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I will say this entry is better than mine and some others. Utterly beautiful, concise and to the point. I prefer a bad ending though. The patient didn't follow the advice of the doctor who so loved him. The patient died, donated his cadaver to science but not before the doctor had his sexy time (with the body of course)

PS: Message me and the resident lunatic for goodness sake!

Look at this way, what on earth do you have to do if you want the other side to achieve their gender indiscriminate, sexless, fruitless and politically correct utopia? You might have to put them on drugs, you might have to think of ways to coerce or brainwash them into accepting pure nonsense or come up with reproduction machines and make other ludicrous arrangements.

So, this is really how I came up with this story.

PS: After writing this, I discovered that another nutcase wrote eeriely about the exact same thing on imprisoning people into reproduction machines before going on a murder spree. (The name "Elliot Rodger" might ring a bell.) A very ugly coincidence but this entry must be a nutcase's utopia. Here is the link if you want a laugh.

https://genius.com/Elliot-rodger-my-twisted-world-the-story-of-elliot-rodger-epilogue-annotated

I hope you don't mind this post so late after the contest. How did you come to know about this contest though?

The tone feels very juvenile and adolescent which is fine. Your emphasis on what our male lead felt when interacting with his love interest and minute details like the physical features of the love interest gives the entry that tone. It was as if I am viewing the story through the lens of a teenager madly in love which makes the story appealing in its own way. Is the entry based on true events?

(Since I am no longer one, I will admit that it is hard for me to write like that)

Here is a minor nitpick, enclosed in a spoiler,



Here is my main criticism of your entry. If you so happen to be unfortunate enough to follow many of my comments on this forum, you can guess what I have to say about this entry.

It is alright to describe minute details in this context but this entry appears to assume that the reader can understand what is going on. xninebreaker has already pointed his confusion about the paper birds. Why not just say that the hero is folding paper birds for the girl he likes? While some might say exposition ruins a story (I disagree personally), explaining through dialogue leaves things unclear. If I don't what is happening how can I appreciate the story? The entry is filled with detail but I think it is done at the expense of explaining what is going on.

Also, I question the use of breaks in this story. Whenever you start another break, I was wondering how much time had passed and what had happened to the characters in the time between the breaks. If there was a sentence at least explaining what had happened, the entry wouldn't feel that disjointed.

A poem for my love
.

While I have to say that I don't appreciate poems as much as prose, I still believe that like prose, poems ought to convey stories or events. In addition to telling readers how intense your love is, why not include why you ended up in love? That would certainly require some storytelling. If you are able to make sure that each line rhymes then all the better.

The poem feels like one of the better pop songs to me but that isn't saying much because I consider most pop songs in the West to be horribly written these days. If only we can put a tune to this though.

I think d has pointed out some of the grammatical errors like "thiefs" ought to be spelt as thieves. I will go through the poem and spell my thoughts on this:

Calm down and try to take a joke made half in jest. I have already made other "relevant" remarks about your entry as have others and I am surprised that you chose to respond to this one about homosexuals instead.

But, believe it or not, my suggestion about homosexuals was intended to be constructive as well.

Your female lead sounded too masculine to me which lead me to think that if she were a male, caught between friendship and loyalty to his clan, the story could have been better. It is much easier picturing a man, rather than a female, settling on killing a best friend or a male lover.

Showing that our lovers are homosexual is a twist I could enjoy as well.

I will know what will make that story better! Imply that they are homosexuals! They can never really be together and this will impress the homophiles. It will make homophobes like me laugh too! A win either way!

You might be more interested if I told you that that entry is very much influenced by what I hear on the news and Encyclopedia Dramatica-ish message boards.

I have made close to 900 posts in this forum, a lot of which I think cannot be accessible now. A lot of these posts centre around complaining about writing styles with my dear friend d(^_^)(^_^)d. This entry does feel what he would come up with and he will tell you how much I take to his writing style. This entry certainly feels more like a TV show or a movie rather than something to be read. You can determine context with images and audio for television shows but a story written like a movie script is not my idea of a pleasant read.

This entry is dialogue heavy and what the plot is driven it seems to me by what was said in the dialogue. I don't take to dialogue and I use it very sparingly in my contributions to this forum. A main reason is because dialogue is not a good way to explain settings and introduce characters. The interlocutors know what is happening already and won't explain to the reader so how can the reader understand what is going on through the dialogue? I was left to guess what was happening as I was sifting through the dialogue.

