Unnamed Story.

Perfect. Perfect. It's as if you took the words out of my head. This is exactly what I intended Kyle to be. He's a naturally gifted and talented person, but the drive and impetus for becoming almost impossible perfect and radiant is Sanae. He wants her to recognize him, because since he raped her it's like he doesn't exist to her. This is why he showed off the best he could during that basketball game in Chapter 1. This is something I did myself in my high school days: I worked hard at excelling so that a certain girl would notice me... call it lame, but that's what I did. And it worked, but attracted all the wrong girls. I guess that's life for you.

Nor does he lack social skills etc. He just doesn't want to be seen as close to other girls when Sanae's around. As Deft-Monkey pointed out, Sanae is always present in person or as a subject whenever he makes a mistake. If Sanae were simply removed from this world, Kyle would still be talented and smart, but not overbearingly so.

About that second half of Chapter 2 where Kyle slaps Alia, yes, it's because Alia shoved the fact that Sanae hated Kyle in his face, causing him to lose it. I definitely overdramatised this however (like I said, this was not in my original plan), since Kyle and Alia are indeed duet partners, and he is fully aware that Alia is interested in him. Slapping her in front of the whole school isn't something I think someone as smart as him would do. Another reason I took it out is that there will be a similar scene soon, but of far greater magnitude, and I was worried it would look boringly repetitive.


Yeah, going back and changing parts of the beginning is definitely a must in a well-polished work. Indeed, I need to add something about Sanae in Chapter 2, about how she's seen in the school before the second half starts.

I suppose I should have saw that coming, but when I read the story, I never got the impression that he became this perfect person in order to attract Sanae's attention. The only indication that Kyle wanted to get Sanae's attention with his honed skills was the basketball scene where he did a one-man show to get her attention, but failed quite spectacularly. I would think it would be better to show somewhere Kyle's reason for obsession, why he should be this perfect man in order to attract Sanae's attention. And again, I believe this has to do with character development, and a little delving into Kyle's psyche would be nice. Since you dove into the middle of the story after the epilogue (there's nothing wrong with that), that leaves the rest of the story to figure out Kyle's character instead giving it to the audience on a silver platter, like "It's been x number of years since that incident with Sanae, and since then Kyle devoted his time to do x number of things to attain Sanae's attention," so on and so forth.

I really feel sorry for Alia. I hope we get to see a little bit of Sanae soon.

I've been sick today, so I decided that I might as well try my hand at drawing a little... (They're all pictures of Kyle, and I tried playing around with the hair a bit)






I haven't really drawn much before, so that's why they aren't very good and I also had some cropping issues, but eh, here they are for all of you to see!

Hmmm no news on this for over a month? =(

Ho ho.... sounds like someone finally realized his mistake. I thought it was weird for the 'Kyle's mood swings' The kyle at first was becoming more of a delinquent than the perfect student/guy i imagined at 1st...

I swear that as soon as this hellish semester is over I will work my ass off on it. I promise.

The Prodigal son is back!

Haha, just joking. I haven't seen Raze in action for a while. I assumed it was due to college and work. Hoping to see some revision and moar reading material to come.

Thanks for bumping it.

I wanted to check for updates, but I wast he one who bumped it last time, so I was a bit reluctant to bump it again.

Okay, so I spent a few hours working on this today, rewriting the second half of Chapter 2. I've decided to let you all know much more about Sanae by inserting an entirely newly written flashback section, though I might change my mind and take it out. I certainly hope not, though, because I spent forever on it. It's one of those sections where you can gather a lot of information on something without it being stated explicitly.

Hopefully I'll wrap up the new Chapter 2 second half tomorrow, and get around to Chapter 3 soon. I still don't know how quite to end Chapter 2 and start Chapter 3 so that it's completely consistent, but it'll probably come to me soon. Too tired to do anything more right now.

It's been really hard to start again because it's been so long since I worked on it, and there's this huge writer's block I've been getting at this stage of the plot. Can't wait to get to the first sex scene though, that should be some really nice stuff.

Hope you'll all continue to support me and my writing! >_<

Awesome! I'll be looking forward (not sideways) to it! Normally sex scenes don't interest me too much but with the way you describe things I'm sure it'll be interesting.

I ditto Ramsus' feelings. I look forward to the revision and the continuation.

"The file has been removed or damged." IM GONNA CRY! :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

I guess there's no chance of this one ever continuing is there.

agreed, Raze probably forgot about it. >_<

:(

so the unnamed story is dead?

no. Not dead yet.

Haha...

That PDF doesn't exist anymore, Raze.

PDF re-exist.

I'm gone for one hell of a long hiatus, and you still haven't gotten your shit together.

DAMMIT RAZE!!!

Don't make me have to violently rape Tohsaka Rin in front of you! Cause if that's what it takes.....

I`ve just read the story again and I still do not like the Rape Chapter.