:
Spoiler:
Second attempt to redraw, and it worked!
Spoiler:
Third was trying to make him do with movements and wind... I think the second one was pretty good though(I do NOT know how to draw a proper foot/shoe):
Spoiler:
And finally the fourth, I tried drawing him with wet hair and what he'd look like when he's turned around with a PEN! (That means no erasures xD)
Spoiler:
great pics..i like the second 1 the bect i think and i also like the 1 where hes turned around(lol he has sasuke's hair in that 1)
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nice sketches, its always easier to follow stories when you have some character illustrations to go by
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Yeah. For some people who are waiting for the 5th chapter. I'm sorry.
Lots of projects needed to be done and (the saddest part) the quarter of my writing the 5th chapter.... well, I kinda lost the notebook in which I was writing it. BUT DON'T WORRY!
As soon as I find the notebook, I'm gonna continue it. If I don't.... i'm gonna have to start from scratch. :?
But with sem break here and the projects are done... I'm gonna start searching RIGHT NOW!
...well, tomorrow, since it's midnight already here. So for now, the 5th chapter is postponed until I write here again...
Again, i'm soo sorry :?
Chapter 5: ?% (uh-oh... better start searching now!)
PS
While the notebook was gone, I was imrpoving my drawing of Hands and Shoes/Feet. I'm still hopeless when it comes to eyes though...
Lots of projects needed to be done and (the saddest part) the quarter of my writing the 5th chapter.... well, I kinda lost the notebook in which I was writing it. BUT DON'T WORRY!
As soon as I find the notebook, I'm gonna continue it. If I don't.... i'm gonna have to start from scratch. :?
But with sem break here and the projects are done... I'm gonna start searching RIGHT NOW!
...well, tomorrow, since it's midnight already here. So for now, the 5th chapter is postponed until I write here again...
Again, i'm soo sorry :?
Chapter 5: ?% (uh-oh... better start searching now!)
PS
While the notebook was gone, I was imrpoving my drawing of Hands and Shoes/Feet. I'm still hopeless when it comes to eyes though...
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Uzumaki101 wrote...
Yeah. For some people who are waiting for the 5th chapter. I'm sorry.Lots of projects needed to be done and (the saddest part) the quarter of my writing the 5th chapter.... well, I kinda lost the notebook in which I was writing it. BUT DON'T WORRY!
As soon as I find the notebook, I'm gonna continue it. If I don't.... i'm gonna have to start from scratch. :?
But with sem break here and the projects are done... I'm gonna start searching RIGHT NOW!
...well, tomorrow, since it's midnight already here. So for now, the 5th chapter is postponed until I write here again...
Again, i'm soo sorry :?
Chapter 5: ?% (uh-oh... better start searching now!)
PS
While the notebook was gone, I was imrpoving my drawing of Hands and Shoes/Feet. I'm still hopeless when it comes to eyes though...
WHAT?! WHAT?! OMG! O-O
why not just rip out my heart or slit my stuffed pet Pikachu! O:
lol. i hope you find it soon.
looking forward to more. ^^
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Hey. =] I read through the story just now, and I have to say that I liked it. There were a lot of moments in which I was lol'ing pretty hard (like Karin beating him up for suggesting that she thought he was going to confess. Lol!) and overall, it was able to hold my interest the entire way through. Good job on that front, because I can't usually read that much of a story without getting bored in a single sitting. ^^;
However, I did vote 'needs improvement' for several reasons, most of which Damien already pointed out, so I won't repeat them.
Only thing that hasn't been mentioned yet is that I felt as if the beginning of the first chapter was too rushed. It felt strange that the story should start when he was awoken by him mum since that part was almost entirely ignored. Just my personal opinion, a good way to get rid of that rushed feeling would be to start the story from when Soushi is just about to save Yuki. Then again, that might not work too well, either.
There is some area for improvement, but that doesn't mean I don't love the story, because I do. I can't wait for the next chapter to be posted. I'll be lurking over this thread till then.
However, I did vote 'needs improvement' for several reasons, most of which Damien already pointed out, so I won't repeat them.
Only thing that hasn't been mentioned yet is that I felt as if the beginning of the first chapter was too rushed. It felt strange that the story should start when he was awoken by him mum since that part was almost entirely ignored. Just my personal opinion, a good way to get rid of that rushed feeling would be to start the story from when Soushi is just about to save Yuki. Then again, that might not work too well, either.