It feels as if I am missing out a lot. The first part lead me to believe that the entry was about resolving some mother issues then the second part turned to our female lead being intimate with our male lead. I couldn't tell what this entry was trying to convey exactly, much less determining what is the setting, what is the cause of conflict and the buildup and how that conflict was resolved. With that, it is not possible for me to appreciate the entry. I suppose I might make sense of it if I were to reread it again and again but I do not considers books where I have to reread just to figure out what is going on good books.

As I have suggested to d(^_^)(^_^)d many times, why not use third person narration to explain what is going on with her mother instead of describing how the car's engines are revved and how Canada looks like during the winter? Why not use third person narration to supplement the exchanges between Tom and Stella for the reader to make sense of what they were talking about especially the parts on how they met, about Julie, about Doug and so on?

I notice that you used 'he' and 'she' quite a lot without referring to the names of the characters! This can become very confusing if you introduce more characters like Julie and Doug in this instance. I would certainly use proper names, not at very opportunity, but from time to time if I were you.

That said, have you read my entry by any chance? I can already picture how you would react to my entry after reading it.

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/valentines-contest-entry-2017-new-brave-world-an-appendix

For the limited word count I am certainly not expecting much depth. I hope the writer will forgive me for saying this but our main character is a cliched one-dimensional lunatic who is destined for some sticky end. So Pablo's friend felt like a deus ex machina and so I feel ought not to be foreshadowed. It ruins the fun I feel if he was introduced.

I thought the writer set this entry out like a prank or was trying to humour the reader by giving three endings set in a comically dark setting. It felt almost light hearted! Strange for me to say that of course considering that the material covered here is really dark but the scenarios and the lead character I found are over the top and pleasantly so.

PS: Forgive me again for saying this but Pablo doesn't speak like a man to me which again is quite good in the context of this story. Men would be more curt, perhaps fatherly or less sensitive. I would imagine him laughing at our heroine's advances in his email or speaking to her like an annoying father telling her that there are bigger fish in the sea. That (making Pablo the way he is) makes reading it enjoyable in a strange way like watching a horror movie where the characters that are to die behave like horrible people. I really want to see Pablo castrated.

The so called appendix I wrote is much more truncated and makes for a better read. That means there won't be interjections from dear Charlie though.

I swear that I can critique your entry by copying and pasting what I said about your entry for the winter event. The writing style is very much characteristic of you and I suspect characteristic of modern literature and I may as well say it, I really dislike it. Allow me to do a brief analysis of your writing style using your entry as an example. I am considering framing this post somewhere in my bedroom that I can refer to it once I go through other books.

This entry has the following characteristics:

1. Starts inter media res in the middle of the action.
2. No explanation of the who the characters are and what they do on the outset.

Huge gripe I have with your writing. When you begin smack in the action, I am left wondering who are the characters and what exactly is happening here? If that is not established, I would find it difficult to continue with your entry.

It was no doubt meant to foreshadow the presence of spirits. I was left thinking about reading the entry in its entirety whether it was necessary to begin with. The parts before the first break don't seem to have much to do with the rest of the story and so from the viewpoint of this reader, it served to confuse me when the story could have started with the funeral and our hero noticing that black-haired spirit.

Starting with the funeral would be the perfect setting to establish the context of the story and our characters.



3. Presence of story breaks that serve to make the story read incoherently.

These breaks sometimes transition to completely new scenes and little is done to associate these new scenes with those elucidated in previous breaks. This is of course a recipe for confusion as I try to piece everything together. We start off with our hero chanting "I'm sorry" in front of a gravestone then suddenly a break is inserted and we cut to onions being cooked. It seems as if someone switched channels from a soap opera to a cooking show!

What purpose does breaking up your story into fragments serve? You could have started with the funeral and the noticing of that ghost, write "a few days later" then recount how our hero tries to stop Evelyn from topping herself off. I am not against breaks in principle. One can be used for time skips but they shouldn't make the story read incoherently.



4. Sudden introduction of characters out of the blue.

The introduction of the spirit was my Game of Thrones moment with the ice zombies that were introduced as "The Others". Of course, in the context of this entry there was no need to explain where the spirit came from, but it certainly needed a better introduction than that sentence fragment, "Long black hair."

