Unnamed Story.

Oh wow. Amazing, I feel so... honored. This is now my new wallpaper.

I don't know what to call the story yet, since I don't even have every detail fleshed out, nor do I know how it's going to end. All I have are a bunch of notes from a brainstorm that occurred to me randomly when I was lazing around in bed. XD So what I have are basically a rough series of events, and then I think up the details as I plan the chapter, and then proceed to write it. So I'm probably not going to name my story until I see the end in sight.

the coloring is even better then the fakku doujin, i salute you 8)

instant +1rep :wink:

I'm kinda of glad you don't have the story already worked out. It's good when you get to know a character your writing before you determine everything that happens to them because they can often have their own kind of input on how events should play out.

...Both of you could become ero-novelists like Jiraiya^^

Wow, this really is great writing!

very detailed..
it is awesome..
WOW!

I've just finished planning out the sequence of events in Chapter 2, and realized I need to add a little bit more to the end of Chapter 1. You can find that added bit in the post with the second half of Chapter 1.

I probably won't be writing Chapter 2 very soon, but I'll make it high on my list.

This my 1st post on the forum n i noticed this thread since it was quite interesting.......

I have to say it is incredible.......Raze i really would like to salute you. I myself is writing a novel right now it is a fantasy action story but somehow i keep messing up during the fighting scenes....I can't seem to get the scenes detailed enough lol......

Well that aside your writing and description of the characters are very accurate. But wouldn't the story be more.....interesting? if you give us a little insight on the characters of the important characters like Kyle, Alia and Sanae. You can put out a description of them like their likes and dislikes. What kind of person are they? Arrogant? Self-centered? Kind? Caring? Hot-tempered? Sarcastic?

This would help a lot since your story only lacks description of characters don't you think?

I like the addition to the chapter. I think I'll laugh at her pain now. Even if it is a fictional character. (I'm allowed to still hold a grudge against popular people right?)

Thanks for your praise. It makes me very happy to read responses like these because I worked very hard on it, so again, thanks!

As for characterization, I want the reader to learn about the characters as the story progresses, not lay it out for you so you can predict their actions (and it's rather boring and ordinary if I were to just lay out their personalities at the beginning of each chapter wouldn't it?). I also intend to have the characters develop and their personalities change through the events of the story. Part of the reason I don't really know how to end the story yet is because I've planned out a lot of upcoming drama and tensions between the characters. In other words, I've woven a very complicated net, and untangling it is difficult.



By all means. Just don't hold a grudge against me for the same reason. XD

great story raze, i like it so much.....
and tkhnoman, wow man, that's a great wallpaper you made. you're an indonesian rite, well proud to be indonesian, (since i'm an indonesian too)
wew, raze and tkhnoman you two could make a great pair of manga artist! raze for the story and tkhnoman for the art...
well great job guys, and raze i'm waiting for the chap 2!!

hey man u know that ur story was so good that i became a member cuz of u lol
i mean i know i was going 2 sooner or later but u made it happen right after i read both of ur storys
the first 1 i really like cuz of the fact that in the end he felt so bad for doing wat he did that even she saw that he felt bad so i dont think that she will say anything(lol)
but ur second story i like even more and im die'n 2 see what happens next



biglw

WOW

U GUYS ARE AWESOME.......

maybe u guys should start publishing ur work or at least copy right it .

its bloody that good my mate who hates hentai i made him read this 1 and he too is starting to fall to the dark side lol

*shrug* Even if you were one of those jerks earlier in life you clearly aren't now. (Not saying you aren't popular, just not a popular jerk.)

This is...awesome. I can't really say much else, it's just awesome. The only problems I could find with it are the slightly quick pace that the story is going, and some of the words used sound a tad awkward, but that one's probably just me. I'd suggest you could pad it out a little, have a little more fun with it, but as long as you're happy with it ^_^

And thknoman, great job with the art as always. Interesting school emblem you got there. The school uniform is pretty original too, an Oriental influence perhaps?

Hopefully you guys won't keep us all waiting too long...

Hmm... Just draw it happily, in my class. I don't even remember why i draw like that. ..


Anyway Raze, this make me remember about Haruhi... She seems quiet like Sanae. Did Kyon used the teleport device that Mikuru give him to rape Haruhi at the past...

Woohoo... :x
I want to kill you!! Kyon!! :P

Lol, fair enough. But the design is wonderful just the same.