There is some area for improvement, but that doesn't mean I don't love the story, because I do. I can't wait for the next chapter to be posted. I'll be lurking over this thread till then.
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flln723 wrote...
Hey. =] I read through the story just now, and I have to say that I liked it. There were a lot of moments in which I was lol'ing pretty hard (like Karin beating him up for suggesting that she thought he was going to confess. Lol!) and overall, it was able to hold my interest the entire way through. Good job on that front, because I can't usually read that much of a story without getting bored in a single sitting. ^^;However, I did vote 'needs improvement' for several reasons, most of which Damien already pointed out, so I won't repeat them.
Only thing that hasn't been mentioned yet is that I felt as if the beginning of the first chapter was too rushed. It felt strange that the story should start when he was awoken by him mum since that part was almost entirely ignored. Just my personal opinion, a good way to get rid of that rushed feeling would be to start the story from when Soushi is just about to save Yuki. Then again, that might not work too well, either.
There is some area for improvement, but that doesn't mean I don't love the story, because I do. I can't wait for the next chapter to be posted. I'll be lurking over this thread till then.
Ohh, nice Idea! I'm gonna have to re-edit some chapters with you peoples comments xD. Thanks for the info. Don't hold back with the Harsh Comments. I appreciate those things.
What I don't appreciate is that you vote "I suck" and don't post as to why I do.
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oh shit.. i just noticed i never voted! O:
maybe i should wait until you get into the middle or so?
haha. where's damien when you need him? xD
maybe i should wait until you get into the middle or so?
haha. where's damien when you need him? xD
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It seems that Damien... is dead and gone.... not really
And I has bad news.... I didn't find the note book :cry:
Yeah, now I have to start from the beginning (ah, my inspiration is gone)
But don't worry for I still remember the beginning of the story so that's about... ugh, 2% again
Well, better something than nothing xD
I'll try to speed up but still get the details and not make the story messy.
Chapter 5: 15% 2%
And I has bad news.... I didn't find the note book :cry:
Yeah, now I have to start from the beginning (ah, my inspiration is gone)
But don't worry for I still remember the beginning of the story so that's about... ugh, 2% again
Well, better something than nothing xD
I'll try to speed up but still get the details and not make the story messy.
Chapter 5: 15% 2%
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Uzumaki101 wrote...
It seems that Damien... is dead and gone.... not reallyAnd I has bad news.... I didn't find the note book :cry:
Yeah, now I have to start from the beginning (ah, my inspiration is gone)
But don't worry for I still remember the beginning of the story so that's about... ugh, 2% again
Well, better something than nothing xD
I'll try to speed up but still get the details and not make the story messy.
Chapter 5: 15% 2%
Er..hum...
i'm not dead if you're wondering.... i was busy studying for my exams for the past few weeks. It was a hellish month ok? so cut me some slack for not being able to find the time/mood to go online and comment....
anyway i read that chapter long ago but i didn't have time to comment.anyway here is my comment
I think you made too much refrence to animes. The way you describe their expressions is like how you would do for an anime. At the starting of your stories so far was....fun. but i think this story is generally getting nearer to anime script and futher from a novel.....
By the way, that new character of yours. Ai was it? she is a little too similar to a lot of those "unique" personality girls in anime don't you think? Perhaps it is not my place to say this but i think you should make her more unique or rather special compared to all those anime girls.
but on the good side, the way you write is generally improving. I can see you're starting to develop your own style of writing
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Damienthedevil wrote...
Er..hum...i'm not dead if you're wondering.... i was busy studying for my exams for the past few weeks. It was a hellish month ok? so cut me some slack for not being able to find the time/mood to go online and comment....
anyway i read that chapter long ago but i didn't have time to comment.anyway here is my comment
I think you made too much refrence to animes. The way you describe their expressions is like how you would do for an anime. At the starting of your stories so far was....fun. but i think this story is generally getting nearer to anime script and futher from a novel.....
By the way, that new character of yours. Ai was it? she is a little too similar to a lot of those "unique" personality girls in anime don't you think? Perhaps it is not my place to say this but i think you should make her more unique or rather special compared to all those anime girls.
but on the good side, the way you write is generally improving. I can see you're starting to develop your own style of writing
Huzzah! Damien is back from the River Styx!!! Anyways. Hmm, I never noticed that. I just let my mind go wthnthe flow. But my mind is full of mangas and Anime that it affected my story somehow. I'm gonna try to improve and divert my stories from animes.