Since there was constant mention of long black hair throughout the entry, I think the reveal of our ghost deserves a better entrance. I was thinking something like, "I saw that spirit with that head of long black hair again, no longer an apparition but more real than ever, standing next to Evelyn. It was all clear to me who that spirit was."

And I hope Sarah with a 'h' isn't a new character introduced suddenly in the story!



The last break was the most engaging part of the story and I believed that I would still have enjoyed it without much of what was written before about bumping into old men or cooking onions. If our hero can reminisce about why Sara thought it is a good idea to lie under a gravestone so early in her life and all the fun and joy all 3 main characters once had with each other, it would certain add flesh to the story.



Postscript: You should try doing a similar critique of my writing style. I might consider framing that or launch into an invective hundreds of words long. I have skimmed through the Similarillion and the Lord of the Rings. I realised that my style is certainly inspired by Tolkien who really wasn't a professional writer come to think of it.

I didn't envision the story taking place during the sunset but somewhere very cold, grey and gloomy. Why call it "The Other Side of the Sunset"?

Not to worry. I feel the same for what you write most of the time too. I have changed the point of view and revealed what really happened in the end and why they managed to overthrow that bizarre and totalitarian regime that easily.

Wonder if you managed to pick that out. You missed out a few points when you tried reading the original entry. Again, don't feel bad if you didn't. I also have difficulty understanding your entries.

That is a very interesting comment! Is it possible for you to tell me the paragraphs that felt like the stories and authors you listed?



I drew inspiration from real people and events. You might want to try guessing what and who inspired the plot and characters of this story. I have written a longer version twice as long as this entry told in a different point of view too. You can try searching for it.

He is not a scientologist is he? Now on to remarks more relevant to the entry!

I read the entry feeling disgusted upon learning that most of the entry took place with blades in the guts of our star-crossed lovers rather than sympathy. There should be more done towards making the entry more tragic. Recounting more in detail of the feud between both families and how the two came to this strange love-hate relationship with each other helps me to build up that sympathy towards these two characters and lament that they decided to kill each other instead, albeit begrudgingly.

There is an attempt to show that none of them really wished to kill each other but the lack of context makes it seem to me that there are two gung-ho 'gentlemen' of the 18th or 19th century who challenged each other to a duel, shot and mortally wounded each other and spent their last moments regretting it.

If you have read through some of my contributions to this site, you might discover that I have odd tastes and I don't fancy romantic themes that much which is why I liked the first two endings.


The first two endings were genuinely entertaining and I almost laughed. I know it is implied that our dear heroine is out of her mind but a stabbing spree feels a bit of an overkill for being rejected which is why I liked it! Please take this as a compliment!

I am curious. Why did you name the best ending "Justice"? "The Two Lovers" must refer to Pablo and his girlfriend I thought. And did the story take place on a Friday?

If there were anything to make the entry better, I would suggest taking ideas from Elliot Rodgers who is fortunately not with us any longer.

It was better than the last entry because it is shorter and more succinct. Hope you enjoyed the change in point of view and learning what really happened to our hero!

The ending was bad though wasn't it?! Charlie ended up going back to the stasis chamber after that awful revelation!

I am suppressing the urge to add a "sic" behind "Valentines" in my title. Here is my Valentine's event entry.

Brave New World : An Appendix (May Contain Romance)

New Brave World: An Appendix (May Include Romance)



Before being cast into that epic struggle against the evil and twisted powers that ruled his world, our hero who calls himself Charlie was very much mundane and unobtrusive. He lived in parlous conditions, worked many low paying jobs while going overbudget by spending money on needless things like dogs and other high maintenance pets.

Understandably, he felt a little down, quite tired and a little suicidal. He needed companionship, entertainment and mental stability.

Could his best friend, James Push, the ever-unambitious small time drug dealer who pretended to be working in a warehouse, provide that? No, he was an awful companion who could only contribute Charlie’s worsening mental health. Charlie saw himself as proud heterosexual too so James wasn’t that entertaining when it comes to entertaining bedroom activities.

Could his dog and other pets provide that? No! As down on his luck as Charlie was, as a proud member of the human race, he wasn’t into bestiality! Woe be on the one who thinks animals can provide any sort of mental stability and proper companionship!

