User Posts

Anyways, the biggest moment of holding stress in for me was when I tried to find my sexual orientation. While I was in college, I believed that I was Asexual (or Aromantic), but due to my loner lifestyle, I had no one to share my thoughts with. I bottled up my belief to the point where I dropped out of college and moved back in with my mother. One day, I came across an Asexual website that described me almost flawlessly. I gave myself no choice but to come clean with my parents about what I thought my sexual orientation was. My mom accepted it, but my father didn't. We got into an argument and we both decided that I would see a therapist before drawing any conclusions.

Even though I was diagnosed with Schitzoaffective disorder, my pride wouldn't allow me to accept that diagnosis. At first, the medication (or the thought of having a mental disorder) started giving me thoughts of suicide, but I still took them as prescribed for a year and a half. However, I never told my parents that I was thinking of committing suicide. I kept all my fears and insecurities bottled up inside because that was my main defense mechanism. From there things only got worse, I kept getting more depressed and couldn't enjoy the things that kept me sane all this time. I dropped out of college for the second time.

I couldn't even take care of my basic hygiene. The fact that the medication was making me obese was the last straw for me, so I stopped taking them. Two months later, I got into a silly and pointless argument over the net and I ended up scaring myself right back into the hospital.

I thank God that I was finally able to pin point the one factor I lacked the most, which was my social skills. I'm currently trying to have a common conversation with people (without being socially awkward). I know it has to be done in order for me to move away from my natural tendency to be alone (Which would indicate a relapse). Knowing that I have a problem is the first step. Now, I just have to apply what I already know to the real world.

tl;dr? Too Bad Bitch