Things you'd say if you were ever caught masturbating...
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1.) "God doesn't have a problem with it and neither should you."
2.) "Did you knock?" (Obvious sarcasm)
3.) "Stop staring and hand me more lotion."
Your turn.
2.) "Did you knock?" (Obvious sarcasm)
3.) "Stop staring and hand me more lotion."
Your turn.
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1.DONT JUST STAND THERE DAMMNIT! HELP ME PUMP!
2.fuck.
3. ah.ahhhh. OOOWWWWWWWW SHIIZZZZZZZZAAAAAMMMMMMM! *cums on the person who walks in!!*
4. Thirsty??
2.fuck.
3. ah.ahhhh. OOOWWWWWWWW SHIIZZZZZZZZAAAAAMMMMMMM! *cums on the person who walks in!!*
4. Thirsty??
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Drifter995
Neko//Night
I like the whole knocking sarcasm thing xD
1) Oh, i'm sorry, i didn't hear you knock...
2) This isn't what it looks like... actually i guess it is.
3) This isn't what it looks like... this is a series of unfortunate (but pleasurable) events D:
1) Oh, i'm sorry, i didn't hear you knock...
2) This isn't what it looks like... actually i guess it is.
3) This isn't what it looks like... this is a series of unfortunate (but pleasurable) events D:
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1. Reality is independent whether you perceive it or not.
2. Thank God the lotion is working on my swelling.
3. My penis fits perfectly in my hand. *nod*
2. Thank God the lotion is working on my swelling.
3. My penis fits perfectly in my hand. *nod*
2
1. I was reviewing the surface anatomy of the penis and since I have one I thought might as well.
2. I was reviewing the male vs. female anatomical/embryological analogues of the external genitalia and since I have a penis I thought I might start there.
3. I was..... ah fuck it. Give me 5 minutes and then we'll talk.
2. I was reviewing the male vs. female anatomical/embryological analogues of the external genitalia and since I have a penis I thought I might start there.
3. I was..... ah fuck it. Give me 5 minutes and then we'll talk.
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PrincessTristan wrote...
1. I was reviewing the surface anatomy of the penis and since I have one I thought might as well.2. I was reviewing the male vs. female anatomical/embryological analogues of the external genitalia and since I have a penis I thought I might start there.
3. I was..... ah fuck it. Give me 5 minutes and then we'll talk.
hahahaha i love number three! i would soo say that!
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If guy:
Well, this is COCK-ward!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
If girl:
You like what you see?
If family:
Don't bring this up at the holidays, please.
Well, this is COCK-ward!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
If girl:
You like what you see?
If family:
Don't bring this up at the holidays, please.
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Guy:
WHAT THE FUCK? GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, MAN! I'M BUSY!
Girl:
...You wanna give me some "oral support"?
Family:
I-i wasn't masturbating! I was...uh...cleaning my glasses!
WHAT THE FUCK? GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, MAN! I'M BUSY!
Girl:
...You wanna give me some "oral support"?
Family:
I-i wasn't masturbating! I was...uh...cleaning my glasses!
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Happened once. My dad walked in and made a rebuttal about him not knocking and he laughed and said "Now we're even" because I did the same thing to him once when I was like twelve.
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1) I would stare into their eyes say "this one for you" then nut
2) I well I..... *keeps jerking off*
3) I would pretend their not their and keep jerking off
As you may have guessed nothing stops my fap not even a nose bleed but that's a different story
2) I well I..... *keeps jerking off*
3) I would pretend their not their and keep jerking off
As you may have guessed nothing stops my fap not even a nose bleed but that's a different story
1
1) The pixie fairies made me do it!
2) This is all just a dream and you are a sick bastard for dreaming of me masturbating.
3) Oh hello......feel free to say no to this but, will you give me a hand here for I have a large penis and my hands are not enough.
2) This is all just a dream and you are a sick bastard for dreaming of me masturbating.
3) Oh hello......feel free to say no to this but, will you give me a hand here for I have a large penis and my hands are not enough.
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1. If it was a girl who saw me?
-So are you just going to stand there and watch or are you going to help me?
2. If it was a guy who saw me?
-So are you just going to stand there and watch or am I going to kill you with this?
En garde! (Prelude to dick sword duel)
Hahahaha...
(And no, I'm a straight guy.)
-So are you just going to stand there and watch or are you going to help me?
2. If it was a guy who saw me?
-So are you just going to stand there and watch or am I going to kill you with this?
En garde! (Prelude to dick sword duel)
Hahahaha...
(And no, I'm a straight guy.)
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Let's see.
Location: Bathroom
Girlfriend: *rushes in real fast* Guess what?!
Me: Shit! *explodes on her by accident due to being scared*
Girlfriend: Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!! I need to clean myself!!!
Me: Then, why are you running away from the Shower?!
Location: Bathroom
Girlfriend: *rushes in real fast* Guess what?!
Me: Shit! *explodes on her by accident due to being scared*
Girlfriend: Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!! I need to clean myself!!!
Me: Then, why are you running away from the Shower?!
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Tsurayu wrote...
Happened once. My dad walked in and made a rebuttal about him not knocking and he laughed and said "Now we're even" because I did the same thing to him once when I was like twelve. Wow if that ever happened to me I think I will need intense psycho-therapy for the rest of my life.
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-"Don't worry, I already had your sheets sent to the cleaners".
-"Oh- by the way- we're out of tissue paper".
-"As long as you're there, would you mind telling the folks next door to STOP PLAYING FUCKING ROCKBAND I CAN'T FUCKING CONCENTRATE".
-"Oh- by the way- we're out of tissue paper".
-"As long as you're there, would you mind telling the folks next door to STOP PLAYING FUCKING ROCKBAND I CAN'T FUCKING CONCENTRATE".
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I would saaaaaayyyyy...
-"How you doing?"
-"I'm just scratching my penis. It's itchy."
-"I'm almost at my limit. Just hold on."
-"Hi."
-"How you doing?"
-"I'm just scratching my penis. It's itchy."
-"I'm almost at my limit. Just hold on."
-"Hi."