That was when he realised that no man is complete until he is with his other half and off he went to further compromise his mental well-being further by attempting to court women who tended to be educated and richer than him. Needless to say, that didn’t go well. A number of rejections have wounded Charlie’s already low self-esteem and that led him to commit that act that is so emblematic of someone in the depths of despair and desperation – employing the services of a whore.

Strangely enough, one of those whores who would become the love of his life and the wind beneath his wings that spurred him to do the heroic deeds that he would be known for.
Stranger still, before Charlie decided to get to the action so to speak, they struck an hour-long conversation where they learnt much of each other from each other. She shared similar frustrations as him, namely being poor, and in need of company and a psychiatrist. Charlie came to the conclusion that sleeping with whores is a good way to cope while she thought that whoring around is a good way to cope.

When he entered her, Charlie knew that they were made from each other and that he was on the verge of attaining self-actualisation. Yet, tragedy struck, as too often it happens in epics like these when cruel fate strikes right at the very moment when our heroes are at their happiest.

Shadowy figures begun descending onto the ramshackle hostel room where they were intimate in. Like a pest controller fogging a bog infested with mosquitoes, they gassed the rooms of that hostel after knocking out the owner of that sorry establishment. Charlie was so steeped in ecstasy, he didn’t really notice that he had difficulties breathing and thought the reason he blacked out was because of a cardiac arrest owing to an orgasm.

These shadowy figures were agents of that evil power Charlie would come to struggle against. The face behind that power was a former academic and street agitator, now ambitious politician called Gleandon. Rumours were rife about her biological sex no doubt reinforced by her outlandish and bizarre teachings on black and white, right and wrong and man and woman when she was an academic. She fancied herself as an agent of fundamental change, seeking to implement what she taught on the world. And so, Charlie and his self-proclaimed lover were the amongst first victims of that push for fundamental change where they were deemed too poor and too mentally unstable that they had to be put down.

Being put down didn’t mean that they were put to sleep or killed. Their bodies would be used to realise Gleandon’s vision for the world. It was to be a sexless utopia where traditional gender roles would be switched, eliminated or changed beyond all recognition. Sexual desire would of course be suppressed and elaborate arrangements would be in place to make everyone accept that as the right order of things.

Centrepiece of this plan for fundamental change was these chambers where people were kept in stasis so that they could serve as a source of semen and provide wombs on demand to replace sexual reproduction altogether. This was where Charlie and his alleged lover were destined, the most tragic way to end a romance as soon it begun.

As Charlie remained in stasis, the foundations for Gleandon’s dystopia took form. She realised that no one in his or her right mind would follow through her plan unless they were on drugs so she decided to put everyone drugs and invested heavily in pharmaceuticals. That was when James Push, one of Charlie’s more closer friends came into the grand scheme of things. Upset and unhinged from Charlie’s disappearance, he begun making a name for himself earning a lot of money from illicit activities mainly centred on selling drugs illegal or otherwise. Gleandon, by offering political support in exchange for his services, made James Push one of the architects of an opiate that was used to curb sexual desire and strong emotions known as the James Push pill. With the help of government agencies that purportedly ensure food safety, this pill would become a daily staple mixed in with food that is consumed by everyone just like how the water that reaches the tap is chlorinated.

With the population drugged, Gleandon moved on to turn educational institutions from nurseries to institutions of higher learning into centres propagating her worldview. Dissent became dulled by drugs and drowned out by an orthodoxy these places of learning reinforced. Still, common sense and biology were very hard to suppress. To that, Gleandon responded by sending those people to stasis chambers not unlike what Charlie was sent to.

With little to no resistance left, Gleandon finally saw fit to transform society for good and indeed entrench her grip on power by tinkering with its most basic unit – the family. It seemed the best way to go about doing it is to simply forbid any matrimonial union between man and woman. Coupled with the human producing stasis chambers, population control was now under Gleandon’s control. If there were too many people, the chambers would produce less babies and vice versa. Control over the population was also under Gleandon’s control as most of the babies produced would be herded into state-run nurseries where they were indoctrinated. It didn’t help that very few married couples, now mostly in homosexual union, wanted to adopt children.

With reproduction, education, consumption, law enforcement and everything from womb to the grave finally under her control, she proclaimed herself victorious in her “physical struggle” against her enemies and she wished to turn to a “spiritual struggle” against God knows who. This coincided with the most sinister development of that fundamental transformation Gleandon so aspired to bring about. There were whispers, strangely tolerated, of how she dabbled in the occult and how she started to possess supernatural powers from shooting projectiles to summoning zombies.