Now the name. It was pretty hard to choose from yours considering that the names you gave clashed with Yuki's. I didn't want it to be similar in anyway to Yuki's name. Why? Well, I already have an epic christmas plot in my head. And that plot is the one that motivated me from the story so... If ther're other names you can give, I might change my mind (and her name). BTW, the reason I gave was Ai is because.... I haven't thought of the First name yet.
Oh, and am I really developing my own writing skillz?! Well Fuck, Thanks!
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oh...i never thought the names clashed lol...
Well since Ai loves books then what about Shiori? That name means bookmark by the way.
And yes i think you're developing your own style. oh but style and writing skills/plot has nothing to do with each other so i'll still be strict with that... Brace yourself!
Well since Ai loves books then what about Shiori? That name means bookmark by the way.
And yes i think you're developing your own style. oh but style and writing skills/plot has nothing to do with each other so i'll still be strict with that... Brace yourself!
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Damienthedevil wrote...
oh...i never thought the names clashed lol...Well since Ai loves books then what about Shiori? That name means bookmark by the way.
And yes i think you're developing your own style. oh but style and writing skills/plot has nothing to do with each other so i'll still be strict with that... Brace yourself!
Ha! I'm always prepared! Anyways.... what, no rating?
Chapter 5: 4% (Lol, it's slow. Curse my dirty room!)
PS
Shiori? Hmm... I might consider it =)
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Uzumaki101 wrote...
Damienthedevil wrote...
oh...i never thought the names clashed lol...Well since Ai loves books then what about Shiori? That name means bookmark by the way.
And yes i think you're developing your own style. oh but style and writing skills/plot has nothing to do with each other so i'll still be strict with that... Brace yourself!
Ha! I'm always prepared! Anyways.... what, no rating?
Chapter 5: 4% (Lol, it's slow. Curse my dirty room!)
PS
Shiori? Hmm... I might consider it =)
hm...you are one insatiable guy... about the rating, you might not want to see it lol...
but i think if you take my advice you can do better in the next chapter
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Damienthedevil wrote...
Uzumaki101 wrote...
Damienthedevil wrote...
oh...i never thought the names clashed lol...Well since Ai loves books then what about Shiori? That name means bookmark by the way.
And yes i think you're developing your own style. oh but style and writing skills/plot has nothing to do with each other so i'll still be strict with that... Brace yourself!
Ha! I'm always prepared! Anyways.... what, no rating?
Chapter 5: 4% (Lol, it's slow. Curse my dirty room!)
PS
Shiori? Hmm... I might consider it =)
hm...you are one insatiable guy... about the rating, you might not want to see it lol...
but i think if you take my advice you can do better in the next chapter
.....seriously? PM it to me then, with all the harsh details you can dish out.
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Soo, It's half-done. Yeah =D
Writers block is coming to me a bit more frequently than before so, sorry =)
Anyways, whilst having writers block, I decided to draw more characters. My drawing of eyes are getting better and better. Also, I changed the short-haired girl's hair to twin Ponytails (yeah, I know. Classical =D), since it was really hard to think of how to draw a short-haired girl
So, the drawings =D
First off: Yuki??? You decide if the pic, fits
2nd attempt looks better =D
Also, here's the supposed-to-be short haired girl. Changed her hair into a twin ponytail... Can't imagine her eyes.... yet
So, yeah. Half-done. expect it to be finished during teh holidays =)
Chapter 5: 48% (Ya-ha!)
Writers block is coming to me a bit more frequently than before so, sorry =)
Anyways, whilst having writers block, I decided to draw more characters. My drawing of eyes are getting better and better. Also, I changed the short-haired girl's hair to twin Ponytails (yeah, I know. Classical =D), since it was really hard to think of how to draw a short-haired girl
So, the drawings =D
First off: Yuki??? You decide if the pic, fits
Spoiler:
2nd attempt looks better =D
Spoiler:
Also, here's the supposed-to-be short haired girl. Changed her hair into a twin ponytail... Can't imagine her eyes.... yet
Spoiler:
So, yeah. Half-done. expect it to be finished during teh holidays =)
Chapter 5: 48% (Ya-ha!)