Things you'd say if you were ever caught masturbating...

I wouldnt say anything, Id just finish like a boss.

Funny and True

1)I'm Batman this guy down here is Robin, the dynamic duo is here to save the day!

2)You said you wanted cereal and we were out of milk!

3)Everyone stand the fuck back! Or I'll shoot!

"No youve got it all wrong, this is the only way i can complete my bio homework."



XD

1. [ . . . . . ] -_- oi kindly close the door.

2. [ . . . . . ] Damn yo, learn to knock first before entering!

3. [ . . . . . ] ehehe, I'm a human too, I have my desire you know.

"This isn't the worst thing you've caught me doing."

By family: ...I'm dead.

By friends: ...You never saw this.

By someone I obviously like: I have an itch down here and I can't reach it very well~ Wanna help?

family: "at least I'm not doing drugs"
friends (boys): "this room's taken, go find another room to do it"
friends (girls): " aww dam,... so you want to help?"

(Mom): djkhkbfskbfsbjkfsbdjkfjknsjkfs!......
(Dad): Want me to recommend porn sites?
(Sister): Oh hey, I was just thinking of you.
(Brother): Help me out here!
(Friend): ORGY!

"I have my way to feel good y'know"

easy as that

1. Oh noes D:
2. This isn't porn if thats what your thinking.
3. You've caught me off guard.

Here's hoping I don't have to say any of these if someone walked in.

1: Were on a 35 foot boat with one other guy 300 miles away from home. Of course I'm going to get lonely.
2: Yes I know this is your lotion, do you know what -15 degree freezers do to your private areas.
3: Guess what, I found another use for pam.

close the door, i'm busy!

1) You can laugh, I already know my dick is small.
2) Take a picture, it'll last longer.
3) I'm starting a nudist club, now get naked so we can have our first official meeting.

by parents

-I was checking that everything was in place
-I was cleaning it
-You know, you can count up to twenty-one naked.
-The situation it's under control here.

by a girl

-oh...hey... you can join the party if you wanna. i don't mind
-Preparation is completed. Now let's have fun together.
-Well this was totally unexpected. But kinda desired. *smile*
-DUDE DOWN HERE IS SUFFOCATING! I NEED MOUTH-TO MOUTH RESUSCITATION! HELP ME!

by someone else

-yo...I slammed against a chair so i was massaging for the pain
-got a message for you: GET OUT
-Awesome...when I thought I felt alone, I wasn't thinking about THIS!
-And for the next trick, ladies and gentleman...
-'suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup?

Very nice. One +rep for you.

Pull the classic tsuntsun move and beat the shit out of them and then date them in the future, wait this isn't an anime... nevermind.

-Don't stand there, come and join the dark side of the force and help me wih my my evil-doings. I certainly will give you a cookie.

"Here, hold this."

noooooo...more peanut butter~

by parents
1. You might as well take out the belt now while i have my underwear down.
2. You never saw anything...EVER!
3. OOOOOOOOOOMMMMMYYYYYYGOD!

by girl
1. i just wanted to remind you, you forgot to put on your facial mask ill help you

2. im so excited to finally meet you.

3. oh hey there i prepared you a seat.