To say that Charlie’s world turned from bad to worse was a very severe understatement. It was one thing to be poor in a rough world but quite another to have a madwoman to turn that world into a bizarre and sexless hell.

However, as if by divine intervention, as if the Hands of Fate ordained upon Charlie to right the wrongs Gleandon had inflicted on that sorry world, he was roused from his long slumber by a rather incompetent denizen of Gleandon’s dystopia who labelled himself by the incomprehensible name of 2674r1no5l who was easily manipulated into telling Charlie what had happened whilst to his world while he was in the stasis chamber.

Any man who learnt on what had come to pass on the world he once knew would be driven to delirium. The thought of returning to that long slumber in the chamber crossed Charlie’s mind until he saw that his self-proclaimed lover too was in that chamber. Like a dying flame rekindled, Charlie was gripped by a powerful determination to be with his lover, not in a sexless and sterilised world but in a raunchy and filthy one. It was no use freeing her from her imprisonment only to eke a living as deviants in a world that they considered deviant. That would only serve to endanger her. There can only be one solution, Charlie thought to himself. He needed to overthrow that new order.

What was it that is in love and passion that fuels men to move mountains? Charlie was certainly burning with these two strong emotions that only grew stronger when his thoughts and eyes turned to that stasis chamber containing the whore whom he fell in love with. He begun to think like a general which was impressive considering that he started out as a hoodlum living on the streets.

Overthrowing sitting governments is a herculean task. Moreover, if the existing order and way of life sits well with the population, how willing would they be to see it overthrown? If Gleandon came down hard on him, all would be for naught and he would never reunite with his self-proclaimed lover. Best start out small and keep a low profile while gathering sympathisers to Charlie’s cause and the resources he needed to launch that revolution.

Most of his sympathisers would come from people who were themselves imprisoned in these stasis chambers and were very likely against the new order imposed by Gleandon. As for food, Charlie first relied on the feeding tubes to the chambers then attempted to grow their own food or source for sustenance that were untainted by the brainwashing James Push pills. If anyone of those freed from the stasis chambers felt down or depressed, Charlie would show them to the stasis chambers containing either the bodies of their loved ones or some voluptuous woman that would light the fires in their heart as well as in their loins. It can be said that it is love that motivates them.

After hoarding up food, making makeshift weapons stored in makeshift caches, the next stage of the revolution would involve subverting the brainwashed population. Gleandon managed to do so by drugging the entire population and indoctrinating them since young so the reasonable counter would be to put them off drugs and infiltrate some of the institutions of learning.

All of that seemed to be a very tall order but strangely enough within less than two months, a lot of the facilities that housed stasis chambers and institutions of learning were under their control. Despite all of the narcotics, potions, black magic and what not used to control the minds of the populace, depriving people of families and indeed sex goes against human nature, especially the parts of it that wants to procreate and nurture their young.

Surely enough, there was some resistance. They sent inspectors to come down but the revolutionaries converted them to their cause. They threatened then cut off funding but the revolutionaries already are well stocked. Then, they finally sent in the army. This was a turning point of sorts for Charlie realised that Gleandon’s foot soldiers weren’t armed, mainly due to Gleandon’s distrust towards having armed forces armed! The foot soldiers themselves believed arms to be inherently evil too! Instead of shooting, they yelled slogans and threw all manners of projectiles but that only served to harass and not impede the advance of Charlie’s bullets into their skulls and of the revolution.

It was at that point when the rebellion realised that they can potentially sweep through the country and they had to do so quickly. Ineffectual as Gleandon’s forces might be, she still can counterattack should they decide to take their time. With the desire to free his lover from her imprisonment in his heart and indeed his loins and the masses rediscovering their innate desire to bonk, a country-wide uprising was achieved. Many refused to answer the calls to resist Charlie’s advances while those who did didn’t put much of a fight.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that it wasn’t long before they eventually reached the seat of power and the heart of Gleandon’s dystopia. As one might expect, it was there when the resistance was the fiercest. The guards were like zombies and walking corpses and their cries were as boring and monotonous as ever; it was there where Charlie’s forces realised that Gleandon was into black magic and necromancy; they had to fight put up with grotesque and mutilated reanimated corpses and skeletons as well as the creepy scrawls and talismans that adorned the already ugly palace that served as Gleandon’s seat of power.

