Things you'd say if you were ever caught masturbating...

Girl: Are you just gonna stare at it or are you gonna "lend a hand"?
Boy: Dude, kinda busy here.
Family: This isn't the worst thing you've caught me doing.

1. ahh my penis hurts i was rubbing it to make it feel better
2. it was the devil, i tried to stop him
3. im pretty sure you heard what was going on on the other side of the door, yet you still walked in
4. (bathroom jerking) this pee just wont come out
5. (only one in the house naked jerking) i got lonely so i gave myself a stranger
6. i was planning on going to the sperm bank
7. i took a shower earlier forgot to lotion
8. (sock jerking) i heard you coming so i slipped on this sock to cover my privates
9. (morning) dont you want cream on your toaster strudel
10. (to hentai) no im just watching a cartoon naked and i was checkin for a misquito bite
11. i thought it stole sumthin
12. (in the bed) i was sleeping and thought i found a sausage
13. (little kids say "ill") (i get mad) ill, wat you never seen a long ass dick, you gone learn today.
14. hes such a jerk so i tried to take him off
15. i need to doing a experiment for a science fair project

"Do you mind" in an angry tone or "Excuse me" in a polite tone or maybe even a "Sorry about this".

Or...

"GET OUT!!! DONT LOOK AT ME".

let see

sister:tell any one and ill spread the video of u masturbating in my room last time
childhood friend(girl):ill let u help but don't tell anyone
girlfriend:let's just go home base again

ignore and continue

"Well, it's better than me raping that girl next door, right?", while keep moving my hand.

Go away, nigger!

Did you know that the original name for Pac-Man was Puck-Man? You'd think it was because he looks like a hockey puck but it actually comes from the Japanese phrase 'Paku-Paku,' which means to flap one's mouth open and closed. They changed it because they thought Puck-Man would be too easy to vandalize, you know, like people could just scratch off the P and turn it into an F or whatever.

Haha, you sir, are funny.

Excuse me, I'm trying to masturbate here
I swear I don't know how that pregnant girl with a penis fucking a 7 year old girl with cat ears got there
I'm sorry is it your turn already

"Ouch, this hurts!"

1.Come on,if you knew me you know this would happen.

2.You can take over for me if you like.

3.Believe it or not this is for my health class,now find me a hot girl I need to study her masturbating for extra credit.

4.Tell anyone and I'll kill you.

1. What up?
2. Get the fuck out!
3. This is exactly what it looks like, now go!
4. This... This is magic.

Um...it wasn't me, it was them -points out the window-

And then discretely get dressed again~

1) stop looking perv
2) I'M TRYING TO FIND WALDO DAMMIT
3) i'm trying to Calculate Pi by Jerking off my Hot Dog
4) "I own my own body, but I guess sharing is caring." <---- for future girl catching me some day XD

What a coincidence, I was just thinking about you.

And so the dorsal vein passes by...

Are you going to help or just stand there?

I was warming up for you. :)

family:whoa...what, dinner is already?

guy:I'm sure you understand and I'm sure you dont need me to tell what to do, GET OUT!

girl:well now you've seen me so now you have to pay. ;)

"what? you do it too."