The Jesus Posts

I've never trusted Google. The name just sounds dirty in a sociopathic kind of way. Before Google, the only time I used "google" in any way, was when I was referring to those crazy eyes you get when you're doing arts and crafts or some shit. The fact that it provides you with information about, basically, everything is some other shit altogether. The implications alone are just way too fucking creepy to me.

I'm not surprised that they're catching legal shit.

IMO, if you can manage to stretch the finger of a latex glove over your cock without breaking it, the pressure makes fapping a lot better.

I'm claiming Makibi Kiyone from Tenchi Muyo

I'm claiming Sango from Inuyasha

As a testament to how stupid that shit was... I wasn't even on drugs, but it still took me about a week before I realized it was real.

I bet Bleach was playing while you were having that dream.

A lot of times, things going on around you while you're sleeping can influence your dreams. My mom watches that poker championship, or whatever the fuck it is. A while back, I had a dream that I was in some back room poker game and for some reason I bugged out and started killing people. When I woke up I was still raging. Later on, after talking to my mom, I found out that the people I was killing in my dream had the same names as the people that were on TV when I was asleep.

Most of my favorite dreams are the ones I don't remember. I hate to burst the bubble of a lot of dark dicks, but the majority of the dreams I have don't involve shit that would make most people drive an ice pick through their eye sockets, although I do have a considerable number of those. For the most part, my dreams reflect what's going on around me while I'm sleeping, mostly what's on TV. I've had a lot of fucked up dreams, don't get me wrong.

The one dream that made me feel the best when I woke up was when I was an anteater. As an anteater, I was able to organize a group of about 25 other anteaters and, through disturbingly simple tactics, I took over the world. I might have been an anteater, but somehow I managed to unite the world and do just about everything that mankind has been struggling to do for decades.

This is the best part...


I've read about a lot of dumbass criminals, I even know a few, but

this

reigns supreme, IMO.

I'm claiming Misato Katsuragi from NGE...



Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions. Normally I'd be out for fucking blood, in a way that would terrify most people. However, I'm an intellectual, which means I favor logic. So long as this guy has an acceptable reason for taking Kanu from me, I don't see why I'd have to anything crazy, by my standards.

As far as I'm concerned, people that think picking waifu is a game need to get "done up" by a few people that know what it means to get "done up." Waifu are serious fucking business. I wouldn't have chosen mine if I didn't have a good reason. Those who think they can get away with taking my beloved waifu better sleep with one eye open.

Shut the fuck up. You're just too proud to do anything you consider "below you," whether or not your survival depends on it. There are a lot of people that would kill to work at McDonalds, and do a great fucking job, just to get off the streets for a few hours.

Anyone can flip burgers at a fast food joint. I've got my pride and standards, but if I'm dead, none of that means shit. Tell me why you're unemployed when you could be flipping burgers at McDonalds, or wherever.

Even if there were places like that in New Jersey, I'd still want to study in Japan.

If your cock is dry, hit it with the moisturizer.

I try to focus on something less depressing. If that doesn't work, alcohol is always an option.

My idea is still the best.

I'm not an atheist because I consider god to be whatever is greater than myself.

If you're hot and a woman, when you get busted, you can get away with anything, as long as the cop is a man and you're willing to get "busted."

That just means you don't have to feel bad about all those feelings you thought were awkward.

IMO, you should explain the situation to your friend. Then tell her you need to hit it so shit won't be awkward.

LMFAO, fuckin win.

If you're still raging after you just got out of jail, you need to think about what the fuck you did. Eventually, I'll tear you apart for being stupid, but you should be able to figure out how much you fucked up if you have any common sense.