That was not the most unsettling thing however. The source of Gleandon’s ability to animate corpses comes from devilish rituals where animal and human sacrifices whose blood and gore and death throes are offered up. Did the nurseries or the stasis chambers provided the human sacrifices? The rebels storming the building didn’t know but they were all the more determined to put an end to Gleandon’s grip on the world and indeed overthrow the order she imposed on it.

That uprising taught future scholars many things from the lengths a man would go for a woman trapped in a stasis chamber to the realisation that suppressing human nature does not make for societies that are self-sustaining. It also taught scholars that elaborate Satanic rituals are not very effective when then opponent is using projectile weapons as evidenced from Gleandon being brought down by a bullet as were her close associates like Charlie’s former friend, James Push.

These future scholars might also come up with encomia boring their future pupils on what Charlie’s revolt meant for humanity. As for Charlie, as has been said time and time again, it was a fruition of his efforts invested in that massive act of love for a prostitute by liberating the masses from that sexless dystopia. A liberated world where they could be allowed to be alone to experience sensual pleasures appeared to be in store for them.

Yet, tragedy befell again. As his tan-skinned and self-proclaimed lover embraced him in bodily union, tears brimming in her eyes for being freed, Charlie managed to take a very good look at her naked body and discovered that she is a he, a Bacha Bazi.

Quite understandably, Charlie decided that the world was saved but not for him. So, he is now looking over and protecting us in a stasis chamber. Be thankful.

New Brave World: An Appendix (May Include Romance)

Here is the tale of that hero who came from long ago
Of whom fate has thrusted him to overthrow
The transsexual druglord sovereigns who imprisoned him so
In a stasis chamber after he banged a hoe
Where did he muster the courage to go
And vanquish his sexually confused and drug addled foes?
The answer lies in what his heart knows
Of the strong passion he felt towards that banged hoe.

Before being cast into that epic struggle against the evil and twisted powers that ruled his world, our hero who calls himself Charlie was very much mundane and unobtrusive. He lived in parlous conditions, worked many low paying jobs while going overbudget by spending money on needless things like dogs and other high maintenance pets.

Understandably, he felt a little down, quite tired and a little suicidal. He needed companionship, entertainment and mental stability.

Could his best friend, James Push, the ever-unambitious small time drug dealer who pretends to working in a warehouse, provide that? No, he was an awful companion who could only contribute Charlie’s worsening mental health. Charlie saw himself as proud heterosexual too so James wasn’t that entertaining when it comes to entertaining bedroom activities.

Could his dog and other pets provide that? No! As down on his luck as Charlie was, as a proud member of the human race, he wasn’t into bestiality! Woe be on the one who thinks animals can provide any sort of mental stability and proper companionship!

That was when he realised that no man is complete until he is with his other half and off he went to further compromise his mental well-being further by attempting to court women who tended to be educated and richer than him. Needless to say, that didn’t go well. A number of rejections have wounded Charlie’s already low self-esteem and that led him to commit that act that is so emblematic of someone in the depths of despair and desperation – employing the services of a whore.

Strangely enough, one of those whores who would become the love of his life and the wind beneath his wings that spurred him to do the heroic deeds that he would be known for.
Stranger still, before Charlie decided to get to the action so to speak, they struck an hour-long conversation where they learnt much of each other from each other. She shared similar frustrations as him, namely being poor, and in need of company and a psychiatrist. Charlie came to the conclusion that sleeping with whores is a good way to cope while she thought that whoring around is a good way to cope.

When he entered her, Charlie knew that they were made from each other and that he was on the verge of attaining self-actualisation. Yet, tragedy struck, as too often it happens in epics like these when cruel fate strikes right at the very moment when our heroes are at their happiest.

Shadowy figures begun descending onto the ramshackle hostel room where they were intimate in. Like a pest controller fogging a bog infested with mosquitoes, they gassed the rooms of that hostel after knocking out the owner of that sorry establishment. Charlie was so steeped in ecstasy, he didn’t really notice that he had difficulties breathing and thought the reason he blacked out was because of a cardiac arrest owing to an orgasm.

These shadowy figures were agents of that evil power Charlie would come to struggle against. The face behind that power was a former academic and street agitator, now ambitious politician called Gleandon. Rumours were rife about her biological sex no doubt reinforced by her outlandish and bizarre teachings on black and white, right and wrong and man and woman when she was an academic. She fancied herself as an agent of fundamental change, seeking to implement what she taught on the world. And so, Charlie and his self-proclaimed lover were the amongst first victims of that push for fundamental change where they were deemed too poor and too mentally unstable that they had to be put down.

Being put down didn’t mean that they were put to sleep or killed. Their bodies would be used to realise Gleandon’s vision for the world. It was to be a sexless utopia where traditional gender roles would be switched, eliminated or changed beyond all recognition. Sexual desire would of course be suppressed and elaborate arrangements will be in place to make everyone accept that as the right order of things.

Centrepiece of this plan for fundamental change was these chambers where people were kept in stasis so that they could serve as a source of semen and provide wombs on demand to replace sexual reproduction altogether. This was where Charlie and his alleged lover were destined, the most tragic way to end a romance as soon it begun.

As Charlie remained in stasis, the foundations for Gleandon’s dystopia took form. Realising that no one in his or her right mind would follow through her plan unless they were on drugs, so that was what Gleandon decided to invest in. That was when James Push, one of Charlie’s more closer friends came into the grand scheme of things. Upset and unhinged from Charlie’s disappearance, he begun making a name for himself earning a lot of money from illicit activities mainly centred on selling drugs illegal or otherwise. Gleandon, by offering political support in exchange for his services, made James Push one of the architects of an opiate that was used to curb sexual desire and strong emotions known as the James Push pill. With the help of government agencies that purportedly ensure food safety, this pill would become a daily staple mixed in with food that is consumed by everyone just like how the water that reaches the tap is chlorinated.

With the population drugged, Gleandon moved on to turn educational institutions from nurseries to institutions of higher learning into centres propagating her worldview. Dissent became dulled by drugs and drowned out by an orthodoxy these places of learning reinforced. Still, common sense and biology were very hard to suppress. To that, Gleandon responded by sending those people to stasis chambers not unlike what Charlie was sent to.

With little to no resistance left, Gleandon finally saw fit to transform society for good and indeed entrench her grip on power by tinkering with its most basic unit – the family. It seemed the best way to go about doing it is to simply forbid any matrimonial union between man and woman. Coupled with the human producing stasis chambers, population control was now under Gleandon’s control. If there were too many people, the chambers would produce less babies and vice versa. Control over the population was also under Gleandon’s control as most of the babies produced would be herded into state-run nurseries where they were indoctrinated. It didn’t help that very few married couples, now mostly in homosexual union, wanted to adopt children.

With reproduction, education, consumption, law enforcement and everything from womb to the grave finally under her control, she proclaimed herself victorious in her “physical struggle” against her enemies and she wished to turn to a “spiritual struggle” against God knows who. This coincided with the most sinister development of that fundamental transformation Gleandon so aspired to bring about. There were whispers, strangely tolerated, of how she dabbled in the occult and how she started to possess supernatural powers from shooting projectiles to summoning zombies.

To say that Charlie’s world turned from bad to worse was a very severe understatement. It was one thing to be poor in a rough world but quite another to have a madwoman to turn that world into a bizarre and sexless hell.

However, as if by divine intervention, as if the Hands of Fate ordained upon Charlie to right the wrongs Gleandon had inflicted on that sorry world, he was roused from his long slumber by a rather incompetent denizen of Gleandon’s dystopia who labelled himself by the incomprehensible name of 2674r1no5l who was easily manipulated into telling Charlie what had happened whilst to his world while he was in the stasis chamber.

Any man who learnt on what had come to pass on the world he once knew would be driven to delirium. The thought of returning to that long slumber in the chamber crossed Charlie’s mind until he saw that his self-proclaimed lover too was in that chamber. Like a dying flame rekindled, Charlie was gripped by a powerful determination to be with his lover, not in a sexless and sterilised world but in a raunchy and filthy one. It was no use freeing her from her imprisonment only to eke a living as deviants in a world that they considered deviant. That would only serve to endanger her. There can only be one solution, Charlie thought to himself. He needed to overthrow that new order.

What was it that is in love and passion that fuels men to move mountains? Charlie was certainly burning with these two strong emotions that only grew stronger when his thoughts and eyes turned to that stasis chamber containing the whore whom he fell in love with. He begun to think like a general which was impressive considering that he started out as a hoodlum living on the streets.

Overthrowing sitting governments is a herculean task. Moreover, if the existing order and way of life sits well with the population, how willing would they be to see it overthrown? If Gleandon came down hard on him, all would be for naught and he would never reunite with his self-proclaimed lover. Best start out small and keep a low profile while gathering sympathisers to Charlie’s cause and the resources he needed to launch that revolution.

Most of his sympathisers would come from people who were themselves imprisoned in these stasis chambers and were very likely against the new order imposed by Gleandon. As for food, Charlie first relied on the feeding tubes to the chambers then attempted to grow their own food or source for sustenance that were untainted by the brainwashing James Push pills. If anyone of those freed from the stasis chambers felt down or depressed, Charlie would show them to the stasis chambers containing either the bodies of their loved ones or some voluptuous woman that would light the fires in their heart as well as in their loins. It can be said that it is love that motivates them.

After hoarding up food, making makeshift weapons stored in makeshift caches, the next stage of the revolution would involve subverting the brainwashed population. Gleandon managed to do so by drugging the entire population and indoctrinating them since young so the reasonable counter would be to put them off drugs and infiltrate some of the institutions of learning.

All of that seemed to be a very tall order but strangely enough within less than two months, a lot of the facilities that housed stasis chambers and institutions of learning were under their control. Despite all of the narcotics, potions, black magic and what not used to control the minds of the populace, depriving people of families and indeed sex goes against human nature, especially the parts of it that wants to procreate and nurture their young.

Surely enough, there was some resistance. They sent inspectors to come down but the revolutionaries converted them to their cause. They threatened then cut off funding but the revolutionaries already are well stocked. Then, they finally sent in the army. This was a turning point of sorts for Charlie realised that Gleandon’s foot soldiers weren’t armed, mainly due to Gleandon’s distrust towards having armed forces armed! The foot soldiers themselves believed arms to be inherently evil too! Instead of shooting, they yelled slogans and threw all manners of projectiles but that only served to harass and not impede the advance of Charlie’s bullets into their skulls and revolution.


It was at that point when the rebellion realised that they can potentially sweep through the country and they had to do so quickly. Ineffectual as Gleandon’s forces might be, she still can counterattack should they decide to take their time. With the desire to free his lover from her imprisonment in his heart and indeed his loins and the masses rediscovering their innate desire to bonk, a country-wide uprising was achieved. Many refused to answer the calls to resist Charlie’s advances while those who did didn’t put much of a fight.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that it wasn’t long before they eventually reached the seat of power and the heart of Gleandon’s dystopia. As one might expect, it was there when the resistance was the fiercest. The guards were like zombies and walking corpses and their cries were as boring and monotonous as ever; it was there where Charlie’s forces realised that Gleandon was into black magic and necromancy; they had to fight put up with grotesque and mutilated reanimated corpses and skeletons as well as the creepy scrawls and talismans that adorned the already ugly palace that served as Gleandon’s seat of power.

That was not the most unsettling thing however. The source of Gleandon’s ability to animate corpses comes from devilish rituals where animal and human sacrifices whose blood and gore and death throes are offered up. Did the nurseries or the stasis chambers provided the human sacrifices? The rebels storming the building didn’t know but they were all the more determined to put an end to Gleandon’s grip on the world and indeed overthrow the order she imposed on it.

That uprising taught future scholars many things from the lengths a man would go for a woman trapped in a stasis chamber to the realisation that suppressing human nature does not make for societies that are self-sustaining. It also taught scholars that elaborate Satanic rituals are not very effective when then opponent is using projectile weapons as evidenced from Gleandon being brought down by a bullet as were her close associates like Charlie’s former friend, James Push.

These future scholars might also come up with encomia boring their future pupils on what Charlie’s revolt meant for humanity. As for Charlie, as has been said time and time again, it was a fruition of his efforts invested in that massive act of love for a prostitute by liberating the masses from that sexless dystopia. A liberated world where they could be allowed to be alone to experience sensual pleasures appeared to be in store for them.

Yet, tragedy befell again. As his tan-skinned and self-proclaimed lover embraced him in bodily union, tears brimming in her eyes for being freed, Charlie managed to take a very good look at her naked body and discovered that she is a he, a Bacha Bazi.

Quite understandably, Charlie decided that the world is saved but not for him. So, he is now looking over and protecting us in a stasis chamber. Be thankful.